October 15, 2008

File Under "Things That Need To Go Away"...


Actually, I probably could've plugged just about any variable into that second spot and this formula would still be true. Just a little zing there to start things off right. Yes, today I've made a somewhat unwise editorial decision and chosen to "entertain" you all with a few words about Bengals Wide Receiver and Master of the Golden Sound Bite, Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco.

I'm fully convinced that Chad Johnson's sole aim in life is to be as ridiculous of a human being as possible. I mean, so far, he's yet to prove me wrong. Remember when he raced a horse? How about the 10,000 different touchdown tea parties he's held in his eight year career? Then, there's the gold fronts. Dude, we know your teeth are probably whiter than Clay Aiken. Give it up. And of course, who could forget the time he legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. To borrow a Christy-ism - "Chad Johnson is a whore." I don't really think there's any better way to describe him. He's a circus show.

Here's how this works - Chad Johnson, like many other prima donna receivers, wants all the attention. Example - Chad ain't gettin' the ball enough. Chad ain't doing shit. No route running and certainly no blocking...knowing full well that negative attention is still, after all, attention. Like a spoiled child, if he is denied what he wants, he will pout, inviting ESPN and the like to launch a weekly segment called, "Chad Johnson Catchwatch." He is sentiment-blind. If his face is on TV, he's happy. Everything else is just peripheral.

Seeing as how this may very well happen this week, what with the Bengals being in the crapper and all, I half expect ESPN to give Chad Johnson a ring. You know, what amazes me about that is that they solicit his input, then their talking heads inevitably condemn him for doing what they fully expect and know he will do - talk nonsense. It's kind of like watching anything on MTV these days. You know it's going to suck, but you kind of like watching it for some masochist reason unknown to you...I mean...I've never watched "My Super Sweet Sixteen" before...I don't know what you're talking about...

But you know, for all of that, if he were anything like Hines Ward, he'd be a pretty awesome receiver. He's 6'1", 192 and faster than a race horse (the same I spoke of above). Too bad he's got his head up his ass.

I guess you could call this an "Opponent Spotlight" of sorts. Sorry I didn't quote you any numbers, shit's rough nowadays.

Thoughts?

11 comments:

Big Snack Silverback said...

Well done. I appreciated this post. He is touted by the media because he is entertainment. Sad commentary on our times. Like Ray Lewis' WWE entrance to games. I like seeing ocho fail, but I kind of feel sorry for him. He needs attention more than 99% of humanity.

owner of the gay bar said...

NFL star receivers are primadonnas, and today's media (especially espn) feeds into their egos.

Cotter, you are right, receivers such as Chad Johnson/T.O. are incredibly childish and lack the understanding of how to work as a positive team mate. (hence the lack of super bowls)

What frustrates me is after an incredible weekend of amazing, last second finishes, and huge upsets...Pacman Jones getting the police involved for the 12th time since hes been in the league, Tony Romo's pinky finger, Roy Williams crying about wanting to play in Dallas and finally getting his way, and how T.O. will react to the Roy Williams signing steals all the headlines (thanks ESPN).

The Chief said...

You're right about Chad "Ocho Psycho"

Sad thing is... I met him once last year... he's actually a nice and polite guy - in private anyway.

Public? Well, like you said... it's all about HIM and his exposure.

random asshole said...

He is sentiment-blind. If his face is on TV, he's happy. Everything else is just peripheral.

At least he didn't start a blog--and a blog-related self-produced video show--about himself just for attention. Because that would be absurd...

Cotter said...

Or someone could have started a blog and a blog-related self-produced video show just because he enjoys doing it.

Sorry man, no jokes about that. You are just an asshole today.

tecmo said...

Starting a blog is a different monster. 10 years ago, regular fans didn't have a voice, and only chatted about sports with close friends and family. I don't know about Cotter, but I started mine for that reason...not for attention. Now a few other Pittsburgh blogs...I can't say the same thing about.

Its different when you get paid millions, constantly tell people to watch for your TD celebrations then you don't score, change names to sell more jerseys, race a horse, etc etc etc.

Don't get me wrong, I still like Ocho, because he hasn't been in trouble. He gets more heat than anyone on that team and he wasn't a part of all the arrests/disturbances of the past few years. How'd that happen?

Cotter said...

Yeah, I mean it's about sharing your thoughts with other people of a like mind and discussing those thoughts. At least for me it is.

knowwhatIissaying?

random asshole said...

Dude, what the fuck. You all picked today to start taking what I say seriously?

Has the whole world gone crazy?

Cotter said...

HAHAHAHAHA, "Doesn't anybody give a shit about the rules?!?!"

That's the asshole I know and love. You're right, I must be out of my mind.

/blames work stress for misinterpretation

matt said...

Ocho Stinko is a waste of talent, he shits his pants when there's a big game, screw him and TO.

I guess it takes all different kinds of players to make up the NFL, but he's d-bag IMO.

tobiathanis a glutton for attention said...

"...didn't quote you any numbers.."
------------

Stats are incredibly over-rated, and open to interpretation. Whoever said "numbers don't lie" never met a statistician.

On a whole *other* note:

Hey random asshole:

don't take Cotter personally. I think he might be a little stressed out lately. He's one of the good guys; just a touch high-strung at times, like all the rest of us online attention-whores :-)

I have my pissy moments too. No, really....

BTW- Hank Jr. was on FoxNews a minute ago in full Steelers gear. Gawd bless him, that beautiful, blatant redneck...