October 20, 2008

Dear Diary...

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tobiathan's "Dear Diary" appears every Monday following Steelers games. Except when it appears on Tuesday, following a Monday night game. These are Tobiathan's deepest and most intimate thoughts. And he's kind enough to share them with all of us. So continue to show him love in the comments!
Dear Diary,

OMFG! Do you *believe* those striped-pumpkin goons in southern Ohio? You know, the ones who put friggin' cinnamon in their friggin' CHILI!? Yup- those 'tards.

They had the audacity to actually stay in a game against our Incredible Super-Steelers!

That took a lot of nerve, Diary! If there is one thing I can NOT stand, it's when an absolutely crapola-miserable team actually tries to compete against our Stillers. Don't they know when to just lay down and die? I mean, we had a couple big-timin' Steelers injured, and for what?

On a positive note: Hines "Jawbreaker" Ward broke some Scrubinnati Bungles' jaw early on. It's hard to believe Hines hasn't had a nickname before now, but "Jawbreaker" is as good as it gets, and he earned it proper-like. Diary, I sure hope that new nickname sticks, because I certainly don't get as much love and attention from the rest of the world as I do from YOU! And I SHOULD. Dammit. Sometimes I just wish you could hold me, Diary :-(

The Silverback had another great day against yet another Ohio pretender-team. He's sooooo amazing! If I could be a pro player, I'd want to be James "Silverback" Harrison, Diary.

See? He has a nickname, and he's only been a starter for a little while compared to Hines...wtf? How wrong is that?

As much as I hate to ever admit it, this week was kinda a boring game. Sure, our heroes won. Sure, we scored a lot of points. And- Hines broke a guy's jaw (Jawbreaker, baby!). But still: it was the Bungles; not exactly a SuperBowl-quality win, ya know, Diary?

But I'm not complaining. And I hope that poor guy Rivers' jaw heals OK. But it must be embarrassing for a LBer to get his jaw busted by a WR....muwhahaha.....

What? I am NOT an insensitive sh*t, Diary! How could you say that!?!

OK...maybe it *was* a little common to laugh at a divisional opponent's pain and complete domination. But ain't that the beauty of SteelerNation? We're just *so much better* than everybody else ;-P

I forgive you, Diary. You're just trying to keep me honest, and socially presentable. I'm soooo glad I can tell YOU my dirty little secrets :-)

And keep it quiet about those pink, lacey things, huh?

Love you forever and a day, Dearest Diary!
Yours Always,

- Tobiathan


tecmo said...

lol rotfl lmao omfg xoxo kthxbai

laclips said...

That was some funny shit right there!

Christy said...

Most hilarious line -- "Don't they know when to just lay down and die?"

matt said...

these diaries get better every week.

good job Tobiathan

tobiathan is an attention slut said...

Thanks for the kudos everybody. I honestly wasn't real sure about this one, so i'm glad my sense of irony can translate into good amusement.

As always- i'm a glutton for approval and always open to suggestions!

Don't forget to come around next weekend for LiveBlog at 4:15!

Go Stillers! Kill Ohio!

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

"Jawbreaker." I like it. I wonder what Keith Rivers has to say about it. Oh, that's right, he can't talk right now, can he?