AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Today, I've got a couple. First, the headline above. Yep, I pretty much can't say that this analysis is that far offbase. I mean, not taking them lightly aside, just look at the franchise's body of work over the last 20 years. Makes you wonder why it was the BROWNS that moved to Bawlmore and became the Ravens. Hey, I've got an idea. HIRE A [redacted] GM!

Next, there's this...

Ok, as much as I said I wouldn't mind Carson Palmer playing Sunday, I have to admit, that headline looks pretty good. Unlike Ryan Fitzpatrick, who is...well, see here. That's as much as I'll say about that. Any little advantage helps.

One thing I will say, though, is - Did I hear someone on ESPN talking about the possibility of Tommy John surgery? Alright guys, let's just step back for a moment. As far as I can tell, a "sore" passing elbow does not equal Tommy John surgery. Let's not forget that nine days ago he threw for 217 yards and 2 TDs against the Cowboys. Doesn't sound like it's that bad, if you ask me.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just a blogger, not a Doctor. In fact, I don't even understand science. I'm the biggest science idiot I know. You know what I know about science? The chemical composition of water is H2O...and I probably only remember that because H2O is the name of a punk band I used to listen to...yep, not smart.

Maybe these links will help me understand a little better...

Master Fly W Large Returns [Post-Gazette]

How had I never heard of the Browns #2 fan? [Deadspin]

Make a trade with Dave and help him parlay a Terrible Towel into season tickets [SteelersTrade.com]

This is worth a look solely for Tec's reference to Etonic track suits [PSAMP]

Eli vs. Peyton - This is where MJD stands...where I stand is, "Screw you, Eli! I thought you were a sure thing against the Browns so I sat your underproducing brother in fantasy, only to watch you match his TD total with INTs. You're a real dick." [MJD]

Romo out for a month...but don't worry, he'll be back for December 7 [ESPN]

ADDENDUM: State of the Steelers Injury Situation, Per Mike Tomlin...
Keisel - Back
Carey Davis - Out
Dallas Baker - Out
Big Snack - A little groin problem (Questionable)
Fast William - Questionable
Jeff Reed - Questionable
Marvel Smith - Questionable

Yeah, I Cried A Little Too...

Well, photograph me naked in a bathroom with a cell phone and call me Jeff Reed!

What a weekend for the NFL, right?

Ravens? Dominated.
Bengals? Ryan Fitzpatrick'd.
Broncos? Guess Maurice Jones-Drew doesn't suck anymore.
Bears? Matt Ryan = 300 yards.
Skins? Beat at home by Jim Haslet.
Cowboys? Got approximately 1500 calls their way and still lost to Cards.
Panthers? 3 points? Jesus. Christ.

To borrow a line from a wise man, the reality of it is -- this league is wide open. You wanted parity, America? You got it. And I was right there with you. What a breath of fresh air after watching the Patriots and Cowboys roll through their respective conferences last season. Finally, the league looks like it should - any man's game.

As far as the division goes? The Bengals are now 0-6. The Ravens are 2-4. The Browns are 1-4, playing the Giants tonight. And we should be getting Willie Parker, Carey Davis, Casey Hampton, and Brett Keisel back just in time to face the aforementioned winless Cincy on Sunday. Trap game? Maybe. But all we can do is prepare as if it were a playoff game, and be ready for anything and everything the Bengals might throw at us.

For what it's worth, I'm not taking the desperate Bungles lightly. Supposedly Carson Palmer's going to be back, and I may be wrong, but it looked to me like the trio of TJ Douchemanzadeh, Chad [insert last name of the day here], and He The Law Hate Me (Chris Henry) were all finally starting to produce at the same time. If the guy throwing the ball around yesterday isn't Ryan Fitzpatrick, it's entirely possible they win that game. The Jets should consider themselves lucky they didn't get humbled by the Bengals!

That said, I don't care if Carson Palmer DOES come back. I'll enjoy dominating HIM just as much as I'd enjoy routinely destroying Ryan Fitzpatrick. Of course, there's always the possibility that the first play will be a 50 yard bomb to Chris Henry. But speculating like that isn't necessary at this point. And you know me, I like to keep things positive. At least when we're NOT talking about Tony Homo Romo.

Anyways, while we all had a good rest last week, I'm still going to ease things in here, this week. So I ask you - Preliminary thoughts on the Cincy game? Thoughts on this past weekend's games? And most importantly, who'll be monitoring the police scanner to see if Chris Henry makes it to Sunday's game a free man?

Oh wait, I almost forgot. Did anyone else see Tecmo's favorite band, The Jonas Brothers at the Arizona game? Tecmo was sweating so hard when he heard they'd be there. Yeah.

/Monday sucks

AFC North Headline of the Day...

No, don't read it again. This headline is not funny. Actually, it sucks. Particularly for me, because in a lapse of judgment on Saturday morning, realizing both of my QBs were on a bye this week, I picked up this worthless piece of shit in Fantasy. Plus, I had to pick up another kicker, which burned my second and final drop/add for the week (coincidentally, Yahoo Fantasy blows goats).

So when it came Sunday and he decided he wasn't fit to play against the Browns "vaunted" Defense, he screwed more than just the Bengals. He screwed me. Thanks alot, Carson Palmer. I hated you before. Now I really hate you. May you develop a vicious strain of herpes that jeopardizes your future ability to breed. Alternatively, you may choose to die in a fire, and we're even. Your cooperation in this matter is much appreciated.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kick someone on a bike in the face.

While I'm doing that, why don't you check out these links...

Uh oh, they let me guest blog again... [MVN Outsider]

I'd hate to tell you what I do at Hershey Park [Dug E. Fresh Rants]

I'd like a baptism by Heinz Ketchup! [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

If Rashard Mendenhall is the keymaster, who is the gatekeeper? [On The Black Side]

Nice little diddy, but no [Ryan Parker Songs]

Also, be sure to pop by around 8 PM EST for the Tobiathan liveblogging experience. And if you've yet to witness the latest in the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show, I strongly suggest you check it out. 10-4, kids - I'll see you on the interwebs.