Listen, I'm Injured, You're Injured...

Alright, well clearly I'm all about tardiness today. I'm really living the mantra - fashionably late. Things happen. I work. At a real job. Where they actually pay me (sort of). That ironically requires more of my attention on a Friday than on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. But hey, whatever. Shit's rough nowadays, right?

Anyways, we've got this game against the Washington Redskins on Monday Night, in Washington. As of now, I'm not sure if Willie Parker is going to play, but we will have Santonio back. So that's encouraging. Ben's shoulder is still sore (like Najeh Davenport's ass is from sitting on the bench for the last few weeks). But he's surviving. Marvel Smith has some lingering back issues. Spasms or something fun like that. Big Snack and The Wood didn't practice yesterday, for the second day in a row. Which is also encouraging...not. Mitch Berger's plan was to punt some today in practice and decide how he feels about Monday. You'll remember, he's got an ongoing struggle with being an old bag of bones.

As for these 'Skins, stopping Clinton Portis is no small task. That dude is far and away the league's leading rusher with a disgusting 944 yards and it's only Week 9. Of course, the 'Skins haven't had their bye yet. So he's had more chances. But still, the next closest to him is Purple Jesus with 684. Oh, and he's tied for 3rd in touchdowns behind that fat sloppy mess Lendale White (/owns Chris Johnson in fantasy), the Eagles Offense...I mean Brian Westbrook, and that first round bust Reggie Bush. So while I'm sure our Defense is up to it, it certainly isn't going to be as easy as stopping Kenny Watson or even Jamal Lewis.

Beyond that, I think the 'Skins receivers are containable. Jason Campbell's been solid so far this season, but their tallest targets that aren't a Tight End or injured are the underwhelming rookie Devin Thomas at 6'2," and the fear inducing James Thrash at 6'0," neither of whom are starters. Of course, Randle El and Santana Moss are quick and shifty. But will Face Me Ike and Deshea be able to handle them? I think so.

What we've also got in our Corner are injuries. Not ours, we already talked about that. I'm talking about the 'Skins. Here's a list of ailments the 'Skins are currently experiencing...

Pete Kendall (knees/Alan Faneca envy)
Jason Taylor (calf/old man's penis)
LaRon Landry (hamstring/being too hardcore)
Rock Cartwright (knee/invisibility disease)
Clinton Portis (hip and ankle)
Ladell Betts (knee)
Santana Moss (hamstring/dwarfism)
Malcolm Kelly (knee/sucking at his job)
Carlos Rogers (ankle)
Shawn Springs (calf/Todd Heap and/or Donte Stallworth syndrome)
Cornelius Griffin (shoulder/being named Cornelius)
Chris Samuels (knee/31 years of gravitational stress)

And who knows what other kinds of bumps and bruises are lurking, heretofore unnoticed.

So listen up, Steelers. We don't like to lose. And I'm sure you don't either. Especially not to the NFC East, and especially given the nature of our previous losses to the Eagles and Giants. So quit jaggin' around and bring your balls on Monday (Offense, I'm looking at you). You're gonna need 'em. Oh, and if someone could supply Willie Colon with a pair that'd be cool. Matthias Kiwanuka took his from him last Sunday along with his dignity. Your help in the matter will be much appreciated. Thanks.

That's all I got for now.

Any thoughts?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

I could never be Asian, man. All that rice. That shit is filling. I'm still amazed at the fact that I eat like 10-15 pieces of sushi rolls and a salad and I'm full. I mean, that's such a small quantity of food if you think about it. A couple of pieces of fish in there, some veggies, rice, seaweed. Not like it's a 24 ounce steak or anything.

Anyways, not that it has any bearing on the Ravens Rice. Ray, that is.

I've been ripping on the Ravens all week. But the truth is, I like Ray Rice. I'm not sure if he's the right guy to be splitting carries with Willis McGahee. But I guess when you throw La'ron McClain in there, it works. And really, that's the extent of what I got on this one. Damn, Fridays are a rough day to find headlines I can make fun of.

Well, not that rough...

So I have to assume this means Ocho Cinco is supporting Obama in Tuesday's election? If I'm correct, and that's the case, then does he really want to be waving an Obama banner as a TD celebration?

See, I think what I'm questioning is - would that HELP Obama or HURT him? I mean, let's face it, Chad Johnson isn't nearly as well liked as say, Bruce Springsteen, who heavily supported Kerry in '04. Frankly, if I'm Obama and I catch wind of this, I'm giving Chad Johnson a call and respectfully asking him never to mention my name. Ever. In public or private. And certainly not in a context that would imply any relationship whatsoever.

Then again, if I'm Obama, I've had my fair share of potentially campaign-detrimental relationships come to light. So I'm sure I'd be well equipped to handle that one. Either way, that doesn't change the fact that Chad Johnson is a severe douche.

Try not to alienate your supporters while reading these links...

More on Big Ben's weekly poundings...got any other stories, AP? [AP]

Vintage Pitt football footage [PSaMP]

Yeah, Jason Campbell IS a pretty good QB [Post-Gazette]

Bruce Arians speaks [SteelCityInsider]

Sean will surpass the 100,000 visitor mark today! Try and be the 100,000th visitor and/or send all congrats to... [Sean's Ramblings]

Yeah, that kid at the Cincy-South Florida game last night > all of us...I wish I got to meet Erin Andrews...by the way, Erin, call me (emoticon winking) [The Sports Hernia]

Meeting People Is Easy...

Hmmm, I'm a little late this morning with MPIE. I had to cut it off last night at 1AM so as not to fall asleep amid typing with my laptop on my lap and my ass firmly entrenched on my couch. But better late than never, right? At least that's what she said (had enough of this yet?)

Anyways, I pretty much had the coolest experience of my life last night. And no, unfortunately I did not have a sexual encounter with Scarlet Johannsen or Megan Fox (not outside of my dreams, that is). But it was pretty damn cool nonetheless. I can't say anything about it right now, but that it involves this blog...That oughta make it abundantly clear for you...yeah.

Anyways, Friday. Meeting People Is Easy. After work beverage. A little Halloween action. All of these things are true of today. And given the amateurness of this post, hopefully the editorial content here at OFTOT will get better also.

As usual, I've assembled a crack team to tackle this week's toughest football questions...and that panel includes...

1. John Woods (NYT The Fifth Down) ~ He who worships at the altar of the sand knit Bubby Brister jersey...

2. Sean Leahy (Going Five Hole/Puck Daddy) ~ What a coincidence, I'll be wearing assless chaps for Halloween too...

3. The Sports Hernia (The Sports Hernia) ~ I'll be joining the crusade against this kind of douchebaggery...

4. Neal Coolong ~ Formerly of Die Hard Steel and On The Black Side, now the newest addition over at Behind The Steel Curtain...

5. Noah ~ His dog and Cotter's dog share some common breeding...

6. Shawn ~ This shall be his coming out party...in the sense that it's his first time on MPIE, of course...

7. LJKC ~ I said I would love to hear a full recap of her adventures with New Kids on the Block, and would you look at that, here it is...ish...

8. Matt ~ About five minutes quicker on the e-mail draw than LJKC...

9. Sheena Beaston ~ I believe you're familiar with this joker...no introduction necessary...

10. Domski ~ See Sheena Beaston...

11. Me ~ I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to be a full 10 hours of sleep for Halloween...

So here's the idiocy we came up with below. As usual, click to enlarge...


Catch you guys on the flipside...errr at Noon for the AFC North Headline of the day. Either way. I'm just gonna go fall asleep in the shower now. Should be a good time.

Comments welcome. Hell, feel free to answer this week's questions for yourself in the comments. The more the merrier...that's what she said. And on that note...

Can't They Just Both Lose?

Ravens vs. Browns. Baltimore vs. Cleveland. Man-horse vs. Clown? Could there BE a more fun matchup? That's like watching N'Sync vs. The Backstreet Boys. You hate them both. But yet, you kind of want to see who pulls whose hair harder. Or maybe that's just me...

Anyways, the "red-hot" Ravens play the "burgeoning" Browns this weekend in a matchup that could even things between the two teams within the AFC North. If the Browns win, they'll be 4-4 with division wins over Cincy and Balti. If the Ravens win, they'll be 5-3, with a scorching case of herpes (read: Terrell Suggs)...I mean division wins over the Browns and Bengals. If the Ravens LOSE, however, they become 4-4 and in a tie with the Gowns for second fiddle to Pittsburgh.

Domski has told me in an offline communication that he thinks the Browns are going to ride Shaun Rogers to victory! Or maybe it was that he wanted a Shaun Rogers ride. Either way, I'm not sure which team I'd rather see win. It's kind of like asking whether I'd like a Trojan War Helmet or a Rusty Trombone.

I guess for the sake of our standing within the division I want the Clowns to win. But rooting for the Frowns is going to be tough. Like most Steelers fans, I'd rather contract the avian flu than root for anything from Cleveland. But since this is an extenuating circumstance, I'll stomach it. Plus, I wouldn't mind watching Jamal Lewis plow Ray Lewis, Bart Scott, and/or Terrell Suggs. That or Derek Anderson light up the Ravens secondary like a Christmas Tree (mostly Ed Reed).

So, but the million dollar question is - Who do YOU think will win this one? Cleveland or Baltimore? Or N'Sync? Smart money's on JC Chasez.

Let's have at it.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ok, so I hear the Ravens are experimenting with some two QB set or something. Isn't that cute? I didn't even know they had two QBs that were good enough to respect in a one QB set, let alone as a combination. Hell, I guess it's true what they say - you DO learn something new everyday. I'll be damned.

And they've dubbed this set affectionately, "The Suggs Package." So first of all, as usual, that's what she said. Next, that's great. That's just effing great. Just give Terrell Suggs one more thing to gloat about. Like that asshole needs another reason. I don't hear him saying anything about how his helmet doesn't fit on his huge head. I'm not even joking. Go look him up on Google images. That dude's helmet fits about as snugly as a pair of leather pants on Rosanne. Mmmmm, night terrors.

Question. Just hypothetically speaking, if you didn't know what "The Suggs Package" was, per se, what might you guess that it was? Me? I'd guess that it has something to do with being a bitch. Wait, no. That doesn't make any sense. Um, maybe just an 11 man package comprised entirely of Terrell Suggs clones? There. FIXED.

Ok, so truth be told, I think this was a rather novel and creative idea this whole two QB thing. And one that I would LOVE to see the Steelers pull off. But like most of the drivel around here, this post just wouldn't be much fun if I gushed about how much I love the Ravens' super cool new offensive gadget play. It's all in the name of entertainment, my friends. So feel free to join the fun...savvy?

Oh, and try not to picture Rosanne in leather pants for too long there, Hoss. That's the kind of thing they say causes prolonged emotional disturbance...and chlamydia. Instead, think about an 11 man package comprised entirely of Terrell Suggs clones...while you're reading these links, of course...

Finally, it has arrived - the PSaMP interview with Sports Soup host, Matt Iseman [PSaMP]

Help John with his Dissertation and take this survey on sports fans (NFL fans) perceptions of each other/how winning and losing affects fan behavior [Survey]

Big Ben finds the 'Skins cheerleaders...err...distracting [Tirico Suave]

Anthony Smith feels slighted. Should he? Probably [Post-Gazette]

Evgeni Malkin is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore [Kukla's Korner]

Speaking of the Pens, mojo...I mean, franchise value rising? [Puck Daddy]

Is this the line for the gay bar? [You Lay on the Ice Like A Broad!]

Jim Zorn Ain't Got Nothing On This Guy...

High up on the list of "most unattractive pictures I've ever taken"

When I began to write this post, I didn't intend for it to become a rant reminiscent of Jim Zorn's press conference this past weekend. And yet, fittingly, that's kind of what it became.

Try not be deterred by my forcefulness. It's just that sometimes I read things that get me real fired up. As fired up as I get when I watch that Guitar Hero commercial with A-Rod, Kobe, Tony Hawk, and Michael EFFING Phelps. Seriously, how is Michael Phelps on the same level as Tony Hawk? I mean, I understand that it's a commercial for a video game where you play pop rock favorites on plastic instruments. But, really? 8 gold medals. Fan-effing-tastic. How about the three other guys in that commercial have an upwards of 10 years each dominating their respective sports (well, not really gAy-Rod). Not to mention the shit just sucks. Oh, you've got four sports figures looking like Tom Cruise in Risky Business? Isn't that real God damn clever. Well shit, I'm gonna go run right out and buy that game for $100(?). Does it come with A-Rod in his skivvies? ME-OW.

Errrr...moving on to that rant I mentioned...

Oh God, the big bad NFC East is beating up on the poor little Steelers and their poor QB, Big Ben. Honestly, Associated Press? This is a story? Because the Eagles sacked Ben nine times en route to a nine point victory and the Giants sacked Ben five times en route to a seven point victory, all of a sudden the Steelers have the insurmountable task of beating their NFC East brethren, the Washington Redskins...who will be without two starting D-Lineman and a starting Corner? Um, forgive me if I'm not pissing myself in fear. Come the eff on, man. First of all, they lost to the Rams. At home. One week after the Rams fired their previous Coach. Powerhouse, indeed. But let's table that discussion for now.

This report says...

"Just as worrisome for the Steelers is that playing every team in the NFL’s best division is taking a physical toll, too."

Ok, dude. Playing EVERY team in EVERY division can take a physical toll. Frankly, I'm not exactly ready to single out the NFC East as the division that's going to muscle the Steelers right out of playoff contention. Give me a break. To my mind, we just played the best team that division has to offer anyhow.

Dallas is a bunch of cry babies who were only winning because they were playing inferior teams. Tony Romo is a little bitch who will crumble the minute James Harrison so much as breathes on him. And T.O.? Don't even get me started. That dude better get HIS popcorn ready. Because the hurtin' the Steelers are going to put on the Cowboys is going to be one for the record books. I just have a feeling. Big D? Let's see, does that D stand for divas, dickbags or douchebags? I know it doesn't stand for Defense. Oh, and they lost to the Rams at home too.

As for Washington? Putting aside the fact that, in reality, I respect them greatly, their average margin of victory this year is approximately five. FIVE God damn points. Now, we certainly haven't been blowing our respectable opponents away, but 3 out of their six wins have been decided by five points or less. PLUS, they haven't even had their bye week yet. And oh yeah, THEY LOST TO THE RAMS! AT HOME!

And another thing - the report intimates that because guys like Willie Parker, Casey Hampton and Ryan Clark were injured during games against the NFC East this automatically means that those teams were so physical against us that we might as well have employed an entire floor's worth of hospital staff. Eff that! Willie Parker broke his God damn leg not even a year ago! And Casey Hampton? Turf toe, dude. Turf toe. It's not like he's sucking bananas, peas and carrots through a straw. Ryan Clark? Do I even need to explain this one? The guy has no effing spleen for Christ's sake! So again, FAIL!

How about this - the NFC East is having such great success against the Steelers because they've been exploiting a weakness so glaringly obvious that my Mom, who knows nothing of this foosball game we're always talking about, knows about it. WE SUCK AT PASS BLOCKING! DUH! This isn't the cure for cancer, here. You blitz our line, you start racking up the sacks. Particularly on the right side. Willie Colon? Yeah, he gave up at least three sacks to the Eagles and most recently, three sacks to Matthias Kiwanuka, who subsequently won the NFL's Defensive Player of the Week award. So out of the 14 sacks registered between our two previous NFC East opponents, almost HALF came from Willie Colon (and I'm only counting sacks registered by the Right Defensive End...not even linebackers).

Bottom line - the success of the Eagles and Giants came principally from their ability to play patty cake with Big Ben. If the line decides to block and Ben decides to make good decisions with the football, I see no reason why recent history should dictate the outcome in this one. That's why they play the games. Am I wrong?

Either way, Associated Press, your story sucks! And I have nothing else to say in the matter.

/end rant

I Have Received A Message...

A message from my Mom, in case the image hadn't tipped you off. And it's regarding the Steelers performance on Sunday.

She's pretty much good for at least one of these a season. I'm not sure how many of you were around for last year's gem, but it was a voicemail after (actually, during) the Patriot's game in which she forcefully and astutely proclaimed...

Of course, that was infinitely better than this year's email, as you'll see. But in both instances, she's dead on.

Here was the first three lines of the email that hit my inbox at approximately 12:48 PM this afternoon...

Yeah, she's not kidding! You know it's bad when even your Mom points out one of the Steelers' fatal flaws!

I mentioned it in the Headline of the Day. But should we be more worried about Ben's shoulder given our pass blocking ineptitude? At this rate, how long can we expect him to stay healthy? And is this way too easy a question to answer?

ALSO - If anyone who has yet to be part of Meeting People Is Easy would like to be on this week's panel, feel free to drop me a line - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. I'd love to get some new faces involved. Not that I don't enjoy the old faces. I enjoy those faces very much. But for the OFTOT "community's" edification, I'd like to expand our virtual social network...if you will. That's onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. If you don't e-mail me, I'll be forced to ask Domski to do it again. And let's face it, that's no good for anybody...

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

So I really want to laugh at this and take great pleasure in the Bengals pain. But frankly, at 0-8, they're pretty much irrelevant. Sure, I take plenty of pleasure in the fact that Carson Palmer isn't playing and probably won't for the remainder of the year, thus also not being discussed as one of the "elite" QBs in the league. But as a team, overall, do I care about them? Not today, at least. Maybe on November 20th. But no, not now when the Ravens and Browns both won last weekend and we lost.

Seriously though, the Bengals brass really oughta take a good look at that team in the offseason and figure out what they're trying to do. With Carson Palmer back, that Offense is really only a few pieces short. But the Defense...what Defense? Who's the star on that side of the ball? Leon Hall? I don't even know. They let Justin Smith go in free agency. And they cut Deltha O'Neal. I mean, do they even want to win? Ever? Earth to Mike Brown - you're bringing the proverbial knife to a gun fight. It's about as easy to win without playing defense as it is to keep Britney Spears sober for more than two days. You should probably sort that out. Your defense, not Britney. I'm on that one.

But what I really want to know is, will these guys be the first team since the '76 Buccaneers to go winless? One way or the other, it's pretty sad that I even just wrote that. Yikes.

Good thing with these links below, we all win...

Hmm, suitor #5 looks awful familiar... [Zamboni Harmony]

Cowher to Dallas? Sounds about as likely as Cowher to Oakland [SbB]

Notice the small reference to Ben's shoulder still hurting...perhaps it's time we start protecting our QB, O-Line [ESPN]

Big Ben tells KDKA that Sid is the bigger star in the 'Burgh [KDKA]

Speaking of, the Pens may be injured as well...Max Talbot? [PSaMP]

Ratings for Game 5 of the World Series sucked. Wow, shocker. It was flooded out and there was a big matchup between the Colts and Titans on at the same time? Do the math [AP]

Yeah, I've Got Some Questions, Man...

Unexplainable. This image defies explanation.

Ok, you know what? I was thinking about this, and I'm NOT over Sunday yet. I mean, so much happened to go against us in that game, and yet we were still in it until a little less than 3:00 left! Sure, the Giants knocked Ben down on almost half of his drop backs, but that's no different than any other game. So what the hell?

Honestly, how did the Offense go from hot to cold THAT much quicker than my ex-girlfriend? Did we think we were going to fool them into thinking they should respect Limas Sweed? And for Christ's sake, why is it that every time I order something with "NO ONIONS" I still end up picking a pound and a half of onion out of my dinner? What if I was allergic, man? I smell tortious conduct...

Anyways, tangent. But really, what the hell was that? Four picks? FOUR? I know one wasn't really Ben's fault, but Jebus! And come on, how often do your Punter and Long Snapper go down in the SAME GAME?!?! How is it possible that all this ridiculous shit happened in one game and yet, until about half way through the 4th quarter we were still winning?

So I think it's safe to say we've still got some lingering questions in ol' duders head. Actually, there's the whole list of 'em...which I've neatly compiled for you below. Feel free to peruse them at your leisure and I'd love to hear your answers on the other side.

1. Why did it seem like no one was getting open?
2. What the hell is wrong with Willie Colon's brain?
3. Have you ever seen Mike Tomlin that fired up for a game?
4. What do you suppose Brandon Jacobs was thinking when he got stopped cold on 4th down?
5. What is all this shit about Vietnam?
6. Not ONE sack? Really?
7. Keisel looked diesel, right?
8. What, is Heath Miller hanging out with Max Starks too much? Throw him the ball a couple more times, maybe?
9. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with Willie Colon's brain?
10. Limas Sweed only got thrown to like four times. How did he manage to fumble?
11. Tell me how we gave up more yards to Derrick Ward than Brandon Jacobs?
12. How awesome is Nate Washington's flat top fade?
13. Willie Gay was a pleasant surprise, wasn't he?
14. What would Brady Quinn do?
15. Since when does Ben have a problem scoring one TD in 3 minutes to tie up a ball game?

So am I alone in all this? Am I taking crazy pills? Was that one too many movie references for today?

Either way, a few administrative things. Number one, check out how hot Justin Hartwig's date/girlfriend/wife was at Steelers Style 2008...


And number two, check out how seriously Jeff Reed took this event...

The T-Shirt tuxedo-esque shirt with tie? Classy move, Jeff. I hope you had some Natural Lights backstage to complement that mess. Actually, I might make that my Halloween costume. What's scarier than Jeff Reed in "formal" attire? I can't think of anything.

Things Cotter Knows Nothing About...

High up on the list - Country Music.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I know next to nothing about it. I grew up on hip-hop, classic rock, punk, funk, and just about everything that wasn't country. Which, as a native Pennsylvanian, I understand is akin to saying I've never been part of a sports-induced riot or been to a High School keg party in the woods. But, it is the truth, nonetheless.

I don't have anything against it. But the closest I've ever come to listening to country was visiting my Texas born and raised cousins, who introduced me to a guy named Billy Ray Cyrus and his hit (at the time), "Achy Breaky Heart." Oh, and of course Hank Williams Jr.'s legendary Monday Night Football theme, which I'm sure someone is going to point out to me is derived from some other Hank Williams Jr. song that I don't even know about. So yeah, if all this isn't enough evidence that I'm pretty clueless when it comes to country, I don't know what is.

But I gotta admit, I kind of like this "Holler Back" song by the country band, The Lost Trailers.

Ok, Cotter, so effing what? What does you liking some Country song have to do with the Steelers?

Well, it just so happens that these dudes have recorded this song in 56 different versions, customized for fans of every NFL team and a few select College teams as well, which of course, includes the Steelers. I think this is an awesome idea. Cheesy, yes. But hey, I give them a lot of credit for thinking of it.

Perhaps I'm biased, because as a Steelers fan, I'm used to hearing songs about my team. But come on, who can't enjoy a bunch of white dudes in cowboy hats singing a song called, "Holler Back" (well, one dude anyway). That's "Holler," mind you. Not "Holla," as I understand they pronounce it "on the streets." I mean...I'm so hood. I'm so hood, that in fact, I'm up on all the street vernacular. That's right, I'm privy to the new shit.

Yeah.

Anyways, feel free to check "Holler Back" out via this link. And tell 'em One For The Other Thumb sent you (unless, of course, you DON'T want someone looking at you like you're Michael Jackson batshit crazy).

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ok, so first of all - that's what she said.

Second of all, Cam Cameron, the supposed "Offensive Genius" (remember another Ravens so-called "Offensive Genius?") is now taking game planning tips from the man who calls himself T-Sizzle? That's interesting.

So let me see if I understand this correctly.

Cam Cameron is consulting Terrell Suggs because...
A. As a LB, he has plenty of experience game planning for the Offense
B. As a Raven from '03-'07 he saw many successful offensive game plans
C. As a person, he's super smart (see: recent talk show appearance)

Then again, the Ravens are averaging 19 points a game. Maybe Bruce Arians should take a tip from ol' Cam Cameron and solicit some input from Silverback. Just not about snapping the ball on punts, though.

On second thought, nevermind. We're averaging 22 points a game. I guess I just thought it would be a humorous editorial device. So sue me.

I urge you all to solicit input from these links...

Mitch Berger's potential replacement? Ricky Schmitt. Yep, your guess is as good as mine [Post-Gazette]

Seriously, what happened to the Big Ben rollout? [PSaMP]

HFSS and Wrap Around Curl out to help us dateless hockey fans [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

Jason Taylor AND Shawn Springs out for Monday! [WaPo]

This makes me miss the freshman riots when PSU lost to Temple in basketball...I heart PSU riots [Deadspin]

So Daunte Culpepper cancelled his workout with the Chiefs citing a "better opportunity." That opportunity? Apparently a workout with the Lions. Ouch, Kansas City [MLive]

LJKC went where no man/woman has gone since 1991 - a New Kids concert. I'd love a full report [Superhero]

EL YEAH, It's Tuesday!

First things first, this morning. Yes, I'm fully aware of the story about Keisel reading Eli Manning's lips, and I think that's just fabulous. Real nice work, Brett. We should've known you had special talents like lip reading. After all, you did go to that crazy Mormon school.

Anyways, with the Steelers heading to our nation's capital next week, only one thing comes to mind for me - Antwaan Randle El. I love that little dude. I was so upset when he left for DC. I mean, I know it's hard to turn down $31 million to stay and serve as Pittsburgh's #3 receiver for the relative equivalent of a bag of balls, but I guess I thought maybe hometown discount? What? No good?

Oh well, we had to part ways.

But that doesn't mean I don't still love the guy. Because I do. Imagine him in there returning kicks this year. Imagine him in there throwing trick play bombs to Hines Ward. Imagine him being super effing tiny.

I used to hate his West to East punt return style. I used to scream at the TV screen like it was Poltergeist and throw every four letter word I knew at him for losing 5 yards after spending 35 seconds running laterally. I called him a dunce. I told him he should be more like Hank Poteat (no I didn't). But in the end, I did it all out of love.

Daniel Snyder, you rich asshole. Screw you for paying him approximately 800 times what any other team would offer. Thanks for leaving us with Cedrick effing Wilson. You're a real dick, man. Not only that, but you look ridiculous. You look like a fatter version of this kid that used to live next to me in elementary school. That kid was a dork. You must be one too [says the pot to the kettle].

I'd also like to applaud the REDSKINS for holding their own in a sea of politically correctness (political correctivity?). You go, Nation's capital. Ethnic sensitivities? We'll have none of this here in America. Way to set an example for the rest of our proud American cities. I guess we should've all known you were crazy when your Mayor was found with Crack, did 6 months in prison for it and still got re-elected. Hey, what do you know? There's hope for me yet.

Ah, but I digress.

I've got a few friends who are members of Redskin Nation, all of whom are some of the coolest dudes I've ever met. And every other day but this coming Monday, I'd happily root for the 'Skins. I mean, they play in a division with the Eagles, vaGiants and Cowgirls. How could you not like them if they mean nothing to your team's success or failure? But unfortunately, we're playing them on Monday. So while I may love the many personalities of Clinton Portis, I have to vehemently hate them for at least one night.

Now, we're still early in the week, here. I don't wanna get too far ahead of myself, talking about game previews and stuff. But...let me just say that this is a very winnable game. Look at what happened a couple of weeks ago. The RAMS(!) went into Fed Ex Field and beat the 'Skins. Surely if that can happen, Ike Taylor can finally catch an interception...I mean, the Steelers can beat the Redskins.

Anybody else miss Randle El's life?

Who's Up For Some Speculation?

Question.

Would the Steelers have had any more success yesterday if Santonio had played?

Let's discuss...

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Here's a first - one of OUR headlines as headline of the day. As you can imagine, this one's only here because...well, what?

Ok Gregg Doyel, the Giants "beat the living snot out of" the Steelers? Um, if my memory serves me correctly, the Steelers Defense kept them in the game by stoning Brandon Jacobs at every turn. I mean, sure their Defense sacked Big Ben five times. But I hardly think that the game was so one-sided as to say that the Giants "beat the living snot out of" the Steelers.

See, his premise is that because Big Ben was knocked down on 16 of his 34 dropbacks, and that Greg Warren, Ryan Clark and Mitch Berger (I think we can safely say this one was a stretch) ended up injured by the end, this means that the Giants beat the Steelers around yesterday.

I'm sorry, maybe it's my homerism kicking in (or perhaps I've channeled Browns fans delusion), but I thought that game was hard fought by both teams, at least on the Defensive side of the ball. It was a fight to the end. And frankly, you can't use the Punter and Long Snapper getting injured as a measuring stick for how badly a team gets beat physically.

Gregg Doyel, you should probably think before you type...because in addition to your premise sucking, James Harrison is a Linebacker, not a Defensive End. Nice try, though. FAIL!

Good thing these links have not FAILed...

Sound assessment from Tec [PSaMP]

Money observation by Sean - screw the Toyota "saved by zero" commercial...Domski was singing it all game...ouch, my head hurts [Sean's Ramblings]

Hahahaha...Best. Headline. Ever. [Ape @ Shutdown Corner]

Doug finally gives in and rants about the Steelers [Dug E. Fresh Rants]

Am I the only one who enjoyed Mike Singletary's post game rant? [BallHype]

Wow, What A GIANT Mess...

It was a crisp afternoon in late October. The grass stood at attention in anticipation of what was billed as a potential Super Bowl preview. The Steelers came out of the corner swinging, shutting the Giants first drive down in just three plays. Then, they followed it up with a 4 play, 60 yard, TD scoring drive, sending what most of us fans thought was a message that this team was the real deal. That even with all of the injuries and other miscellaneous setbacks, they could thoroughly dominate the defending Super Bowl champs, a team that was on everyone's short list for Tampa in early February...

Going into the half, the Steelers trailed by just two points, despite the fact that they had turned the ball over in their own territory and allowed a semi-long punt return...both of which put the Giants well within striking range of the end zone. En route to the half way mark, they had made a courageous goal line stand on a 4th down run by 265 pounds of Brandon Jacobs torque. The defense looked strong, allowing just those three field goals despite the Giants having held the ball for just about 75% of the first half. It felt ok. It felt winnable. It felt like we were on the verge of an Offensive explosion.

They came out in the 2nd half and on the 2nd drive, Big Ben hit Nate Washington with a 65 yard bomb. One play, one score. And just like that, we were in control of the game, 14-9. From there, we struggled on Offense but were able to hold our lead going into the 4th quarter, having only allowed the Giants to gain 8 yards in the whole 3rd Quarter. And even though we didn't have much going in the way of Offense, we still felt confident.

But it proved to be all downhill from there. In the 4th Quarter, the Giants scored 12 unanswered points. The Steelers? Well, they snapped the ball out of the back of the end zone for a costly safety, and let the Giants walk 53 yards in 7 plays, culminating in the go-ahead TD with just three minutes left in the game. Then, with a chance to tie it up, Ben threw a pick on a deep pass intended for Limas Sweed, planting the final dagger in our hearts.

Yeah. That sucked. For the first time, I think I'm wishing I was writing the words - "Well, it wasn't pretty. But a win is a win." I am, however, NOT saying those words.

The story of this one, in a nutshell?
#1 - Turnovers. We committed four, they committed none.
#2 - Sacks. We got none, they got FIVE.
#3 - Offense FAIL!

For some reason, I'm just not feeling that funny this morning. Let's just go straight to the recap...

Things That Were Awesome...
1. Big Ben, 65 yds to the pride of Tiffin University, Mr. Nate Washington
2. Mewelde Moore's 35 yd TD run that put the first 7 on the board
3. Watching Plaxico Burress sit on the sidelines for the entire 1st quarter
4. GOAL LINE STAND!
5. Holding Brand Jacobs to just 47 yards

Things That Were NOT Awesome...
1. Mewelde Moore getting bent in half by Giants Corner, Aaron Ross (Kenny Phillips?)
2. This doesn't look like much fun either...

3. Chris Kemoeatu - Unnecessary Roughness, 15 yards
4. Willie Colon - Holding, nullifying a potential 53 yd TD
5. The New Jersey Turnpike

Things The Browns Would've Done...
1.
2. Big Ben - 45% comp. pct., 189 yards, 4 INTs
3. Mitch Berger's old ass leg getting injured
4. This guy...

5. Ryan Clark on the sidelines, sporting a sling

Oh, and another thing the Browns would've done...BEAT THE GIANTS! Because they eff'ing DID! We, on the other hand, did not. And whilst we were watching an awful 4th quarter Giants comeback, Cleveland had just beaten the Jaguars to move to 3-4. Earlier in the day, the Ravens had beaten the hapless Raiders, 29-10, to move to 4-3.

So as of this morning, with nine games left, the division looks like this...
1. Steelers (5-2)
2. Ravens (4-3)
3. Browns Gowns (3-4)
4. Bengals (0-10000)

One week from today we've got the 6-2 Redskins.

Boy, it was fun beating up on Cincinnati, wasn't it?

Thoughts, anyone?

OFTOT's Steelers Gameday Liveblog...

It's Sunday again
And Tobiathan's here
To liveblog this game
Never you fear

30 minutes 'til kickoff
So get to the couch
And get ready to watch the Steelers
Make the Giants say, "ouch"

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!

[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Week 8...

Good Sunday, my friends. On this fine day, October the 26th, the year of our lord, 2008, I give you Episode 7 of the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show.

As you'll see, we had to tape early this week. So we didn't get to discuss anything fun like Sansmokio's Cheech and Chong moment. But we think it's worth a look nonetheless. Hopefully you do too.

And, of course, the ever-ridiculous, Outtake reel...


See you jokers at 4!

For another look, watch it again over at PSaMP.

OFTOT Week In Review - Week 8...

So I think I owe you all an apology. I really f'd this week all up. I was basically a ghost. No commenting. Barely any at least. That's not how I like it to be around here. After all, I really started this thing in order to talk about the Steelers, and of course, pizza, with anyone who will listen. So when I don't get to participate in the conversation, frankly, it upsets me. Seriously, I'm totally crying right now. Balling like a little girl. Like Paris Hilton when she found out she had herpes (I have no idea if that's true or not...her having herpes, not even the crying part...I probably just made that up).

But, you know how it is. We all have real jobs, and I am no exception. I've also got that whole school thing going on which doesn't exactly help. And for some reason, when it rains, the shit rains down all at once. This week tired me out, man.

I'm just beat. Thank God I'm out here in good ol' rural PA. I honestly thought I had forgotten what fresh air smelled like. No, not cow pastures. Like the country, man. I love it out here. For as much as I love the city, I can't help but feel a lot more relaxed when I'm hanging out among the corn fields and what not. But talk to me Sunday and see if I still feel that way.

Anyways, even though I was a complete waste of life this week (read: no different than normal), it still managed to come through as one of the best week's in OFTOT "history." And yeah, we dealt with some angry Ravens fans. But, admit it. If you lived in Baltimore, you'd be angry too.

So with that as the backdrop, I give you OFTOT's weekly editorial highlights and lowlights..

1. We had our biggest guest so far on the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Gnats...

2. We celebrated Mewelde Moore's 121 yard, 3 TD performance...

3. OFTOT > Browns, Bengals and Ravens...

4. Tobiathan taught us all some IM speak...

5. This picture STILL needs a caption...

6. Yo, this Plax...yeah, what up?

7. We commemorated my Mom's birthday...

8. So yeah, Troy is concussed...seven times over...

9. We had are still having some back and forth with Ravens sympathizers...

10. Five downs questions with Fifth Down contributor, John Woods...

11. Terrell Suggs' gums are eating his teeth...

12. The good. The bad. And New York City.

13. We got to know each other a little better...

14. Oh Sansmokio, what hast thou doneth?

15. Tec and I clarify the rules for T-Sizzle...

Also, check Tecmo and I out, breaking down this Sunday's game on the New York Times' football blog, The Fifth Down. I can't definitively speak for both of us, but I imagine Tecmo feels the same - this was an awesome opportunity and we really appreciate it. John Woods, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

And for you music lovers out there...the riffs:

1. Peace Frog - The Doors (2:00 - end)
2. For Boston - Dropkick Murphys
3. Erase Replace - Foo Fighters (2:20 - end)
4. My Favorite Accident - Motion City Soundtrack (1:50 - end)
5. Late - Kanye West

Bonus selection...
Under Pressure - Queen

Aside from that, I'll see you all Sunday. We'll have a brand new [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show for you. AND the usual badass liveblog with Tobiathan (as far as I know?). So keep your eyes peeled for all that noise. And thank you for your patience with me this week. Although, if you've read this blog for any amount of time, I suppose I owe you and even bigger thanks for your patience. I'm not sure I've ever quite gotten the hang of this whole blogging thing. Oh well, maybe next year.

Cheers to a great weekend!

It's A League Game, Terrell...

Screen shot courtesy of ESPN's NFL Live...

So for all of you out there wondering what the league's policy is on "bounties," here it is in black and white, as narrated by Tec.

Pertinent language?

1. "Any gifts by players to teammates...during the season are prohibited."
2. "This includes...'BIG Hit' incentives...for stopping an opponent..."

Or don't you know how to read, Terrell Suggs?

Of course, the term, "incentives," isn't clearly defined in this snippet of the policy. But I imagine a mutual agreement among teammates could be enough. And let's face it, the aim of the policy is clearly to discourage "bounties," or whatever you want to call them. So I'm pretty sure it applies in this instance.

This is not 'nam, Terrell. This is the NFL. There are rules.

PS - Chances are you'll see this again during the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show on Sunday...but just act like it's new to you. It's more fun that way.

Sansmokio and Friends...

This is easily the dumbest and worst quality photoshop I've ever done. But you'll have to excuse me, it's Friday...

Yeah, if you're wondering how that title relates to this post, don't. It doesn't at all. But I thought it was a funny nickname given Santonio's recent encounter with Pittsburgh's finest. What's not funny, however, is the fact taht he's been deactivated for Sunday's game. Enter Limas Sweed. Well played, Sansmokio. NOT!

And by the way, let's talk about that for a second. Dude, if you're going to roll around in a car with expired plates, don't you think you should do it sans-multiple rolled blunts? I mean, don't you have a nice cushy mansion, complete with the music video-esque crew of hot chicks, in which you could partake of your roughage? I know I would. But hey, that's just me. [UPDATE: I now know it was NOT because he was driving with expired plates, but rather that his car apparently resembles that of a drug trafficker...which is also awesome]

Moving on, we do in fact have a pretty important game this Sunday. One that the whole country will likely be watching...except for some parts of Michigan, where Lions fans have already given up on football.

We've talked about it all week. The Giants are a good football team. When they're on, they're on. The triple threat backfield of Brandon Jacobs, Ahmad Bradshaw and Derrick Ward, coupled with Eli, Plax, the other Steve Smith, Amani Toomer, Sinorice Moss, Dominick Hixon, and company, should provide an ample challenge for our Defensive unit. If the Steelers can shut said backfield trio down and pressure Ben's fellow 1st rounder from 2004 into making bad decisions (which we know he will do when pressured), we should be able to eke out a victory.

I'm not expecting a blowout, though. This one could easily go down to the wire. I just hope that if it does, it's not due to an unexplainable lack of Offensive production like that Eagles game. I have full faith in our Defense to do it's job, with or without Bryant McFadden and Troy (who likely will play anyhow). And here's to hoping they destroy Plax!

Oh, and Steely McGnome has predicted 27-20, Steelers.

Thoughts anyone?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, wait a minute, Phil. Which person are we talking about? I mean, Romeo Crennell is a rather portly fellow.

Kidding aside, can't we all just agree that when the Browns are involved, everyone loses. There is no right and wrong party, here. This story needs to just go away.

Phil, you screwed up. Fine. Kellen, YOU screwed up. Whatever. Why don't you just kiss and make up? For Christ's sake...

At least you all and I can kiss and make up while reading these links...right?

Santonio cited for weed...awesome [PSAMP]

Sean and I tackle the big question - will Tennessee win the AFC [MVN Outsider]

Hines weighs in on "the hit" [Post-Gazette]

Yikes, McCain supporter mugged in the 'Burgh [TMZ]

Wyshynski interviews Director and Devils fan, Kevin Smith [Puck Daddy]

Meeting People Is Easy...

It's been a long week. Last Saturday morning I woke up feeling like I'd just died, and I hadn't even drank the night before. Oh no, this wasn't hangover sick. This was like, my head feels like it's about to explode and my body is being taken over by mucus sick. And I'm still not fully recovered. Plus, you know, I have a real job that requires my attention. Sometimes.

Anyways, shitty week or not, I wasn't going to let Meeting People Is Easy slip. A man's gotta have priorities, right? Unfortunately for me, MPIE represents one of the higher ones. Right up there with school and eating Pepperidge Farm Orange Milano cookies.

This week it's an all Steelers fan/blogger cast. The panel consisting of...

Christmas Ape ~ Poised to destroy me in fantasy this Sunday...hard.

The Immortal Silky Johnson ~ Recently victimized by his company's e-Censorship policy...

Tobiathan ~ Has already commented on this post in his mind...

Don ~ Man, it's been too long since we've had Don on the panel...

Random Asshole ~ Yes, the worst part about living in Boston would definitely be all the Patriot "fans..."

Jup ~ Headed to the 'Burgh for the next week...if you see him, say hello...

Sean ~ See, I'm of the mindset that you can't really know someone UNTIL you've seen them in their pajamas at the grocery store...

Nate ~ Social commentator...

THE Jim ~ This is exactly the type of attorney I'd like to become...

Domski ~ Living among some of the country's best and brightest...

Me ~ Come pick me up...take me out...well, you know this one, don't you?

As usual, click to enlarge...


Man, I'm going to bed. Catch you all on the internets.

Why I Hate to Love New York...

As you all well know, The Big Apple is currently my home. Well, technically across the river in Hoboken, NJ. But it's essentially the same thing, and either way I'm surrounded by Giants fans. So I figured today it might be apropos to talk a little bit about this fair city, the one that never sleeps, since we're playing the aforementioned vaGiants on Sunday.

Some days, I love this place. It's a marvel of modern construction. You meet tons of interesting people with interesting backgrounds, and you can get a falafel at just about any hour.

But it's not without its drawbacks. And some days I just want to take this plastic fork that's sitting next to my desk and stab myself in the eye with it...among other such uncomfortable exercises.

So as a little psuedo-therapy, I laid out some of the positives and negatives about this small town below. Peruse them at your will and feel free to share any and all feelings you have on the subject(s).

Things I Love...
1. What time is it? 1:45AM? Ah man, it's early, let's go to the bar.
2. Chicks. They have them here too. Hot ones. They're not into me at all. But they're fun to look at.
3. Pizza. They make dough, sauce and cheese sing here.
4. Never having to drive anywhere. Ever.
5. Long Island. Thank you for producing some of the most ridiculous people on the face of the earth (including my Mom).
6. The Knitting Factory. This place reminds me of the TLA in Philly, one of my all time favorite venues at which to see a show.
7. Delivery everything. My ass never needs to leave my couch if I don't want it to.
8. Yo, was that a chick or a dude?
9. The Beer Garden in Astoria. Best outdoor drinking venue EVER.
10. My Friend: Dude, that was Gavin Rossdale! || Me: Big deal, Gavin Rossdale sucks. Where's Gisele at? (Sidebar: This actually happened)

Things I hate...
1. Trying to walk on the sidewalks around here is like playing Frogger.
2. 0.5 second hesitation at green light = permanent migraine brought on by incessant honking.
3. No, I do not want your inferior cable service, but I have no choice, do I?
4. Yeah, my new place is really sweet, man. I've got 600 square feet and I only pay $1600 a month! (Sidebar: this is not a true statement for me)
5. I think Hoboken could really use a Wawa. Like a block from my house. That'd be awesome, thanks.
6. Dude, walking six inches behind me is not going to get you there any faster!
7. The Yankees. But to be fair, I'd hate them no matter where I live.
8. Humidity. From May to October this place is like a god damn sauna.
9. $11 for a Tanqueray and Tonic? Hold on, let me go see if I can sell some blood.
10. Hipsters. You know, the ones that go out of their way to be indie. These people should be exiled to Staten Island.

Thoughts?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Terrell Suggs is an asshole. What else do you want me to say? He's running his mouth all around about how the Ravens've got some "bounty" on Hines Ward's head. Idiot.

First of all, if you're going to have a bounty, you can't talk about it. That's like rule #1 of a bounty - Don't talk about the bounty.

Second of all, no. You are stupid. This is the dumbest thing you've probably ever done. Also, your gums look like they're eating your teeth. Mr. Ed called, he wants his jaws back.

Third of all, your nickname...sucks. T-Sizzle? God, I hope you didn't strain yourself brainstorming that one. Oh, I get it. It's functional and also cool sounding. Two things in one. Fantastic. The man-horse from the Old Spice commercial would be real proud of you. Who gives a shit?

Terrell Suggs, shut up, dude. Fact is, you're probably scared that Hines Ward is gonna cold cock you like the little bitch you are. Admit it, you like Appletinis.

Have an Appletini yourself while reading these links...

This guy would still take Eli over Big Ben? Maybe that's why I've never heard of him [Fox Sports]

This guy needs to knock it off [PSAMP]

NFL launches "investigation" of Ravens [Post-Gazette]

Quoth Troy - "As a matter of fact, they were going to take pictures on how a perfect brain looks..." [Trib]

Ditka defends Hines, says NFL should remove face masks. I love Ditka [Post-Gazette]

"Anything I (expletive) want to do." You stay classy, Plax [SteelCityInsider]

Five Questions with a Giants Steelers fan...

Yet again, this image has absolutely zero to do with the following post. But, it makes me laugh. And that's enough...

John Woods is a staff editor for the New York Times and regular contributor to the Times' football blog, The Fifth Down. He's also a Steelers fan. Of course, I didn't know this when trading emails with him. So I thoroughly made an ass out of myself by asking him five questions about the Giants, worded as if he were as rife with Giants homerism as I am with Steelers homerism. Nevertheless, he was nice enough to actually answer my questions without ripping me for being a completely worthless human being. Which works out well, because that position's already been filled by my ex-girlfriend anyhow. Ba-dum-ching!

Ah, but I digress.

Indeed, I posed five questions to John in advance of our game with the vaGiants on Sunday and he answered them to the best of his abilities without letting his Steelers fandom affect his responses too heavily one way or another. The results are what you see below.

So without further ado, I give you John Woods making the best out of the most irrelevant questions I could think of.

1. How are you guys enjoying Plaxico Burress?

Let me state for the record that 1) I am not a Giants fan, 2) I have been a Steelers fan since I was 6 and 3) that I have no problem with Burress's supposed toxic presence -- in New York, anyway. Burress is a talented player and he has made a lot of hay with Eli Manning. Aren't they among the most successful touchdown tandems in the league? I can see Steelers fans having a different point of view, but Burress has since developed his talent and is now probably worth the headache. To wit, he pulled a Terrell Owens last year -- and by that I mean that he put aside his own semiserious injuries and personal problems to really power the Giants to the Super Bowl -- without later pulling a Terrell Owens -- and by that I mean that Burress didn't disrupt the entire team and get run out of town when he went for a bigger contract. ...The latest scandal about him missing Monday's meetings was B.S., if you ask me. If Burress was having some serious issues with his family, his wife or his kid or something, then I think he deserves a pass. It's not like he is getting a lot done on Mondays. And. It's not like he was unapologetic. He told reporters -- check the wire stories -- that he would call the next time, which is what the Giants wanted him to do. The Giants, for their part, cut his fine in half. But everyone in New York painted him as a miscreant. Which, O.K., he probably is. ...Do the guys in the locker room think he's a jerk? I dunno. But, let's face it, most of them are probably jerks.

2. What parallels do you see between the Giants and Steelers?

Now that you mention it, there are more than a few. Similar styles of play, on either side of the ball, for one. Both teams have lost key players to injuries, though those losses have not seemed to matter much. Both teams won Super Bowls the hard way, with a four-game sweep through the postseason.

3. Do you think having Tom Coughlin (formerly of the Steelers old AFC Central rivals – the Jacksonville Jaguars) at the helm gives the Giants an edge at all?

No. Not more than the other dozen teams with good coaches. I understand that Coughlin has already been anointed a genius for winning the Super Bowl, but that was probably more in spite of him than because of him. His biggest contribution was more like addition by subtraction. I admit that I don't know a lot about the team's chemistry, but the Giants really seemed to start playing better last season when Coughlin reportedly eased up on his notoriously strict team policies.

4. How could you guys let us down and lose to the Browns?

That was shocking. But strictly a matter of the Browns being ramped up and Manning throwing three picks. I don't think it was a chink in the armor. It was just one of those things that happens in the N.F.L.

5. How do you see this game going and what's your prediction on score?

I dunno. This is tough. It's going to be a good game, I bet. (I am ticked that the late start means I will have to watch the second half at work.) ...The matchups are interesting. The big one is the Steelers against the Giants' pass rush. It looks bleak for Pittsburgh. About the only real difference between Manning and Big Ben (Eli is more prolific, Ben is more efficient) is in the number of times they've been sacked. So, the Steelers are going to have to figure out some new protections -- but they have the Browns to copy from. The Giants had no sacks in Cleveland. ...The bottom line is that I think it's clear that the game will be low scoring, and so within reach for either team when it's the fourth quarter. The Giants run a tight ship: they have only five turnovers in six games. That's huge in a game like this. I say, Giants, 20-13.

Watching the second half at work? Ladies and gentleman, pity this man.

So what would you guys say to all this?

Say What???

"After the play, I wasn't screaming 'he's hurt.' I was screaming 'he's done.'"

- Ray Lewis

This was taken from last week's issue of Sports Illustrated, which for some reason unbeknownst to me I still subscribe to.

So um, Ray...uh, what the shit is that?

Sounds pretty dick to me.

What do you guys think?

Also, see here for Terrell Suggs' shit talk on the matter.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, you know what they say about loose lips - "they sink ships." Of course, I don't think the Browns have to worry about that much. Their ship sank a few weeks ago (if not quite a few years ago).

I kid, I kid...sort of.

See, the thing about this is - I'm not sure why Kellen Winslow feels it's so important that Phil Savage call him when he's in the hospital. Would Kellen Winslow have called Phil Savage if roles were reversed? Doubtful.

Sounds like the Browns got themselves a bona fide diva, ala Chad Ocho Cinco, T.O. and Plexiglass Burress.

Hey Kellen, guess what? YOU'RE ALWAYS HURT OR SICK! Here's a tip - PLAY A FULL 16 GAME SEASON AND THEN MAYBE PEOPLE WILL CARE MORE ABOUT YOU BEING SICK AND/OR HURT! Jesus, dude. It's your 5th year in the league and you've only made it through two of them without breaking a nail hurting yourself in one way or another. Two out of five ain't bad? Uh, no. That'd be two out of three. Two out of five is, in fact, bad. Get your shit together, you sloppy mess.

But you know what? As far as I'm concerned, he can absolutely keep making comments like this. It gives me something to write about on a Wednesday afternoon. So thank you, Kellen. Your contribution to today's headline of the day may have already outweighed your contribution to the Browns franchise over the duration of your young career.

Make YOUR contribution to the blogosphere and read these links...

Nate Washington, no longer like the candy bar? [Post-Gazette]

Yeah, I wonder if toddlers feel this way about the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show [PSAMP]

Insult to injury? I don't know, I think this guy had it coming when he said the Steelers might become the LA Steelers (that was a joke in case I'm not being clear) [Sporting News]

"If you think Manuel has trouble with English, imagine him talking Japanese." Um, I believe the word you were looking for was "speaking." Imagine him SPEAKING Japanese. Who's a master of the English language now? [Associated Press]

Anyone else who remembers Mustard Plug can be my friend every day of the week [Sportsocracy]

The High School me is weeping in mourning [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Troy Polamalu Needs to Wear Two Helmets...

Troy Polamalu is out of his damn mind. I mean, that's not really any big secret. He's the good kind of crazy. The kind that makes you go - "He's going to do WHAT? I didn't even know he owned a Santa suit!"

But dude, he just suffered the 7th concussion of his career and he's talking about playing on Sunday? Jesus. One concussion and I'd probably be thinking twice before getting back on the field at all. Of course, there's a huge difference between me and Troy Polamalu. Namely, I'm a pussy and he's, well, not. But that's neither here nor there.

First thing I want to know is - How effective are you one week after suffering your 7th concussion? I know Troy is a soldier (and I don't mean in the Kellen Winslow sense). But I'm just saying, what if he finds himself out there on the field, disoriented for even a second and something or someone slips by him that he might've stopped if he had his full wits about him?

Of course, I'm no Doctor. My shortcomings in understanding science are well documented. Just ask my High School Biology teacher, Mrs. Young. So what the hell do I know about concussions? Plus, I've never met Troy Polamalu. Never talked to him. Never apprised myself of his medical history, beyond his history of concussions, that is. So I don't know HIM either. It's entirely possible that this whole point is moot. But it's certainly something to think about.

Also, as far as I understand it, concussions can put the kibosh on any kind of career longevity real quick. Wouldn't he rather not risk it for one game that may not even mean anything when it's all said and done? I know what you're going to say - every game means something. Ok, sure. I think that too. But not when you're talking about my future livelihood. I don't know. I just keep thinking - any way you slice it, the man has got some gigantic cojones.

That all said, I love Troy Polamalu. I love watching him hurdle offensive lineman, make circus catches for interceptions, and absolutely murder opponents. There are only a few other players I love watching as much as Troy Polamalu. I'd probably watch Troy Polamalu attack a Primanti Brothers sandwich if you put that shit on TV. And listen, who am I to question Troy Polamalu? Over the summer, people were wondering - what the hell is Troy doing out in Southern California with Todd Marinovich's Dad? Not me. If Troy wants to do some crazy workout routine with the father of a former 1st round bust, hey, that's just like, his opinion, man. He's Troy Polamalu. So if Troy wants to play after a concussion, ok. I mean, he obviously knows a thing or SEVEN about it.

But let's talk about this...For the sake of conversation, if Anthony Smith were to play in Troy's place for some reason, do you think we would get...

A. Anthony Smith, The Sandman

OR

B. Anthony Smith, The Prophet


What say you?

Oh, and by the way - I found it rather disturbing that when I searched "Troy Polamalu" on Google images, I got an inordinate amount of pictures of Sanjaya from American Idol. Somebody call Al Gore. The internets are broken.

The Legend of Cathy Cotter...

This is Cathy Cotter (and me...and my Uncle Jimmy lurking in the background there). Cathy, in case you hadn't guessed by now, is my Mom. And today is her birthday. So in addition to all of the other musings you read here on a daily basis, you may choose to read this virtual birthday card as well.

Like I've said before, I was an annoying kid. My parents friends used to call me "the poster child for birth control." True story. Which is probably why Cathy has so many white hairs that she now has to dye her hair on a regular basis. Yep, that was largely my doing. And sorry for blowing your cover, Mom.

But no matter how much of a bastard I was growing up, she always loved me more than I could have ever expected. Throughout the years she's encouraged me to pursue my dreams, no matter how idiotic. And trust me, there's be some severe idiocy. I'm a hair brained scheming machine. But she's always been proud to be my mother...for God knows what reason.

So today, on her XX birthday (age has been omitted to protect the geriatric), I'd like to say - thanks Mom, for always supporting me and pushing me to do everything I want to do in life, as best as I can do it. I would not be the profanity loving, yet relatively well adjusted adult I am today if not for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

xoxoxoxoxo,

- Your Son, Christopher
[this is the only name my Mom knows how to call me]