OFTOT Week In Review...

Well, everyone hates me today. Including me. Yes, I even hate myself.

In hindsight, it's possible that power hour at 5 PM yesterday was not the best idea I've ever had. But on the bright side, somehow I ended up with half a dozen bagels. No idea where those came from.

My sincerest apologies to Matt and Tecmo, who I totally left hanging last night. Not on purpose, but by virtue of falling asleep on my couch while waiting to eat dinner sometime around midnight, judging by my text message outbox.

But let's be honest, today for most people is a St. Patty's celebration. So you're either not going to read this or if you do, you'll probably be shit faced (which is how I recommend reading all OFTOT posts). So apologies on the internet probably won't really be worth very much.

Anyways, in honor of actual St. Patty's Day, as opposed to whatever the hell you'd call last Saturday, I've selected five of my favorite Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphy's songs and pasted them below for you. The only advice I can give you about this celebratory day is - drink heavily.

Because corned beef and cabbage tastes like shit when you're sober (Sheperd's Pie, FTW!).

Now, those songs I was talking about...

"Drunken Lullabies" - Flogging Molly


"For Boston" - Dropkick Murphys


"Devil's Dance Floor" - Flogging Molly


"Spicy McHaggis' Jig" - Dropkick Murphys


"Barroom Hero" - Dropkick Murphys


Go Ireland!

And, week in review time...

This week...

1. The Cardinals poached Bryant McFadden

2. I continued to poorly rip on various people and things

3. I got all emo in honor of my 1,000th post (PS - I still owe some of you comments)

4. Brenden Stai's '95 AFC Championship ring showed up at Cash4Gold.com

5. The Bungles finally caught on to OFTOT

6. Willie Colon re-signed. And photoshops of Ben Linus as Bill Belichick (or vice versa)

7. Vegas can't tell Hines Ward from Ray McDonald

8. MEETING PEOPLE IS EASY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

9. I tied the whole week together with a miserable failure of a welcome to the weekend post

Looking at it now, I really thought I wrote a lot more this week. I guess it's just that when there's nothing to write about, every post seems like a Pulitzer Prize winner. Only in the sense that it's an accomplishment to be able to post ANYTHING during the offseason, of course. Not because they were any good.

Anyways, I'm just going to ride out this massive attack on my brain right now and hope that by 7 or 8 tonight I feel like a human being again. Until Monday, kids, keep it real in the city of steel. And try not to fall asleep in any gutters today.

Ok, good talk. See you out there.

Oh right, almost forgot...

/fixed

ADDENDUM...

WTF???

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

OFTOT Week In Review...

You know, every week I sit down here at my laptop on Saturday morning with little to no idea what I'm going to write for the Week In Review. And because I'm an idiot, I actually enjoy this exercise. It forces me to use my creativity and find something of absolute zero consequence to write about that most of you will probably ignore.

Some might say it's an exercise in futility. Others might say that those "some" are a bunch of assholes.

Bottom line - Nobody's right here.

Anyways, the good news is - after I sat down this morning with zero in mind and no good prospects on the horizon, I read that a bunch of dudes moved in free agency and via trades. So now I get to cynically comment on each move.

Should be a pretty good time...

First, and most importantly, Matt Cassel is now a Kansas City Chief. I'm calling this one "Scott Pioli's Revenge." Kind of like Montezuma's revenge, only without the loose bowel movements. Well, I guess I shouldn't say that. It's certainly possible that someone out there has diarrhea over this move. Either way, anytime you're talking about someone who is or once was a Patriot, feces is always an appropriate theme.

How big is this for Kansas City? HUGE.

I shat on Matt Cassel all last year. But the fact is, he wasn't altogether terrible. And they don't even have a running game in New England. Not that KC's running game is any better right now with Larry Johnson's future not set in stone. But provided he could return to form on the field, and stop being a miserable human being off of it, the Chiefs could have a decent offense with Dwayne Bowe still making plays and Tony Gonzalez reluctantly [at the moment] hanging around.

That said, having Randy Moss, Wes Welker and the rest of New England's wide receivers undoubtedly gave Cassel some help that he just won't have in KC. So, who the hell knows?

On another note, how awesome is it that the man who took over for Tom Brady is now teammates with the guy who took down Tom Brady? Pretty awesome, I think.

Second, Albert Haynesworth is now a Washington Redskin. As rich as Daniel Snyder is, I think the government will actually be sending HIM bailout money when he's unable to pay out the $100 million he committed to Albert Haynesworth over the next 7 years. Especially if you consider that the 'Skins also signed Deangelo Hall this week for $55 million, and Derrick Dockery for $26.5 million.

Gotta love that uncapped 2010 season. If this is any indication of what's in store, it sounds like it's going to be a circus show.

Third, Sage Rosenfels is now a Minnesota Viking. I'm not sure what else I can say about this that I didn't already say earlier this week. If this is Brad Childress' plan for the Vikings, someone oughta make sure he's got his resume updated on Monster.com.

Sage Rosenfels? I mean, I kind of shat on Lord Byron's chances of signing as a starter elsewhere, but I would take Byron over Sage effing Rosenfels every day of the week. Or how about Jeff Garcia?

Of course, now that I say that, Rosenfels will probably make the Pro Bowl or something. Whatever.

And last but certainly not least, the Cleveland Browns traded the Soldier, K2, to Tampa for undisclosed draft picks. I like to call this one "Cleaning Up Phil Savage's Mess."

Why? Well, think about it.

So far this week we've heard that Mangina and Kokinis are not super hot on Brady Quinn, and that their major 2008 offseason acquisition, Shaun Rogers, wants out of Cleveland. Now, they had to trade one of their best offensive players to Tampa for draft picks, because Phil Savage traded all of their valuable picks away to get Brady Quinn and Shaun Rogers (Corey Williams too).

The irony is palpable.

Sometimes I almost feel sorry for Browns fans. But then I remember that I'm a dick.

Anyways, there were numerous other moves, including Bart Scott and Stacy Andrews moving out of the AFC North, and Dominique Foxworth moving in, but I'm tired of talking about this, and you probably stopped reading after the first paragraph about Matt Cassel. So I think it's time to just get down to business.

With that in mind, I give you this week's feats of strength...I mean, OFTOT news.

This week we...

1. Babbled on about ridiculous things like The Oscars, pictures of dudes with their thumbs up and the NFL combine...

2. Had some fun with random headlines...

3. Expounded upon plans for the eventual new and improved One For The Other Thumb...

4. Sarcastically related OFTOT's State of the Union...

5. Made fun of how young Benny looked in this article from 2001...

6. Reported that Santonio waived his right to a preliminary hearing and that this move was completely irrelevant. Also, that Jeff Reed is a dick...

7. I'll let my headline speak for me - "This Colon Refuses to Be Cleansed"...

8. Used Jeff Saturday as an excuse to screw around with Photoshop and YouTube. Fun times all around...

9. Said goodbye to Kendall Simmons American Idol style, with a slideshow of failures set to Daniel Powter's "You Had A Bad Day"...

10. Met some cool ass new friends...

11. Reported that Kemo loves Pittsburgh. And also that he re-signed with the Steelers for 5 more years...

A lot of dicking around with current affairs this week, by the way. Which I'm kind of into. Of course, Steelers news will always take precedent here. But not if it's something like Mike Tomlin taking a dump on Larry Zierling's desk. That kind of shit, pun intended, is better left undiscussed. That and anything equivalent, like mock drafts.

It's pushing 2:30 in the afternoon now, and I'm already tired. So I'm going to go take a nap. And by "take a nap," of course I mean read 200 pages of material for next week's classes and write a paper. It just doesn't get any better than that on a Saturday, does it?

As usual, unless something life changing happens before Monday, this'll do it for the week of February 22-28 on OFTOT. I'll see y'all on Monday for another exciting week of words that mean nothing.

Cheers, kids!

PS - The toilet humor infused throughout this post was completely unintentional. It is nice to know that I'm subconsciously consistent, though.

Shit, I almost forgot! Malkin...

SNIPER.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

OFTOT Week In Review...

As I sit here writing this, it is now approximately 11:55 AM on Saturday morning. I've been up since 8:30 and so far all I've done is put together a preliminary draft of an employment agreement. Which is to say that I have yet to contribute anything of any value to the world at large. But let's be honest, that just means that today is no different from any other day in my 20-some odd year existence.

You know what's a good word?

"Fracas." +1 to the Associated Press for this one. It beats the hell out of "Steelers Kicker Jeff Reed Pleads Guilty to Misdemeanor Charges." Gag me. I stopped reading after "Steelers Kicker..."

Which reminds me - some of you may have heard/read that former SI and now ESPN personality, Rick Reilly has a relatively significant distaste for bloggers. His problem, which places him among a large chorus of traditional journalists, is that blogs don't "follow the rules."

I read somewhere this week that he said he was always taught that you had 800 words and not to waste them on long sentences separated by copious commas, or parens with amusing but unnecessary additional commentary.

Well I say, who gives a shit? Good for you. So you stick to your 800 words and I'll stick to my blatant assault on the traditional English rules of grammar. But that's no reason not to like an entire class of people. I mean, I know 99.9% of what's out there on blogs is unreadable, believe me. But what do you care, Rick? People still respect you (some do, at least) as an award-winning writer; someone who has built quite a career for himself, and someone who gets handsomely compensated for it.

He also said blogs hate everyone. I believe the direct quote included something about Jesus scoring a ridiculous game winning TD (or some other ridiculous premise involving Jesus) and bloggers still hating on him.

Yeah, Rick. You're probably right about that. But you wanna know why that is? Bloggers write because they have a passion (at least real ones do). So usually they're either going to really like something or really hate it. There's limited gray area, but the bulk of what gets written is one individual's gut reaction to whatever the hell is going on in the world. We don't get "assignments." Frankly, I'll be honest, I'd probably have a pretty hard time writing anything I could be proud of about something I couldn't give two shits about. Of course, you know, if you're offering compensation, we can talk.

Anyways, this whole MSM vs. Blogger thing is just ridiculous. I feel like most bloggers, whether they want to admit it or not, respect the so-called "traditional journalists." I know I do. But it gets harder to respect a group of people when they continue to protest the current reality of the "editorial" world and insult those who might otherwise read and enjoy their writing.

It ain't just about you anymore, dudes. Get the net. The people want what you've got AND they want what we've got. And it's not even ALL people, either. So whatev. Just shrug it off. Who cares? After all, you're the one with the nice mansion and hot ass wife, living the good life up in suburban Connecticut. Am I wrong, Rick Reilly?

Someday I'd love it if we could all just get along. But then, I suppose that makes me sound like a friggin' hippy. Gayness.

Where was I headed with this?

Ah yes, the week in review. I knew there was a point to this post.

This week we talked about a number of basically irrelevant things, including...

1. Jeff Reed's St. Valentine's Day Massacre of a paper towel dispenser at the New Alexandria Sheetz...

2. The Pens giving HCMT the proverbial boot...

3. Numerous innocent headlines that I felt needed to be shit on...

4. Some Steeler who apparently thought that Leftwich should have been starting over Ben in December. Alternatively, some Steeler who is clearly smoking drugs...

5. Quite possibly the best picture ever...

6. The continued disregard for my dubious intellectual property rights in "One For The Other Thumb"...

7. A new site feature and some classic Wayne's World moments...Wait, is this a Steelers blog? I forget...

8. Steroids. Kill me.

9. DINOSAURS!

10. Max Starks getting tagged and PAID, which apparently no one besides me cared about...some fans y'all are...

11. The first MPIE of the 2009 offseason...

12. We began the week with news about Jeff Reed, and we ended the week with news about Jeff Reed...not to mention a solid rendition of the "You know how I know you're gay" scene from the 40-year-old Virgin...

And that just about wraps it up for this week at OFTOT.

Other than that, keep your beverages cold, your company warm, and your mind limber. Until Monday, or the next time something interesting happens, whichever comes first, take 'er easy, dudes and dudettes. I know that you will.

OFTOT Week In Review...

Valentine's Day, what a crock.

Oh, this is the one day of the year I'm supposed to show how much I love my wife/girlfriend/whatever? Um, am I not supposed to do that every day of the year? What the hell do I need with a holiday specifically to display my love for the person I'm with? Oh, right, now I remember - all the card companies, the florists, the candy companies, all need some love too. Why don't we just call it "National Support Commerce Day?"

In case you couldn't guess, I'm pretty jaded about VD Day. I've never really understood it. But that didn't stop me from putting together a list of my top 10 love songs. Yeah, I may not like the holiday, but I'll use any excuse I can to throw some music up here. So, being that it's some sort of day of love, feel free to listen to any or all of these sweet ballads whilst reviewing the week here at OFTOT.

Here they are, in reverse order...

10. "Unchained Melody" - Righteous Brothers

Super gay song, but hey, it's a classic. I don't really have much to say about this. It was written way before my time and I've only heard of it really because of the fact that it was in the movie, Ghost. Embarrassing admission #1278 - I've seen the movie Ghost. Doesn't mean I liked it...

9. "November Rain" - Guns N Roses

There was a time when Axel Rose rocked. This was it. This song and video was the best, man. Slash is the dude.

8. "Every Breath You Take" - The Police

Let's be honest, if this didn't make the list, you couldn't take it seriously. Come on, tell me you don't love The Police?

7. "Right Here Waiting" - Richard Marx

I hate you, Richard Marx. I can't believe I'm putting you on this list. This song is the worst, man.

6. "Love of a Lifetime" - Firehouse

Did Firehouse even have any other hits? I don't imagine they'd have to, after this business. Super sappy, but still awesome.

5. "With or Without You" - U2

Back when U2 wrote good music, this was a solid love tune. I can't tell you how many times I've jammed out to this in my car.

4. "True Love Waits" - Radiohead

You may not have ever heard this song. I'm not sure they ever released it on an album. Nevertheless, it's probably my favorite Radiohead song of all time. For several reasons, not the least of which is the person who introduced me to it. And that's all I've got to say about that.

3. "Bed of Roses" - Bon Jovi

Man, it was tough choosing between this and "Always." "Always" is a good jam, but I didn't think it quite measured up to the sappiness of "Bed of Roses." I remember when this shit came out. I thought Jon Bon Jovi was the biggest pussy. But at that time, no one had introduced me to Slippery When Wet or New Jersey yet. So I didn't really know the truth. Bon Jovi is bad ass.

2. "I'll Catch You" - The Get Up Kids

The Get Up Kids are one of my favorite bands of all time. I cherish their entire catalog. This song is from arguably their most successful album - "Something to Write Home About," which is pretty epic and if you've never heard it, you should definitely make firm plans to in the near future. Anyways, I think the song title says it all.

1. "For Me This Is Heaven" - Jimmy Eat World

"Can you still feel the butterflies" is perhaps the most quoted lyric in my lexicon of good song lyrics. It doesn't sound like much out of context, but listen to the song and listen for that line. You'll understand what I'm sayin'. I'm not sure I can adequately state how much I love this song.

And here are 2 bonus tracks, because I make the rules...

"Konstantine" - Something Corporate

Unfortch, I can no longer listen to this song because it reminds me of things I don't want to be reminded of, but it's an amazing song and I used to love it. It's a little whiny, but hey, it's emo. What else do you expect? Try not to hold that against it.

"I Miss You" - Bryan Fenkhart

This is another amazing jam from a little known artist that of all people, the chick who did my last tattoo recommended to me. It's only a clip of the song, but if you like it, I strongly urge you to download the whole album on iTunes. It's fantastic.

I don't know why I didn't just put those two in the list. Whatev.

Now, for the week in review...

This week we...

1. Watched SNL do a weak parody of Silverback and laughed at the show's irrelevancy...

2. Struggled to find Steelers related news to discuss, opting instead for making fun of random people...

3. Chris Jericho is a dick...

4. Ripped on the octuplet Mom like 80 times in the AFC North Headlines of the Day (I may have to rename this for the offseason)...

5. Some of us discussed the Steelers free agency sitch...some of us took a nap, apparently...

6. Heard Brett Favre announce his retirement...for at least a few months...

7. I wrote a rap about Silverback...never a good sign...

8. Got to know me a bit better in lieu of Meeting People Is Easy (which will be back next week...e-mail me if you want to be on the panel)...

9. Capped off, or at least I thought we'd capped off, the week with a little Outside Providence...

10. Discovered a ridic video of two Point Park chicks dancing to that God awful Steeler Ladies song...

And that was all she wrote for this week, folks.

Administrative Matters = If you haven't become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, now's as good a time as any. And while you're at it, don't forget to join the blog network and follow OFTOT on Twitter. Plus, friend my ass...you know, if you feel like it.

Lastly, despite how I may feel about this joke of a holiday, I hope y'all have a Happy Valentines Day and that of all times, you don't take your wife, husband, fiancee, significant other or whatever for granted today. Be thankful for the love you share and for Christ's sake, celebrate this thing the right way. I think you know what I'm referring to...

Screw Virginia, OFTOT is for lovers. And don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise...

OFTOT Week In Review...

This just in, an update on Cheech Marin Michael Phelps...

Yeah, no. That isn't even funny. I should never have even made the joke.

Honestly, I've had enough of that story to last me a lifetime. I can only hope that none of his other sponsors drop him, lest we be made to suffer the pain of having to listen to every news outlet from here to Zimbabwe discuss the moral underpinnings of smoking a little Mary Jane at a College party for another week. By the way, Michael - next time someone catches you smoking grass, I recommend using the Bill Clinton defense...repeat after me, "I didn't inhale."

But I digress.

Some of the garbage that gets written on these here internets, man, I can't even tell you. I never used to read a lot of blogs. When I first started this thing, really it was just Deadspin for me. And for a long time, things progressed that way. I, of course, always followed the Pittsburgh sports blogs. But like, in terms of general sports blogs, which tend to be the most prevalent, I didn't read too many of them until maybe last August?

Don't get me wrong, now I'm a blog reading machine; a fact you might have gathered from the copious links in the AFC North Headline of the Day posts. But I never started this bad boy to be part of the sports blogosphere. It's been a nice byproduct, but my original intention was just to create a place where eventually I could discuss the Steelers and related topics with other fans like myself from the far corners of the country. Hell, the Earth! I don't discriminate. Unless you're French.

Anyways, nowadays, you wouldn't even believe some of the crap that gets links around here. Like, I know we're all a bunch of degenerate idiots in our parents basements wearing bathrobes over our boxer shorts, but Jesus. Standards. It's good to have them.

I, personally, blame this on the internets themselves. I mean, at this point, any clown can start their own sports blog if they've got a laptop, a friend who knows Photoshop and a will to mass email every blog entry they ever write to other bloggers, annoying the shit out of them, in an attempt to get links (though this practice is ok in moderation). So what else should we expect? If Al Gore did not bestow upon us this gift of epic proportions that you and I are currently enjoying, then we wouldn't have this problem.

Either way, for no particular reason, I thought I'd make a few snarky remarks about blogging before I dive right into the Week in Review. Read 'em if you like. And if you don't, well then, that's just like, your opinion, man.

Let the observations begin...

People who drop "my readers" regularly, just stop. I see no valid reason for you to ever say "my readers' in a post unless you're trying to imply that you're somehow above your so-called "readers," which, face it, you are not. You write a blog. Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Apparently there are some formulas that some bloggers seem to think will always work. One of my favorites is - "Remember this asshole no one cared about from 1987?" You couldn't have cared less about him then, and if I didn't write about him, you wouldn't care about him now, but since I have, you might as well read it and remember how little you care about his existence. Good work. You get dressed all by yourself too? This formula is only appropriate if you've located Amos Zereoue and had drinks with him. Still can't believe that happened.

When someone says they "didn't (or don't) have time to post," there is most likely a 90% chance that what they're really saying is, "I'm too uncreative and lazy to think of anything remotely original to write, and have not committed myself to providing consistently decent content." Seriously, that's a cop out. I worked 40 hours a week, went to law school at night, spent all of my weekends studying, and I still managed to get through a five month long season, posting three times a day. Plus, I blog throughout the entire offseason, when the biggest news items are usually something like Big Ben going to Switzerland. Don't pretend to be trying when you're not. That's an insult to all of us. Punch yourself in the face.

If you're a newer blog, don't come to my blog and post your URL in the comments. If what you're writing is actually decent, people (including me) will eventually find it. When you're here, you're on my turf. If you feel like you've written something readable that you want me to link to, rock on. But send that shit to my inbox. Don't try and poach people from my comments. That's just the wrong way to go about it. You're either part of this community or you're not.

Finally, if you're going to blog, put some personality into it. Anyone can read a newspaper if they want unbiased, journalistic reporting. Blogs are interesting because they're someone's actual opinion or random thought process. At least that's how I feel about it. I want jokes. I want creativity. I want to know that you have an actual desire to add something to the blogging world, rather than just regurgitate what you read in the Post-Gazette. This is 2009. Get your mind right.

But hey, that all said, I'm a blogger too. What the hell do I know?

And now that we've got that out of the way, on to the Week in Review.

This week, we...

1. Posted up the final [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show of the season. And I cried a little...

2. Gameday poem + The Wood Photoshop + Are You There God, It's Me Benjamin = Super Bowl...

3. Celebrated the Steelers Super Bowl victory by encouraging you to make out with strangers...

4. News Flash: Crying about the refs is the new black...

5. Witnessed Domski shirtless, imitating Lebron James? Whatev. Steelers won the Super Bowl. I'm ok with it...

6. There are now four certainties in life I can point to - Death, Taxes, The Cleveland Browns sucking and every douchebag fan base coming out of the woodwork, guns blazing, when the Steelers win the Super Bowl...

7. Got a couple of headlines in this week...

8. What can I say about the Outtake Reel that hasn't already been said about the movie, Weekend at Bernie's...

9. Browns fan encourages Cardinals fans to make white trash jokes about Steelers fans. Steelers fans give Browns fan the business...

10. Doug Legursky, secured!

11. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry over the fact that Jeff Reed and Mitch Berger have a choreographed dance. If any of you ever see this thing and can get me either pictures or video, I'll give you a huge high five...

12. Hawaii is for lovers...

13. Chips, Chips, Chips, Chips!

News articles of the day to fire you up =
1. Whatever the hell is going on, here. I thought I had a handle on it...I don't. I hate Jacksonville.

2. According to this dude, the Steelers "will never be America's Team." As if we cared about that dumb shit in the first place. Oh, so "America's Team" is the team that boasts the most revenue from jersey sales? Who knew? Yeah, you're right. Money means everything...idiot.

Random joke of the day = You know how you know when you need to get your life together? When your TV spends three plus hours stuck on WE TV. I wish I was joking.

Song of the day = "Carwars" by Funeral Party.

I've been meaning to post this for a while. At first, I wasn't into this song. I really wanted to be, though, because they recorded their upcoming EP at The Mars Volta's studio, and let's face it, The Mars Volta is legendary. So I gave it a few more chances and eventually it's grown on me. In any case, feel free to give it a listen. And if you want more info, check out their Myspace page. They're touring with ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead starting February 19 in Dallas, and their EP will be out April 21st. Rock 'n roll. PS - If you want the actual mp3, email me (onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com).

And lastly, today marks the day of birth of one Bob [last name redacted], King of all Steelers fans...or something like that. Bob is Tec's best buddy from St. Vincent and an all around fantastic individual. Bob, I hope you drink yourself silly with $1 drafts. Put some Metallica on the jukebox and win a shuffleboard game for me, big guy.

This one's for Bob...

Sixburgh, people.

OFTOT Week In Review - Super Bowl Week ...

First things first - it literally took me 43 minutes to wash my dishes this morning. Which raises two issues...

1. Clearly I need to either do dishes more often or just start throwing them out when they're dirty in favor of buying new ones.

2. Is this an omen?

Furthermore, Domski was at the Farmer's Market this afternoon and spotted some Amish in Steelers jerseys. Which is cool, but even more importantly, he pulled the number 86 two separate times. Now that's awesome.

Nerves have been higher than Robert Downey Jr. on a Saturday night, all week. And no day was this more apparent than yesterday. I was in one of the saltiest moods of all time, but so were a lot of other fans I talked to. It's like the closer we get to the game, the more on edge we are. Weird. Who knew?

But at least it's Saturday and the game is now only one day away. Today shouldn't be altogether awful. Tomorrow will be the real challenge. Waking up, knowing that at 6:30 the game will kick off and the Steelers will once again be playing for the World Championship of football, will make the day go by about as quickly as Byron Leftwich runs.

Tec and I taped the show last night. We talked a little bit about the game, but mostly we just watched and reminisced about Super Bowl XL. What a game! What a win! If you're looking for something to do today or tomorrow, I strongly suggest you go back and watch XL again, if you've got the DVD (which frankly is a must have, if you're a Steelers fan).

3rd and 28 = Ridic.

Still, maybe you don't wanna do that, but you do wanna do something to pass the time, lest ye go batshit crazy with anticipation. Well, rather than turn to the bottle or something (which, of course is also totally acceptable and even encouraged), here are 43 things you can do to keep yourself preoccupied leading up to tomorrow evening. In no particular order, they are...

1. Do this and share your answers

2. Read up on how to get yourself out of quicksand

3. Watch and copiously re-watch Sid's goal from the other night against the Rangers...


4. Feed your ears with the sweet sounds of Indiana, PA expats, Myzewell

5. Familiarize yourself with the song catalog of Neil Diamond

6. Watch some porn (and if that doesn't relax you, I can't help you)

7. Read Sean's interview with the fake Brian St. Pierre

8. Work on your Wii Tennis aptitude...


9. Read all the ridiculous troll comments on this video

10. Send Bill Plaschke hate mail for writing this article two days before the game

11. Caption this photo...


12. Respond to all the emails you didn't get to this week (PS - To everyone I haven't gotten back to yet, I am so sorry! It's been a real rough week.)

13. Watch any of the following pre-approved, Cotter endorsed cinematic classics: The Big Lebowski, Outside Providence, Kingpin, Out Cold, Wayne's World, Wayne's World 2, Beavis and Butthead Do America,

14. Update your Match.com profile

15. Make your video application for The Real World Season 23

16. Start following OFTOT on Twitter

17. Learn to cook, you degenerate

18. Listen to the sweet, soothing sound of Myron's voice...I miss him [sad face with tear]

19. Offer to bang someone's wife in exchange for Super Bowl tickets...on Craigslist, of course

20. Figure out how to properly spell Big Ben's last name (even though you should have done this five years ago)


21. Throw Lindsay Lohan's dad a bone and get her to break up with bull dyke Samantha Ronson

22. Check out the first Steelers rap I've ever heard...


23. Try and guess how many cosmetic surgeries Brenda Warner's had...


24. Buy yourself a URL or two. Or buy some of Doug's adventures in apparel

25. Go to Feinberg's and load up on some last minute Steelers schwag...


26. Learn to spell Pittsburgh...


27. Start a blog and write about 43 things to do instead of obsessing about the game

28. Steal this guy and send him to Hoboken, NJ, c/o Cotter...


29. Take a long ass snooze...


30. Reminisce about playing video games in your friends Mom's 1980's style conversion van...


31. Go on a hugging spree...


32. Read up on Jeff Reed's superstitions. Conspicuously absent - Not drinking the week leading up to the Super Bowl. Shocker.

33. Research the cure for cancer

34. Watch old episodes of the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show...yes, shameless plug, I know. Deal with it.

35. Help Tiny strategize for her Adventures in Crossword Puzzles on the train

36. Read Holly's fake Corrections post

37. Look at how cute Kirschke's little guy is...


38. Annoy your friends by sending them 50,000 Facebook app requests

39. Enroll in Yoga classes. Ben can provide a recommendation...


40. Figure out a Rubik's Cube

41. Check out Jim Shearer and friends' Super Bowl song...


42. Channel and indulge your inner Spielberg...



43. Get fired up reliving your memories of Super Bowl XL in pictures...

The line for Sports Rock at around 11:30.


This could've easily happened at like 3:30 in the afternoon.


Toasting Heinz Field right before kickoff!

What a time!

Unreal Expectation of the day = The Allegheny County Airport Authority telling Steelers fans not to go to the airport to welcome the team back, win or lose tomorrow. Yeah, right. Good luck with that. I'd mobilize some extra hands if I were you. You know, just in case...

Heartwarming story of the day that will make you cry = Four kids from the Children's Hospital in Oakland are going to the Super Bowl...

"It's not just going to the Super Bowl. It's that these kids can go at all."

"Just to know that he can go and enjoy and he has the capacity to walk and talk, and think and speak, and all that good stuff...It's just indescribable - hope happens!"

Hope happens, indeed! Cue the waterworks.

Pictures of the day...

That guy with the smoke hanging out of his mouth looks real classy. Glad to see we're not tarnishing the image of our fanbase down there...


You know why I'm posting this? Because finally Lamarr Woodley is wearing something other than a Tapout shirt. Way to go, Wood. I'm proud of you.

Also, Is that guy in the background drinking an MGD in public? Open container violation city. This is not 'nam, dude. There are rules...

Anyways, as this is the Week In Review post, I suppose I should actually review the week on OFTOT.

Fine.

But I don't have to like it.

This week we...

1. Made Kurt Warner into a Cardinal...like, the clergy kind...you know what I mean

2. Continued to make light of ridiculous headlines and articles from across the world wide web

3. Learned that avid NFL fans are apparently also avid skin care fans

4. Saw the Steelers arrive in Tampa, armed with free camcorders

5. Rich Eisen tried to bogart this blog's namesake...I'm still waiting for my credit

6. Reviewed the distraction provided by 43 Tampa scrip clubs

7. Watched the Cardinals get all handsy with the female members of the media in Tampa

8. Chronicled Day One of Jeff Reed's Super Bowl bender

9. Seriously, the Steelers were all about those free camcorders

10. ESPN was Mickey Mousing around on this one

11. Felt bad for South Park's own Reggie Wells, even though he's a Cardinals captain

12. Shared our respective views on where we'll be watching the game

13. Chronicled Day Two of Jeff Reed's Super Bowl bender

14. Recapped the fake Feel Good Stories of Super Bowl XLIII

15. Spotted Matt Hasslecock in Tampa

16. Provided pictures of the rally for those who couldn't make it to the Burgh

17. Meeting People Is Easy #1...and...Meeting People Is Easy #2

18. Chronicled Day Three of Jeff Reed's Super Bowl bender

And lastly, for the administrative announcements - the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show, Super Bowl edition should be up early afternoon tomorrow. So keep an eye out for that. As will the typical gameday poem post. Unfortch, though, being that this game is pretty damn important, I will not be able to bring myself to liveblog. I have to make sure I have my hands free to wave my towel, eat tons and tons of food that will probably contribute to my early demise and slap hands with Domski and company, hopefully in celebration of a victory.

That all said...

HERE WE GO, STEELERS!!! HERE WE GO!!!


PS - This post took entirely too long to write. And yet, I kind of love it. Hopefully you do too.

OFTOT Week In Review - Playoffs Week 4...

Big Dilemma = Where to watch the Super Bowl?

Options = Tampa, Pittsburgh, Hoboken, Manhattan, Delaware

Tampa
Iron City being flown in is a definite plus. But it's awesomeness is significantly outweighed by the fact that there ain't no way in hell I can afford a ticket to the game. And paying for a plane ticket to fly to a place I really couldn't care less about doesn't sound too appealing either. Unless there will be hot chicks. But I doubt there would be enough to sway me. They do have some excellent Buffalo Grouper sandwiches and She-Crab Soup in Clearwater, though.

Likelihood = about as likely as Romeo Crennell dropping 50 pounds

Pittsburgh
Domski and I were there for Super Bowl XL. We went to Sports Rock. We got there at like 11:45 AM, they didn't open until like 12:30 and there was a line around the block. Then, once we got inside, at like 12:45 mind you, all the good spots in the bar were taken. So we were forced to set up shop in the middle of the floor of the upstairs bar. We turned a trash can upside down and got a large serving tray to put on top and that was our home base all day. Needless to say, hanging out in a bar for like six hours before the game even started, every minute of which was filled with anticipation, was not exactly ideal. At least there was beer.

When the Steelers won, after our initial rioting at the bar, we took our act to Carson St. Big mistake. Tanks, rubber bullets, pepper spray, it was snowing, and all the bars closed. Failblog.

It was a great time that I'll never forget. But it also involved the good six hour drive from Hoboken to Pittsburgh and the good six hour drive back. Driving + No Money = Eek.

Likelihood = about as likely as a winning season for the Pirates

Hoboken
When you're a single dude, watching the Super Bowl at home is about as lame as it gets. Unless you've got a good party planned or something, which I do not. The only reason I'd even consider being this gay is that I watched both playoff games from here and liveblogged both. I'm a superstitious guy, and departing from "tradition" for the Super Bowl seems precarious. But I did it for Super Bowl XL and look how that worked out. So basically, what I'm saying is...

Likelihood = slightly better than the chance that Domski will actually drink a beer

Manhattan
Good bars. Good chicks. Good friends. You really can't go wrong with Manhattan...like, pretty much ever. But $5-$6 beers and the good chance that win or lose, I'd have to throw down with some idiots that wanna shit on the Steelers makes it somewhat less attractive. Not to mention, I just think there's something fundamentally odd about watching the Steelers play for the Super Bowl while in the city. That said...

Likelihood = significantly better than Britney Spears' chance of staying clean and sober

Delaware
I can't believe I'm even considering this. The only reason that I am?

This idiot has constrained himself to watching at home...in Delaware.

The downside? Eagles fans. Plus, no potential rioting outside of me running up and down the stairs knocking shit off the walls with my towel. And even then, I'm willing to bet Nicole (the saint who married Domski) would kick my ass. Those pictures look like they took a long time to put up.

Likelihood = Go Eagles

I'm stumped.

Oh well, week in review time, it is...

1. The Show is a good luck charm

2. SUPER BOWL!!! AHHHH!!!! l;aksdfalksndaklndfgs

3. Some headlines were dissected or something like that

4. You voted for the Presidency, now vote Tomlin for 2008 Coach of the Year!

5. Another ridic Outtake Reel

6. Amateurs, dude

7. Terrible Towel chocolate bars. Solid.

8. Jeff Reed's hair is out of hand.

9. Chances that we'll hear whining about Super Bowl XL just got a lot better

10. Hines isn't screwing around with this injury. Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber. Bonus.

11. The obligatory and infamous Meeting People Is Easy

12. Rounded out the week with some caption fun

As for the riffs, I took that link I put up in yesterday's AFC North Headline of the Day and sent it to all my friends to find out what song was #1 on the days they were born, and posted all their results here. Feel free to check that out.

Apologies for the bush league attempt at humor this week. I just can't muster the strength to be funny this morning. This blog is seriously cutting into my study time already. Cut me.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't already done so, support my ass on Twitter. Whoa, that sounded kind of dirty. You know what? Don't worry about it. Just do it.

OFTOT Week In Review - Playoffs Week 3...

Domski is in the house and not drinking. No time to talk.

Blah blah, week in review...

1. Benny the Blade

2. Ravens hatred via the AFC North Headlines of the Day

3. THE Show and Outtake reel

4. Ray Lewis eats babies

5. 1998 Starting Lineup Jerome Bettis action figure = best gift ever

6. Injury report

7. Fun with pictures from last weekend

8. Know your enemy

9. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

10. Comparing the Steelers and Ravens numbers

11. Meeting People Is Easy

12. What do you have in YOUR Steelers room?

13. Rounding it out with the Rally

Show will be up around Noon tomorrow if all goes to plan. Liveblog should be fired up by 5:30. Be there or be a Ravens fan.

Unfortunately no Riffs this week. Maybe if I get a moment later. But if you're really thirsty for tunes, feel free to peruse the week over at Friday Morning Riffs.

And finally, thanks to whoever emailed this to me...


China's fired up.

Go Eagles.

OFTOT Week In Review - Playoffs Week 2...

Splitsville city. Population: Sarah Jessica Parker? Yeah, this has nothing to do with the Steelers or this blog. I just wanted to put something completely unnecessary here to keep y'all on your toes. You're welcome.

Anyways, check this out. So I was just screwing around on Facebook, both because I'm a huge nerd and because my brain just can't handle any heavy lifting right now. And just out of curiosity, I decided to search for Bruce Arians. I mean, I pretty much know every other Steeler has a fan page. So I figured Arians might too. He did not. BUT what I did find were the following groups, to which I've provided links just in case you'd like to join their cause:

FIRE BRUCE ARIANS (120 members)...solid group image as well...


Bruce Arians has to go (64 members)

FIRE STEELERS OC BRUCE ARIANS!! (64 members)

Fire Bruce Arians! (85 members)...and just check out the group's image.

Amazing

Fire Bruce Arians (20 members)

Fire Bruce Arians! (16 members)

Steelers fans who want Bruce Arians head on a stick (11 members)...ridic name, dudes

Fire Bruce Arians (4 members)

Bruce Arians is Dreadful (2 members)

Fire Bruce Arians!! (41 members)

For all y'all keeping score at home, that's 427 individuals, comprising 10 groups that want BA gone. Needless to say this isn't the biggest surprise. I mean I think BA is about as popular as R Kelly at Chucky Cheese. I wonder if Arians ever Googles himself...Whatever. Who cares?

Also, just for the hell of it, here are some other links you should get in your life...

• Offensive Line: Steelers' blockers choose to meet on own time
• Holly's got a ridic picture of Brett Favre and Tinkerbell
• Trash Talk Heats Up Among Steelers-Chargers Fans
• Sleepover of the Damned Pool - Week 2
• Jagr would come back to the Pens?

And finally, here are two reasons why I wish I was going to tomorrow's game:

1. 4:30 - National anthem sung by multi-platinum rock band STYX with military flyover

2. 4:40 - Coin toss with honorary co captain Jerome Bettis

Here we go, Styx! Here we go!


Now, for the OFTOT week in review. This week we...

1. In honor of our battle with San Diego tomorrow, I dedicated the Electric Slide to Sandy Domski...

2. Ripped out some Headlines of the day...

3. Celebrated Silverback's Defensive Player of the Year Award...

4. Watched Ben back in action, looking like he shit his pants...

5. Phillip Rivers is a fruit salad...

6. Highlighted the requisite bitching about players who did NOT win Defensive Player of the Year...

7. Vincent Jackson rode dirty and got caught...will probably still play Sunday...garbage...

8. Watched Terry Bradshaw pull a Joe Namath...

9. Pay no attention to this blog philosophy nonsense...

10. My personal favorite was the steel cage cock fight...

11. Answered the really tough questions...

12. Juxtaposed Sunny San Diego with Snowy Pittsburgh...

And for all you music lovers, here's your weekly traditional Friday Morning Riffs post. Plus, be sure to check out all the songs myself and my fellow "DJs" (Tec and Sheena, mostly) selected pursuant to the theme, "Songs involving days of the week." Bay City Rollers, FTW!

Show should be up and fabulous by Noon-ish tomorrow, depending on how much Tec and I drink at Matt's show tonight (Huckleberry Bar, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, 10 PM, get on it). Liveblog? Right now I place it at about an 80% chance. It's obviously more than likely, but as Anthony Smith could tell you...


Be safe out there, kids. Nobody's drinking.

Tomorrow, this shit is on.

Here we go, Steelers! Here we go!

OFTOT Week In Review - Playoffs Week 1...

Hey, so no Steelers game this weekend. Weird.

But at least we've got some interesting games to take in, beginning with Falcons-Cards today at 4:30. Well, ok, the interesting games really start tonight at 8 with Indy-San Diego, but technically there is something resembling a game on at 4:30.

In advance of this, my buddy Holly, who you may remember has been part of MPIE on numerous occasions in the past, put together a little playoff pick 'em pool type deal and was kind enough to include me.

So I figured I'd share my picks and justifications with y'all just for shits and giggles. And I'd love to know your picks in the comments.

In chronological order, here they are...

Arizona vs. Atlanta
You know who wins here? Nobody. Not either team, and certainly not the people watching this one who aren't Falcons or Cardinals fans. So I'm taking a pass. Just kidding, I'll take the Cardinals. Why the eff not? Kurt Warner is old.

Indy vs. San Diego
Indy, because it's Holly's team. Kidding [emoticon winking]! I just have a feeling that ol Norv Turner's still got a little failure left in him for 2009. Plus, I hate Philip Rivers (I know, who doesn't?). Oh, and also Peyton Manning's commercials dominate your life. And lastly, this...


Baltimore vs. Miami
Dolphins because I'm a Steelers fan. So that's strike one for the Ravens. Also, should the Dolphins win, the Steelers would automatically play them in the next round, and I like those odds. That's strike two, you STD carrying assholes. And finally, Ray Lewis is an effing dick. Strike three! Eat it, old-Browns! Having said that, it wouldn't surprise me if the score ends up being something like Ravens Defense, 800 - Chad Pennington, 0. So take that for what it's worth. And my sincerest apologies to any Ravens fans whose delicate sensibilities I've offended with my colorful language and unnecessary level of anger.

Philly vs. Minnesota
Ok, one of two things will happen here. Either the Eagles will win decisively, because the Vikings have approximately 0 Offense outside of Adrian Peterson, and the Eagles run D is pretty solid. Or, Donovan McNabb turns the ball over like six times in the first half and at that point, the whole thing is moot. Eagles and a 1/5 of Vodka so I can get this bitter taste out of my mouth.

So now that you know where I stand, let's review OFTOT's editorial endeavors of the Post-Season Week 1. This week, we...

1. Shared a laugh over Cleveland's firings...

2. Recapped last Sunday's dominance over the Browns...

3. Poked fun at the division and even opened it up to the rest of the NFL...

4. Attempted to caption the ridiculousness of one Ravens fan who looked like Baltimore's answer to Harry Potter...

5. Are you there, God? It's me, Benjamin.

6. Marveled at Alan Faneca's beautiful mustache...

7. Reviewed a years worth of OFTOT's "Best Photoshops"

8. New Year, New MPIE panel...

9. I shared some of my feelings on Hoboken and dog shit...

10. I alerted y'all to the "healthy" debate going on over at YouTube between Titans and Steelers fans...

And in case you missed it yesterday, the riffs now have a new home on these here internets - their very own, brand spanking new, blog. So here's this week's traditional riffs post for you to enjoy.

I think it goes without saying that there will be no liveblog or show this week, since, you know, the Steelers aren't even playing. But never you fear, next week we should have a special playoff edition of the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show and perhaps a little liveblog action.

Until Monday, keep it real, kids. I'll just be anchoring myself to my couch now.

Cheers!