Queen's City Here We Come...

Cincinnati. What can I say about the Bungles that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? They look bombed out and depleted.

Ok, no seriously. Here's the state of the Bengals - They're 0-6 - despite a few close ones, sans Carson Palmer - sub Ryan Fitzpatrick who may be more suited to attack the MCATs than the Pittsburgh defense; they feature a one-two backfield punch of Chris Perry (averaging a staggering 42 rush yards per game) and Cedric Benson (recently signed off waivers), and an imposing Defense that includes such notable talents as Domata Peko, Rashad Jeanty and Dexter Jackson. So clearly the Steelers will face their toughest test of 2008.

Alright, no, let's get serious. There is no such thing as a sure thing. Especially in the NFL this year. I needn't remind you of last weekend's results as evidence. So while the Bengals, on their face, don't seem to be quite the formidable foe they've been in the past they were in 2005, they've still got some playmakers that we'd be apt to worry about. Mainly - TJ Douchemanzadeh, Chad Johns-circus-show, Chris Henry - The Perpetually-Incarcerated Wonder, Jonathan Joseph (ish), Leon Hall (ish), and Keith Rivers (as much ish as you can give to a 1st round rookie).

And let's not forget that now Willie Parker is out for Sunday, Marvel Smith is more than likely out (sub the 7 million dollar bench warmer man, Max Starks), and Casey Hampton may likely sit this one as well. So we're not exactly in tip-top shape either. We're a handful of sacks away from losing to an 0-6 team vying to replace last year's Dolphins as the league's most worthless franchise. We can NOT let that happen.

The good news is, the Defense is relatively healthy. We're getting Keisel back, although we can't be sure he's 100%. Nick Eason, Travis Kirschke and Chris Hoke been filling in rather well. The linebackers are playing like the ravenous, sack-happy beasts we know they truly are, and Troy looks like a man on fire, and has actually been somewhat vocal to boot. All that notwithstanding, I'm slightly worried about our Corners. Notice I said SLIGHTLY. We know they can play, but the only real weapons Cincy has are really the three aforementioned Wide Receivers. Good news again is that Deshea Townsend should be well rested. So the trio of Face Me Ike, Bryant "Look at my sick goatee" McFadden and Deshea "I ain't done yet" Townsend should be alright. That said, it's something to watch.

In addition, I'll also be watching - Jeff Reed. I know that sounds weird, and NO I don't mean watching him while he photographs his manliness in the hotel bathroom. I mean that left calf he injured in our game against Jacksonville Jagoffville two weeks ago. Tec and I have been very vocal about our expectations for Party Boy Reed, but this injury may be more than any of us are thinking. And there's only one way to find that out. Either way, hopefully he spent the bye week rehabbing and taking it easy rather than refereeing pudding wrestling with Sandy Sanderson at Buckhead's. But I have my doubts about that.

Then there's Nate Washington. And, I mean that in a good way (for the first time). Last game he shined, nabbing six catches for 94 yards and a score. If he can be that reliable on Sunday, and Hines can have the kind of game HE had two weeks ago (7 catches, 90 yards, 1 TD), not to mention hopefully a healthy Santonio, we should have some great success throwing the ball in the absence of Master Fly W Large (Willie Parker for those of you who aren't familiar with the OFTOT preferred nomenclature).

Plus, with Dallas Baker out this week, we just might get our first real taste of what Limas Speed Sweed can do. Arians wants to throw that patented corner of the end zone fade? Who better to chuck it to than a 6'4" 220 lb monster who'll likely be covered by either Simeon Castille (6'0", 195, undrafted free agent) or David Jones (6'0", 196, 2nd year Corner out of Wingate). I would love nothing more than to see Limas Sweed pillage the Bengals secondary. Of course, it's not likely...and frankly, I'd love nothing more than to see ANY of our receivers pillage the Bengals secondary. But I gotta have something to write about. You understand.

So that's my two, three, four (?) cents for whatever they're worth (don't even make the smartass joke). And in case you were wondering, Steely McGnome has predicted Steelers - 34, Bengals - 24.

What do you guys think? Anyone you'll be looking at on Sunday? Any concerns you have? Anybody got any gum?

Let's have it.

Oh, I'll also be watching the benGALs. But not in 'nam while the game is going on, of course...

Chris Henry Branches Out to Assaulting Minors...

He's not just getting them drunk anymore, Chris Henry is now handing out beat downs to underage teens.

The latest in Henry's long string of troubles with the law is an accusation that he, teammate Reggie McNeill, an (inconspicuously) unidentified white dude and others slapped around a 16 year old male on the side of an Ohio roadway as he was walking with an 18 year old friend. Apparently the 18 year old got away injury-free somehow...anyways, not important.

The report filed states that the teen alleges the white guy randomly jumped out of a vehicle all assailants were travelling in and began punching him in the face. Then, Henry and others joined the white male and "shoved" the teen "to the ground," also throwing beer bottles at him while he tried to flee.

Now I'm no expert, but maybe Chris Henry just needs something to do. Perhaps someone should enroll him in a bowling league, or teach him how to hunt (chances are he'll like wielding a gun anyway), whatever. Just give this man a hobby so he can keep himself out of trouble.

Then again, I would probably miss dumping on him for being an idiot. So on second thought, forget it. Let him self destruct. It's way more entertaining...

See the video report [9 News Cincy]

Marvin Lewis, The Newest Member of NWA?

Lewis gave us his best NWA impression recently on ESPNRadio's "The Dan Patrick Show" (which is typically awesome by the way...) stating "I think there's profiling, no question." when asked if he thought events like Chris Henry getting pulled over for not signaling a right turn showed that the Cincinnati PD was "profiling." [To hear the interview, click here]

He then went on to temper this somewhat provocative statement by saying "We're [Cincinnati] a small place, our guys stand out, and they know that and you've got to do things the right way, but when you are arrested for, or you are pulled over for not putting on your turn signal, there's something wrong there."

Dude, I wish more people were pulled over for not using their turn signal. If I had a dime for everytime I was sitting behind someone who appeared to be slowing for a turn but could not pull their head out of their ass long enough to use said signal to indicate that I could go around them, I'd be a rich rich man. It's criminal (pun intended)!

And let's not forget the 16,000 other times Chris Henry was arrested in the last two years...

But alas, Lewis has apologized. Being the dignitary he is, he personally called the head of the Cincinnati PD to say he didn't mean to imply that they were a bunch of dicks or anything...he was just frustrated. Let's face it, his feelings are hurt...

I gotta say though, if Cincinnati's finest were really doing their jobs, the guy who suggested they put cinnamon in their chili would have been behind bars ages ago...but as of today, he remains at large. Get 'er done Cincy...get 'er done.

Who Dey Gon' Arrest Next?

Guess it won't be Chris Henry after all...sad, but true. Henry, in fact, did not fail a drug test despite earlier reports.

Doesn't change the fact that he'll probably be back in jail by Labor Day...just you watch.

Any votes as to what the next charge will be? Fighting Michael Vick's dogs? (I mean like Chris Henry fighting Vick's dogs, not like Henry's dogs doing the fighting...)

Don't Look Now, But...

Chris Henry very well could be back in jail sooner than we all thought (ok, who had May 21 in the pool?).

While I pause for a moment from laughing hysterically, allow me to relate the latest in the saga of Chris Henry and the law. According to early reports, Henry failed a court-ordered drug test, revealing the presence of opiates in his system. An offense that carries a sentence of up to 88 days in jail.

Now, at the risk of getting too serious in this discussion, which by nature really should be out of bounds (good thing it's MY blog...I make the rules), this would probably be Henry's last stand. I can't imagine Commissioner Goodell would let Henry continue to be a black spot on the league's character...and if he did, it probably wouldn't be without at least a year, possibly two year's suspension. But, are there conflicting reports? And, please, tell me, what does Henry's agent have to say (like I really need to know...agents are always the most honest individuals, right?)?

Still...another day, another Bengal potentially arrested.

At what point do you look at your team and just clean house? Better yet, why don't we just disband the Bengals...even before they were a black spot on the league's character, they were just a black spot on the league in general...I mean they fielded Chris Collinsworth for christ's sake. I think even Browns fans would agree...

Although, on a brighter note for Cincinnati, the woman who first accused linebacker AJ Nicholson of fourth degree assault is now claiming she hit HERSELF with HER OWN cell phone...thus negating her earlier claims and potentially revoking blame from Nicholson.

Dynamite Idea for New Reality Show - The Life and Times of Chris Henry

What can I say, the man's comic genius in an America's Funniest Home Videos kind of way...or maybe more like Cops. Either way, Chris Henry has landed himself in trouble with the law yet again.

The 24 year old Henry, who's seen more than his fair share of handcuffs over the past two years, was cited this week for driving with a suspended license, an improper turn and a seatbelt violation. Hardly felonious offenses. But for a guy with a rap sheet like Henry's, this could spell bad news.

Distributing alcohol to minors - 2 days in jail
Three minor traffic violations - ???
Getting arrested 14 times in 14 months - Priceless

Thanks for giving me something else to muse about dude...