AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ah, the truth comes out. Unfortunately, it doesn't involve Chad Johnson punching any of the Bengals coaches. Sigh. Color me disappointed.

Anyways, so it appears that 85 pulled a Plaxico Burress, arriving late to a team meeting and then basically just taking up space while the coaching staff reviewed what were probably some very pressing and important matters...ish. And after repeated attempts by Offensive Coordinator Bob Bratkowski to snap him back to reality, Herr Marvin Lewis stepped in and brought the hammer down on bad boy Chad, sending him home to his mommy. No word on whether Chad will also get detention for this, but I've heard grumblings that they might put him on double top secret probation.

Either way, maybe OC (Ocho Cinco, get it?) should've consulted with his good buddy Donovan McNabb before he played footsie with the Bengals coaching staff. Then again, Donovan McNabb probably wouldn't have known about the rule regarding being on time for team meetings anyhow.

So, Chad - Congratulations on perpetuating your already negative image, dude. You're a model human being.

Well OC may have been late, but these links are right on time...

The Monday Friday Morning Chrysler New Yorker [PSaMP]

MJD thinks the Steelers are one of seven teams that could be in the Super Bowl. God, I hope so. But I can't say I'm that confident right now [Shutdown Corner]

Gary Russel's making more than just a statement about his goal line prowess...he's also showing us that his fashion sense is fierce! [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad]

Just in case you're a masochist - here's the video of Chris Crocker wrecking Sansmokio. Methinks that no amount of cheeba could've helped him numb the pain from this one [Sports Crackle Pop]

Send LJKC some love...she spent three whole hours at the dentist yesterday. That's pretty much like watching any St. Louis Rams or Detroit Lions game...ouch [Superhero.]

Meeting People Is Easy to follow later on this afternoon (maybe). Gotta do some real work first so they don't stop paying me. Lord knows I need that cash to feed my addiction to Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos.

Eeny, Meany, Miney, Moe...

Just a few short hours
'Til the Bengals come to town
And we get to watch our Steelers
Beat them the hell down

The Wood's already salivating
Big Ben's ready to make it rain
Not to mention I think it's about time
For Silverback to inflict some pain!

So drag yourself home from work
Put some dinner on and relax
And get ready to watch the Steelers
Kick some Bengal ass
HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO!

See y'all at 8:15.

Ooooooooooooooooooo, Black and Golddust!

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

I could never be Asian, man. All that rice. That shit is filling. I'm still amazed at the fact that I eat like 10-15 pieces of sushi rolls and a salad and I'm full. I mean, that's such a small quantity of food if you think about it. A couple of pieces of fish in there, some veggies, rice, seaweed. Not like it's a 24 ounce steak or anything.

Anyways, not that it has any bearing on the Ravens Rice. Ray, that is.

I've been ripping on the Ravens all week. But the truth is, I like Ray Rice. I'm not sure if he's the right guy to be splitting carries with Willis McGahee. But I guess when you throw La'ron McClain in there, it works. And really, that's the extent of what I got on this one. Damn, Fridays are a rough day to find headlines I can make fun of.

Well, not that rough...

So I have to assume this means Ocho Cinco is supporting Obama in Tuesday's election? If I'm correct, and that's the case, then does he really want to be waving an Obama banner as a TD celebration?

See, I think what I'm questioning is - would that HELP Obama or HURT him? I mean, let's face it, Chad Johnson isn't nearly as well liked as say, Bruce Springsteen, who heavily supported Kerry in '04. Frankly, if I'm Obama and I catch wind of this, I'm giving Chad Johnson a call and respectfully asking him never to mention my name. Ever. In public or private. And certainly not in a context that would imply any relationship whatsoever.

Then again, if I'm Obama, I've had my fair share of potentially campaign-detrimental relationships come to light. So I'm sure I'd be well equipped to handle that one. Either way, that doesn't change the fact that Chad Johnson is a severe douche.

Try not to alienate your supporters while reading these links...

More on Big Ben's weekly poundings...got any other stories, AP? [AP]

Vintage Pitt football footage [PSaMP]

Yeah, Jason Campbell IS a pretty good QB [Post-Gazette]

Bruce Arians speaks [SteelCityInsider]

Sean will surpass the 100,000 visitor mark today! Try and be the 100,000th visitor and/or send all congrats to... [Sean's Ramblings]

Yeah, that kid at the Cincy-South Florida game last night > all of us...I wish I got to meet Erin Andrews...by the way, Erin, call me (emoticon winking) [The Sports Hernia]

File Under "Things That Need To Go Away"...

Actually, I probably could've plugged just about any variable into that second spot and this formula would still be true. Just a little zing there to start things off right. Yes, today I've made a somewhat unwise editorial decision and chosen to "entertain" you all with a few words about Bengals Wide Receiver and Master of the Golden Sound Bite, Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco.

I'm fully convinced that Chad Johnson's sole aim in life is to be as ridiculous of a human being as possible. I mean, so far, he's yet to prove me wrong. Remember when he raced a horse? How about the 10,000 different touchdown tea parties he's held in his eight year career? Then, there's the gold fronts. Dude, we know your teeth are probably whiter than Clay Aiken. Give it up. And of course, who could forget the time he legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. To borrow a Christy-ism - "Chad Johnson is a whore." I don't really think there's any better way to describe him. He's a circus show.

Here's how this works - Chad Johnson, like many other prima donna receivers, wants all the attention. Example - Chad ain't gettin' the ball enough. Chad ain't doing shit. No route running and certainly no blocking...knowing full well that negative attention is still, after all, attention. Like a spoiled child, if he is denied what he wants, he will pout, inviting ESPN and the like to launch a weekly segment called, "Chad Johnson Catchwatch." He is sentiment-blind. If his face is on TV, he's happy. Everything else is just peripheral.

Seeing as how this may very well happen this week, what with the Bengals being in the crapper and all, I half expect ESPN to give Chad Johnson a ring. You know, what amazes me about that is that they solicit his input, then their talking heads inevitably condemn him for doing what they fully expect and know he will do - talk nonsense. It's kind of like watching anything on MTV these days. You know it's going to suck, but you kind of like watching it for some masochist reason unknown to you...I mean...I've never watched "My Super Sweet Sixteen" before...I don't know what you're talking about...

But you know, for all of that, if he were anything like Hines Ward, he'd be a pretty awesome receiver. He's 6'1", 192 and faster than a race horse (the same I spoke of above). Too bad he's got his head up his ass.

I guess you could call this an "Opponent Spotlight" of sorts. Sorry I didn't quote you any numbers, shit's rough nowadays.

Thoughts?