File Under "Things That Need To Go Away"...

Actually, I probably could've plugged just about any variable into that second spot and this formula would still be true. Just a little zing there to start things off right. Yes, today I've made a somewhat unwise editorial decision and chosen to "entertain" you all with a few words about Bengals Wide Receiver and Master of the Golden Sound Bite, Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco.

I'm fully convinced that Chad Johnson's sole aim in life is to be as ridiculous of a human being as possible. I mean, so far, he's yet to prove me wrong. Remember when he raced a horse? How about the 10,000 different touchdown tea parties he's held in his eight year career? Then, there's the gold fronts. Dude, we know your teeth are probably whiter than Clay Aiken. Give it up. And of course, who could forget the time he legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. To borrow a Christy-ism - "Chad Johnson is a whore." I don't really think there's any better way to describe him. He's a circus show.

Here's how this works - Chad Johnson, like many other prima donna receivers, wants all the attention. Example - Chad ain't gettin' the ball enough. Chad ain't doing shit. No route running and certainly no blocking...knowing full well that negative attention is still, after all, attention. Like a spoiled child, if he is denied what he wants, he will pout, inviting ESPN and the like to launch a weekly segment called, "Chad Johnson Catchwatch." He is sentiment-blind. If his face is on TV, he's happy. Everything else is just peripheral.

Seeing as how this may very well happen this week, what with the Bengals being in the crapper and all, I half expect ESPN to give Chad Johnson a ring. You know, what amazes me about that is that they solicit his input, then their talking heads inevitably condemn him for doing what they fully expect and know he will do - talk nonsense. It's kind of like watching anything on MTV these days. You know it's going to suck, but you kind of like watching it for some masochist reason unknown to you...I mean...I've never watched "My Super Sweet Sixteen" before...I don't know what you're talking about...

But you know, for all of that, if he were anything like Hines Ward, he'd be a pretty awesome receiver. He's 6'1", 192 and faster than a race horse (the same I spoke of above). Too bad he's got his head up his ass.

I guess you could call this an "Opponent Spotlight" of sorts. Sorry I didn't quote you any numbers, shit's rough nowadays.

Thoughts?