October 17, 2008

Queen's City Here We Come...

Cincinnati. What can I say about the Bungles that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? They look bombed out and depleted.

Ok, no seriously. Here's the state of the Bengals - They're 0-6 - despite a few close ones, sans Carson Palmer - sub Ryan Fitzpatrick who may be more suited to attack the MCATs than the Pittsburgh defense; they feature a one-two backfield punch of Chris Perry (averaging a staggering 42 rush yards per game) and Cedric Benson (recently signed off waivers), and an imposing Defense that includes such notable talents as Domata Peko, Rashad Jeanty and Dexter Jackson. So clearly the Steelers will face their toughest test of 2008.

Alright, no, let's get serious. There is no such thing as a sure thing. Especially in the NFL this year. I needn't remind you of last weekend's results as evidence. So while the Bengals, on their face, don't seem to be quite the formidable foe they've been in the past they were in 2005, they've still got some playmakers that we'd be apt to worry about. Mainly - TJ Douchemanzadeh, Chad Johns-circus-show, Chris Henry - The Perpetually-Incarcerated Wonder, Jonathan Joseph (ish), Leon Hall (ish), and Keith Rivers (as much ish as you can give to a 1st round rookie).

And let's not forget that now Willie Parker is out for Sunday, Marvel Smith is more than likely out (sub the 7 million dollar bench warmer man, Max Starks), and Casey Hampton may likely sit this one as well. So we're not exactly in tip-top shape either. We're a handful of sacks away from losing to an 0-6 team vying to replace last year's Dolphins as the league's most worthless franchise. We can NOT let that happen.

The good news is, the Defense is relatively healthy. We're getting Keisel back, although we can't be sure he's 100%. Nick Eason, Travis Kirschke and Chris Hoke been filling in rather well. The linebackers are playing like the ravenous, sack-happy beasts we know they truly are, and Troy looks like a man on fire, and has actually been somewhat vocal to boot. All that notwithstanding, I'm slightly worried about our Corners. Notice I said SLIGHTLY. We know they can play, but the only real weapons Cincy has are really the three aforementioned Wide Receivers. Good news again is that Deshea Townsend should be well rested. So the trio of Face Me Ike, Bryant "Look at my sick goatee" McFadden and Deshea "I ain't done yet" Townsend should be alright. That said, it's something to watch.

In addition, I'll also be watching - Jeff Reed. I know that sounds weird, and NO I don't mean watching him while he photographs his manliness in the hotel bathroom. I mean that left calf he injured in our game against Jacksonville Jagoffville two weeks ago. Tec and I have been very vocal about our expectations for Party Boy Reed, but this injury may be more than any of us are thinking. And there's only one way to find that out. Either way, hopefully he spent the bye week rehabbing and taking it easy rather than refereeing pudding wrestling with Sandy Sanderson at Buckhead's. But I have my doubts about that.

Then there's Nate Washington. And, I mean that in a good way (for the first time). Last game he shined, nabbing six catches for 94 yards and a score. If he can be that reliable on Sunday, and Hines can have the kind of game HE had two weeks ago (7 catches, 90 yards, 1 TD), not to mention hopefully a healthy Santonio, we should have some great success throwing the ball in the absence of Master Fly W Large (Willie Parker for those of you who aren't familiar with the OFTOT preferred nomenclature).

Plus, with Dallas Baker out this week, we just might get our first real taste of what Limas Speed Sweed can do. Arians wants to throw that patented corner of the end zone fade? Who better to chuck it to than a 6'4" 220 lb monster who'll likely be covered by either Simeon Castille (6'0", 195, undrafted free agent) or David Jones (6'0", 196, 2nd year Corner out of Wingate). I would love nothing more than to see Limas Sweed pillage the Bengals secondary. Of course, it's not likely...and frankly, I'd love nothing more than to see ANY of our receivers pillage the Bengals secondary. But I gotta have something to write about. You understand.

So that's my two, three, four (?) cents for whatever they're worth (don't even make the smartass joke). And in case you were wondering, Steely McGnome has predicted Steelers - 34, Bengals - 24.

What do you guys think? Anyone you'll be looking at on Sunday? Any concerns you have? Anybody got any gum?

Let's have it.

Oh, I'll also be watching the benGALs. But not in 'nam while the game is going on, of course...


Lori said...

You disguised "Douchemanzadeh" so well that I read it and was like... wait a minute.. "Douchemanzadeh" that can't be right... OH. haha amazing. I'm watching this shit in an Ohio sports bar, I can't wait.

Big Snack Silverback said...

If we lose this game I am going to kill a Sheetz employee. Wait. We don't have Sheetz in OC, CA. DAMMIT.

Big Snack Silverback said...

If we lose this game I am going to kill a Sheetz employee. Wait. We don't have Sheetz in OC, CA. DAMMIT.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Steelers 34, Ben-Gals 3.

I was wondering what would happen if Ryan FitzPatrick (Patrick FitzRyan?) gets knocked out of the game or gets pulled for incompetence. Guess who is the Bengals No. 3 QB? Why, it's Carson Palmer's younger brother, JORDAN Palmer! Who the eff names their sons Carson and Jordan? Pussies.

This I want to see.