October 14, 2008

Who Dey Think Gon' Eat That Chili?


I'm not going to talk about what happened with the Browns last night. I think Derek Anderson's 310 yards, Jamal Lewis' 88 yards and Braylon Edwards' 154 receiving yards say just about all that needs to be said.

But it goes back to something I mentioned yesterday - teams with nothing to lose will always scare me. Teams IN OUR DIVISION with nothing to lose, particularly scare me.

You know what's weird? I've told a few different people over the last 24 hours that I'm not taking the Bengals lightly, and they've almost all laughed at me, scoffing, "come on, it's the Bengals!" You know who these people are? They're Eagles fans. Seriously, I had at least two separate Eagles fans tell me that the Steelers might as well count on a win, Sunday.

What? I mean, seriously, what? Did they not watch the Cowboys and Redskins games this past weekend? Maybe they'll change their tune this morning after what the Browns did to the final 25% of that supposed "powerhouse" division last night. This should be a lesson to you Eagles fans, should it not? Don't take any team for granted? Any given Sunday? That's what she said?

Ok, so maybe I'm going a little overboard on purpose.

The truth is - Carson Palmer's out. The Bungles can't play Defense to save their lives. Marvin Lewis and Chris Henry are on their feline-esque ninth lives with the franchise. Chris Perry...is he even playing anymore? They're in bad shape. Yeah, they've had some close ones with some good teams. But those all came when Palmer was starting. The Ryan Fitzpatrick legacy? An 0-2 record, 154 passing yards per game average, 3 interceptions, a passer rating of 56 and a partridge in a pear tree. CHAMPIONSHIP!

So allow me to rip on the Bangles for a minute, just to get it out of my system. I'm going with Nine different potential digs, here. Nine for Carson Palmer.

No guac, let's rock...

Number One - Good call on cutting Rudi Johnson, idiots. How's that working out for you? He may not be a pro bowler anymore. But I'll bet he'd average more than 42 yards a game.

Number Two - Remember the time you traded Corey Dillon for a 2nd round draft pick (Madieu Williams) and he blew up with New England for a 1,600 yard, 12 TD season, the best of his career, at the age of 30? That was pretty ingenious as well. Hey Mike Brown, when you're done ruining the Bungholes franchise, you think you can take a crack at solving our current financial crisis? Sweet, thanks.

Number Three - Cris Collinsworth. I take some solace in the fact that you have to live with this abomination on your conscience, for-EV-ER.

Number Four - What was so bad about the Icky Shuffle? I thought that shit was pretty cool. What's that all about?

Number Five - You know what? You're right. Dick LeBeau's to blame for 2000-2002. Too bad you had to let him go, freeing him up to eventually rejoin your divisional rival, our Steelers, where he resumed his role as Godfather of the Pittsburgh blitz (179 sacks recorded from '04-Present). Man, what an awful Coach. He makes Marvin Lewis look like Vince Lombardi!

Number Six - The people demand an apology for ruining Kijana Carter's career.

Number Seven - What is with Ohio and Orange in uniforms? Aren't they aware that it makes you look like a pumpkin? Seriously, go look at something Orange and tell me you don't see either a pumpkin or a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in it. I dare you. And I'm not talking about chicks-tanning-Orange. I'm talking Radioactive Yellow and Radioactive Red make blindingly Orange, Orange.

Number Eight - Tell the BenGALs to call me. Hey, baby...

Number Nine - That Chili. Come on, man. Cinnamon? Really? Cinnamon? You're a disgrace. Just watch how many times I rip on Cincinnati Chili during this week's [Unnamed] Steelers Show. I'll bet it'll be more times than I curse. And that's a LOT.

Ugh, all this hating is tiring me out. I'm gonna go steal a cat-nap real quick. Talk amongst yourselves. Here, I'll give you a topic - Longest. Post. Ever.

Discuss.

19 comments:

Tony Romo's Pinky said...

cotter - yesterday @ work I tried to have a conversation w/ 2 seperate eagles (now all of a sudden Phillies) fans about the browns/giants game, and immediately they both wrote the browns off. Now I didnt think the Browns could beat the Giants, but I knew, especially after all the strange turn of events on Sunday, that ANYTHING can happen in an NFL game.

This might be the best weekend for the Steelers to have off, not only to get healthy, but also to see how any team can react when their backs are to the wall.

Do not take the Bengals lightly (at least for karmas sake)

Cotter said...

Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'

Does this make the Browns Super Bowl Champions? said...

Browns coming off the highest high vs. Redskins coming off the lowest low should be a great game this weekend.

Christy said...

All I know is that I'm sucking in my pick-ems. It's not even half way through the season and I'm ready to quit.

Seriously...Browns beat the Giants? What's next, Armageddon? I'm skeered.

I can see how some might think that our upcoming game against the Bungals has "trap game" written all over it, but c'mon...Fitzpatrick is starting. The Steelers would probably have to commit 15 turnovers for the Bungles to even stand a chance...

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

At least the Ben-Gals aren't wearing orange. Are they? I clicked on the link and it appears ... well, who cares? They're pretty hot. Must be all that chili.

random asshole said...

I'm officially boycotting the term "trap game." It's really turning into this giant pile of nonsense used to excuse a better team losing, either before or after the fact.

People, it's the NFL. I would think that in over 90% of the games, the "better" team doesn't have more than a 65% chance of winning. Almost every good team has some stupid losses and almost every bad team has some lucky wins; that's how it works. The Giants didn't get "trapped;" they simply played like crap. It's called, "What happens when Eli throws three interceptions."

Cotter said...

"It's called, 'What happens when Eli throws three interceptions.'"

That, and "What happens when your Defense can't stop Derek Anderson, Jamal Lewis and Braylon Edwards."

What a piece of crap game the Giants played all around.

Vern said...

Is anybody really that surprised that the Browns beat the Giants after watching the Giants play the Bengals? I refused to pick that game in my survivor league. Instead, I went with the sure thing, Redskins over Rams.

matt said...

This week has '06 Steelers vs Raiders written all over it.

Carson Palmer said...

ouchies, my elbow hurts

domski43 said...

Matt - hopefully you are putting that out there as a reverse voodoo/karma thing....that raiders game a few years back was an embarassment!

if carey davis and willie are back healthy for this week...who should the steelers cut? (russell or davenport?)

Cotter said...

Davenport. And also, Steely McBeam, if possible.

domski43 said...

I would drop Davenport and pick up a member of the Eagles cheerleading squad in free agency.

Cotter said...

I'm saying we TRADE STEELY MCBEAM for the entire Eagles cheerleading squad.

tecmo said...

Is this the gay comments section?

Cotter said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

+1000 points

Advantage, Tecmo

Guy by the Falafel shop said...

AWWWW Hell no! I'm outta here then.

matt said...

Domski - I'm just as scared as Cotter going into this game. I hope I'm wrong, but they are 0-6. They are due... Let's just hope it's not against us.

O'Doyle Rules

Big Snack Silverback said...

I have a bad feeling about this. Hopefully Heinz, Ben, Silverback, and Lamarr do too. Hopefully they watched what happened this week. I think the Bungles are due and we are too apt to take them lightly with their backup starting. I predict a 21-17 come-from-behind win.