Chinese Water Torture OR Michael Phelps' Face?

Or alternatively...


Terrell Suggs?


OR

Ray Lewis?


Who's the bigger dickface?

I Think I'm With Domski On This One...

Oh man, the Ravens. I mean, where do I begin?

Should I talk about how they've won seven of their last eight games? Or how over that same stretch, supposed rookie phenom, Joe Flacco has only thrown three total picks? Or how he's also thrown 12 TDs? Should I talk about how friggin' Le'ron McClain is leading their team in rushing with 606 yards and 7 TDs on the year? Or how 75 year old Derrick Mason is leading them in receiving and could easily end the year with over 1000 yards (he's at 871)? Or maybe how their defense, despite being two men down in the secondary has nabbed 12 INTs over those last eight games? Or how Ed Reed's second in the league to only Troy, with five of those 12 picks?

Or MAYBE I could talk about how their numbers are eerily similar to ours on Defense in general? Yeah, how about that. Right now everyone knows the Steelers are #1 across the board. But playing a close second fiddle is Murdermore Baltimore.

Total Yds Per Game - 253.4 (Pitt = 241.9)
Rush Yds Per Game - 77 (Pitt = 73)
Pass Yds Per Game - 176.4 (Pitt = 168.9)
Pts Per Game - 15.4 (Pitt = 14.1)
TDs allowed - 16 (Pitt = 16)

Of course, our 45 total sacks dwarf their measly 28. But you can't really deny that they seem to have their shit together.

Alright, so yeah, they played the Raiders, Browns, Texans and Bengals in there, but they also only lost to the Giants, who you know, are apparently the second coming of Christ...errr, were, until the Eagles told them what was what on Sunday. And the Giants kind of made them look like the Rams, actually, as did the Colts. Of course, we lost to both of those teams, ourselves. Albeit by a significantly lesser margin...

Anyways, my point being - we haven't seen the Ravens since September 29. And even then, we barely eked out a win in OT. We've got a real big game on our hands this week.

Now, I know you're all going to cry about me cupping the Ravens balls like this. But look, do you really think the Ravens are just going to forget that they're playing sick Defense right in time for our randomly-consistent Offense? Dude, they've had this game circled on the calendar since they lost to us in September. And definitely since they lost to the Giants a few weeks back. I'll bet any amount of money that Ray Lewis will be in there tomorrow screaming at those assholes about how everyone's talking about Pittsburgh, and how if they win this game they tie up the division and split two games with us. Not to mention how he's a murderer. Yadda yadda yadda, you've heard all this before.

I'm just sayin', we better be ready come Sunday. No screwing around this week, Arians.

Hines Ward - I don't know where YOU were last Sunday, but you better show up for this week. We're gonna need you. In addition to Heath, Santonio, and Nate Washington. Something tells me if we can't muster more than 70 yards on the Cowboys, with four guys contributing to that, we won't be running the ball much on the Ravens either.

And one more thing - their punter, Sam Koch, averages just about 43 yards a punt (2nd in league). Our punter is Mitch Berger. Need I go on?

Oh well, at least we've got Steely McBeam...


You know what? I'm just gonna watch this video again...


And also, this one...


This one's pretty good too...


This one, not so much...


What's that, Hines?


Good call...

Thoughts?

Say What???

"After the play, I wasn't screaming 'he's hurt.' I was screaming 'he's done.'"

- Ray Lewis

This was taken from last week's issue of Sports Illustrated, which for some reason unbeknownst to me I still subscribe to.

So um, Ray...uh, what the shit is that?

Sounds pretty dick to me.

What do you guys think?

Also, see here for Terrell Suggs' shit talk on the matter.

Dear Diary...

Ok, I think I owe you all a little explanation before I just drop this gem on you and step back, assuming the role of commenter. I had an idea recently. I thought it'd be funny to write a weekly psuedo-game recap, but more tongue-in-cheek than substantive. And what better/funnier way to do that than penning a fake "diary" entry? The problem is/was, I didn't think I'd do this kind of thing justice. Luckily, I knew someone who would.

Tobiathan.

So I asked, and he obliged. Hence, what you see below is the first of what hopefully will be a weekly feature the day after each game this season. With that, I'll let Tobiathan's words take it away...

<----------------POST BEGINS HERE---------------->

Dear Diary,

Last night was hard. It was ugly. It was painful. Even the people at the stadium were pissed off; they booed our guys, and that *never* happens in Pittsburgh! Maybe in Ohio, or in Filthymore...but never in MY beautiful city!

At times I thought I was gonna have to buy an Eagles jersey, or a velvety Seahawks jacket, just to salvage something from this football season. I even tried to imagine what it would be like to be a Bills fan- they're undefeated, dontcha know!? But none of it seemed right. I had to tough it out.

So - I did what any good fan does when his favoritest team struggles: I wrote a poem...

"An Ode To Ray Lewis"

Roses are red, violets are blue
The Steelers don't suck but the
Ravens still do

Your Purple Skyrats thought they'd come to my town
Pull out some shivs
And take our boys down

But the Great Football Gods had
Totally different plans
They worked their Steelers magic
And appeased these great fans

With Silverback and The Wood
They layed a smackdown
And sent those filthy Purple Pigeons
Flapping back to Stinktown

The OT-winning points
Took us some time to score
But we still told your Ravens:
Nevermore, nevermore!

So, Diary - I know it's not very good. I'll never win any prizes with it. But I'm just so darned happy about winning tonight, I thought it was worth the effort.

I hope you can forgive me. The only thing worse than poetry is BAD poetry. Good night, Diary. You're my BEST friend!

- Tobiathan

<----------------END POST---------------->

COTTER FINAL NOTE: I particularly liked the part where he wrote a poem about Ray Lewis to his diary...hahahahahahahahaha, I'm currently rolling on the floor, peeing myself with laughter. Excellent work, Tobiathan! He's more than just a master liveblogger. Clearly he knows a thing or two about Diaries...looking forward to many more just like this! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did...please leave him love in the comments.