Style Points Are For Metrosexuals?

I'm just gonna give this to you upfront - with these Browns on the horizon for Sunday, I really don't have much to say. Chances are, despite what Tomlin's saying about seriously wanting to win Sunday's game, Big Ben and the rest of the starters won't play much more than a half. Three quarters maybe. But a full game? My magic 8 ball says...


But I do have something to say this morning...

Re-watching Super Bowl XL yetserday with my family, it occurred to me - sometimes, it just takes one play.

Ike Taylor - 1 pick

Willie Parker - 1 75 yard run

Casey Hampton - 1 sack

Randle El - 1 gadget play TD to Hines Ward

Big Ben - 1 TD (rushing)

Without any of those plays, the Steelers probably wouldn't have won that game.

Hell, I mean, even for the Seahawks, Jerramy Stevens was dropping the ball like Dick Clark on New Years, but he caught the one that counted.

The point is, we've gotten down on the Offense a LOT this year. But listen, even putting Sunday aside, January is a whole new ball game. All this Offense needs is enough plays to win. It's like Tomlin was saying after Baltimore, style points don't always count for points on the board. What matters, especially at this time of year, is winning.

And listen, I've been as big of a critic as there can be of the Offense, but it could just be a matter of a few guys making one play (each) that breaks the game open. One play that measures up to the difference between winning and losing.

That said, one play by the Offensive line isn't quite going to cut it. They'd better have many [positive] plays in them. Or we're proverbially and royally, eff'd.

Either way, apparently we're still "committed to the run."

...Hmmm, that's funny...because I thought we gave up on that when we cut Dan Kreider?

Hey, Arians - actions speak louder than words. It might be prudent to employ a running game that doesn't consist of 10 draws a game...on 3rd and long. Get the net.



Also, sweet hat, Indiana Jones. What, did you lose a bet? Actually, I think Domski has one just like it. Maybe you and he can be pals.

Today's final word = Sunday, it's Gradkowski time.

Bonus.

So, how was Christmas? I got a Steelers fleece, a Steelers Five Greatest Games DVD and my Mom made me an OFTOT wall clock. I'm not even joking. Unfortunately, she couldn't make me a girlfriend, though. So that situation is still in flux.

What did y'all get?

Enter Camp Tomlin....

So much football. Football everywhere. It's in the trees like the Vietcong. Look, there it is, over there...

Bullshitting with you guys about the Many Faces of Willie Parker, the press conference stylings of Mike Tomlin, and the wonders of Photoshop has been fun. Real fun. But alas, what we've all been craving for the last six and a half months or so has finally arrived - training camp, and the return of Pittsburgh football.

Of course, in the last two days, I've seen way more Steelers news than I can even keep up with. If you can, then please teach me. But let's be honest, the two most important/encouraging/puzzling/troubling and of course, sexy "stories" are...

Big Snack Apparently Did His Nickname Proud
So I guess all that talk about Casey Hampton not being at OTAs might have actually meant something. It seems the already delightfully plump Nose Tackle ate just a few too many twinkies this offseason, because ah...well, he showed up looking "overweight" and failed to complete a conditioning run.

Now, all I'm saying is - the guy's already listed at 325 pounds. How much weight would he have to gain to look "overweight?" Ok, you're right. Not important. Anyways, I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that the current Defensive Line is thinner than Calista Flockhart circa 1998. And well, Hampton is the anchor of that line. Not that I don't trust Chris Hoke. Any guy that looks that much like Vader has gotta be worth something. But he's no Hampton. Few are. Bottom Line - send treadmills to St. Vincent College, care of Casey Hampton. Also, if you happen to have Richard Simmons and/or Jenny Craig's phone numbers, you should probably go ahead and send those too.

Oh yeah, Troy and Kemoeatu are joining Hampton on the PUP list.

Moving right along...

The Gang's All Here
All picks signed with time to spare. Mendenhall and Sweed are in Latrobe, ready to mix it up. Let's just hope Jeff Reed doesn't get his hooks into them until at least next week.

Not that we really thought there was going to be a holdout. But you never know. So we can all rest a little easier knowing we've got Wreckingball Mendenhall for five years, and Speed Sweed for four. Sounds like four to five years of Offensive fireworks to me.

It's like a wise man once told me - "No guac, let's rock."

Other than that, we'll see how this beast unfolds. I don't imagine there'll be many surprises. But there sure shouldn't be a shortage of things to talk about. So, who's psyched for training camp? Anyone else making the pilgrimage to Latrobe? And most importantly, when are we drinking?

Oh, and as usual, here's a recap of what you missed this weekend while you were busy enjoying the fruits of truly American innovation...

• Just a hunch, but guessing this one isn't about Casey Hampton.
• So does this mean Cleveland has superseded Steely McBeam?
• Jeff Reed - subtlety is not strong with this one.
• Issues? We don't need no stinking issues.
• Seriously, what's with all the negativity? This is day one.

God it feels good to get through one of these without highlighting some chick we'd all like to see naked, or Brady Quinn. Wait, no I'm not. Except for that last one...

That's One For The Other Thumb. Tell all your friends.

Casey At The Bat...

File this under things I wish I could see.

This past Saturday, the Steelers played softball along with KDKA's Sonni Abatta and Allison Morris and WPXI's Rich Walsh and Scott Harbaugh in what was cleverly billed as "Steelers, Local Celebs Play Softball."

I guess the four TV News personalities constituted the "Local Celebs" part. What, Ronnie Florian was too busy combing his hair?

Anyways, I can't be sure. But I'm willing to bet even this all-star crew could beat the Pirates. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether that's a cheap shot at the Pirates or an affirmation that Big Ben could crush Nate McLouth. Either way, this had to be something to write home about.

If anyone bore witness to this historic occasion, please e-mail me.

Oh, and one of these days I'll get around to figuring out how to make white skin black in Photoshop. 'Til then I respectfully ask you to use your imaginations...savvy?

Now here's a roundup of what you missed while you were digesting the outcome of last week's Game Six...

• MJD names the Steelers' helmet "The Coolest Helmet In History." Bless your heart Matthew J. Darnell. PS - Big up to Notgomu for sending this one in.
• Ed Bouchette pours some salt in the wound.
• Plans to build an entertainment complex big enough to house Jeff Reed's ego?
• Tomlin praises Ryan Malone for taking that puck to the melon. Big Ben sympathizes. Offensive Line sulks.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Steelers, Local Celebs Play Softball Game [KDKA]
Steelers, Channel 11 Personalities Bat For Charity [WPXI]
The Coolest Helmet in History [MJD]
Penguins Will Learn Success Has A Price [Post-Gazette]
Steelers' Developer Hosts Tour of Columbus Pavilion [Trib]
Steelers Have Plenty of Praise for Penguins [Steelers.com]

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, It's Go Time In The Steel City!

You might call it Super Sunday, a rematch of the game that netted us One For The Thumb. You might call it a rebound game, after a tough loss to our old friends Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm. And you might just call it Week 5. Call it what you will, today's game against the Seattle Seahawks is just yet another test of what we have in the tank this season.

Some big questions - how will the team respond after last week's disparaging performance? Will Willie Parker break a 75 yarder? Will Santonio Holmes catch 3 TDs? Will the Defense hold Shaun Alexander to under 100 yards? Under 50 yards? And most of all, will Big Ben be wearing a helmet? (ah, it never gets old)

So, in preparation for today's battle at Heinz Field, here are some points to look for as you're watching the action:

THE STEELERS

• On Defense: The Blitz-Master Dick LeBeau will deploy multiple zone blitzes and maintain the physical play that has marked Steeler football for just about as long as we all can remember. The main key will be to keep pressure on Matt Hasslebeck to make the quick throws and throws he will not want to make. If we can generate an effective pass rush, it will frustrate the Seahawks passing attack, which hopefully by the 2nd Quarter or at least the 2nd half, they will have to rely on (to their detriment -- abandoning Shaun Alexander).
  
  Also, Bryant McFadden is out. So at 3rd corner we will see rookie William Gay. I'll bet Seattle is chomping at the bit to try and pick on Gay, but if they watched any of the preseason (yes I know it's just preseason), they ought to know that Gay won't be any more forgiving than McFadden would be. Gay just needs to maintain his confidence and focus. Don't be intimidated by the Seattle passing attack. If you stick to them, they will get frustrated and that will make your job infinitely easier. Look for Gay to do a good job filling in, though he may get thrown on a couple more times than he might like.
  
  Worse, Troy Polamalu and Casey Hampton are listed as Questionable, and from what I'm reading, are NOT expected to play. Troy's nursing some torn cartilage in his rib cage, which sounds like a beast of an injury, and Big Snack has a Hammy injury. Still, if they do play, don't expect them to be anything less than 98% because I don't think either of them would put themselves on the field if they didn't think they could get the job done. Here's hoping they do play...'cause let's face it, they are two of the biggest reasons our Defense can be so nasty.


• On Offense: There will be many keys on Offense today, but most importantly - give Willie Parker the ball. Fast Willie had a tough time last week in Arizona, but don't expect that to be the case against Seattle. For starters, we're at home, where Willie has made just about everyone his bitch. Plus, despite what seems like a superb front 7 on paper, the Seachickens are giving up an average of 104 yards a game and recently allowed the Cards' Edgerrin James a 128 yard game.
  
  Also important on Offense today will be Big Ben making efficient use of his arm. Provided Willie Parker is getting his job done, Big Ben should be afforded more time and confidence to make his reads and find an open man (instead of throwing into triple coverage). With Hines Ward out, it will be up to our man Santonio (or is it San Antonio, Dan Dierdorf?) Holmes to get open and make plays like he did last week. I personally think this is more of a probability than a possibility. But the Seahawks have a pretty good, fast, secondary that could be tougher to beat than you might think. Beyond Santonio, we will need at least two other receivers/tight ends to step up and deliver when their number is called. We hoped that would be Nate Washington last week...and well, you know how that went. This is not to say that Washington couldn't be today's hero, but just that Ben will need more support from someone. Maybe that is Mammoth Tight End Matt Spaeth near the goal line, maybe it's Heath Miller in the flat, maybe it's Cedric Wilson or Willie Reid on a deep cross. I don't know, but they will need to be ready for the ball when it comes.


• On Special Teams: Uh, we should probably not, like give up punt return touchdowns or something. Yeah, so this has been a problem for us - kick coverage. Hopefully after being embarrased last week, and with the addition of Andre Frazier to the unit this week, we won't have quite such a problem. Nonetheless, we will have to see.
  
  On the flipside, Allen Rossum has been a HUGE plus returning kicks. That 98 yarder for a score a couple weeks ago was something no one expected. I mean, hey, I'd have settled for him just catching the ball and holding on to it, let alone running back kicks 98 yards. So hopefully we'll see a lot more good work out of Rossum and it will be one more thing we throw at Seattle for them to have to worry about. The more the better.

THE SEAHAWKS

• On Defense: Don't listen to anything I say if it seems like Seattle's D does not scare me. As I may have mentioned, their front 7 is pretty solid and includes names like Lofa Tatupu, Julian Peterson, Patrick Kerney, Rocky Bernard, and Chuck Darby. With these guys and safeties Deon Grant and Brian Russel, the Seahawks are going to try and load up the box to frustrate Fast Willie and put pressure on Ben to look like the QB he looked like last week (not to mention the better part of 2006).
  
  Also, Nate Washington, who apparently will start for Hines, may or may not be matched up against Marcus Trufant, a pretty damn good Cornerback for those of you who might have forgotten. So wherever Trufant is marked up, we may have to look elsewhere, just further reinforcing the importance of some of our other guys stepping up to make plays.


• On Offense: The Seahawks have a pro bowl running back in Shaun Alexander, who likes to run behind LT Walter Jones. He's been carrying the ball an average of about 23 times per game, despite the fact that the 'hawks run a west coast style offense. So don't expect this to change much today. We'll see enough of Shaun Alexander for him to be dangerous. This is big because if Casey Hampton can't go, Seattle will be looking at Chris Hoke in the middle, who is still a formidable foe, but no Big Snack by most standards.
  
  Beyond the run, the Seattle west coast offense will include a lot of short passes, with QB Matt Hasslebeck (no slouch himself) effectively delivering the ball to guys like Deion Branch (the Pacific Northwest version of Hines Ward), Nate Burleson, Bobby Engram and Marcus Pollard. That's a lot of guys to cover. The answer to all this of course is, if Hasslebeck doesn't have time to find an open man, their passing strength is moot.

And overall, just play disciplined football like you want to win. We have to minimize turnovers on Offense while trying to create them on Defense, and just be efficient. This is not rocket science. It's football. He who controlleth the ball, dictateth the game. Let's hope the Steelers work as hard as they can for a win today, because 4-1 going into a bye week next week would be a hell of a lot better than 3-2. With that, let's get it on. I'll be at the bar, thanks.

Best Damn News I've Head All Day...

that is besides the verdict rendered against Zeke (Isaiah Thomas for those of you who don't remeber 1989) and MSG. Maybe now we can finally bust up that bullshit monopoly Cablevision has on providing cable TV to the greater NYC metro area (mainly because I can't get NFL Network or Sunday ticket...bloodsuckers).

Oh right, what I really meant to say was - Best Damn News I've Heard All Day -- Polamalu, Big Snack and Spaeth will be ready to go on Sunday! Quoth zen master Mike Tomlin -- "All indications are that they will be fine." AND what's more, playing in place of McFadden (because he IS still injured) as the 3rd Corner this weekend will be rookie stud William Gay. So not only will we get our pro bowlers back in time to attempt to silence all the critics who said Super Bowl XL was a fluke, but we'll get to see what our promising young Louisville alum can do in regular season competition. Bonus.

Bad news is potentially no Hines Ward for the second straight week, and only the fourth time in the last 10 years (so I learned today). So [maybe] no scenes like the image inset. Also, apparently Big Ben hurt his vagina...I mean foot, when someone stepped on it in Sunday's debacle against Pittsburgh West. Gee, maybe if he were wearing a helmet...oh just kidding, come on, I love Ben.

Anyways, that's the injury update for today. 'Til tomorrow, take it easy Steeler Nation.

Who The Hell Is Chuck Norris?

[Editor's Note: Wanted to post this yesterday but hey, you can't always get what you want, right Mick Jagger?]

So I'm pretty sure we're all familiar with the pop culture icon Chuck Norris and his alleged inimitable feats of man-god proportions. Well, I'm here to tell you -- Walker, Texas Ranger ain't got nothing on another man from the Lone Star State, Casey "Big Snack" Hampton.

In keeping form with said Chuck Norris feats of strength (or whatever you want to call them), below are 10 things you might be surprised (but probably not) to learn about Casey Hampton, none of which are true (because if they were it just wouldn't be funny).

10 More Reasons to Love and Fear Casey Hampton:

1. Casey Hampton once ate a 12-inch Chili Cheese Dog in 3 bites!
2. If you thought Alan Greenspan was the man behind the US economy in recent years, you're sorely mistaken.
3. Casey Hampton doesn't take names, he just kicks ass
4. Casey Hampton invented the internet. Al Gore took all the credit.
5. In High School, Casey Hampton was voted "Most Likely to Test The Boundaries of Manhood"
6. Casey Hampton trains with Cheetahs on the African Plains
7. Casey Hampton's Personal Assistant is the Man Otherwise Known as Diddy
8. Casey Hampton was choking bitches before Wayne Brady was born
9. Casey Hampton says forget SUVs, I drive a tank.
10. Casey Hampton has 3 favorite foods - Raven, Bengal Tiger, and Browns fan...yes, you heard me.

What have YOU heard about Casey Hampton??

Ain't Nothin But a Casey Hampton Party...

This pic from DrunkAthletes(see links) just makes me love Casey Hampton more...

Nothing more entertaining than a 300+ pound Nose Tackle bringin sexy back and makin it rain on some hoe's.

Oh, and as for the DrunkAthletes blogger referring to Casey as "obscure"...dude, are you living in a cave? We're talking about a three-time pro bowler and as Wikipedia points out, a player who is tied for the best DT rating on Madden '07, a 97!

See post here for more