OFTOT's Season Preview Weeks 9-17...

Yesterday was fun. I had fun, didn't you? Lots of comments, lots of love [and cheerleader herpes] in the air. Must be football season.

Anyways, as promised, you'll find Part II of OFTOT's 2008-2009 Season Preview pasted neatly below for your amusement. Feel free to discuss any and all headlines/photoshops in the comments.

Lights, Camera, Action, Roll 'em...

OFTOT's 2008-2009 Season Preview

Week 9 vs. Washington (Away)

Rumor has it Daniel Snyder likes Wide Receivers.

Week 10 vs. Indianapolis (Home)

I'm still pissed off about Troy's interception-fumble-recovery.

Week 11 vs. San Diego (Home)

I can't wait to watch Silverback hurdle LT again. Ah, the memories.

Week 12 vs. Cincinnati (Home)

Where are Sam Wyche and Boomer Esiason when you need them?

Week 13 vs. New England (Away)

Cue Tobiathan. Where you at, brotha'?

Week 14 vs. Dallas (Home)

So wait, you play in Dallas but you train in SoCal? Sounds pretty she-she.

Week 15 vs. Baltimore (Away)

Kyle Boller? Are you even trying anymore?

Week 16 vs. Tennessee (Away)

Had to part ways with Neil O'Donnell once too. See, we aren't so different.

Week 17 vs. Cleveland (Home)

I think everything that needed to be said about the Browns was said during Monday Night's preseason game.

That my friends, is all she wrote. I sincerely hope you enjoyed the two part Season Preview extravaganza as much as I did. And I promise to give you back those brain cells at some point this season. Probably not today though. Or tomorrow...Or...uh, I'll just uh, call you later...

Thoughts?

OFTOT's Season Preview Weeks 1-8...

Unless you live under a rock, you're well aware that every year, Deadspin runs previews of each NFL team leading up to the regular season. And every year, Mondesi's House has handled the duty of writing the Steelers preview. But I thought it'd be fun to show you all what it might look like if I were tasked with telling this "story."

Now, one thing's for sure. If I wrote the preview, it would NOT be serious whatsoever. Frankly, I think most people who care to read a Steelers preview are probably Steelers fans (or Browns/Bengals/Ravens fans looking to pick a fight). And as our current strengths and weaknesses have been well chronicled all over the known universe, I wouldn't really feel the need to reiterate to you what you already know. Even if I did do it with the maximum amount of sarcasm and witty banter.

Instead, I was thinking it'd be more interesting/entertaining/humorous (perhaps?) if I told the 2008-2009 Steelers story through fake headlines. So below I've graciously sacrificed my precious free time to bring you Part I of OFTOT's 2008-2099 Steelers preview, covering Weeks 1-8. There aren't many words, but I'm pretty much operating under the principle that a picture is worth a thousand of 'em. And just so you're forewarned - these are pretty f'ing stupid. I may have outdone myself here...but I'll let you all be the judges.

With that, I give you...

OFTOT's 2008-2009 Season Preview

Week 1 vs. Houston (Home)

If you don't know what that headline references, you must not be from the Commonwealth.

Week 2 vs. Cleveland (Away)

The Browns are going to win the Super Bowl, in case you hadn't heard.

Week 3 vs. Philadelphia (Away)

By the way, thanks for Duce Staley, A-holes.

Week 4 vs. Baltimore (Home)

Leave your guns at home, this one's at Heinz Field.

Week 5 vs. Jacksonville (Away)

I'm still too upset to talk about it.

Week 6 -- BYE WEEK EXTRAVAGANZA

Tequila's a hell of a drink.

Week 7 vs. Cincinnati (Away)

By now, Chris Henry has already been arrested three times (he is innocent, of course).

Week 8 vs. N.Y. Giants (Home)

Thank god this one's at home, $9 for a beer is just way too much.

And that wraps the first half of the Steelers 2008-2009 season. Tomorrow we'll do Weeks 9-17. Until then, let me know what you think in the comments. Savvy?

Click Here for Part II

Cry Me A River Three Rivers...

Let's see...14 days 'til training camp...we've covered pretty much everything...except...no, we covered that one...uh, well there's...no, that won't work, we don't have a Santa suit...uh...hey, look, it's Ben Roethlisberger!

/Cotter vanishes in a poof of dust like some crazy ass cartoon character

Just kidding.

Here's something we haven't talked about in a while - our schedule sucks. But this time, don't take my word for it. Here's what Mike Florio says...

Whether the Steelers, Browns, Bengals or Ravens can get to .500 comes back to those eight games against the AFC South and NFC East. A uniform failure by the AFC North's squads in those eight games could lead to the first 7-9 division winner in league history.

So if it comes down to the AFC South and NFC East, how will this really pan out?

That's the Peytons Colts, the Jagoffs Jaguars, the Oilers Titans, and the Nobodys Texans, as well as the New Jerseyites Giants, the Cowgirls Cowboys (yes I went with the obvious joke), the Who's your Coach? Redskins, and the Eagles (Eagles spared from wittiness due to my friendly allegiances). None of these teams were below .500 last year. In fact, they were a collective 82-46. Six of them were playoff teams. And oh yeah, I think one of them won the Super Bowl or something.

So, I guess we have our work cut out for us. But you know what? If we want to compete this year, we're going to have to play [most of] them eventually anyway. And listen, if anyone's going to beat any or all of them, I have to believe it'll be the Steelers, and not the Browns, Bengals or Ravens. Though, I guess you could say I'm a little bias.

I'll tell you who worries me in the division though, Baltimore. The Browns are catching more attention than a Britney Spears sighting at Spago, and the Bengals are just a god damned mess (still). But the Ravens, on the other hand, had one big problem last season - scoring. By all accounts, that situation may have rectified itself with the additions of Ray Rice and Joe Flacco(/Troy Smith). Couple that with the same nasty D? The Ravens always look like they're a tough team to beat..that is, except for that one time when Silverback pretty much beat them single handedly and Hines damn near knocked Ed Reed into the third row.

I guess what I'm saying is - if it really does come down to beating those eight teams, as Florio opines that it will, the one team to give us a run for the division will be the Ravens. Put my Anthony Smith hat on and call me "Prophet." Because that's how I see it, folks.

Anyone have thoughts on this? Are my thoughts on the schedule misplaced? Are you worried about the Browns or Bengals?

Oh, and as usual, here's a recap of what you missed this weekend while you were busy denying Facebook friend requests from people you never talked to in high school...

• The Rooney Tunes Saga (thanks to reader Don for this nickname) - felt even on the Emerald Isle
• Painting Your Face Black and Gold - apparently low class
• Blog N' Gold Sizes Up Potential Investors - had enough yet?
• Super Bowl Formula - absorb as many castoffs as possible

You may have noticed the glaring omission of the story that just won't go away. Yeah, that was on purpose. Pass the pain killers please.

2008, The Year of _______________.

Lot of homeboys this week...not sure what that's all about...

Oooops, sorry about yesterday guys. Um, I kind of, you know, had, well, nothing to write about. Per se. However, the good news is - today I aim to change that.

Perhaps June 19 is quite early to be prognosticating for the 2008 season. But in the absence of anything else interesting, like the state of Chad Johnson's ankle, I think we'll all have to make concessions.

So I've laid out some bold predictions for 2008 below. The catch is - you guys are the ones who ultimately get to make them. The hope is that wherever you see a blank line, you'll fill it in with whatever you feel is right (in the comments). You may have seen this kind of trickery back in the 1st through 3rd grades. Well those were probably the last years I paid attention in school. Hence, I've borrowed a page from 2nd grade spelling class.

Use whatever tactic you like - answer rationally, with a level-headed explanation; or give us the most ridiculous crap your depraved mind can dream up.

The choice is yours young Jedis.

And...

Begin.

1. __________ will be the biggest surprise on Defense in 2008.

2. The starting RCB will be _____________ in 2008.

3. Tobiathan _____________ in 2008.

4. Silverback will maim ___________ in 2008.

5. The leading receiver in 2008 will be ______________.

6. Big Ben will throw _______________ in 2008.

7. Patriot fans will call Tecmo a ___________ in 2008.

8. In January 2009, the Steelers will be _______________.

9. ___________ will be Barack Obama's homeboy VP in 2008.

10. In 2008, Cotter will:
A. Drop out of law school to blog full time on OFTOT.
B. Throw snowballs at Donovan McNabb.
C. Braid Tom Brady's hair.
D. Finally learn to read.

And if you'd like to compare notes with a pro, feel free to do so here. Though I doubt Gerry Dulac covered what name(s) Pats fans will call Tecmo or whether or not I will finally learn to read. Haven't the faintest idea why not...

PS - Story ideas welcome.