October 23, 2008

Why I Hate to Love New York...

As you all well know, The Big Apple is currently my home. Well, technically across the river in Hoboken, NJ. But it's essentially the same thing, and either way I'm surrounded by Giants fans. So I figured today it might be apropos to talk a little bit about this fair city, the one that never sleeps, since we're playing the aforementioned vaGiants on Sunday.

Some days, I love this place. It's a marvel of modern construction. You meet tons of interesting people with interesting backgrounds, and you can get a falafel at just about any hour.

But it's not without its drawbacks. And some days I just want to take this plastic fork that's sitting next to my desk and stab myself in the eye with it...among other such uncomfortable exercises.

So as a little psuedo-therapy, I laid out some of the positives and negatives about this small town below. Peruse them at your will and feel free to share any and all feelings you have on the subject(s).

Things I Love...
1. What time is it? 1:45AM? Ah man, it's early, let's go to the bar.
2. Chicks. They have them here too. Hot ones. They're not into me at all. But they're fun to look at.
3. Pizza. They make dough, sauce and cheese sing here.
4. Never having to drive anywhere. Ever.
5. Long Island. Thank you for producing some of the most ridiculous people on the face of the earth (including my Mom).
6. The Knitting Factory. This place reminds me of the TLA in Philly, one of my all time favorite venues at which to see a show.
7. Delivery everything. My ass never needs to leave my couch if I don't want it to.
8. Yo, was that a chick or a dude?
9. The Beer Garden in Astoria. Best outdoor drinking venue EVER.
10. My Friend: Dude, that was Gavin Rossdale! || Me: Big deal, Gavin Rossdale sucks. Where's Gisele at? (Sidebar: This actually happened)

Things I hate...
1. Trying to walk on the sidewalks around here is like playing Frogger.
2. 0.5 second hesitation at green light = permanent migraine brought on by incessant honking.
3. No, I do not want your inferior cable service, but I have no choice, do I?
4. Yeah, my new place is really sweet, man. I've got 600 square feet and I only pay $1600 a month! (Sidebar: this is not a true statement for me)
5. I think Hoboken could really use a Wawa. Like a block from my house. That'd be awesome, thanks.
6. Dude, walking six inches behind me is not going to get you there any faster!
7. The Yankees. But to be fair, I'd hate them no matter where I live.
8. Humidity. From May to October this place is like a god damn sauna.
9. $11 for a Tanqueray and Tonic? Hold on, let me go see if I can sell some blood.
10. Hipsters. You know, the ones that go out of their way to be indie. These people should be exiled to Staten Island.



domski43 said...

New York is by far my most favoritiest city.

The only problem is that no one drinks.

I'm looking at you Cotter.

random asshole said...

If you need a change, I'll gladly trade with you. I'm entirely sick of central NY.

Actually, I take that back. I'm not living in f-ing New Jersey again.

tecmo said...

Things I love: I live ridiculously close to the Beer Garden in Astoria.

Things I hate: The fact that Cotter lives here.

/I'll be at your place around 7 so we can tape this show

tiny350Z said...

My aunt lives in Hoboken, I grew up visiting her every weekend. The the overly pretentious 20-somethings that live in that town (city?) are the people I went to high school with. But Hoboken is pretty awesome - as long as you don't have to find a parking space.
Loves? I agree with #3 whole heartedly, being away from that area - I miss the pizza.
I agree with everything you hate - and you can transfer #'s 1, 4, 8, and 9 down here to DC, add Redskins fans and lack of good pizza to that.

matt said...

You don't need a Wawa man...you want Sheetz, bitch!

Just kidding about the bitch part. I agree with you for mostly all of the things liked and disliked about this city.

I'd also like to mention mention that I dislike how ignorant 60-75% of the ppl here are. One of the worst things that happens to me daily is ppl bum rushing the subway car before anyone can get off the damn thing!

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

New York's cool. So is Hoboken.

What you need is a spork, not a fork.

Any good Steeler bars in Hoboken? Or ... any good bars there? I'm sure there are.

How 'bout Italian restaurant/bars, Irish pubs, Vietnamese restaurants or just good 'ole dive bars?

Road Trip!

domski43 said...

4L's pizza in hoboken is the best pizza i have ever tasted.

Cotter said...

domski ~ That's because we've never gotten a Grimaldi's Margherita pie when you're up. It's like 4L's times 1,000.

random asshole ~ What? You don't like techno and blowout haircuts?


tiny350z ~ Parking. Yeah. Every Monday and Friday. Eff street cleaning.

matt ~ Yeah, man. I lived that one this morning...as usual.

jppb ~ Texas Arizona = home of Steelers in Hoboken. Buckets of IC Light for $11. Hot ass bartenders. Bar teeming with Steelers fans, many of whom are Pittsburgh transplants. What more could you ask for? If you seriously do ever decide to take a road trip, definitely let me know.

Get Fresh Designs said...

I hate cities, I hate Lancaster "city" and any of you city boys seeing it would just laugh and it being called a city. I like my little town, i can walk to plenty of things where I live, but no one is walking up my ass just so they can be in front of me in the masses of people.

Nyc is for the lost and overly-ambitious of america, whereas pittsburgh just plain rawks. yeah. hells yeah, yinz. said...

Having had the arguable pleasure of experiencing both towns, i'll stick with Pittsburgh 7 days a week, and twice on Sunday.

tobiathan poops on nyc(but not the cool kids who live there) said...

NYC(and metro area): a neat place to visit, but you wouldn't wanna live there on "regular people" income....

And yes: that *was* my comment above. TYVM.

Carol said...

Get Fresh Designs - Where in Lancaster do you live? I live in Lancaster as well.....