OFTOT's Steelers Gameday Liveblog...

It's 12:45, do you know where your children Tobiathan is?

Well, that'd be right here at OFTOT, ready to pump out serious liveblog. As always, we hope you sincerely enjoy!

Let's do this thing...

[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Week 7...

Show secured! And with time to spare...

This week we continued our domination, eradicating both your brain cells AND a bunch of pesky flies that found their way into my apartment.

As usual, we sincerely hope you enjoy!

And the Outtake Reel [will be fixed shortly]...


[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show. Week 7 [PSAMP]

OFTOT Week In Review - Week 7...

Man, I am DOMINATING some mozzarella sticks right now. I can't even tell you how awesome they are. I f'ing love mozzarella sticks. I mean, they're just so good I can't even describe it. Like, whoever thought of frying up some oblong shaped pieces of mozzarella cheese is a god damned genius.

I'll bet it was Einstein, man. That dude knew his shit, let me tell you. The theory of relativity, dude? Brilliant. I mean, I can't tell you what it is or even what substantive area of the sciences it is derived from, but I can tell you it's absolutely, categorically brilliant. This is the type of mind we need to get working on our so-called "financial crisis."

And since we're talking about it...you know what? I've got an idea, man. How about we just crush that whole stock market thing? I mean, I'm not using it. Are you? Screw it. All it is is speculation. These idiots go research companies, project what said companies' financial results and profitability will be and throw money at whomever comes out highest in the black. What the eff do we need that for? How about we go back to making money the old way - private ownership.

But hey listen, what do I know? I'm a blogger. And a bad one, at that. So I certainly can't be trusted to solve any kind of financial boondoggle. I can't even solve my own. I'm currently worth negative money. I've got so much debt that I pretty much have no choice but to become really really ridiculously wealthy so I can hope to purchase a home before I'm 65. Oh well, I should probably worry about getting a girlfriend first, anyhow.

Now the real question is, how did I begin this post? Do you even remember? Yep, mozzarella sticks...to Einstein...to solving the financial snafu...to me someday becoming really really ridiculously wealthy. I can only hope my life will actually play out like this.

But that's the future. Right now, I'm a poorly paid, stressed out, sleep deprived, debt ridden worker/student who spends his "free time" typing on his blog and making little pregame tea party videos with his good friend on Saturday nights when he could be out meeting women. Such is my life.

Anyways, I wrote about some stuff this week. And that stuff included...

1. Rehdogg is the greatest of all time (watch out for the kiddies if you play this...Lori)...

2. Last weekend in the NFL was sickening...

3. Yep, still shitting on the rest of the division...EVERY. DAY.

4. Nine different ways to insult the Cincinnati Bungholes...

5. Tobiathan lamented the return of "Super Bowl" talk to Cleveland...god help us, indeed...

6. I'm like, so over the Wildcat Formation...

7. Chad Johnson is really batshit crazy...I have proof...

8. If you aren't a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, I strongly suggest you become one...and join the OFTOT network...hey, I like meeting people...

9. Imaginary conference call involving Roger Goodell, Mike Tomlin and Hines Ward...and hilarity failure ensued...

10. I never thought I'd ever say this, but thank god for Crain's New York Business...Tec and I will be visiting Zereoue's in the near future and will fully get an interview with Amos...mark my words...

11. We got to know some new fine young gentlemen...

12. Cincinnati. Tough game or cakewalk? You decide.

And that's it, kids. The week in a tight little 12 bullet package. I sincerely hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

Come back Sunday and we'll have a new [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show for you by Noon (hopefully), then Tobiathan's liveblog experience during the game. I give you my no money back guarantee that Sunday will be a good day at OFTOT. Hope to see you then!

TTYL
LOL
OMG

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

- Cotter

Queen's City Here We Come...

Cincinnati. What can I say about the Bungles that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? They look bombed out and depleted.

Ok, no seriously. Here's the state of the Bengals - They're 0-6 - despite a few close ones, sans Carson Palmer - sub Ryan Fitzpatrick who may be more suited to attack the MCATs than the Pittsburgh defense; they feature a one-two backfield punch of Chris Perry (averaging a staggering 42 rush yards per game) and Cedric Benson (recently signed off waivers), and an imposing Defense that includes such notable talents as Domata Peko, Rashad Jeanty and Dexter Jackson. So clearly the Steelers will face their toughest test of 2008.

Alright, no, let's get serious. There is no such thing as a sure thing. Especially in the NFL this year. I needn't remind you of last weekend's results as evidence. So while the Bengals, on their face, don't seem to be quite the formidable foe they've been in the past they were in 2005, they've still got some playmakers that we'd be apt to worry about. Mainly - TJ Douchemanzadeh, Chad Johns-circus-show, Chris Henry - The Perpetually-Incarcerated Wonder, Jonathan Joseph (ish), Leon Hall (ish), and Keith Rivers (as much ish as you can give to a 1st round rookie).

And let's not forget that now Willie Parker is out for Sunday, Marvel Smith is more than likely out (sub the 7 million dollar bench warmer man, Max Starks), and Casey Hampton may likely sit this one as well. So we're not exactly in tip-top shape either. We're a handful of sacks away from losing to an 0-6 team vying to replace last year's Dolphins as the league's most worthless franchise. We can NOT let that happen.

The good news is, the Defense is relatively healthy. We're getting Keisel back, although we can't be sure he's 100%. Nick Eason, Travis Kirschke and Chris Hoke been filling in rather well. The linebackers are playing like the ravenous, sack-happy beasts we know they truly are, and Troy looks like a man on fire, and has actually been somewhat vocal to boot. All that notwithstanding, I'm slightly worried about our Corners. Notice I said SLIGHTLY. We know they can play, but the only real weapons Cincy has are really the three aforementioned Wide Receivers. Good news again is that Deshea Townsend should be well rested. So the trio of Face Me Ike, Bryant "Look at my sick goatee" McFadden and Deshea "I ain't done yet" Townsend should be alright. That said, it's something to watch.

In addition, I'll also be watching - Jeff Reed. I know that sounds weird, and NO I don't mean watching him while he photographs his manliness in the hotel bathroom. I mean that left calf he injured in our game against Jacksonville Jagoffville two weeks ago. Tec and I have been very vocal about our expectations for Party Boy Reed, but this injury may be more than any of us are thinking. And there's only one way to find that out. Either way, hopefully he spent the bye week rehabbing and taking it easy rather than refereeing pudding wrestling with Sandy Sanderson at Buckhead's. But I have my doubts about that.

Then there's Nate Washington. And, I mean that in a good way (for the first time). Last game he shined, nabbing six catches for 94 yards and a score. If he can be that reliable on Sunday, and Hines can have the kind of game HE had two weeks ago (7 catches, 90 yards, 1 TD), not to mention hopefully a healthy Santonio, we should have some great success throwing the ball in the absence of Master Fly W Large (Willie Parker for those of you who aren't familiar with the OFTOT preferred nomenclature).

Plus, with Dallas Baker out this week, we just might get our first real taste of what Limas Speed Sweed can do. Arians wants to throw that patented corner of the end zone fade? Who better to chuck it to than a 6'4" 220 lb monster who'll likely be covered by either Simeon Castille (6'0", 195, undrafted free agent) or David Jones (6'0", 196, 2nd year Corner out of Wingate). I would love nothing more than to see Limas Sweed pillage the Bengals secondary. Of course, it's not likely...and frankly, I'd love nothing more than to see ANY of our receivers pillage the Bengals secondary. But I gotta have something to write about. You understand.

So that's my two, three, four (?) cents for whatever they're worth (don't even make the smartass joke). And in case you were wondering, Steely McGnome has predicted Steelers - 34, Bengals - 24.

What do you guys think? Anyone you'll be looking at on Sunday? Any concerns you have? Anybody got any gum?

Let's have it.

Oh, I'll also be watching the benGALs. But not in 'nam while the game is going on, of course...

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Wait a minute, what?

First of all, WHEN and WHY were the Browns ever your "main rival?" State affiliation aside, when was the last time the Browns and Bengals were both good at the same time? Yeah, I don't know either. Though I guess sucking balls at the same time could create a heated rivalry as well.

Second of all, you're just NOW writing about how a "rivalry" was created after that AFC Wild Card game THREE years ago? What were you doing for these past 33 or so months? Blow drying your hair?

All this, AND not to mention the fact that, as the writer points out, the Steelers have won all of the last six meetings between us and the Bangles in Cincy.

Yeah, some rivalry, huh?

Let me tell you something, Bungholes. Between every team in the AFC North there is a rivalry. I can't really point to one specific team that is a "bigger" rival than another. I'd say the Browns for the Steelers, but honestly, that's just now returning to some semblance of a rivalry. I consider the Browns, Bengals and Ravens ALL the Steelers "main rivals." I'll even throw in Jagoffville. Why not?

I, personally, blame all that Cinnamon in the Chili. It's only contributing to the insanity.

These links > Cincinnati Chili...

Injuries...can't live with 'em, and they can't pee standing up...wait, what? [SteelCityInsider]

They're all conspiring against Ocho Cinco [MJD]

Big Ben continues to fund police dogs [Mansfield News-Journal]

Betty White will cut you [The Chief's Forum]

Harvey Bars hates your fantasy league..and I probably do too [Tirico Suave]

Ah yes, and today's Google search is...

Italian guido hairstyle pictures? Well shit, you've come to the right place. I mean we're always talking about that, right? After all this is the "italian guido hairstyle pictures blog." Yeah...right...someone in the Bronx must have been very disappointed when they clicked that link to OFTOT. Oh well, they live in the Bronx. After the Yankees season, this disappointment should pale in comparison.

Meeting People Is Easy...

You know, I love these things. I really do. I love getting to interact with you all and other sports bloggers on a more personal level. Make your "e-cquaintances," learn more about who you are, what you're like as individuals and of course, what you'd say to Pacman Jones if given the chance. Real heavy stuff, you know? I feel quite blessed to be able to do this week in and week out. It's all lots and lots of fun. But these grids are quite possibly the most tedious exercise known to man. Seriously, I mean, I love Photoshop, but I may have to start paying someone to help me with this crap. Maybe The Dude's got some free time.

The things I do for this blog.

Anyways, this week's panel is as esteemed and knowledgeable as ever. Some new faces, some old, some real friggin' old (mostly me). And all of them probably got more sleep than I did this week.

Here they are, in order of appearance...

1. Kevin - Of Barry Melrose Rocks and Fanhouse fame. Carey Price or Martin Brodeur? No question. I probably hate Martin Brodeur more than anyone else on this earth. Carey Price. Come on, now.

2. King Ing - Sports, Crackle, Pop. I'm sorry, did you guys say something? I was busy for a minute there. Oh yeah, all you Pittsburghers out there - King's going to be in Pittsburgh in the near future and needs bar recommendations...perhaps you can help in the comments.

3. Rob Iracane - Walkoff Walk (and of course, taking care of Deadspin's light work). I'm a big fan of doing stuff like this on a regular basis. But I guess I don't need to tell you guys that, do I?

4. Hugging Harold Reynolds - Out there Hugging It Out for the people every damn day. You know, I honestly had never made this connection...I think I may be the only one.

5. Vern - You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad. If you're at work, don't even bother clicking that link. Wait 'til no one can accidentally see you reading a blog post about Sarah Palin wanting to deflower America.

6. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls - Has a message for Chad Johnson (and not the one below).

7. Dave - I linked to it the other day, but Dave is trying to parlay a Terrible Towel into Steelers season tickets. Here's how it works - he wants to trade you a Terrible Towel for your unique and interesting article of Steelers memorabilia that he can then trade for another item, and another, until he finally gets those tickets. So who's gonna get this thing going?

8. Sheena Beaston - Anybody care to take in some of the new Eminem track? Sheena's pretty much always got goodness like that. And the gift of making old Steelers names into puns.

9. Tecmo - About to get smoked in some 007 N64 style real soon. Oddjob, jagoff! Oh, and also recently critiqued Versus' new show, Sports Soup. In other news, I've asked Tec to critique the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show. Early indicators point toward it being an Epic Fail.

10. Dug E Fresh - Taking a break from ranting for a weekend in Treasure Island, FL. Sounds pretty cool...I can't wait to have my life back. I'll read some property law for you, man. Your life > My life.

11. Me - Insert words here. Make them funny if you like.../head hits keyboard.

As usual, click below to enlarge...


Man, were those some good lookin' mugs or what?

What day is this, again?

Amos Zereoue - What's Up With His Life?

Well, I'll tell you.

Thanks to Crain's New York Business, just about the last place I'd expect to find Amos Zereoue (after the NFL, ba dum ching), I now know that Zereoue's the proud owner, proprietor, host and occasional chef at his namesake restaurant, Zereoue, in Manhattan.

Apparently the restaurant serves "West African" cuisine, it's on 37th St. between 5th and Madison Ave., and Zeroue recently "greeted" another Pittsburgh alum, Plexiglass Burress for a nice little dinner. The writer who reviewed the place said overall, "Amos Zereoue might be a fish out of water, but maybe a flying fish," as he gave the place two stars, which in Crain's world means, "Very Good."

All I'm wondering is, who's he got on broil? Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala?

Awesome.

Tec, we gotta check this establishment out.

/Yes, I read Crain's New York Business...don't judge me...there were no US Weekly's available in my office today.

Pop Quiz...

Should the Steelers let Willie Parker play on Sunday?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

There were many good really no decent headlines I could've posted today, so instead I'm giving you the Google search above that very much amused me. The other day, whilst searching for pictures of Chad Johnson looking ridiculous (which, not surprisingly, was a rather easy find) I noticed Google's suggestion for a related search on Reggie Bush.

Now, I wonder - how in the hell could Reggie Bush be related to Chad Johnson? I mean, they don't play the same position, they don't play for the same team, they're not even close when it comes to personality, Reggie Bush seems like a decent human being, I don't get it?

The only connections I can see between these two are - they are both from Southern California (WRONG!...see comments), they are both fast, presumably they're both American citizens and they're both football players. Beyond that, you've lost me Google. Sounds like an algorithm is broken. Somebody's going to be joining the ranks of the investment bankers on the unemployment line...

Try not to get fired yourself while reading these links...

Awesome...not [PFT]

Nate Washington winning the battle of 85's [Post-Gazette]

Tecmo has once again called it [PSAMP]

Is this football or patty cake? [ESPN]

Heinz Field = #2 Stadium in league...good thing they weren't ranking based on quality of turf [SI.com]

Do not be deceived by the Penguins "Hockey 'n Heels" event...Domski [HFSS]

Further proof that Chad Johnson is indeed, a moron [Joey Porter's Pit Bulls]

Matt is 28 today. LJKC gave him the gift any loving wife would give a husband, the gift of posting his baby picture on her blog. He's thrilled I'm sure [LJKC]

Ah yes, and I almost forgot. Tell me if you can imagine the person who searched on this...

10 bucks says it was Vern.

Conference Call Thursday!

Picture for entertainment purposes only. Be cool, Tobiathan! And sadly, this will probably be me for the better part of the day...yes, with the phone upside down too.

This week, the country's all abuzz with Tony Romo's pinky, Pac Man's suspension, Roy Williams' trade, and Shaun Alexander's resurrection. But there's one story line that's been lost among these national media stories. And that's Mike Tomlin and Hines Ward disputing the two unnecessary roughness fines leveled against Hines this week.

Of course, it hasn't been lost on us.

So I thought for a little Thursday morning fun, I'd outline in technicolor how the conversation might go between Tomlin, Hines and Principal...I mean Commissioner Goodell.

So here goes...

[Phone ringing]

The Commish: Hello, this is Roger Goodell.

Tomlin: Yo, this Goodell?

The Commish: Um, yes. As I said, this is Roger Goodell.

Tomlin: Good. Me and my man, Hines Ward, got some questions and we want some answers.

The Commish: Well that usually is how it works with questions. Anyways, what's on your mind, Mike?

Tomlin: I'm just sayin', man, how you gonna do Hines like that?

The Commish: Do...

Tomlin: Yeah, how you gonna jack this man's loot for some bullshit that your on-field clique didn't even call during either of those games? I mean, that sounds like a 211 to me.

The Commish: Well, Mike, as you know, it is the league's official policy to screw your players out of their money with our unexplainable fines...

Hines Ward: Wait, can I say something? Can I just say something right now? I am an innocent man. Does this look like the face of a killer?

The Commish: Killer? I was talking about those unnecessarily rough hits you put on a Raven and a Jaguar.

Tomlin: Hines, be cool, man. I got this.

Hines Ward: Yo, Coach, ain't nothing cool about this. Listen up, Jane Goodall, this ain't studying the apes, here. If you're gonna fine me for unnecessary roughness, don't you think you should have called the penalty during the damn game?

The Commish: Well, Hines, as you know, it is the league's official policy to screw you out of your money with our unexplainable fines...I'm sorry, my hands are tied.

Tomlin: Yeah, you don't cut this shit out and your hands will really be tied! And your feet too. And any other body parts I can get my hands on.

Hines Ward: Well, maybe if you could just let me explain myself. I plead Sammy Sosa. I don't understand English, I'm from Georgia.

The Commish: I don't...I don't even know where to begin...

Tomlin: How 'bout you BE-GIN by removing your foot from Hines' ass? Sounds to me like a good place to start.

The Commish: I think you've lost me, Mike.

Hines Ward: OK Goodall, so you wanna fine me for some grabassin' that wasn't even called a penalty, whatever. Maybe you could explain to me the definition of "Unnecessary Roughness"?

The Commish: Surely, Hines. "Unnecessary Roughness" is when you hit someone and we arbitrarily decide that even though our refs didn't see or call it, we're going to hold you responsible anyway.

Tomlin: What's that? Your momma's recipe for french toast? Hines' talkin' about hitting people.

The Commish: Yes, Mike, I understand. But like I said, the rules are the rules. I'm sorry, as you know the league's official policy is to screw your players out of their money with our unexplainable fines. There's nothing I can do.

Hines Ward: Yo, I'm gonna come up there and unnecessarily rough you up, Goodall!

Tomlin: That makes two, Good-asshole. I'll cut you.

The Commish: Gentleman, this is exactly the type of behavior that the league is trying to discourage. I'm sorry, but I've heard your pleas and the policy is the same. The league's official policy is to screw your players out of their money with our unexplainable fines. End of story.

Hines Ward: Alright, you know what? Obviously we're not getting through here. Tomlin, let's go hit Sheetz. I'm trying to get some munchies.

Tomlin: Aight. Goodie, we out. This is some bullshit. And yes I will play golf with you on Saturday.

The Commish: Great! I'll call Al Davis and we'll all hit the links.

Tomlin: Nah, [redacted] Al Davis. He's always drooling all on my driver and shit. Call up Ditka, he owes me a mai tai.

The Commish: Consider it done. Alright gentleman, I'll speak with you soon.

Tomlin: Peace out, G.

Hines Ward: I stopped listening 20 minutes ago, what? Oh yeah, take 'er easy Goodfornothing. I'm out.

[hang ups all around]

Yeah, I don't know either. I think I need more sleep. Good luck making any sense of that one. Oh, and by the way, I am a fan of Hines Ward on Facebook...don't judge me...

But what about those fines??

What's This Book of Faces of Which You Speak?

I know it has absolutely zero to do with football, but has anyone taken note of how ridiculous Facebook has become?

I'll admit, I'm a nerd. I was on that shit like three days after it launched. I'm all about internet stalking meeting new people. So it was a natural fit. Of course, at the time I was already an alumnus of THE University of Delaware. And this was long before it became socially acceptable for anyone over the age of 22 to have a Facebook page.

Back then, you had to have a verifiable .edu email address to get an account, you couldn't make friends with anyone outside your school, and the most important information you could offer was who/what you were "interested in" (for me, it's always been "long walks on the beach"). Now, that beast is just out of hand.

You mean I can become a fan of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets? Shit yeah, I want to do that. I've practically been waiting my whole life to show the world my Swedish Chef fandom via the interwebs. Seriously though, I find this fact absolutely hilarious. I'm not going to do it right now, but someday, I'm going to parse through all this crap and highlight some of the gold stars.

By the way, if you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT. And also, join the OFTOT blog network. I mean, if you want to become a fan of something, why not OFTOT?

But I digress.

Facebook, dudes (& dudettes). It's the new black.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

I believe this is precisely what Tobiathan wrote about in his diary yesterday. Yeah, it's back. The Browns fans have renewed fervor and they're not going to stop until the SUPER BOWL! WHEEEEEEEEEE!

Christ, two wins and you're suddenly a contender again? Hey 2-4, it was one game. I've got five others that say you still suck.

Browns fans > Eagles fans? Does it matter? Didn't think so.

And these were just too good not to share with you...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Is this the "gay black steel curtain" blog? Apparently so. Well played, Korea. Not.


Nice to know I once wrote about a dog crapping on the Steelers. Oh wait, I never wrote that. So then what the? Whatever.

While I'm trying to work this one out, I urge you to take in these links...

Attention NFL, Mike Tomlin will not tolerate your shenanigans [Trib]

I...don't know what to say about this [Deadspin]

Woman in Butler County cleared to offer SeXXXercise classes [WSJ Law Blog]

Shane Douglas - wrestler and inventor of words [PSAMP]

Jim Zorn is pulling what we call a "reverse Ken Whisenhunt" [ESPN]

Are you a Badfish, too? [Sportsocracy]

File Under "Things That Need To Go Away"...

Actually, I probably could've plugged just about any variable into that second spot and this formula would still be true. Just a little zing there to start things off right. Yes, today I've made a somewhat unwise editorial decision and chosen to "entertain" you all with a few words about Bengals Wide Receiver and Master of the Golden Sound Bite, Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco.

I'm fully convinced that Chad Johnson's sole aim in life is to be as ridiculous of a human being as possible. I mean, so far, he's yet to prove me wrong. Remember when he raced a horse? How about the 10,000 different touchdown tea parties he's held in his eight year career? Then, there's the gold fronts. Dude, we know your teeth are probably whiter than Clay Aiken. Give it up. And of course, who could forget the time he legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. To borrow a Christy-ism - "Chad Johnson is a whore." I don't really think there's any better way to describe him. He's a circus show.

Here's how this works - Chad Johnson, like many other prima donna receivers, wants all the attention. Example - Chad ain't gettin' the ball enough. Chad ain't doing shit. No route running and certainly no blocking...knowing full well that negative attention is still, after all, attention. Like a spoiled child, if he is denied what he wants, he will pout, inviting ESPN and the like to launch a weekly segment called, "Chad Johnson Catchwatch." He is sentiment-blind. If his face is on TV, he's happy. Everything else is just peripheral.

Seeing as how this may very well happen this week, what with the Bengals being in the crapper and all, I half expect ESPN to give Chad Johnson a ring. You know, what amazes me about that is that they solicit his input, then their talking heads inevitably condemn him for doing what they fully expect and know he will do - talk nonsense. It's kind of like watching anything on MTV these days. You know it's going to suck, but you kind of like watching it for some masochist reason unknown to you...I mean...I've never watched "My Super Sweet Sixteen" before...I don't know what you're talking about...

But you know, for all of that, if he were anything like Hines Ward, he'd be a pretty awesome receiver. He's 6'1", 192 and faster than a race horse (the same I spoke of above). Too bad he's got his head up his ass.

I guess you could call this an "Opponent Spotlight" of sorts. Sorry I didn't quote you any numbers, shit's rough nowadays.

Thoughts?

Dear Diary...

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tobiathan's "Dear Diary" appears every Monday following Steelers games. Except when it appears on Tuesday, following a Monday night game. Or like this week, when the Steelers didn't even play. You get the idea. These are Tobiathan's deepest and most intimate thoughts. And he's kind enough to share them with all of us. So show him some love in the comments!

Dear Diary,

Heeelloooo, Diary :-)))))))))!

Sometimes I wonder how I can go a whole week without talking to you. The world is just so crazy these days, and it's just getting nuttier every day! And speaking of nutty: remember those whacky fellas out in Cleve-town? You know - the ones whose shirts are all poop-colored? Yeah, *those* guys...

Well - they actually WON a kinda big game tonight, Diary! I know, I know...they're not *supposed* to win. EVAR. But they did. And they beat those big, bad Giants. Whooda thunkit??

Now the Poop-Colored Northern Ohioans are talking about "starting a whole new season" and "proving to the world they're still a good team". Hmmm. "Still"???

Since when were those turds ever "good"?

Any-who...now I guess they think they're world-class gamers and contenders for a Lombardi Trophy, like that [really] gifted bunch - The Pittsburgh Steelers. Since daydreams and wishes are as close as as that gang'll ever get to OUR team, I guess it's OK. For now.

Mommy always said it was best to let the "special" people think they were just like the rest of us, right?

You're soooooo smart, Diary! And you're handsome, too! No - stop it! YOU are the handsome one!...oh, OK: I'M the handsomest, if you insist.

But you're still the smartest.

And I'm glad you're bound in beautiful, powerful Black-n-Gold, and not some ugly, crappy, plain old Brown :-)!

Luv yinz, Diary-

XOXOXOXO,

- Tobiathan

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Today, I've got a couple. First, the headline above. Yep, I pretty much can't say that this analysis is that far offbase. I mean, not taking them lightly aside, just look at the franchise's body of work over the last 20 years. Makes you wonder why it was the BROWNS that moved to Bawlmore and became the Ravens. Hey, I've got an idea. HIRE A [redacted] GM!

Next, there's this...

Ok, as much as I said I wouldn't mind Carson Palmer playing Sunday, I have to admit, that headline looks pretty good. Unlike Ryan Fitzpatrick, who is...well, see here. That's as much as I'll say about that. Any little advantage helps.

One thing I will say, though, is - Did I hear someone on ESPN talking about the possibility of Tommy John surgery? Alright guys, let's just step back for a moment. As far as I can tell, a "sore" passing elbow does not equal Tommy John surgery. Let's not forget that nine days ago he threw for 217 yards and 2 TDs against the Cowboys. Doesn't sound like it's that bad, if you ask me.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just a blogger, not a Doctor. In fact, I don't even understand science. I'm the biggest science idiot I know. You know what I know about science? The chemical composition of water is H2O...and I probably only remember that because H2O is the name of a punk band I used to listen to...yep, not smart.

Maybe these links will help me understand a little better...

Master Fly W Large Returns [Post-Gazette]

How had I never heard of the Browns #2 fan? [Deadspin]

Make a trade with Dave and help him parlay a Terrible Towel into season tickets [SteelersTrade.com]

This is worth a look solely for Tec's reference to Etonic track suits [PSAMP]

Eli vs. Peyton - This is where MJD stands...where I stand is, "Screw you, Eli! I thought you were a sure thing against the Browns so I sat your underproducing brother in fantasy, only to watch you match his TD total with INTs. You're a real dick." [MJD]

Romo out for a month...but don't worry, he'll be back for December 7 [ESPN]

ADDENDUM: State of the Steelers Injury Situation, Per Mike Tomlin...
Keisel - Back
Carey Davis - Out
Dallas Baker - Out
Big Snack - A little groin problem (Questionable)
Fast William - Questionable
Jeff Reed - Questionable
Marvel Smith - Questionable

Who Dey Think Gon' Eat That Chili?

I'm not going to talk about what happened with the Browns last night. I think Derek Anderson's 310 yards, Jamal Lewis' 88 yards and Braylon Edwards' 154 receiving yards say just about all that needs to be said.

But it goes back to something I mentioned yesterday - teams with nothing to lose will always scare me. Teams IN OUR DIVISION with nothing to lose, particularly scare me.

You know what's weird? I've told a few different people over the last 24 hours that I'm not taking the Bengals lightly, and they've almost all laughed at me, scoffing, "come on, it's the Bengals!" You know who these people are? They're Eagles fans. Seriously, I had at least two separate Eagles fans tell me that the Steelers might as well count on a win, Sunday.

What? I mean, seriously, what? Did they not watch the Cowboys and Redskins games this past weekend? Maybe they'll change their tune this morning after what the Browns did to the final 25% of that supposed "powerhouse" division last night. This should be a lesson to you Eagles fans, should it not? Don't take any team for granted? Any given Sunday? That's what she said?

Ok, so maybe I'm going a little overboard on purpose.

The truth is - Carson Palmer's out. The Bungles can't play Defense to save their lives. Marvin Lewis and Chris Henry are on their feline-esque ninth lives with the franchise. Chris Perry...is he even playing anymore? They're in bad shape. Yeah, they've had some close ones with some good teams. But those all came when Palmer was starting. The Ryan Fitzpatrick legacy? An 0-2 record, 154 passing yards per game average, 3 interceptions, a passer rating of 56 and a partridge in a pear tree. CHAMPIONSHIP!

So allow me to rip on the Bangles for a minute, just to get it out of my system. I'm going with Nine different potential digs, here. Nine for Carson Palmer.

No guac, let's rock...

Number One - Good call on cutting Rudi Johnson, idiots. How's that working out for you? He may not be a pro bowler anymore. But I'll bet he'd average more than 42 yards a game.

Number Two - Remember the time you traded Corey Dillon for a 2nd round draft pick (Madieu Williams) and he blew up with New England for a 1,600 yard, 12 TD season, the best of his career, at the age of 30? That was pretty ingenious as well. Hey Mike Brown, when you're done ruining the Bungholes franchise, you think you can take a crack at solving our current financial crisis? Sweet, thanks.

Number Three - Cris Collinsworth. I take some solace in the fact that you have to live with this abomination on your conscience, for-EV-ER.

Number Four - What was so bad about the Icky Shuffle? I thought that shit was pretty cool. What's that all about?

Number Five - You know what? You're right. Dick LeBeau's to blame for 2000-2002. Too bad you had to let him go, freeing him up to eventually rejoin your divisional rival, our Steelers, where he resumed his role as Godfather of the Pittsburgh blitz (179 sacks recorded from '04-Present). Man, what an awful Coach. He makes Marvin Lewis look like Vince Lombardi!

Number Six - The people demand an apology for ruining Kijana Carter's career.

Number Seven - What is with Ohio and Orange in uniforms? Aren't they aware that it makes you look like a pumpkin? Seriously, go look at something Orange and tell me you don't see either a pumpkin or a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in it. I dare you. And I'm not talking about chicks-tanning-Orange. I'm talking Radioactive Yellow and Radioactive Red make blindingly Orange, Orange.

Number Eight - Tell the BenGALs to call me. Hey, baby...

Number Nine - That Chili. Come on, man. Cinnamon? Really? Cinnamon? You're a disgrace. Just watch how many times I rip on Cincinnati Chili during this week's [Unnamed] Steelers Show. I'll bet it'll be more times than I curse. And that's a LOT.

Ugh, all this hating is tiring me out. I'm gonna go steal a cat-nap real quick. Talk amongst yourselves. Here, I'll give you a topic - Longest. Post. Ever.

Discuss.

Two Men Enter...

Brandon Jacobs vs. Corey Williams

Who ya got?

Yeah, I Cried A Little Too...

Well, photograph me naked in a bathroom with a cell phone and call me Jeff Reed!

What a weekend for the NFL, right?

Ravens? Dominated.
Bengals? Ryan Fitzpatrick'd.
Broncos? Guess Maurice Jones-Drew doesn't suck anymore.
Bears? Matt Ryan = 300 yards.
Skins? Beat at home by Jim Haslet.
Cowboys? Got approximately 1500 calls their way and still lost to Cards.
Panthers? 3 points? Jesus. Christ.

To borrow a line from a wise man, the reality of it is -- this league is wide open. You wanted parity, America? You got it. And I was right there with you. What a breath of fresh air after watching the Patriots and Cowboys roll through their respective conferences last season. Finally, the league looks like it should - any man's game.

As far as the division goes? The Bengals are now 0-6. The Ravens are 2-4. The Browns are 1-4, playing the Giants tonight. And we should be getting Willie Parker, Carey Davis, Casey Hampton, and Brett Keisel back just in time to face the aforementioned winless Cincy on Sunday. Trap game? Maybe. But all we can do is prepare as if it were a playoff game, and be ready for anything and everything the Bengals might throw at us.

For what it's worth, I'm not taking the desperate Bungles lightly. Supposedly Carson Palmer's going to be back, and I may be wrong, but it looked to me like the trio of TJ Douchemanzadeh, Chad [insert last name of the day here], and He The Law Hate Me (Chris Henry) were all finally starting to produce at the same time. If the guy throwing the ball around yesterday isn't Ryan Fitzpatrick, it's entirely possible they win that game. The Jets should consider themselves lucky they didn't get humbled by the Bengals!

That said, I don't care if Carson Palmer DOES come back. I'll enjoy dominating HIM just as much as I'd enjoy routinely destroying Ryan Fitzpatrick. Of course, there's always the possibility that the first play will be a 50 yard bomb to Chris Henry. But speculating like that isn't necessary at this point. And you know me, I like to keep things positive. At least when we're NOT talking about Tony Homo Romo.

Anyways, while we all had a good rest last week, I'm still going to ease things in here, this week. So I ask you - Preliminary thoughts on the Cincy game? Thoughts on this past weekend's games? And most importantly, who'll be monitoring the police scanner to see if Chris Henry makes it to Sunday's game a free man?

Oh wait, I almost forgot. Did anyone else see Tecmo's favorite band, The Jonas Brothers at the Arizona game? Tecmo was sweating so hard when he heard they'd be there. Yeah.

/Monday sucks