The Giants. We're playing 'em Sunday. So what better way to start off Giants week than to talk about Plaxico Burress? None, right? That's what I thought you'd say.
Plaxico Burress is a pox. As we well know, he is herpes, SARS and the avian flu all rolled into one. He is to Pittsburgh what Terrell Owens is to Philadelphia. But scaled proportionately to the amount of shit each respective franchise would tolerate. He has made a career out of consistently keeping himself from reaching his full potential. He's made dumb mistakes, he's refused to run routes 100%, and if this report is correct, he still owes back taxes to Moon Township (Domski - better get Sandy on the case).
But for all of his bullshit, he's a superbly talented receiver. He was pretty awesome for us. He's been downright dominant at times for the Giants. He's 6'5", 232 lbs of diva, who still holds the Steelers record for most receiving yards in a single game. And like Chad Ocho Cinco, if he played the game anything like Hines Ward plays the game, he'd probably be a first ballot hall of famer. You know, this is Plaxico's 8th season in the league? And
he's still never made a pro bowl he still acts like a rookie.
It defies logic, I know.
Anyways, since I'm accustomed to doing this sort of thing, I figured I might as well rip on Plax a bit. So today I thought it'd be fun to play a little game I'm calling - "What's Plaxico Burress Saying?"
I think you can pretty much figure out how it works on your own.
I'll lead with the comment I made over at Deuce of Davenport yesterday. Here we go...
Plax: "Yeah, let me get a double cheese, sausage and bologna pie delivered to Giants stadium? Yeah, on the home sidelines. Just ask for Plaxico." [hangs up phone]
Mr. Hand Tom Coughlin: "Mr. Burress, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance on my sidelines and on my time."
Plax: "I've been thinking about this, Coach Coughlin. If I'm here...and you're here... doesn't that make it our time?"
"Aw Paris, like OMG, I would LOVE to be your new bff. LOL. TTYL."
"Girl, you know that kid ain't mine. I ain't even ever been to Alaska."
"What, this visor? Yeah, this is why I'm hot..."
"Why yes, I'd love to do 'Dancing with the Stars?'"
"You people keep [redacted] around, I'm gon' go get my gun."
"Yes. I would like free tickets to the ballet, thank you very much."
"Who the hell is this Eli Manning guy you keep talking about?"
"I don't know, Mom. I think Smurfs would go better with my uniform."
"What the [redacted] you think? I'm Plaxico Burress, bitch!"
Oh yeah, and the Giants have some other guys named, like, Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Steve Smith, and Dominick Hixon who are pretty good too. McFadden is out for Sunday, and Troy is questionable. Sounds like it should be a fun one...
October 21, 2008
Knowledge Dropped by Cotter at 12:01 AM
This is about: 2008 Steelers Week 8, Everybody Hates Plaxico Burress, Giants, Plaxico Burress Is A Giant Waste Of Money and Talent