AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Greetings friends. Here we are on Terrell Suggs Watch, day two. Yesterday, we learned that this mythical gummy beast has what was diagnosed as a "sprained shoulder." Today, we're learning that ol' T-Bone, excuse me, T-Sizzle's availability will be "close" on Sunday.

Well, first of all, let me just say - sweet.

I'll face the Ravens with or without him but I certainly wouldn't mind if it was without him.

But let's get real, this is just a ploy to get some time off so he can finally get that surgery to reduce the size of his cranium. Dude's helmet is super tight like hipster jeans. Frankly if it isn't a ploy to get some time off so he can get a surgery to reduce the size of his fat friggin' head, maybe it should be.

Yeah, I didn't really know what to write. SO I went with all that. Hopefully it wasn't completely unfunny.

I may not be the King of Comedy today, but maybe these links will crack you up...

More Chinese obsession with the Steelers [PSaMP]

The Chief's thoughts on Sunday's win [The Chief's Forum]

Matt's thoughts on Sunday's win [Superhero.]

No team has ever beat another team three times in a season? Tomlin calls this "hocus-pocus" [Post-Gazette]

Tony Dungy onto bigger and better. A big ol' good luck from OFTOT, Tony! You're a good man. And thorough. Sorry, force of habit. Jim knows what I'm talking about [Fox Sports]

One of the Carolina Panthers is a pimp? Damn right he is, bitch! And don't you forget that shit...If I had to guess I'd say it's probably John Kasay. That dude's pimp hand is strong [PFT]

Here yo go, Ravens fans. Both Ray Lewis AND Ed Reed voted All Pros. Done crying about awards, now? /as if [Associated Press]

Latest Facebook group for Ravens fans - "70,000 people who think the steelers suck!" First topic posted = "Why is H.Ward smiling all the time?" [Facebook]

If you've got Ravens fan friends, the Trib wants you to bet them and then tell the Trib about it...not gonna get that out of this guy [Trib]

Quan uncertain, and Tight End Dr. Stephen Spach already ruled out for the Cards this weekend [Associated Press]

Worst pun this side of OFTOT [Yahoo! Sports]

If you like reading about five stats that explain the Pens struggles, you probably also like root canals, or getting caned. But if that's you, here you go. Own it [Puck Daddy]

"Late 80s/Early 90s Sports Apparel Fashion Confessions" [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

HHR claims to have seen former lead singer of Styx working at a Child's Place in Lawrenceville, NJ on Saturday. Child's Place on Saturday, Heinz Field on Sunday. Dude gets around [Gem Mint Ten]

Today's riffs theme - "Songs with banned music videos" [Friday Morning Riffs]

By the way, if y'all haven't noticed the sidebar, OFTOT is now on Twitter. Feel free to follow all of my dumb ass "tweets," as I'm told they're called.

Ravens Week, Day 2 - Not Much To Report...

Nothing to do with this post, if you could call it that, but I thought I made this picture look kind of bad ass...

So, winning is great. Wonderful. Excellent. But, you know what the pox on this year's playoff situation is? Well, besides the fact that we drew the Ravens; the fact that OFTOT apparently now has at least one militant Anonymous Eagles fan commenter (troll). Fantastic.

This one's for you, Anonymous Eagles fan...

Anyways, I'm NOT going to talk about Anonymous Eagles fan commenters today.

I just have a few thoughts for this morning. Namely...

Ray Lewis is mildly disturbed batshit crazy.
Have I blown your mind yet?

'Cause I don't mean "Silverback" batshit crazy...


I mean like "eats babies" batshit crazy...

It's bad enough that the Ravens defense does not even exist in the same reality as everyone else. This assbag fanning the fire just makes it worse.

He may be getting long in the tooth, but anyone who was once indicted for murder, attended the University of Miami and wears more bandannas than Greg Lloyd will always be someone to fear. You'll remember he ended Wreckingball's season back in September? Well, I just re-watched the beginning of that game and during warm-ups he said "somebody's getting knocked out tonight." Could easily mean nothing. But, then again...


You just know he's going to have the Ratbirds ready to decapitate Big Ben. One missed block and I fear a little for Ben's continued functioning as a human being. Not to mention, the Ravens THRIVE off of turnovers. I hope we'll be ready for the heat, because I'm willing to bet they'll be bringing it.

That said, [eff] Ray Lewis!

Any ideas as to what this is about = hit onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com

And I thought Snoop was a Steelers fan?

Anyways...

Big Ben had a "spinal" concussion.
My feeble brain knows very little of what this means. But it sounds serious. Well, I guess any injury involving the word "spinal" is probably pretty serious.

So apparently this thing rendered his arms numb after he was hit? Numb, but I guess movable? Considering he gave us the heroic thumbs up and all...

Eh, I'm no doctor...

Just listen to this...

"Earlier this season, Baltimore Ravens safety Dawan Landry sustained a spinal cord concussion in a Sept. 21 game against Cleveland when the crown of his helmet struck the knee of running back Jamal Lewis. He didn't play the rest of the season and was eventually placed on injured reserve."

Wow. Really. Hmmmm. So Ben must be like...[/looks left, then right and whispers] - Superman...

Man vs. Wild is quality television.
I love this shit. I can't explain it. Call me crazy, but I just think it's extremely entertaining to watch some ballsy British idiot purposefully put himself in positions that might seriously jeopardize his existence on this Earth.

Last night I was watching it, though, and my boy Bear Grylis said something I thought was pretty funny. He was out in South Dakota and stuck in a lightning storm. His advice?

"You wanna stay away from places like mountaintops..."

And I'm stopping it right there. Honestly, Bear. If there's lightning striking all around me, you can pretty much bet I'm not going to be hanging out on some mountaintop.

Then, he's chilling out on the plains and he sees some Bison. Upon seeing these Bison, he declares...

"You know, out here, Bison kill more people each year than Bears. We do not want to mess with them..."

...as he's walking right for the them!

And they pay him to say/do shit like that! I guess there's hope for me yet.

Final thought of the day...


[Play me]
Go Eagles...

Let's talk Ravens.

Chinese Water Torture OR Michael Phelps' Face?

Or alternatively...


Terrell Suggs?


OR

Ray Lewis?


Who's the bigger dickface?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, I guess now that he's checked "complete douchebag" off the list, Terrell Suggs is now chasing "complete player."

Frankly, I'm not even sure what that means. So you want to be a pass rusher, a coverage guy, a special teamer and like a fullback or something?

"Complete player?" Shouldn't you already be a complete player? You're a standout starting OLB on one of the NFLs nastiest defenses, for Christ sake! What more do you want?

I'll tell you what you should do, Terrell Suggs. You should see a complete oral surgeon and fix that mess you've got going on in your gullet. I've said it before, and I'm gonna continue to say it until someone (preferably not Terrell Suggs himself) comes along and physically compels me to stop (probably by saying, "Hey man, quit jaggin' around or I'm gonna rearrange your facial features."). Terrell Suggs - your gums are massive and they make your teeth look like little baby teeth. Those gums are just devouring your pearly whites. I'd sort that situation out before worrying about becoming this supposed "complete player."

That all said, please don't hurt Big Ben come Sunday. We're going to need him for the playoffs. But if maybe you could put a late hit on Bruce Arians, I wouldn't mind that.

Thanks.

xoxoxoxo,

- Cotter

While Terrell Suggs is trying to figure out how to be a complete player, why don't y'all read these complete links?...

Birds love the Steelers. Makes total sense, right? [PSaMP]

Willie Parker still wants a fullback. Arians still can't give it to him [Post-Gazette]

Keep your eyes on the ball your balls this Sunday, Santonio [The Sports Hernia]

I always thought it was going to be The Spearmint Rhino that'd do PacMan in. But alas, 'twas the Steelers [PFT]

"NFL Announces 150 Layoffs; Lions, Bengals, Rams First to Go" [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

Steelers better watch out for Terrell Suggs, huh? What about his gumline? You think that will try and eat Big Ben like it's eating his own teeth? [Associated Press]

Why James Harrison > Ravens = "I don't feel like I have anything to prove to anybody but myself...If somebody wants to say I can't do something, I want to prove them wrong. But as far as wanting to prove something to the Ravens, no, it's not my point" [Baltimore Sun]

Pat Devlin transferring out of PSU! [Yahoo! Sports]

And don't forget to rank your favorite Steelers beards!

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ok, so I hear the Ravens are experimenting with some two QB set or something. Isn't that cute? I didn't even know they had two QBs that were good enough to respect in a one QB set, let alone as a combination. Hell, I guess it's true what they say - you DO learn something new everyday. I'll be damned.

And they've dubbed this set affectionately, "The Suggs Package." So first of all, as usual, that's what she said. Next, that's great. That's just effing great. Just give Terrell Suggs one more thing to gloat about. Like that asshole needs another reason. I don't hear him saying anything about how his helmet doesn't fit on his huge head. I'm not even joking. Go look him up on Google images. That dude's helmet fits about as snugly as a pair of leather pants on Rosanne. Mmmmm, night terrors.

Question. Just hypothetically speaking, if you didn't know what "The Suggs Package" was, per se, what might you guess that it was? Me? I'd guess that it has something to do with being a bitch. Wait, no. That doesn't make any sense. Um, maybe just an 11 man package comprised entirely of Terrell Suggs clones? There. FIXED.

Ok, so truth be told, I think this was a rather novel and creative idea this whole two QB thing. And one that I would LOVE to see the Steelers pull off. But like most of the drivel around here, this post just wouldn't be much fun if I gushed about how much I love the Ravens' super cool new offensive gadget play. It's all in the name of entertainment, my friends. So feel free to join the fun...savvy?

Oh, and try not to picture Rosanne in leather pants for too long there, Hoss. That's the kind of thing they say causes prolonged emotional disturbance...and chlamydia. Instead, think about an 11 man package comprised entirely of Terrell Suggs clones...while you're reading these links, of course...

Finally, it has arrived - the PSaMP interview with Sports Soup host, Matt Iseman [PSaMP]

Help John with his Dissertation and take this survey on sports fans (NFL fans) perceptions of each other/how winning and losing affects fan behavior [Survey]

Big Ben finds the 'Skins cheerleaders...err...distracting [Tirico Suave]

Anthony Smith feels slighted. Should he? Probably [Post-Gazette]

Evgeni Malkin is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore [Kukla's Korner]

Speaking of the Pens, mojo...I mean, franchise value rising? [Puck Daddy]

Is this the line for the gay bar? [You Lay on the Ice Like A Broad!]

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ok, so first of all - that's what she said.

Second of all, Cam Cameron, the supposed "Offensive Genius" (remember another Ravens so-called "Offensive Genius?") is now taking game planning tips from the man who calls himself T-Sizzle? That's interesting.

So let me see if I understand this correctly.

Cam Cameron is consulting Terrell Suggs because...
A. As a LB, he has plenty of experience game planning for the Offense
B. As a Raven from '03-'07 he saw many successful offensive game plans
C. As a person, he's super smart (see: recent talk show appearance)

Then again, the Ravens are averaging 19 points a game. Maybe Bruce Arians should take a tip from ol' Cam Cameron and solicit some input from Silverback. Just not about snapping the ball on punts, though.

On second thought, nevermind. We're averaging 22 points a game. I guess I just thought it would be a humorous editorial device. So sue me.

I urge you all to solicit input from these links...

Mitch Berger's potential replacement? Ricky Schmitt. Yep, your guess is as good as mine [Post-Gazette]

Seriously, what happened to the Big Ben rollout? [PSaMP]

HFSS and Wrap Around Curl out to help us dateless hockey fans [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

Jason Taylor AND Shawn Springs out for Monday! [WaPo]

This makes me miss the freshman riots when PSU lost to Temple in basketball...I heart PSU riots [Deadspin]

So Daunte Culpepper cancelled his workout with the Chiefs citing a "better opportunity." That opportunity? Apparently a workout with the Lions. Ouch, Kansas City [MLive]

LJKC went where no man/woman has gone since 1991 - a New Kids concert. I'd love a full report [Superhero]

It's A League Game, Terrell...

Screen shot courtesy of ESPN's NFL Live...

So for all of you out there wondering what the league's policy is on "bounties," here it is in black and white, as narrated by Tec.

Pertinent language?

1. "Any gifts by players to teammates...during the season are prohibited."
2. "This includes...'BIG Hit' incentives...for stopping an opponent..."

Or don't you know how to read, Terrell Suggs?

Of course, the term, "incentives," isn't clearly defined in this snippet of the policy. But I imagine a mutual agreement among teammates could be enough. And let's face it, the aim of the policy is clearly to discourage "bounties," or whatever you want to call them. So I'm pretty sure it applies in this instance.

This is not 'nam, Terrell. This is the NFL. There are rules.

PS - Chances are you'll see this again during the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show on Sunday...but just act like it's new to you. It's more fun that way.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Terrell Suggs is an asshole. What else do you want me to say? He's running his mouth all around about how the Ravens've got some "bounty" on Hines Ward's head. Idiot.

First of all, if you're going to have a bounty, you can't talk about it. That's like rule #1 of a bounty - Don't talk about the bounty.

Second of all, no. You are stupid. This is the dumbest thing you've probably ever done. Also, your gums look like they're eating your teeth. Mr. Ed called, he wants his jaws back.

Third of all, your nickname...sucks. T-Sizzle? God, I hope you didn't strain yourself brainstorming that one. Oh, I get it. It's functional and also cool sounding. Two things in one. Fantastic. The man-horse from the Old Spice commercial would be real proud of you. Who gives a shit?

Terrell Suggs, shut up, dude. Fact is, you're probably scared that Hines Ward is gonna cold cock you like the little bitch you are. Admit it, you like Appletinis.

Have an Appletini yourself while reading these links...

This guy would still take Eli over Big Ben? Maybe that's why I've never heard of him [Fox Sports]

This guy needs to knock it off [PSAMP]

NFL launches "investigation" of Ravens [Post-Gazette]

Quoth Troy - "As a matter of fact, they were going to take pictures on how a perfect brain looks..." [Trib]

Ditka defends Hines, says NFL should remove face masks. I love Ditka [Post-Gazette]

"Anything I (expletive) want to do." You stay classy, Plax [SteelCityInsider]

AFC North Headline of the Day...

Controversy, huh? Well I didn't see this so-called, "controversial" play. But it occurs to me that if there's a question of whether or not you hit the opposing QB in the head, you've put yourself in the unenviable position to get that penalty.

Yeah, I like hitting QBs too. But I'm pretty sure Terrell Suggs wasn't just hanging around, minding his own business, when along came an official and flagged him for a blow to Kerry Collins' noggin'.

Point being - quit whining because you let Kerry Collins come back and beat you. Do better next time. Case closed.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, I continue to be over Michael Phelps. Can we all just let it go now? The Olympics have been over for quite some time. This man is no movie star. Let's stop feeding his ego with camera time, shall we? Lest it grow bigger than his gumline. Seriously, have you seen that thing...I think it's eating his teeth.

Anyways, feel free to sink YOUR teeth into these links...

Steely McGome - 2 || Universe - 0 [Dug E. Fresh Rants]

Woodley + Harrison = Wooderson...say man, you got the Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker? It'd be a lot cooler if you did [PSAMP]

Neal did call it, I'll give him that [On The Black Side]

Here we go. Blame StubHub. Whatever [Florida Times-Union]

I'm glad you think so, James Walker. But I'm gonna bite my tongue for now [ESPN]

This is certainly an interesting take [Fanhouse]