Meeting People Is Easy...

Well, either most of you took your vacations a week early, or I guess OFTOT just wasn't as entertaining as usual this week. Oh well, not the first time in my life that I was a disappointment. I mean, wait. What?

But seriously guys. Tame week. I hope you're all just saving your energy for the upcoming OFTOT Training Camp extravaganza. It's gonna be a bloodbath. T-minus three days until camp. Where's my IC Light?

As for Meeting People Is Easy, this week's esteemed panel is as follows...
1. The Chief ~ Loves Primanti's Corned Beef.
2. Silky Johnson ~ Brian Westbrook sitch has him taking xanax.
3. Marc ~ Avatar = Doogie Howser, MD.
4. Random Asshole ~ Has odd fascination with murderous rage.
5. Cotter ~ If you don't know me by now, you will never ever know me.

Hey, what do you get when you cross an Eagles fan, an Ohio resident, and a miscellaneous anus?

You're about to find out...click to enlarge...

New Season, New Rules...

Mike Tomlin held a press conference yesterday. Talks with Rashard Mendenhall and Limas Sweed are allegedly progressing well. Cool.

But that's not the big news. Oh no, the BIG news is that he didn't say "the reality of it," once.

Indeed, according to the "transcribed" press conference over at SteelCityInsider, not once did Big Mike utter the sweet nothing - "the reality of it." But, you know, it's a new year. Out with the old, in with the new...press conference diction. Apparently.

2007 was "the reality of." 2008 is "really." Which, uh, for now, is, uh, equally...funny? Let's just assume it is, because Tomlin managed to toss it out seven times in just a few minutes.

Now that's not terrible. One time I heard Domski use the word "shiteater" seven times in one SENTENCE. But the word "really," seven times, is I'd say, par for the course.

Ok, I can't keep this up any longer. You get the joke, right?

Anyways, Tomlin DID hold a press conference yesterday. He said (mainly) that Mendenhall and Sweed would be signed by Sunday, the Rooney Tunes saga could be a bit of a distraction during camp, and the most hotly contested battle in camp will be Hartwig vs. Mahan. Glad he cleared that last one up, because I thought it would be Max Starks vs. His Self-Esteem.

So since this was a pretty ho-hum press conference, I dreamed up a few things I would have laughed at if I had heard them. In no particular order, they are...

Q: Coach, have you been to a Pirates game recently?
A: The reality of it is that I don't watch soccer. And even if I did, that wouldn't change what we do in terms of preparing ourselves and getting ready for the upcoming season.

Q: Coach, what do you think about that guy who writes OFTOT?
A: The reality of it is that terrorism is everywhere. I mean there's probably terrorism somewhere in Oakland right now. But it doesn't change what we do in terms of our preparation and how we get ourselves ready for the season.

Q: Coach, what do you think about Browns fans chanting "Sup-er Bowl!"
A: The reality of it is that the season is 16 games, played September through January. They can chant "Tim Couch for President!" It doesn't change what we do in terms of how we come together and train for the 17 week season.

Q: Coach, who's going to be the 1st Steeler to do "Dancing with The Stars?"
A: Sean "Happy Feet" Mahan. Next question.

Q: Coach, what would change the way you prepare for the upcoming season?
A: The reality of it is that I don't think answering this question will change how we get ready for Week 1 or how we train between now and the beginning of September.

Anything you guys would've laughed at if you heard??? Do share.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Mike Tomlin Press Conference [SteelCityInsider]
Tomlin Says Ownership Situation a Potential Distraction [Post-Gazette]
Tomlin says Sweed, Mendenhall talks going well [Trib]
Tomlin Holds Pre-Training Camp News Conference [KDKA]
Tomlin Says Mendenhall, Sweed Talks Going Well [WTAE]

Hey, At Least It's Not About Brett Fav-ruh...

"Free at last. Free at last. Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

Not to take Martin Luther King Jr.'s wisdom in vain. But he's a smart dude. A lot smarter than my dumb ass. And well, that's how I feel right now, free. Although I still have a writing assignment due next Tuesday. So I'm not out of the proverbial woods just yet.

Still, yes friends, I am free...relatively. Two finals up, two finals down. Don't ask me how they went, because I ain't gonna tell you. Rule #1 I learned in law school was - never try to estimate how you did on an exam. Most of the time you have a 7%-8% chance of being right, and if you're superstitious like me, it isn't even worth it.

Anyways, back to your regularly scheduled Steelers programming...

So apparently 'Burgh native Mark Cuban returned to his alma mater the other night for what else, but a forum about these here internets. And while he was there, what do you suppose the Pittsburgh media asked him to comment on? The wide world of porn web? Yeah, right. Actually, it was the Steelers. Specifically, why he didn't want to invest in the team's ownership.

His rationale, you ask? Well, that'd be...

"The realities of environments -- where the cap is based upon total revenue, including local revenue of the league divided by the number of teams -- means that teams that can't generate local revenue as fast as the cap can go up..."

...Ah yes, it's a lot like "Star Trek: The Next Generation". In many ways it is superior, but will never be as recognized as the original...

I mean, what?

Dude, just say you didn't want to buy the team. I highly doubt anyone cares about your views on the Salary Cap. And to be honest with you, I think the Salary Cap is actually a good thing. Without it, we'd have a Dallas-New England Super Bowl every god damned year. And I know nobody wants to hear about Jessica Simpson and Giselle Bundchen for three hours...unless it involves hearing about them making out, that is. You know, that or watching them make out...either way.

So, I guess we can all rest easy knowing that Mark Cuban would rather pay 15 guys who toss a ball through a hoop out in the middle of Texas $84+ million dollars than own one of the proudest NFL Franchises. Great. That's just, great. I'm gonna go stick a fork in my eye, now. I'll see you in a minute.

Ah, it's good to be back. I missed you guys. What have you been up to? You're looking really buff! Wait, let me try that again. Hey guys, what did I miss? You're all still with me, right?

Hello?

...

Your Very Own Fistful of Steel...

Alright, fine. I admit it. I couldn't think of a single thing to write about yesterday (errr...Monday evening when I went to write a post).

For a second I almost caught myself writing about polyanna Brett Favre. Then I threw up a little bit in my mouth and that was that.

But today, I've got a premise for you. Well actually, KDKA has a premise for you. I'm just going to talk about it for two or three paragraphs, ask you a few questions and send you on your merry way with a few less brain cells.

Today's topic - How'd you like to buy a share in the Steelers?

So let me get this straight...you mean all I'd have to do is plunk down a few hard earned greenbacks and I too could be part owner of the greatest franchise in NFL history? Well paint my face and call me Stanley! What a fabulous idea. Too bad The Chief came up with it last Tuesday.

Anyways, for what it's worth - I'd be one of the first in line. Sure, it wouldn't guarantee me anything more than the satisfaction that I'm financially supporting the team I love. But as long as they send Steely McBeam over to rub me down once a quarter, I'm good. Kidding, kidding.

Seriously though, I'd definitely throw down some coin to grab a piece of the Black 'n Gold. I'd much rather place the team at the disposal of a handful of directors than just one man whose real intentions are largely unknown. Nothing against this Druckenmiller cat or anyone else who might be financially interested in the team. I just can't trust anyone who's main occupation is playing with other people's money (no lawyer jokes either, thanks).

That said, and before random asshole chimes in - the bad news is, NFL league rules no longer allow this sort of chicanery. So the point is moot. But isn't it fun to think about? I'll be saving my pennies just in case.

How about you guys? Would you buy a few shares in the Steelers if you had the opportunity? And if so, what would be your first official duty?

I know what mine would be (semi-not work appropriate)...

Oh, and one more thing. Since I obviously have masochistic tendencies and decided to take three classes over summer session, I'll regretfully be leaving you all in Domski's hands until next Wednesday (studying for finals). I'll pop my head out for Friday's Meeting People Is Easy. But otherwise, all I'll be reading about is "Legal Ethics" (hold the jokes, I've heard them all already) and "Accounting for Lawyers" (I knows me sum maths).

We've done this before. You know the drill.

I'll miss you guys, (/tear).

xoxoxoxo,

- Cotter

Cry Me A River Three Rivers...

Let's see...14 days 'til training camp...we've covered pretty much everything...except...no, we covered that one...uh, well there's...no, that won't work, we don't have a Santa suit...uh...hey, look, it's Ben Roethlisberger!

/Cotter vanishes in a poof of dust like some crazy ass cartoon character

Just kidding.

Here's something we haven't talked about in a while - our schedule sucks. But this time, don't take my word for it. Here's what Mike Florio says...

Whether the Steelers, Browns, Bengals or Ravens can get to .500 comes back to those eight games against the AFC South and NFC East. A uniform failure by the AFC North's squads in those eight games could lead to the first 7-9 division winner in league history.

So if it comes down to the AFC South and NFC East, how will this really pan out?

That's the Peytons Colts, the Jagoffs Jaguars, the Oilers Titans, and the Nobodys Texans, as well as the New Jerseyites Giants, the Cowgirls Cowboys (yes I went with the obvious joke), the Who's your Coach? Redskins, and the Eagles (Eagles spared from wittiness due to my friendly allegiances). None of these teams were below .500 last year. In fact, they were a collective 82-46. Six of them were playoff teams. And oh yeah, I think one of them won the Super Bowl or something.

So, I guess we have our work cut out for us. But you know what? If we want to compete this year, we're going to have to play [most of] them eventually anyway. And listen, if anyone's going to beat any or all of them, I have to believe it'll be the Steelers, and not the Browns, Bengals or Ravens. Though, I guess you could say I'm a little bias.

I'll tell you who worries me in the division though, Baltimore. The Browns are catching more attention than a Britney Spears sighting at Spago, and the Bengals are just a god damned mess (still). But the Ravens, on the other hand, had one big problem last season - scoring. By all accounts, that situation may have rectified itself with the additions of Ray Rice and Joe Flacco(/Troy Smith). Couple that with the same nasty D? The Ravens always look like they're a tough team to beat..that is, except for that one time when Silverback pretty much beat them single handedly and Hines damn near knocked Ed Reed into the third row.

I guess what I'm saying is - if it really does come down to beating those eight teams, as Florio opines that it will, the one team to give us a run for the division will be the Ravens. Put my Anthony Smith hat on and call me "Prophet." Because that's how I see it, folks.

Anyone have thoughts on this? Are my thoughts on the schedule misplaced? Are you worried about the Browns or Bengals?

Oh, and as usual, here's a recap of what you missed this weekend while you were busy denying Facebook friend requests from people you never talked to in high school...

• The Rooney Tunes Saga (thanks to reader Don for this nickname) - felt even on the Emerald Isle
• Painting Your Face Black and Gold - apparently low class
• Blog N' Gold Sizes Up Potential Investors - had enough yet?
• Super Bowl Formula - absorb as many castoffs as possible

You may have noticed the glaring omission of the story that just won't go away. Yeah, that was on purpose. Pass the pain killers please.

McCain Campaign Pulls A Bissinger...

I almost never write weekend posts. I can't remember the last time I did, actually. It's kind of like seeing a dog walk on his hind legs. That or hearing Mike Tomlin give a press conference without using the phrase "the reality of it."

But this time, I feel it's important.

At this point, you've probably heard about John McCain's creative memory. Well in response to the slip up, his campaign had this to say...

"[This] was an honest mistake...If bloggers want to make fun of John McCain because he forgot which team he used under torture, that is their right."

From a PR standpoint, this is a classic but anachronistic strategy that I call "the Jedi Mind Trick." Yes, he was wrong, but look over there - those bloggers are a bunch of insensitive dicks (/McCain sneaks out back door while everyone throws stones at bloggers).

Having worked in PR at the beginning of my career, and now authoring this blog, I have what I think is a unique perspective on this.

Which is, that's a piss poor response. The last thing you want to do when the center of your campaign has completely screwed up, is blame someone else who merely pointed out the mistake (albeit in a sarcastic and less than flattering tone). The right reaction would have been just to apologize. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

For example, think about the steroid situation in baseball. Take Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi. I know they're not exactly on the same talent level and I know it is remotely (very very remotely) possible that Bonds didn't use steroids. But my point is - Bonds has chided everyone for suggesting that he cheated, and everyone hates him (well, just about everyone). Giambi openly admitted his mistake, apologized, and people forgave him.

It's not some brilliant strategy. It's human nature. When you make a mistake, you apologize. And you certainly don't blame other people for pointing out the truth. This is not 1955. Today, information is distributed at light speed. You just can't expect everyone to ignore such a glaring mistake.

So I don't know who's in charge of McCain's PR, but in this man's opinion, they handled this one really poorly. I mean, after all, McCain is vying for the Presidency. This certainly doesn't instill much confidence in me that he's a decent and caring man. Especially when his campaign takes a shot at bloggers. Way to go with the flavor of the week defense. Jerks.

Anyone feel differently? Thoughts? Were bloggers wrong for highlighting McCain's blunder?

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
McCain's Mind No Steel Trap [Post-Gazette]
McCain's Steelers Memory Contradicts His Book [KDKA]
John McCain Is Old Or A Liar [PSAMP]
John McCain is a Steelers Fan (when in PA) [MJD]
In PA, McCain Tells a New Version of Heroic P.O.W. Story [ABC News]
McCain claims he recited Steelers lineup, problem is... [Daily Kos]

Santonio Holmes > Plaxico Burress...

You know, I don't remember too many people saying Santonio doesn't like working hard. But according to this Trib report from yesterday, apparently someone did.

And so it seems, San Antonio feels he has something to prove. Because someone said he doesn't work hard? I don't know. Maybe it's because the team drafted Limas Swede Sweed in the 2nd round. Maybe it's because he averaged more yards per catch than Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Reggie Wayne, Torry Holt and Chad Johnson last season and no one even noticed. Or maybe someone shit in his cereal the day he gave this interview. Your guess is as good as mine.

One way or another, the man seems to be very vocal this offseason about his dedication. First, he more or less demanded to return punts. Which...you know...I mean, ok...maybe. We'll see if he can hang on to the ball long enough to return anything. But beyond that, now he's giving us the "see, I really do care" routine.

Frankly, I don't particularly care what his motivation is. I never doubted Santonio's work ethic for a second. I mean, after all, he did (according to the Trib) "lead the Steelers in receiving yards, yards per catch and touchdowns, AND recorded the team's only three 100-yard receiving games" in 2007. It'd be awfully tough for him to accomplish that while cutting routes short and making careless mistakes...you know, like spiking a live ball or something (hypothetically speaking, of course). So where's the lack of motivation?

Nevertheless, all this "hard work" has a purpose. Apparently, Santonio would like to make his first trip to Honolulu this coming February. I guess no one told him the Pro Bowl is a gigantic waste of time. Either way, I applaud his effort and I absolutely hope he accomplishes what he's set out to do. Go forth San Antonio, and dominate.

Any comments from the peanut gallery? Or are you all out to a permanent lunch this week?

PS - this headline is a blatant rip-off of Tecmo's patented > (greater than) method...sorry man, it was for a good cause.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Holmes Defends Work Ethic [Trib]

Are You Sure We Can't Interest You In The Pirates, Mr. Druckenmiller?

"I have spent my entire life devoted to the Pittsburgh Steelers and the National Football League...I will do everything possible to work out a solution to ensure my father's legacy of keeping the Steelers in the Rooney family and in Pittsburgh for at least another 75 years."
- Dan Rooney

Ok, so I guess new ownership in Pittsburgh has just slightly more than a snowball's chance in hell.

I mean, seeing as how a man worth $3.5 billion (and ranked 91st out of the 400 richest people in America) wants to purchase a majority stake in the team, I imagine it's virtually inevitable. After all, cash trumps in America, does it not?

When I wrote yesterday's post (on Monday evening), all I knew was that three (at least I thought it was three) of the five Rooney's were interested in selling their shares. The name Stanley Druckenmiller was out there. But at least this blogger didn't actually think the aforementioned Rooneys would be so greedy as to reject an offer from their own brothers in favor of some random billionaire.

Since then, obviously a lot has come to light. It now appears that the sale of a controlling interest in the Steelers will likely be made in the next few days. To Stanley Druckenmiller, who, let the record show, plans to "include Dan and Art Rooney II in his ownership group." God, what a magnanimous fellow. You mean he'd be so gracious as to retain two of the most influential men in the proud Steelers history? The architects of a team that has won five Super Bowls in the last 35 years. Gee, isn't that swell.

Well, you know what? That isn't good enough for me.

I don't care if it was Druckenmiller's dream to someday own the Steelers. I'd like to own the Steelers too. Who wouldn't? But in my opinion, a real Steeler fan understands the significance of the Rooneys' ownership. This team has belonged to this family for its entire existence, and unlike most of today's owners, the Rooneys (Dan and Art II that is) seem to care just as much about winning championships as they do about making money.

A billionaire investor? I just don't know.

Of course, even if the Greedys four Rooneys sell their collective 64% to Druckenmiller, 24 of the leagues 32 owners would still have to approve the sale. But does anyone honestly think there are enough moral crusaders among the league's owners to stop the depressing affirmation that money is more important than family and tradition? I have my doubts.

So I think I've made my stance perfectly clear. But what about you guys? Am I over reacting? Is it too idealistic to believe in tradition these days? How do you think it will affect the team's future if Druckenmiller is installed as majority owner? And above all else - What would The Chief think of all this?

LATE ADDITION: We may not know what The Chief would think about all this, but we now know what THIS Chief thinks. Band together Steeler Nation. T[ogether] E[veryone] A[chieves] M[ore].

FOR MORE ON THIS DEBACLE:
Pittsburgh's Rooneys Quietly Shop Steelers [Wall Street Journal]
Rooney Trying to Sell The Steelers? [PSAMP]
Questions, answers regarding Steelers' ownership situation [ESPN]
Serenity Now! [Blog 'n Gold]
‘The Rooney way’ is best path to NFL success [Sporting News]
Why Now For Steelers Sale? [KDKA]
Financier Makes Bid For Steelers [Associated Press]
'Low key' billionaire eyes up Steelers [Trib]

This Picture Will Never Get Old...

Well, I hope your weekends were all as ridiculous as mine.

Without getting into too much detail, let's just say I was in Killadelphia Philadelphia for a whole 24 hours (and didn't get mugged once), and upon my return to the Garden State, played Rock Band for a cumulative 10 hours over two days. Whilst obviously not drinking any alcoholic beverages of any kind. Never. Certainly not via a beer bong...

Anyway, I'm sure you didn't come here to read about my foolish exploits. So I'll get right to the point.

I was thinking yesterday - What of Anthony Smith? Two years ago, he looked like the heir apparent to the starting Free Safety position. Now, many might say, not so much.

Has our confidence in The Prophet been so shaken over a so-called "guarantee?" Has that one embarrassing performance made us think he isn't the long term starter?

Then, of course there's the flip side. In the limited duty he's seen he's been pretty solid. I mean he hasn't been the second coming of Carnell Lake. But he's been a good, aggressive tackler and a steady set of hands (unlike some other Pittsburgh DBs who shall remain nameless...).

So now that Ryan Clark is coming back from the spleenectomy, and Tyrone Carter is still hanging around, have the Steelers thought about where Anthony Smith fits in? Is he still the next starter at FS? Will he learn from his youthful transgression? And most importantly - Will he please guarantee that some really hot blond will want to make out with Cotter? Wait, his guarantee didn't work out so well, did it?

Ugh...

Oh, and here's a rundown of what you missed this weekend while you were consuming 64 Nathan's Hot Dogs and serving as a shining reminder that America is home of the free, home of the brave, and of course, home of the massive coronary...

• Bill Belicheat. Snubbing people since the early 90's.
• Mewelde Moore. Some think he might have a big impact.
• James Farrior. Wants to play another four years.
• Northeast Ohio. Can't even enjoy Arena Football.

And finally, for the record, this picture will never get old either...


Cot-ter, end communication.

The Internets Are Full of Goodies...

See, that headline is good because it's true. I mean, where else can you find such "must have items" as a Steelers-Browns checkers set? Or a Steelers propane tank cover? Or a Snoop Dogg t-shirt with a Steelers logo on it? (Ok, I'd venture to say you can probably find that last one at Tobiathan's place).

Too bad that ain't the topic of today's post.

As for that - I don't know about you guys. But I don't really see the point in trying to speculate who will be the last to get the axe before camp. I mean we all know it's probably going to be Big Ben anyway. So why even bother?

How about, instead, we review what scant Steelers news has hit the presses over the past couple of days. It might be as fun as trying to stop Silverback from getting his son baptized. But I'm willing to take that chance.

Let's begin...

#1 ~ RIP Steelers Statute of Liberty Play...
You were gone before we even got to know you. Or something like that. So I guess we have our answer on 3rd string QB. Now, who's going to be 3rd string in charge of scrubbing Larry Zierling's hard drive?

Sidenote - I find it pretty hillarious that the headline on PXI's site announcing Zabransky's departure goes out of it's way to acknowledge that the player signed in his place is from England. England...that's near Montreal, right?


#2 ~ Hines Ward Is Smrt [Sic]...
If you haven't seen this one, apparently a majority of NFL coaches voted Hines "the brainiest player in the NFL." Of course, KDKA.com is quick to point out that this didn't include QBs. What do you suppose they're trying to say there? Also, Dan Rooney was named "best owner." But this is really an afterthought, because I'm sure you don't need a survey to tell you that.

#3 ~ You Go [Naked Wrestling] Girls...
This has nothing to do with football. Or the Steelers. Or dinosaurs. But it has everything to do with hot naked women wrestling each other. And that, my friends, gets the ol' Cotter seal of approval. Good for you, brave naked chicks who like to wrestle. Anytime you wanna have a match in the greater New York City area, I'd be happy to host. You know how to play Rock Band, right?

PS - I support your war of terror. Viva la revolución!!


#4 ~ Hyundai Spotting!
Is that Domski in there singing to N'Sync? The internets are watching...


And that is all I got, folks. I sincerely apologize for the brain cells lost while reading this post. I promise I'll make it up to you next season. In posts about dinosaurs, that is...

Happy Trails Dump Davenport...

I don't think anyone ever had anything against Najeh Davenport. But I also don't think anyone ever thought he was a long term fixture in Pittsburgh. And with the additions of Mewelde Moore via free agency and Rashard Mendenhall via the draft, it became all but assured that Najeh would be out of a job before September.

Well, the Steelers made it official Friday - dumping Davenport after failing to find any teams interested in a trade.

Over the past two seasons, the Closet Bandit amassed a good 720 yards and 6 TDs for our Steelers. Not exactly a complete failure as a backup.

It should also be noted that among his achievements last season were an admirable 129 yard performance in Week 16 filling in for FWP, and a pretty sweet TD catch against the Pats in our Week 14 bed shitting loss. So we can't really say he never did anything for us.

But it did seem like it was time.

For whatever it's worth - it's possible that this is in fact a bad move. I mean we don't really know anything about how Mewelde Moore will fit in. Nor do we know for sure how well Mendenhall will fit in (though I'm sure we can't imagine him NOT fitting in well). But we do know what we got from Davenport (besides someone who brought new meaning to "soiled clothes").

Either way, in light of his release, I'll promptly be installing a lock on my closet. I suggest you do the same.

What do you guys think? Good move? Unnecessary move? Inevitable move? Ideas on where Davenport will be shitting in closets next season?

Oh, and here's a roundup of what you missed this weekend while you were making a deodorant run at 12:30 AM...

• Brooks Orpik stones Penguins brass
• Apparently we're still scouting Running Backs?
• Wait, Cleveland has an airport?
• Real Ravens as mascots...That just doesn't seem like a good idea

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Steelers Cut Ties With Davenport [Trib]
Steelers Release Davenport, Three Others [Post-Gazette]
Najeh Davenport Stats [Yahoo! Sports]
Najeh Davenport (S)Hit and Run [OFTOT]

Put Your Thinking Caps On...

The [current] Steelers are staying out of the news, which is a good thing. That is, it gives us a whole lot of nothing to talk about today.

Nevertheless, do not take the dearth of late June to mean that OFTOT will put it on cruise control. Oh no, 'tis the season for...speculation! And since in the last 24 hours no [former] Steelers admitted to having done steroids, I just see no other possible option.

Below are three (in honor of Jeff Reed) discussion points for you all to sink your teeth into today. Embrace them. Learn to love them. Caress them ever so gently...

Errr...moving right along...

#1 ~ Aaron Smith's Bicep
Last year, Smith went down week 14, leaving his side of the D-Line to the triumvirate of Kirschke, Eascon and McBean. And while none of them showed flashes of greatness, none of them were epic failures either. This season, Aaron Smith might go down week 3. Then what?

#2 ~ "Special" Teams
Last year, "Special" Teams went down week 1, leaving the Steelers opponents with unacceptably good field position. And while they never, at any point...ever, showed flashes of greatness, maybe they were just underperforming? This season, fire Bob Ligashesky?

#3 ~ Ben's Fluffer Backup QB
Last year, Chuck Batch was Chuck Batch, as he has been for a few years now. And while he's been an exceptionally good backup, he's going to be 34 in December. Having a good, serviceable backup QB in this league is becoming almost as necessary as having a good, serviceable #2 RB. Yet, the Steelers grabbed Jared Zabransky via free agency, and tabled Dennis Dixon via this year's draft. When was the last time the Steelers brought in a QB through either of those means who didn't make the team?

Soooooooo...that's - Smith's Bicep, "Special" Teams, Fluffers Backup QB - What say you?

Those Were The Days...

"But a longer official offseason is not the path to success. A major difference between now and 1987 is players predominately worked out individually, especially when it came to running and speed drills. They felt their solo workouts were more beneficial. They worked out because they wanted to, not because they had to...I'd still take 1987. The offseason evolution has gone a few steps too far."

- Rod Woodson

Yep, the "good ol' days." You know, those days when the players actually had time off in the OFFseason. Or so claims Señor Rod Woodson...

Now, as I'm a relatively young buck myself, I can't really vouch for whether things have changed so drastically since 1987. My biggest concern in '87 was whether to pack my lunch in my Thundercats lunch box or my Smurfs lunchbox (Thundercats always won). And I'm not so sure 1987 is really so long ago that it can be classified as "the good ol' days." But since Rod Woodson said it, I'll roll with it.

Either way, Rod sure remembers those days. AND the supposed "free time" that came with them.

In doing so he raises an interesting question - is the current offseason training schedule too much? Is it really necessary to have Mini-Camp/OTAs, Training Camp, and at least four preseason games (five if you're "special")? Is this too restrictive on the players personal lives? Is this too much of a strain on their finely tuned athletic machines bodies?

Well I don't have definitive answers to all these questions. I just write a blog. But I can speak from the perspective of someone who has no time of his own.

And frankly, it sucks.

I'll spare you the mundane details of my 9AM-9PM, 7-day-a-week life, but in the players' case, they are physically exerting themselves basically non stop from April to January (sometimes February if they're real lucky). So is it just a coincidence that we're hearing more and more about injuries as the years pass? I'll leave that one open for you.

On the other hand, in my experience, maintaining a higher level of efficiency is much easier when I've been doing it for a significant period of time. I've gotten used to my schedule, much as I imagine the players have gotten used to theirs. And look, these guys aren't exactly getting minimum wage for their "suffering." Make no mistake, we know how well paid they are. So is it really too much?

I'm not really convinced one way or another. Persuade me, friends. Do you think the current offseason schedule pushes the envelope?

Oh yeah, and obviously Rod wasn't fully aware of the Steelers OTA activities when he made the following statement -

"There's a misconception out there that OTAs are a picnic; that we're out there playing around with coloring books."

Well no, Rod. Not coloring books. Bowling balls, though.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Definition of "Offseason" Has Changed Quite A Bit [NFL.com]

No News, No Time, No Problem...

Alright, there still isn't anything interesting going on in Steelerland. Except for that little bowling excursion Tuesday. And seeing as how I already covered the team playing one unorthodox sport this week, today I've once again resorted to unbridled misguided creativity to entertain you. But you'll be happy to know there will be no haikus this time. Just Photoshop.

See, I got inspired on Monday. A friend of mine forwarded me one of those emails you normally laugh at half-heartedly and promptly delete. But after seeing all of the fun someone else had with Photoshop, I got an idea.

Certainly this isn't anything new and different for me (what follows that is, not having ideas). But I did a little experimenting of my own with those fun motivational posters or whatever they're supposed to be.

The culmination of this idiocy is what you will see below. And I promise, I tried to keep it Steelers relevant. Really, I did.

I sincerely hope you enjoy...


Seriously, I haven't seen a four-on-one like this since Domski's wedding.


Good thing he turned out to be famous.


So don't make them.


At least he didn't try and stop Silverback from getting his son baptized.


Unexplainable.


Sorry, I had to.


And some of us have no rhythm.


And this was only on page four of the search results.
[Photo "Credit" - FreakingNews.com]


Ladies & gentleman, Domski ate four fruit parfaits...at one time. No joke.


February 5, 2006, a day of infamy for a generation of Steelers fans.

There, how was that? Still mad about yesterday's non-post, post? What say you? Did I do good?

Just A Bad Rap?

"Starks earned the job for two seasons -- one of them ending with a Super Bowl victory -- before a new coaching staff removed him in favor of Colon last season."

- Ed Bouchette

As I remember it, there were significantly fewer Max Starks haters before last August. That was when he was supplanted at Right Tackle by young'n Willie Colon. Of course, to be fair, most days I have trouble remembering my own name. That lack of mental acuity aside, is it possible that Max Starks was simply marginalized because Tomlin didn't like him?

Now, before we go any further, I'd like to offer one disclaimer. That being, I really don't know. I'm not an insider. My name isn't Ed Bouchette. I don't, "have access," as Buzz Bissinger would say. I am merely offering a topic for discussion.

So let's discuss.

Starks was drafted in the 3rd round of the 2004 draft. He then earned a job as Big Ben's right hand man (literally) in 2005, just in time for Super Bowl XL. The next year, Starks maintained his position through 14 games until he went down with an injury. And although the team went an underwhelming 8-8 that year, I don't remember anyone laying the blame at Starks' [enormous] feet.

Yet, by August 2007, new Head Coach Mike Tomlin had anointed 2006 4th rounder Willie Colon the new starting Right Tackle.

Starks was relegated to the bench. Only to remain there for the better part of the season, until the team had to shelve Marvel Smith when he threw his back out backdooring Steely McBeam suffered what became a season ending back injury. Then, of course, Starks went down himself in that meaningless joke of a game he probably should never have played.

But that's not all. Oh no, friends. We all know the best is yet to come.

Earlier in the offseason, the Steelers decided - rather than lose TWO offensive lineman to free agency - they would bitch slap Starks with the transition tag and subsequently offer him a cool $7 mil (or close to it...are we going to split hairs here?). Starks of course did what any respectable backup Tackle would do in the situation - he said, "easiest $7 million I ever made" and promptly bought himself a pony. Ok, he didn't really do that. But I'll bet if he did, it would have been a mini pony (cue Tecmo).

So that brings us to the present. Currently, Starks is expected to compete for, but not necessarily re-assume, the starting Right Tackle position. How the team could justify giving Starks all that coin to pick splinters out of his ass is beyond my comprehension. But again - what do I know? I write a Steelers blog.

Now, you guys tell me. Am I, as the man who slings BS just as well as he does a baseball says, "misremembering" the facts? Certainly he's not on the short list for next year's pro bowl, but can Starks win a starting position? Is it possible that Tomlin just has a bias toward Willie Colon? And last but not least - How tall do you think Starks really is, counting the afro?

Oh, and here are some fun facts you probably didn't know about Starks - he likes Basketball and Swimming and aspires to someday have a second career in TV or radio...you listening, Tunch?

Comments now, please.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Starks Hopes to Make Big Impact [Post-Gazette]

Casey At The Bat...

File this under things I wish I could see.

This past Saturday, the Steelers played softball along with KDKA's Sonni Abatta and Allison Morris and WPXI's Rich Walsh and Scott Harbaugh in what was cleverly billed as "Steelers, Local Celebs Play Softball."

I guess the four TV News personalities constituted the "Local Celebs" part. What, Ronnie Florian was too busy combing his hair?

Anyways, I can't be sure. But I'm willing to bet even this all-star crew could beat the Pirates. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether that's a cheap shot at the Pirates or an affirmation that Big Ben could crush Nate McLouth. Either way, this had to be something to write home about.

If anyone bore witness to this historic occasion, please e-mail me.

Oh, and one of these days I'll get around to figuring out how to make white skin black in Photoshop. 'Til then I respectfully ask you to use your imaginations...savvy?

Now here's a roundup of what you missed while you were digesting the outcome of last week's Game Six...

• MJD names the Steelers' helmet "The Coolest Helmet In History." Bless your heart Matthew J. Darnell. PS - Big up to Notgomu for sending this one in.
• Ed Bouchette pours some salt in the wound.
• Plans to build an entertainment complex big enough to house Jeff Reed's ego?
• Tomlin praises Ryan Malone for taking that puck to the melon. Big Ben sympathizes. Offensive Line sulks.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Steelers, Local Celebs Play Softball Game [KDKA]
Steelers, Channel 11 Personalities Bat For Charity [WPXI]
The Coolest Helmet in History [MJD]
Penguins Will Learn Success Has A Price [Post-Gazette]
Steelers' Developer Hosts Tour of Columbus Pavilion [Trib]
Steelers Have Plenty of Praise for Penguins [Steelers.com]

This Is What I Am Doing At Work Right Now...

I'm not going to lie...........it hurts.

The Penguins brought the house and challenged the team that was best in the NHL all year long. No one will ever forget the heart the Pens showed game 5 in Detroit.

No excuses, the Red Wings got the job done.

The Penguins didn't score a goal until the 3rd game against Detroit.

Proud of the Penguins for an amazing season that ended just inches of continuing into overtime, in game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals.

A bright future with youth all over the ice for the Pens.

In perspective, the Penguins lost in 5 to the Ottawa Senators last year in the first round of the playoffs. This year the Penguins waltzed through the Eastern Conference playoffs and came within inches of sending game 6 into another overtime.

Experience is no longer a question for the youngest captain of all time, and the Pens showcased countless heroes that will surround him for years to come.

Much respect to the Penguins fans who showed what the Iron City is all about, by showing the Red Wings players the respect they deserve when they hoisted the Stanley Cup.

Even through all this heartbreak I have to say that I am proud to be from Pittsburgh. The most livable city is a sports town with great teams and great people.

New stadium for the Penguins is on the horizon (gambling/hockey = championship!)

The countdown to Steelers football has officially begun.

I wish the Steelers played the Lions this year.

The Godfather [featuring Dick LeBeau]...

Dick LeBeau a.k.a The Defensive Guru a.k.a Mr. 3-4 a.k.a Captain Blitz a.k.a Da Ice Truck Killa!

It seems LeBeau is up to his old tricks again. Creating nasty blitz formations, and adding wrinkles week by week to confuse opponents.

In an article from Monday's Post-Gazette, Ed Bouchette details the latest on the Godfather of blitz. Bouchette's main premise, and rightfully so, was - the defense must pressure the QB. In discussing this, Bouchette relates that both Brett Keisel and James Harrison are going to be moved around the formation more this year in order to confuse the opponent's offense, and create more pressure on the quarterback.

This got me thinking.....Keisel is a defensive end...so, where would the Steelers move him in the defense? He is definitely not going to play nose tackle. He could play either right or left defensive end. But does this mean LeBeau and Head Coach Mike Tomlin are putting their giant brains together to sprinkle in some more 4-3 defensive schemes? Maybe make the defense more of a hybrid style, where the base could be either the 3-4 OR the 4-3?

I trust in anything Dick "The Godfather" LeBeau creates. Either way the Steelers defense is going to be fun to watch again this year.

What do you guys think? Do you prefer a 3-4 or a 4-3? How do you feel about the prospect of moving Keisel around? And really, how old is Dick LeBeau?

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Main Objective: Defense Needs to Pressure The QB [Post-Gazette]

Baby Steps...BIG Baby Steps...

"He’s finally gaining an understanding of what he needs to be doing...He’s starting to realize what the other players on defense are doing."
- James Farrior

I feel like this isn't the first time I'm saying this, but - Thank God for Jim Wexell. If not for this report from OTAs, I'd probably be writing about Dinosaurs again. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Actually, at this point in the offseason I kind of prefer it. But I imagine it is Steelers news you crave from a Steelers blog, right? Hey, maybe someday I'll even bring you some of it first hand. That'd be nice.

Anyways, according to Wexell's report, Lawrence Timmons, who missed just about all of last year's preseason with a neverending groin injury, is finally getting a handle on the inside linebacker spot. As you'll all remember, Timmons was an outside linebacker at Florida State. But since Silverback's pretty much inhuman and Lamarr Woodley is emerging as the yin to Silverback's yang, there isn't much room for Timmons on the outside.

Plus, I'd imagine the Steelers are thinking long-term. I believe James Farrior is going into a contract year, and at 33, he isn't exactly the pair of fresh legs he once was. So it would seem like only a matter of time before Timmons goes from heir apparent to just heir.

Back to the discussion at hand - as evidence of Timmons' progress (because actions speak louder than words), Wexell offers the following:

Timmons dropped into the flat to cover the running back, who was the checkdown receiver on the play. Quarterback Jared Zabransky looked deep, saw the primary receiver covered, and threw to the back. The pass never got there. Timmons intercepted it for a touchdown.

And while that sounds real nice and everything, my two favorite parts of Wexell's report follow immediately after.

The first, is Timmons' response to making this play - "I was just doing my job, that’s all." Sounds like the right attitude to me. In fact, I'll bet that's what Moses said when he delivered the Ten Commandments. Humility is important, you know?

The second, is Wexell's professional assessment of the same play - "He couldn’t even do that last year at this time." A friendly observation after my own heart. Enthusiastic, but honest. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Now, of course it's only June 2. And training camp doesn't even start for a good six weeks or so. Which means the season is even further off. But it's great to hear that the man who really missed it all last year is finally looking like he's making progress. Usually what you like to hear about your 1st round draft picks, wouldn't you say?

What do you guys think about Timmons? Still disappointed by last year? This sound promising to you? Ready to secure your #94 jersey now?

PS - Timmons' groin may feel better but it really feels like someone kicked me in my junk. Mondays suck. Commence commenting.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Timmons Picks Up Pace [Steel City Insider]

No Man, Not Swede. S-W-E-E-D...

Alright, let's be honest - approximately no one is going to read this post today. I recognize what I'm up against here. I'm a realist. So let's just get it out of the way now...Go Pens!!

Nevertheless, I really AM going to try and come up with something to entertain you this morning. What might that be, you ask? Take a wild guess...Yep, oddly enough, the most blog-worthy "reporting" I can come up with is - Limas Sweed.

In addition to being a 2nd round steal and having one of the most unique names in recent Pittsburgh history, apparently he's also been particularly impressive at the Steelers OTAs. Of course, I had to read a Browns report to get this inside information. Which certainly presents a whole host of questions. But I imagine the Pittsburgh media have their hands pretty much full with that whole Stanley Cup business right now...so I'll let it slide...this time...

Anyhow, not only has Sweed impressed Steelers Offensive Coordinator (and whipping boy) Bruce Arians, but he's also made quite an impression on fellow receivers San Antonio Santonio Holmes and Nate "Hotrod" Washington.

Holmes had this to say about Sweed -

"We can get somebody that's as physical as he is to come in and bring a different threat to the program...Being a big guy and very explosive, it's going to help us a whole lot...If I can stretch the field, we can have Hines in the middle and we have another guy who can also work the middle with Hines and take hits and be physical in the middle. It'll help us with the tight ends and all."

While Nate The Butterfingered Wonder Great said -

"If we're in the game at the same time, they can't just double me going deep, because Limas will be back there somewhere. If there's a bailout situation, you can just throw it up to him."

Now I just want to point out that if I were an opposing defense, I'm pretty sure Nate Washington would NOT be the first guy I'd double. But I see his point.

Basically the verdict sounds a lot like this - a big, fast receiver, who is but one more threat in an Offense that featured an uncharacteristically fruitful passing game in '07 just makes it all that more difficult to defend everyone...and I kind of feel like we've said this before...good thing I'm too lazy/strapped for time to go back and check.

So, as long as one of his 99 Problems ain't a bitch (See Cedrick Wilson and/or Santonio Holmes), we should be good...

Normally, here's where I'd ask you all what you think about Sweed. But since I'm sure you're preoccupied with the chase for Lord Stanley's Cup today, I'm more than willing to make the comments section of this post a forum for discussing last night's game and Saturday's upcoming Game 4...either way - have at it, friends!

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Around The AFC North [TheOBR.com]
Limas Sweed [Wikipedia]