October 30, 2008

Jim Zorn Ain't Got Nothing On This Guy...

High up on the list of "most unattractive pictures I've ever taken"
When I began to write this post, I didn't intend for it to become a rant reminiscent of Jim Zorn's press conference this past weekend. And yet, fittingly, that's kind of what it became.

Try not be deterred by my forcefulness. It's just that sometimes I read things that get me real fired up. As fired up as I get when I watch that Guitar Hero commercial with A-Rod, Kobe, Tony Hawk, and Michael EFFING Phelps. Seriously, how is Michael Phelps on the same level as Tony Hawk? I mean, I understand that it's a commercial for a video game where you play pop rock favorites on plastic instruments. But, really? 8 gold medals. Fan-effing-tastic. How about the three other guys in that commercial have an upwards of 10 years each dominating their respective sports (well, not really gAy-Rod). Not to mention the shit just sucks. Oh, you've got four sports figures looking like Tom Cruise in Risky Business? Isn't that real God damn clever. Well shit, I'm gonna go run right out and buy that game for $100(?). Does it come with A-Rod in his skivvies? ME-OW.

Errrr...moving on to that rant I mentioned...

Oh God, the big bad NFC East is beating up on the poor little Steelers and their poor QB, Big Ben. Honestly, Associated Press? This is a story? Because the Eagles sacked Ben nine times en route to a nine point victory and the Giants sacked Ben five times en route to a seven point victory, all of a sudden the Steelers have the insurmountable task of beating their NFC East brethren, the Washington Redskins...who will be without two starting D-Lineman and a starting Corner? Um, forgive me if I'm not pissing myself in fear. Come the eff on, man. First of all, they lost to the Rams. At home. One week after the Rams fired their previous Coach. Powerhouse, indeed. But let's table that discussion for now.

This report says...
"Just as worrisome for the Steelers is that playing every team in the NFL’s best division is taking a physical toll, too."
Ok, dude. Playing EVERY team in EVERY division can take a physical toll. Frankly, I'm not exactly ready to single out the NFC East as the division that's going to muscle the Steelers right out of playoff contention. Give me a break. To my mind, we just played the best team that division has to offer anyhow.

Dallas is a bunch of cry babies who were only winning because they were playing inferior teams. Tony Romo is a little bitch who will crumble the minute James Harrison so much as breathes on him. And T.O.? Don't even get me started. That dude better get HIS popcorn ready. Because the hurtin' the Steelers are going to put on the Cowboys is going to be one for the record books. I just have a feeling. Big D? Let's see, does that D stand for divas, dickbags or douchebags? I know it doesn't stand for Defense. Oh, and they lost to the Rams at home too.

As for Washington? Putting aside the fact that, in reality, I respect them greatly, their average margin of victory this year is approximately five. FIVE God damn points. Now, we certainly haven't been blowing our respectable opponents away, but 3 out of their six wins have been decided by five points or less. PLUS, they haven't even had their bye week yet. And oh yeah, THEY LOST TO THE RAMS! AT HOME!

And another thing - the report intimates that because guys like Willie Parker, Casey Hampton and Ryan Clark were injured during games against the NFC East this automatically means that those teams were so physical against us that we might as well have employed an entire floor's worth of hospital staff. Eff that! Willie Parker broke his God damn leg not even a year ago! And Casey Hampton? Turf toe, dude. Turf toe. It's not like he's sucking bananas, peas and carrots through a straw. Ryan Clark? Do I even need to explain this one? The guy has no effing spleen for Christ's sake! So again, FAIL!

How about this - the NFC East is having such great success against the Steelers because they've been exploiting a weakness so glaringly obvious that my Mom, who knows nothing of this foosball game we're always talking about, knows about it. WE SUCK AT PASS BLOCKING! DUH! This isn't the cure for cancer, here. You blitz our line, you start racking up the sacks. Particularly on the right side. Willie Colon? Yeah, he gave up at least three sacks to the Eagles and most recently, three sacks to Matthias Kiwanuka, who subsequently won the NFL's Defensive Player of the Week award. So out of the 14 sacks registered between our two previous NFC East opponents, almost HALF came from Willie Colon (and I'm only counting sacks registered by the Right Defensive End...not even linebackers).

Bottom line - the success of the Eagles and Giants came principally from their ability to play patty cake with Big Ben. If the line decides to block and Ben decides to make good decisions with the football, I see no reason why recent history should dictate the outcome in this one. That's why they play the games. Am I wrong?

Either way, Associated Press, your story sucks! And I have nothing else to say in the matter.

/end rant

10 comments:

domski43 said...

i guess willie colon is this year's sean mahan? its glaringly obvious that w/ or w/out mahan and colon the steelers offensive line still sucks gorilla balls. all of these sacks are not one man's fault, its a collective offensive effort.

i can see the associated press' point. the eagles and giants probably should have blown the steelers out in both games, if the steelers defense didnt keep them in the game by holding them to field goals. In both games vs the NFC east the steelers offense was completely shut down. this is what scares me against a Redskins team that extremely balanced on both sides of the ball.

Cotter said...

Of course you do.

Yes, collective effort. Fine. I'm just saying, obviously there is one weakER link that isn't helping the collective effort. And yes, the Eagles and Giants "shut the Steelers offense down," but beat us up? I think that's a stretch. Beat Big Ben up, maybe.

domski43 said...

Steve Spagnola, the Giants defensive coordinator, talked on Sirius NFL radio about the Steelers shifting their protections towards Justin Tuck the entire game. Causing one-on-one blocking assignments for Kiwanuka a.k.a leaving Willie Colon on an island.

What if the steelers decided to shift the blocking assignments to Kiwanuka? Max Starks vs. Justin Tuck one-on-one = disaster. The Steelers offensive line was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Providing extra help for Colon would allow Tuck to dominate. The Steelers have a difficult time with effective pass rushers.

The Steelers need to watch the game tape to see how the Giants offensive line neutralized the Steelers two "dominant" pass rushers. The Giants o-line is talented enough to play defenses straight up, while the Steelers have to shift protections and play the match up game. This has caught up to the Steelers twice now, lets hope we dont see a repeat performance Monday night.

Cotter said...

So are you saying that you think the Eagles and Giants "beat the Steelers up" (the team, not just Big Ben and the O-Line)?

domski43 said...

i would say the steelers offense got "beat up" is an understatement, or you could even say they got their "asses handed to them." Maybe embarassed is the best word. this includes wide receivers, running backs, tight ends, quarterback, offensive line, offensive coordinator.

The scoreboard told a different tale than what actually happened on the field.

Somehow or another in both games the Steelers defense was able to keep them in the game (sometimes without an effective pass rush). Eventually the lack of offense and the amount of time the defense was on the field left them "beat up" tired and vulnerable late in each game.

marc said...

We are going to need two tackles in the draft, Colon is clearly not a RT, he's a guard, no offense to him (or b/c of him) but some are more successful at guard (look at the guy that Dallas signed from the Cards).

Marvel Smith is hurt again, we need a more reliable and better player for such a key position.

Maybe we should throw a backup lineman in the spot for the FB or running back to help as a last line of defense. I'm only half joking.

Good for us no Jason Taylor for this game, also, no Shawn Springs. We need to win this game, and I see us doing exactually that.

domski43 said...

marc - agreed. the offensive line will need a lot of upgrades.

Luckily, the AFC is looking pretty weak so far this season. The steelers will go as far as the o-line will take them.

Beating the Redskins will be the biggest road win for the Steelers under Tomlin's tenure. the Steelers HAVE to beat a good team to prove to me that they are for real this year.

Cotter said...

domski ~ So we're essentially saying the same thing - the Offense was getting bottled up, while the Defense kept giving us chances. All I was saying is that if you look at the entire team, including the Defense, I can't say we got "beat up." Especially when the dude from the AP talked about injuries. But yeah, the Steelers DO need to beat a team that's half decent. Jebus! And doing it on the road would be nice as well.

marc ~ Maybe we throw that guy Sean McHugh in there more. I seem to remember him not being half bad at blocking. Plus, since he's a slash - TE/FB - he could catch the ball out of the backfield. Just adds another dimension to the Offense...ish.

matt said...

I don't trust this team, I should say I don't trust the offense.

We have most of the pieces but watching how the line performs can't give Steeler fans much confidence for the rest of the year.

Domski - I agree, we better get some linemen, b/c we will again be playing all 1st place teams next year.

Noah said...

High up on the list of "most unattractive pictures I've ever taken"

Do you mean there are worse pictures out there.....??