AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Whoa, good headline, dude. You think of that all by yourself? I mean, that must've really put a strain on your gray matter's creative sector. I hope you didn't pull a hammy or something.

Are you even trying?

Honestly.

And whoever wrote this probably gets paid 50 times what I get paid. Of course, 50 times zero is still zero. So yeah.

What did you want from me? It's Friday - surprisingly a slow news day. As if every other day this week was chock full of hot news items. Yeah, right. Loving the offseason, kids!

PS - Meeting People Is Easy coming at ya early afternoon. Check back around 1-ish.

Oh, and find of the day (poss the year)...

How is it even possible that I still have this?

I may not have much for you in the way of commentary this morning, but these links sure do...

This race is way too close. Go vote for my ass, now! Whatever [Sean's Ramblings]

ESPN's Mount Rushmore of PA sports selections are weak as hell [PSaMP]

Mendenhall's rehab ahead of schedule. Cool [Post-Gazette]

Steelers > Eagles. Just ask Rendell [HHR]

Now that Starks is getting PAID, is McFadden out? [BTSC]

Steelers interested in AQ Shipley? I guess all those subliminal messages I've been sending Kevin Colbert are working [Trib]

Interview with AQ Shipley at the combine [Rivals.com]

That dude on the Raiders whose name is unpronounceable just got paid [Shutdown Corner]

The Combine is overrated. I can get down with that sentiment [Moondog Sports]

You wanna talk about steroids in football? [Associated Press]

Derek Anderson to Tampa? [Tampa Tribune]

Sergei Gonchar doesn't take any shit. Pens win [The Pensblog]

Make no mistake - the Bucs are not this year's Rays [WHYGAVS]

Wait, the Red Sox voted for a salary cap? The BOSTON Red Sox? No shit [Associated Press]

What does this video remind you of?? [RootZoo]

I don't think this will be enough weed to calm angry Seacocks fans [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

FAIL Blog. Enough said [FAIL Blog 1 | FAIL Blog 2]

Theme at The Riffs = "Songs by artists we've seen live and loved." The tracks are infinitely better than the theme, I promise [Friday Morning Riffs]

You know what? That's it, I'm making some moves on this blog. We're in severe need of...
A. A redesign, and
B. More pages

Look for that to happen. Eventually. Probably when I stop being a waste of life. In otherwords, don't hold your breath.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Max Starks, Secured!

I wonder which weighs more - Max Starks's 345 pounds or the $8,451,000 he just got when the Steelers franchised his ass?

Either way, we've got Big Max Starks for at least one more year, at a somewhat heavy price. It's cool, we'll just have to stop feeding Anthony Smith. Sorry, buddy. In this economic climate, concessions must be made.

I would've reported this earlier, but I was too busy getting lost on Canal St., which consequently can die in multiple fires, and getting AIDS/Syphilis/Chlamydia/Terrell Suggs disease on the E train.

Good times.

Reactions? Happy? Sad? Hungry?

PS - Go vote for me. Let this be your reminder!

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Time To Put Your Kevin Colbert Hat On [Day 2]...

Well, it appears day one of free agent watch 2009 went swimmingly. Good thing I haven't been paying attention enough to know that Byron Leftwich wants to be a starter again. Not like that was any kind of well kept secret or anything. It's just, to be honest with you, news about Byron Leftwich's life isn't very high up on my list of things to follow. But, you know, good for him. And when he can't find a decent starting job, I'll be happy to welcome him back with open arms.

So anyway, yesterday we covered the two QBs and Jeff Reed's life partner.

Today, I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something, but I just can't quite figure out what it is. It's like it's calling out to me...

Hmmmm...weird.

Right, so if that was a little too cryptic for you, I'm saying today we should talk about the state of the O-line, specifically the Tackles.

From where I stand, while I appreciate the way the line turned it on in the playoffs, I can't really accept that as the norm considering Ben was still sacked 46 times during the regular season. And eight times in one game against the Eagles at that! You can argue until you're blue in the face that they aren't that bad, and maybe they're not. But 46 sacks, countless false starts, untimely holding penalties, unsportsmanlike conduct penalties [thy name is Kemoeatu], I mean, none of that is indicative of a solid unit.

Still, for most of the season we had two first year starters at guard and a "backup" at Left Tackle (a $7 million dollar backup, mind you...looks like a smart decision now, though, doesn't it?). Plus, Hartwig was new to the team. And then there's Willie Colon. I really don't have anything to say about that guy that I haven't already said about going to the Dentist. Put a little Kenny G on in the background of a game and watching him is pretty much the same thing. I don't see how he hasn't lost his job on that side other than the fact that we have jack shit for depth at Tackle beyond Max Starks. Well, ok, not EXACTLY jack shit - Trai Essex, Jason Capizzi and Tony Hills - but close enough.

So, I can see where you might think this is a serviceable unit, a fact I will not deny. I mean, we did just win a Super Bowl with them. I just frankly don't think they did a satisfactory job overall, even with Ben's tendency to hold the ball longer than one mountain of a human being blocking for him might like.

Wherever you come out on this whole thing, let us all know in the comments. For now, allow me to present to you the free agents of the 2009 Steelers Offensive Line, beginning with...

Max Starks - I think you almost have to re-sign him?

I mean, at this point, it's either Starks, Marvel Smith (see below), Trai Essex (also see below), develop Tony Hills and/or Jason Capizzi or draft a Tackle in April. Y'all may know that I'm a Max Starks apologist. I really never thought he was that bad. But since Mike Tomlin disagrees, I have to defer to his judgment.

Still, which would you rather have - a guy who's started in two Super Bowls and done alright, a guy who's 30 and coming off multiple seasons cut short by back injuries, a guy who's probably a career backup, or either of two unproven current practice squadders? Money is obviously an issue, since Starks apparently ranks among the most attractive free agent tackles. But I feel like the Steelers ought to seriously consider bringing Starks back AND starting him at Left Tackle.

Then there's...

Marvel Smith - Just like when it comes to drugs, I gotta say no.

I don't want this. You don't want this. But like I said above, the guy's 30 and just had his second straight season cut short by back problems (and potentially needs a second back surgery, though I haven't heard anything about this in a while). Remember, you're protecting a $100 million dollar QB back there. Max Starks is no Jonathan Ogden, but he's battle tested and isn't a complete dunce.

That said, I'm not going to throw a hissy fit if the Steelers decide to bring Smith back over Max Starks. So long as the discs in his back can stay in place, he's still a solid Left Tackle. I just worry about the injury sitch, which you may have gathered from the first 15 references I made to it.

Next, you've got...

Willie Colon - Can I defer?

I don't even know what to say. Needless to say, I make no secret about the fact that I'm not a Willie Colon fan, but what are the alternatives? We have no other natural Right Tackles currently on the roster. Sure, you could go with Trai Essex or one of the practice squadders I mentioned above, but I'm not sure I like Essex as a potential 16 game starter, and both of the practice squadders are still young and have no experience even in limited action. So, I really just don't know. I guess keep him? God, I can't believe I just said that...

And finally, there's...

Trai Essex - I say go for it. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be. Or something like that. He's a sold backup Tackle. No two ways about it. And no doubt you can get him on the cheap. So where exactly is the debate here? PS - Do I want to spend my time photoshopping something for Trai Essex? No, I don't.

And now that I've said my piece, what do y'all think about all this?

That's Some Good Motivation, Dude...

“We all dream of doing great things. What are you going to do today to make it happen?”

- Mike Tomlin

So Mike Tomlin, quote machine and apparent Tony Robbins impersonator, spoke to the "9th Grade Nation" of Pittsburgh yesterday. Whatever the hell that means. And joining him was the ailing Chuck Batch and the $7 Million Dollar backup Man, Max Starks.

Now, all I can say about this is - I'm uber-jealous. When I was in 9th grade, the best we got was our boring ass principal. Not exactly glamorous and/or motivating if you ask me. "You guys can do anything you want if you put your mind to it." Yeah, lady? Like what? I mean I'd like to be at home enjoying an intense game of 007 for N64. But I can't do that, can I? Because I've gotta sit here and listen to you talk about how important 9th grade health class is to my education. Listen, I've seen all those girl parts already, but thanks for the heads up. 9th grade health...whatever.

We did have an interim principal when I was in 10th grade (Maybe 11th? Who can tell one from the other at this point?) who introduced himself by having the entire school choir back him in a rendition of R Kelly's, "I Believe I Can Fly," though. Which, you know, I thought was a nice touch. Singing the song of a known child molester to a bunch of not yet legal teenagers. Good work, man. But what you'll find most entertaining/shocking - I was part of that backup choir. Yes, you heard me. I was in the school choir. It's ok. Go ahead and laugh. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

So 9th Grade Nation of Pittsburgh - I sincerely hope you were motivated by Tomlin's smooth talking and whatever lyrical stylings Chuck Batch and Max Starks added. Because I can almost guarantee it was infinitely better than what I was forced to choke down.

Moral of this story - Being in the school choir = Nerd Alert!

PS - In case it wasn't blatantly obvious, the main reason for this post was to re-use that fine photoshop you see above. Man that's good stuff.

/pats self on back

Just A Bad Rap?

"Starks earned the job for two seasons -- one of them ending with a Super Bowl victory -- before a new coaching staff removed him in favor of Colon last season."

- Ed Bouchette

As I remember it, there were significantly fewer Max Starks haters before last August. That was when he was supplanted at Right Tackle by young'n Willie Colon. Of course, to be fair, most days I have trouble remembering my own name. That lack of mental acuity aside, is it possible that Max Starks was simply marginalized because Tomlin didn't like him?

Now, before we go any further, I'd like to offer one disclaimer. That being, I really don't know. I'm not an insider. My name isn't Ed Bouchette. I don't, "have access," as Buzz Bissinger would say. I am merely offering a topic for discussion.

So let's discuss.

Starks was drafted in the 3rd round of the 2004 draft. He then earned a job as Big Ben's right hand man (literally) in 2005, just in time for Super Bowl XL. The next year, Starks maintained his position through 14 games until he went down with an injury. And although the team went an underwhelming 8-8 that year, I don't remember anyone laying the blame at Starks' [enormous] feet.

Yet, by August 2007, new Head Coach Mike Tomlin had anointed 2006 4th rounder Willie Colon the new starting Right Tackle.

Starks was relegated to the bench. Only to remain there for the better part of the season, until the team had to shelve Marvel Smith when he threw his back out backdooring Steely McBeam suffered what became a season ending back injury. Then, of course, Starks went down himself in that meaningless joke of a game he probably should never have played.

But that's not all. Oh no, friends. We all know the best is yet to come.

Earlier in the offseason, the Steelers decided - rather than lose TWO offensive lineman to free agency - they would bitch slap Starks with the transition tag and subsequently offer him a cool $7 mil (or close to it...are we going to split hairs here?). Starks of course did what any respectable backup Tackle would do in the situation - he said, "easiest $7 million I ever made" and promptly bought himself a pony. Ok, he didn't really do that. But I'll bet if he did, it would have been a mini pony (cue Tecmo).

So that brings us to the present. Currently, Starks is expected to compete for, but not necessarily re-assume, the starting Right Tackle position. How the team could justify giving Starks all that coin to pick splinters out of his ass is beyond my comprehension. But again - what do I know? I write a Steelers blog.

Now, you guys tell me. Am I, as the man who slings BS just as well as he does a baseball says, "misremembering" the facts? Certainly he's not on the short list for next year's pro bowl, but can Starks win a starting position? Is it possible that Tomlin just has a bias toward Willie Colon? And last but not least - How tall do you think Starks really is, counting the afro?

Oh, and here are some fun facts you probably didn't know about Starks - he likes Basketball and Swimming and aspires to someday have a second career in TV or radio...you listening, Tunch?

Comments now, please.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Starks Hopes to Make Big Impact [Post-Gazette]

Well It Certainly Is Offensive...

Forty-seven sacks later the Steelers lose all-world Guard Alan Faneca to the New York Jets and.....................the projected Offensive Line, according to Ed Bouchette, includes Marvel Smith and Willie Colon at Tackle, Chris Kemo-EAT-U and Kendall Simmons at Guard, and Justin Hartwig at Center.

Comforting?

In other Steelers news....

1. Jeff Reed Has Bitch Tits [Sports by Brooks]
2. Steelers' O-Line Coach Feels Kemoeatu Is Ready [Post-Gazette]
3. Big Ben Makes It Rain On Some Bitches, Literally... [Post-Gazette]
4. A New Threat In The Bengals Backfield? [MJD]
5. Congrats To The Sexiest Woman In The World [FHM Online]

"Transition" Tag, Huh?...That's Fitting...

Image of no real significance. It just makes Cotter laugh...

Well, the Steelers finally showed some sign that they actually care about protecting Big Ben - by bestowing the much-sought-after "transition" tag on Max Starks. Yep, everybody else is franchising. We are transitioning...draw your own conclusions.

Anyway, this seems like a step in the right direction. Starks certainly hasn't been a pro bowl caliber Right Tackle over the past couple years, but he sure wrecked shit up as a Left Tackle this season when Marvell Smith went down.

I believe I've mentioned this before on OFTOT. But it is my firm belief that this is the right move. Let Faneca go. He's already got one foot out the door. Not to mention he's 31, with his "best years" behind him... Starks on the other hand, has not been so irreversibly offended (at least not by the front office). AND in case you forgot - he's both young and a mountain of a human being...or 26, 6'8" and 338 pounds, however you prefer to qualify it.

So then, that's all well and good. But what the hell is a "transition" tag?

I'm still not entirely sure. But for all intents and purposes - I hear it means that the team will have to match any offer made to Starks in free agency, and should they retain him after said period has expired - they will have to pay him the average of what the top 10 highest paid Offensive Lineman were paid last season, or approximately $6.9 million.

Here's to hoping no one tenders Starks an offer he can't refuse...

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Steelers Move to Secure Starks [Post-Gazette]
Steelers Put Transition Tag on Starks [Tribune-Review]
Steelers Tag Starks [SteelCityInsider]
Steelers Make Surprise Move [Tribune Democrat]

Notes and What Not - Steelers v. 'Skins...

Tomorrow night. At FedEx Field. Everyone. Gets. Laid.

Ok so that's a line from PCU (if you haven't seen it you're either only 19 or you are severely deprived), but it does look like the Steelers first team offense and defense are going to get a little more work this weekend than they have the past couple preseason games. At this point, Tomlin is obviously getting close to his final evaluations, trying differnt options at different positions and in different capacities, so we can expect to see some unusual things. Positive unusual things? Who knows. But potentially yes.

Here's a few notes I got from this morning's Post-Gazette report, some related to tomorrow's game, some of just general preseason relevance:

• Possibilities on the O-line:
  • Trai Essex at Left Tackle
  • Willie Colon at Right Tackle
  • Marvin Philip, still has a long way to go to even be included in conversation with Chukky Okobi and Sean Mahan
  • Max Starks winning the One For The Other Thumb "Weakest Link" Poll, so far garnering all votes (though only 3 votes have been logged...jagoffs)
  
  
• Willie Parker and James "Silverback" Harrison to play...finally. Still no Timmons though.


• Ryan Clark will probably start at Free Safety for the injured Anthony Smith. Also may be holding his ground amidst Smith's bid to overthrow him in the starting role...mixed feelings on that.


• Gary Russell's blocking and maybe pass catching skills will likely be tested, as Tomlin evaluates him for the final roster.


• Walter Young, this one's anybody's guess but Tomlin loves his determination (it's his 4th camp with the Steelers).


• Nate Washington, dropped a couple passes, nothing to lose sleep over and it's certainly not due to lack of confidence.


• Brian St. Pierre, "some teams keep two quarterbacks, some teams keep three...what Brian has done to this point has not been disappointing"...Straight from the horse's mouth.

Plus, here's some other random shit to write home about...sarcasm is thick today:

• Everyone's favorite Sports Illustrated Columnist, Peter King, has posted his "All-Future" team for 2012. Steelers players included - Zero, Steelers Coaches included - One. Yep, King (catching us all by surprise, since he overlooks the Steelers pretty readily) noted Mike Tomlin to be the Dream Team Head Coach of the future. Guess it's not all cobwebs in that noggin' Peter.


• FoxSports.com's Steelers Team Report focuses on the Steelers moving away from Dan Kreider into a non-fullback offense. In doing so, they point out the Carey Davis/John Kuhn factor -- that one or the other will likely make the cut as a tailback/fullback. Guess the end may really be near for Kreider and the Steelers...I'm fighting back my tears...seriously.


• Even the Baltimore Sun is getting in on The Smoking Gun's outing of the Steelers hotel demands the other day...


• More bad news for Cincy...not like I care, we'd beat 'em with Hines Ward playing DE!

That's all for now, have a great weekend dudes and dudettes!

Manufacturing News 101....

More like repurposing...

Since there hasn't been a whole lot of news from Steelers country the past few days, I'm using a combination of superior wit and good looks (ok, you got me...mostly wit) to provide the hopefully-entertaining commentary/links below. Enjoy!

• Talk about being a little behind the curve...Matt Mosley at ESPN gives Sepulveda a nod...the same nod I gave him here, on May 2...


• Willie Colon, starting Right Tackle? Good thing Max Starks is making close to 2 million bones this season...vs. $360k for Colon


• The one that got away?...I'd rather have somewhat less production but better work ethic/attitude anyday...but that's just me.


• For that matter - Free Agent Losses (98-01) and (02-06)...I'll be starting the Yancy Thigpen fan club shortly...also, let the record state that the Steelers let Mike Vrabel slip away.


• Santonionioniono...


• Care For a Beverage Mr. Cotter?


• The Cowher era personnel poaching continues...although I guess technically it's not poaching if they're no longer with the team...whatever, I'll still call it poaching. Makes me wonder, who are Whis/Grimm going to go after next? I hear Andre Frazier can be had for a price...shh, don't tell Cincinnati


• Oh yeah, Joey Porter plead guilty to assaulting Levi Jones...his dogs on the other hand plead no contest

Things I've Been Neglecting, May 2 Edition...

With all the draft analysis, and the lack of free time to blog recently, I've been neglecting some key pieces of Steeler news. This is my attempt to catch up (bear with me, it might be short).

First order of business - the Steelers have a new mascot, and he needs a name. I don't even know where to begin with this guy. A lot of people have been saying that he bears a striking resemblance to our recently departed coach, affectionately referred to as "The Chin". And this guy sure has a mountain of a chin, but somehow I don't think naming him Bill Cowher will quite do. Anyone have any ideas? I keep drawing a blank. It's probably going to end up being something stupid that rhymmes anyway (Ten Bucks says it's like "Steel Mill Will").

But I digress. Next, despite some less than impressive play last year (but plenty of Chunky Chilli commercial appearances), Max Starks got a one year contract extension worth 1.85 million last Friday. Chances are (as the article indicates), this was a move designed to force any team who might want to trade for him (Arizona Poaching Cardinals, ahem ahem) to give up their first round pick to get him. Nonetheless, it gives Starks one more year to either put up or shut up. He's got all the tools, but like Plaxico Burress, we're just waiting for him to use them. If not, after the season, sayonara Maxwell (though deep down I want to see him kick ass and re-up the contract next season).

Last but not least on my hit parade - we are now (not that we ever ceded this title) once again "Linebacker Paradise." The Steelers staff showed their love for the position by drafting two of the top prospects in the first two rounds of this past weekend's draft. Those individuals being Lawrence Timmons and Lamar Woodley (see this entry for more). Who will assume the role of Joey Porter incarnate? After watching the Post-Gazette's video of Timmons' first Steeler press conference, it seems like the media wants him to be the guy (but with a little more tact of course). He's a soft spoken guy, but was probed about being a leader on defense. Seemed like their was a lack of confidence in him saying what needed to be said. As for Woodley, from what I'm getting, it sounds like he might be the heir apparent to Peezy's swagger. Can't fault a guy who "hates to lose," though I'm curious to know what this so-called "attitude" he has looks like...

There you have it, certainly wasn't short. What can I say, I'm a long winded type of guy...

DayDream Fodder for a Monday Morning...

So I logged into my gmail this morning and to my surprise (pleasantly) I noticed that a few bloggers out there are talking about a possible trade with Arizona that would send Max Starks back to Russ Grimm's open arms and the Steelers the Cardinals number 5 selection overall in the forthcoming draft. Kudos to to my handy google alerts (nudge nudge google...) for this one.

If this is true, it'd be the best news I've heard for the Steelers in a while. Look, Max Starks is not as bad as his play last year might suggest (well ok, I don't know that for sure but it's my hunch), but if the Steelers have a chance to move that far up in the draft, I say we should do it. This is why we build through the draft, stockpiling talent - depth at those positions opens up a world of opportunity for us.

So Kevin Colbert/Mike Tomlin, if you guys are reading this - do us all a favor, dump Starks on Whis and Grimm, give Willie Colon a chance and draft at the number 5 spot. You can't lose.

Here's what worries me though - why are people talking about getting pass rushing DEs Gaines Adams and Jarvis Moss? Alright, I know why. But seriously, the 4-3? Come on guys, 3-4 is Steeler football. If you're drafting at the 5 spot, don't mess with a good thing. We can get good DEs undrafted, let alone in the first round. Then again, I am but a humble fan. What do I know anyway?

Now back to smacking myself back to consciousness...give me two more cups of coffee and maybe I'll be ready to write another post...maybe, but don't count on it.