[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Week 5

Another week, another [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show. This week we really took this thing seriously. No, I promise. We were so serious. Like, serious as a heart attack...

Ok, no. I'm lying. This week is more of the same idiocy you've come to expect from Tecmo and I. We sincerely hope you enjoy!

And then there's the Outtake Reel...


[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Week 5 [PSAMP]

OFTOT Week In Review...

I'm out of my damned mind. It's a proven fact. I think Google even has an algorithm to show as much. I do some of the most ridiculous shit, and I can't even explain why. It's always been this way for me. Sometimes I'll think of something so random, and it will lead me to an even more random thought, which in turn will lead me to something extremely random, yet somehow relevant to the Steelers. This is most times how I come up with post/photoshop ideas.

Take yesterday's game "preview" post. Where in the hell did I come up with an image of Jack Del Rio as a pirate, with David Garrard as his obligatory pirate parrot? Well, when I was writing the post, I was going out of my way to use as many derivations of Jacksonville and Jaguars that I could think of (mostly involving the term "jagoff"). Whilst exercising this unbridled creativity I thought to myself...Jag-u-ars...what can I put on the end to make something new and different. Of course the answer was a GH so that it became Jag-u-ARGHs, which of course means pirate speak. Obviously, right?

Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe I shouldn't have wasted so many brain cells in college. This shit is getting out of hand. Either way, hopefully you all enjoyed the past week's worth of OFTOT, even if I sucked at life in writing/commenting. Hopefully next week will be better.

Anyways, here's a rundown of this week's peaks and valleys...

1. We eked out a win against the Mudermore Ratbirds

2. We kept up with AFC North Current Events

3. Tobiathan shared his intimate feelings with us

4. I put my good health on the line in the name of good luck

5. We spitballed as to why we haven't seen hide nor hair of Limas Sweed

6. We learned that Bruce Arians knows more about FAMILY planning than GAME planning

7. I lamented having a blackberry

8. We got to know each other a little better

9. We coined a new nickname for the Jaguars...and previewed Sunday's game

Lastly, if you're on the internets this weekend, don't forget to come check out the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show on Sunday afternoon, and then swing by for the OFTOT Gameday Liveblog with Tobiathan. I think Monday's liveblog was pretty awesome, and I plan on being part of Sunday's as well. Though I'm gonna rein my commentary in a bit and let Tobiathan run the show. Sometimes I get carried away...

Also, if you haven't done so already, I highly recommend you join the OFTOT, PSAMP, and Sean's Ramblings networks on Facebook. I think (hope) I speak for the three of us when I say we'd love to make your e-cquaintance(s).

Ok, and really finally - if you're looking for some new tunes to delight in, feel free to check out my Friday Morning Riffs (I send these out to a bunch of people I work with every week)...

1. Everything In Its Right Place - Radiohead
2. Scenario - A Tribe Called Quest
3. Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
4. Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
5. Lost Desire - The Roots
Bonus Selection - What More Can I Say - Dangermouse (and Jay-Z)

Hope to see you all Sunday! I'm just gonna go have no life for the rest of the day...

Damn Jag-u-ARGHs!

Well, if I said I felt confident about Sunday's game against Jagoffville, I'd be lying to you. We're down to Mewelde Moore, Najeh Davenport, and Gary Russell in the backfield, Big Ben is more banged up than Tara Reid, and we have no solid indication that our Offensive game plan will be any good against the tough Jags Defense. At least the Defense is playing well though, albeit without 2/3 of our starting lineman. So we've got that going for us...which is nice.

But really it doesn't matter what kind of shape we're in. This is basically a division game. It may not count towards the division standings, but Jag-u-are-ville has always been a challenge for us. In fact, we haven't won one out of the last four meetings, including last year's heart wrenching playoff loss.

Nevertheless, this is our time to avenge. Let's just hope this time around, we don't get gypped by a bullshit holding no call.

So here are three things I'll be watching for on Sunday night...

#1 - The "Offensive" "Game Plan"
Notice the intentional quotes around both Offensive and Game Plan. This is clearly by design. Will we have a game plan? Will it be any good? Will we go no huddle at all? Will we throw to Heath Miller? Will we be able to get the ball to Santonio without it being picked off? I just don't know. We shall see. I'd like to think that with all the grumblings about the Offense's lack of production the past couple of weeks, Arians and Tomlin will sort it out for this one. But I can't say with any degree of certainty that that will be the case.

#2 - The Defensive Line
Our specialty is stopping the run and obliterating the opposing passer. Yet, Jacksonville has consistently gouged us for a disgusting amount of yards on the ground. Even David Garrard got into the mix last time. We can NOT let this happen again. I know MJD is like a little bowling ball. He's hard to see. He's hard to tackle. He cuts like a ginsu knife. But we have to shut him, Fred Taylor - and anyone else who decides to get into the mix - down. That Offensive Line is looking real vulnerable. Capitalize on that. Make David Garrard beat you. Bottom line.

#3 - "Special" Teams
First, the Jags O-line may be a bit of a mess, but MJD is still back there returning kicks. He's burned us before, he can do it again. A "Special" Teams gaffe would be possibly the most costly mistake, should it occur. Let's hope our dudes stay solid. Second, Mitch Berger has to do better. Last week, his punting average was dog shit. This is another battle of field position. We just have to get a good performance out of Berger. I don't know how else to say it. I hope you eat your Wheaties on Sunday, Mitch.

And that's it. I could go on, but alas, I continue to have real work to do (even on a Friday). So I'm interested - what do you guys think about this game? Winnable?

I'll tell you what Steely McGnome thinks...well, actually Doug will, but yeah - 24-21, Steelers. Write that down.

AFC North Headline of the Day...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Watchoo talking 'bout, Willis?

Yeah, dude. I'm sure the Ravens would like that as well. But listen, it's not your fault the Browns are a bunch of filthy cheaters. I mean, Romeo Crennel WAS spawned from the Bill Belicheat coaching tree. And look, the Steelers don't let most running backs really ever get started in a game, let alone finish one. So don't feel so bad.

Buck up, young Willis. Remember when no one thought you'd even make it in the NFL? See, things aren't so bad. You could always be Travis Henry.

Don't get caught dealing while reading these links...

For the image alone...hahahaha [PSAMP]

A proper "Welcome Home" for Najeh [Deuce of Davenport]

Nice to know we've got the Nazi Shark in our corner...that oughta protect Big Ben on Sunday... [Deadspin]

Man, I don't like this shit one bit [Post-Gazette]

Protecting the Led in Led Zeppelin since October 2, 2008 [Dug E. Fresh Rants]

I seriously love the Diddy video blog [YouTube]

Meeting People Is Easy...

Well first of all, thank friggin' God it's Friday.

Perhaps you've noticed my glaring absence from OFTOT this week. At least in the comments. This is not entirely intentional. See, unbeknownst to you all, I've been out of my mind with some bullshit at work/school this week. You know, Powerpoints and the like. Really fun stuff like that. So you'll notice that today's MPIE is relatively mini-horse-like in comparison to recent weeks. I only hope you can all forgive me for that.

Now to introduce our "expert" panel...

1. Silky Johnson ~ Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go put some water in Mama McNabb's dish...

2. Neal Coolong ~ James Harrison = way > Ray Lewis...decipher that one.

3. LJKC ~ Did she seriously let Matt use a keyboard to deface her otherwise excellent blog? [Just kidding, Matt]

4. Big Snack Silverback ~ We seriously went back and forth for a good 10 minutes trading lyrics from "Fight The Power"...I really felt we shared a moment...

5. Pat ~ Recently "wrapped" another season of Pirates baseball...I don't know how you do it, dude...That's what I call dedicaton.

6. Sean ~ My new Facebook friend...like I told Sean - if you're not friends on the internets, you are not friends at all.

7. Tecmo ~ I don't know why I continue to put a black bar over his eyes. It's not like you guys have never seen his mug before...

8. Me ~ Caffeine is a hell of a drug.

As usual, you know the drill - Click to enlarge...


Can't make any guarantees on an afternoon post today. I'm going to make my best effort. But I've got a pretty long day fitting of the pretty long WEEK I've had. My apologies for the lack of quality around here this week. Shit's rough nowadays.

See you all on the internets...

/Needs some God damned sleep

I Am But A Simple Man...

With a simple mind, I might add. Though, I'm sure I don't have to tell you guys that...

Anyways, with all that talk about text messages and IM speak and what not yesterday, I figured I might as well stick with that theme for one more day. So that's what I've done...

I'm all about minimalism. I've got a cell phone, mostly because everyone else does. And god forbid I'm stuck in the middle of deliverance country or something and I don't have one...shit. Nevertheless, this doesn't mean I use it. I try to keep all of my calls to three minutes or less. And usually those three minutes sound something like the lefty call Larry David makes in Season 6 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. This is my policy in practice.

But it's not my cell phone I'd like to talk about today. Rather, I want to talk about another so called technological innovation that is "improving my life."

I have a Blackberry. You probably do too. I got this thing from my job like a year and a half ago or so, under the guise that anyone who works on the internets needs to be apprised of all interweb situations at all times.

At first I was like...

"Wow, cool. A Blackberry. You mean I can get all of my work emails right on this ergonomic little device? Well, I'll be damned! God bless your heart, Al Gore."

But it didn't take long for me to realize that what they gave me wasn't a Blackberry. Oh, no. This thing was an electronic handcuff. They tricked me! Those sneaky assholes.

Now, of course, the tune has changed slightly. Nowadays, this thing sits in my bookbag for about 98.4% of the time, and I only remove it when it's either beeping at me because I haven't charged it in two weeks (mostly likely I've forgotten it was in there) or I plan on taking a two hour liquid lunch and need to make sure nothing catches fire while I'm out.

What I'm saying, in so many words, is that this thing, SUCKS.

Anyone share my ire? Email me about it. You know I can get that shit...

Kidding...hit me in the comments.

AFC North Headline of the Day...

Ok, I admit, using a Deaspin post is kind of a cop out. But come on, it's so funny.

Yeah, you were good in '05 because you were all a bunch of deviants. Well, now that I think about it. Maybe...I mean you have sucked since. Perhaps all of your miscreants finally had their respective days in court and are now serving out their time in a cement box? Certainly that is a possibility, dude.

Anyways, yeah. Partying's always been the answer for me. So I can't really argue with his logic. But something tells me Chad don't mean no Chris Cotter partay. Nahmeen son?

Oh yeah, and speaking of deviants...the King's returned...


All hail these links...

Join the PSAMP network on Facebook...and while you're at it, join the OFTOT network [PSAMP]

Jeff Reed = AFC ST Player of Week...Also interweb legend [PSAMP]

Wait, Ben threw his 100th TD pass on Monday Night? [Post-Gazette]

Sarah Palin has a football fan identity crisis [Sean's Ramblings]

Al Davis - Greedy AND Psychotic...can't disagree [Joey Porter's Pit Bulls]

I still kinda hate Seattle, but I can't hate this [Macho Chip]

And while we're at it... [on205th]

WHO Needs Protection?

Boy, it's a shame he knows so much about preventing unplanned pregnancies and STDs and not enough about making Offensive adjustments. Then, we might actually have something! Anyways, these ears have heard whispers that Tomlin had a little chat with Arians sometime in the past couple of days, the net of which was...

"Get your shit together. This Offense is not working. And you're pissing everyone off."

I'm paraphrasing, of course. And in the interest of full disclosure, I've yet to actually see this reported anywhere in print. So I can't really attest to it's validity. But who needs validity? This is a friggin' blog! Nonetheless, if true, I think Tomlin and I are aligned on this one...as I imagine most of you are as well.

You know, it's funny. I used to try and defend Arians.

"Come on, you guys. He's somewhat new to this team. We gotta cut him some slack. Besides, he went to Temple. That automatically means an extra three months of 'getting up to speed.'"

But I'm over that shit. Last week was brutal. This week made me sicker than that two year old smiley cookie I consumed. If left unaddressed, I fear that next week I just might smash something.

Listen up, Arians. You fool. I'm sure you know full well how to call plays. Quit jaggin' around and use that gray matter you've got occupying the otherwise vacant space between your ears. You know the score here. The line can't pass block for more than 3-5 seconds, we're so desperate for a healthy running back that we've brought back the closet shitter. And Ben likes to think he can outrun eight dudes on every play. What's so difficult to plan for? You know what happened, yes? Yes? Did we steal your Frosted Flakes or something? Come on, man. Dick LeBeau is keeping his end of the bargain. So what's the deal?

Either way, should you decide NOT to alter the gameplan Sunday against Jacksonville Jagoffville, here is a list of potential consequences...

1. Spend a night as Greg Lloyd's sparring partner
2. Serve as Jeff Reed's bathroom photographer during the bye week
3. Get traded to Cleveland
4. Wash Larry Zierling's dirty undies for the next six months
5. I hear Steely McBeam needs a designated driver

And that's just off the top of my head. We've still got three days 'til gameday. Don't make me get creative.

So now that you've heard what I have to say, I'd love to hear you all wax philosophical about all this...what say you, friends?

Now, on a completely unrelated note, today's is my buddy Drew's birthday. So I'd like to take a moment and wish this jagoff a Happy Birthday. Drew is a good friend, rarely seen 'round these parts, but for one Meeting People Is Easy a couple of weeks back. This is mostly because he can hardy remember to get his picks in by Sunday at Noon, let alone the URL of this blog. Besides, he's an Eagles fan. Nevertheless, Drew, Happy Birthday, you sloppy mess! Drink a few 10 for me, brotha! Oh, and lest ye think ye can escape this blog's ire...

I can't tell you how hard it was to photoshop a party hat on that massive cranium of yours. Seriously, that's a big head, dude...

...That's what she said.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Ok, I'm done now.

I promise.

This is really the end.

Why are you still reading?

Howmuchwoodcouldalamarrwoodleychuckchuckifalamarrwoodleychuckcouldchuckwood...

What's up now?

Hey, I've Got A Question...

So remember when Big Ben asked for a taller receiver? And remember when we got a 2nd round gem in April's draft named, Limas Swede Sweed?

How come he's yet to play a single down?

Let your opinions abound...

AFC North Headline of the Day...

I'm only leading with this one because I feel like going with a Browns headline is just too easy. So first of all, I find it pretty hilarious that this is news. I mean, isn't that what everyone should do when they score? What the hell do I care if you do a riverdance, pull out a sign that says "Dear NFL, Please don't fine me," or play mini golf with a pylon?

In addition to "calmly handing the ball to the official", here are some other gestures that are also acceptable - a little leap into the crowd, handing the ball to a fan (hopefully a kid fan), standing on the star in Texas stadium (only because everyone hates the Cowgirls), or doing the Icky shuffle. Did you get that, Chad?

And now for the easy part...

Again, the first problem is - if you have to say it, that's not good. Of course, this is Phil Savage's fault for signing a guy who's healthy about as often as I grow facial hair. But still, yikes. Seven pro seasons, only three of which he's made it through 16 games. That's definitely a guy I want to give a seven year, $35 million contract.

Perhaps these links will provide better ROI...

Big Ben playing Donovan McNabb? God, has it come to that? [MJD]

Silky Johnson > Alex Trebek [I Love It When A Plan Comes Together]

Lori's putting Malkin's lady friend on notice [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've seen all day...though it's only 12:00 [PSAMP]

Tell us something we don't know [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Yeah, right. This is like telling Troy Polamalu to cut his hair [Star-Telegram]

The Things I Do For The Steelers...

Well, I was going to do a full recap post yesterday in typical narrative format, complete with kudos and scoldings. But listen, our economy is in the crapper, I'm not particularly enamored with either Presidential Candidate, and my dog will NOT stop shedding. So excuuuuuuussssseeeeeee me if I didn't give you more substance this week. Honestly, I think it may have worked out better that way. I don't know about you all, but I like to hear your thoughts more so than I like to jot down my own. And we got some good discussion. Frankly, I consider the half-assed post experiment a rousing success.

Nevertheless, I'll be talking about the game again today. Albeit from a different angle. See, my evening was chock full on Monday. I didn't have class, for once. But I did have perhaps the most intense technological evening of my life. I'm pretty sure at no point did my phone/laptop go more than two to three minutes without beeping at me. Indeed, I think Monday Night sent me into a semi-permanent technology shock. But while it may have been a little more than I could handle at the time, I'm thinking it might make for a humorous post here today.

So without further ado, here's a look at selected points in my Monday evening...

6:00 - Wonder what the hell I'm still doing at work
6:01 - Promptly flee office as if I were Joe Flacco in Silverback's sights
6:45 - Arrive home, fire up laptop, copy down ingredients for Friday Football Foodie
7:30 - Hit A&P, call Domski to discuss keys to victory, no answer...
8:08 - Find out why Domski missed call (hit play)...

8:10 - Arrive home anew, fire up oven, mix ingredients for Friday Football Foodie
8:11 - Remember I have no idea how to cook
8:28 - Yell at Ditka [on TV] for being an asshole (read: picking the Ravens)
8:32 - Tobiathan makes obligatory "Welcome Back" joke
8:32 - Response = "Nice work, jagoff. Never heard that before. Very novel"
8:38 - Tobiathan uses term "grammatical correctivity" - ignore obvious error

9:01 - 2nd False Start penalty on one drive - comment on liveblog - "Wow that's gotta stop"
9:01 - Jeff Reed hits 49 yarder...text Tecmo - "Jeff Reed!"
9:08 - Flacco sacked by Silverback (loss of 5 & dignity) - start dancing around living room
9:12 - Ben spoils all the fun, throwing untimely INT to D lineman
9:13 - Comment on liveblog - "who looks like the rookie, now?"
9:36 - Domski texts first reference to going No Huddle
9:37 - Highlight that Mitch Berger is pushing 50 (exaggerating)
9:38 - Text from Domski - "Supermax protection still doesn't work. Sad"
9:39 - Resist urge to make unsavory sexist joke
9:39 - Text from Domski - "This is a team effort to suck"
9:40 - Reply to Domski - "We better get our shit together, quick"
9:49 - Ike Taylor gets stiffarmed by Willis McGahee
9:49 - Comment on liveblog - "Ike Taylor looking like a bitch"
9:51 - Text from Domski - "Defense getting pushed off ball"
9:52 - Reply to Domski - "What u mean to say is being pussies"
9:53 - Domski texts second reference to going No Huddle
9:54 - Text from Domski - "Embarrassing"
9:56 - Reply [jokingly] to Domski - "Put Leftwich in"

10:15 - HALFTIME...turn my Pizza Dip up!
10:16 - Comment on liveblog - "That's it, I'm changing the channel."
10:16 - Comment on liveblog - "Where do you suppose they're showing re-runs of Golden Girls?"
10:18 - Email Steelers Thunderdome league - "Who's bringing the Valium, again?"
10:19 - Eat half of two year old Smiley cookie for good luck
10:20 - Throw up a little in mouth - cookie tastes like laundry detergent
10:34 - Text from Tecmo - "When do we fire Arians? I don't understand his offense one bit"
10:48 - Comment on liveblog - "I'm going to Pittsburgh and I'm going to personally dropkick Bruce Arians...in the face...on a cold day...with Doc Martens on...and I'm going to gain 40 lbs before I do it just so it'll hurt more"

11:00 - Santonio SCORES!
11:00 - Comment on liveblog - "Oh my god! You should see me right now. I'm cavorting around this place like a little girl"
11:00 - Text from Domski - "No huddle works. Hire Domski"
11:03 - Woodley returns fumble for SCORE!
11:03 - Comment on liveblog - "OH MY GOD! YES! I'M FREAKING OUT. MY NEIGHBORS ARE CALLING THE POLICE. I'M GOING NUTS!"
11:10 - Text from Domski - "Cant stop drinkin" (This is a blatant lie)
11:11 - Text from Domski - "Ben might be somewhat retarded"
11:35 - Comment on liveblog - "Alright, let's get one thing straight. Ray Lewis does not equal Michael Strahan"
11:36 - Text from Domski - "Sean Alexander"
11:36 - Ignore spelling mistake
11:44 - Eat another two bites of two-year-old Smiley cookie...dry heave a little
11:52 - Drive stalls, Comment on liveblog - "four letter word beginning with F"

12:03 - Game in OT - Email to Thunderdome league from TSW - "Got any of that Valium left?"
12:04 - Reply to TSW et al - "I've moved on to Prozac, mainlining now."
12:16 - Jeff Reed hits game winner
12:17 - YES! YES! YEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! I LOVE YOU, JEFF REED! I'm not gay but I'd love to shake your hand
12:18 - Tobiathan offers to kiss Reed on mouth...
12:18 - "All heterosexual here"
12:31 - Final thoughts on liveblog - "Balls. Nuts. Bart Scott sucks"
12:50 - Publish half-assed "recap" post
1:07 - Email to Thunderdome league from Pat (WHYGAVS) - "Pardon my French, but how the [redacted] do you break your shoulder?"
1:09 - Reply to Pat et al - "What really happened = Ray Lewis shanked him at the bottom of the pile"
1:15 - Hit pillow and dream about a time when 75% of our players were not injured

Whew...wow, that was a lot of electronic communication, dudes/dudettes. I'm tired just thinking about it. In fact, I think I hear my bed calling my name. Hope you enjoyed this little what have you. I promise, these posts get better as the week goes on...

Any interesting conversations on your end(s)?

Dear Diary...

Ok, I think I owe you all a little explanation before I just drop this gem on you and step back, assuming the role of commenter. I had an idea recently. I thought it'd be funny to write a weekly psuedo-game recap, but more tongue-in-cheek than substantive. And what better/funnier way to do that than penning a fake "diary" entry? The problem is/was, I didn't think I'd do this kind of thing justice. Luckily, I knew someone who would.

Tobiathan.

So I asked, and he obliged. Hence, what you see below is the first of what hopefully will be a weekly feature the day after each game this season. With that, I'll let Tobiathan's words take it away...

<----------------POST BEGINS HERE---------------->

Dear Diary,

Last night was hard. It was ugly. It was painful. Even the people at the stadium were pissed off; they booed our guys, and that *never* happens in Pittsburgh! Maybe in Ohio, or in Filthymore...but never in MY beautiful city!

At times I thought I was gonna have to buy an Eagles jersey, or a velvety Seahawks jacket, just to salvage something from this football season. I even tried to imagine what it would be like to be a Bills fan- they're undefeated, dontcha know!? But none of it seemed right. I had to tough it out.

So - I did what any good fan does when his favoritest team struggles: I wrote a poem...

"An Ode To Ray Lewis"

Roses are red, violets are blue
The Steelers don't suck but the
Ravens still do

Your Purple Skyrats thought they'd come to my town
Pull out some shivs
And take our boys down

But the Great Football Gods had
Totally different plans
They worked their Steelers magic
And appeased these great fans

With Silverback and The Wood
They layed a smackdown
And sent those filthy Purple Pigeons
Flapping back to Stinktown

The OT-winning points
Took us some time to score
But we still told your Ravens:
Nevermore, nevermore!

So, Diary - I know it's not very good. I'll never win any prizes with it. But I'm just so darned happy about winning tonight, I thought it was worth the effort.

I hope you can forgive me. The only thing worse than poetry is BAD poetry. Good night, Diary. You're my BEST friend!

- Tobiathan

<----------------END POST---------------->

COTTER FINAL NOTE: I particularly liked the part where he wrote a poem about Ray Lewis to his diary...hahahahahahahahaha, I'm currently rolling on the floor, peeing myself with laughter. Excellent work, Tobiathan! He's more than just a master liveblogger. Clearly he knows a thing or two about Diaries...looking forward to many more just like this! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did...please leave him love in the comments.

AFC North Headline of the Day...

Hey, look, a choose your own adventure! Or a Madlibs, depending on your preference. Feel free to fill this one in for yourself in the comments.

While you're thinking, I'll tell you what the author, Gregg Doyel thought...

I have nothing to add. I could not have said it better myself. Well played, Gregg Doyel. Well played, indeed.

For some inspiration, check out the following links...

That's what she said [YouTube]

Arians = 1 out of 5 helmets...I think that's being generous [PSAMP]

Man, this sucks...a LOT [ESPN]

Yeah, Mitch Berger does look kind of like a pirate... [The Sports Hernia]

Oh, Peezy...I miss your simple mind [ESPN]

San Diego > New Jersey [Tirico Suave]

Oh, and yeah, never quite did get around to a full game recap. I will, however, have a couple of fun ones for you this afternoon/evening. So stay tuned for those. I'm just gonna go do what they pay me to do around here...while they're still paying me...

See you in a couple hours, jagoffs.

Secured!

Not pictured: Snipers Silverback and The Wood.

As they say, a win is a win.

Things that were awesome...
1. Silverback and LaMarr Woodley combining for four of five total sacks
2. Santonio's catch and run on the play that sparked all our momentum
3. Jeff Reed
4. Mewelde Moore and Carey Davis stepping up
5. Winning and being 1st in the division with a leg up on Bawlmore and Cleveland

Things that were not awesome...
1. Joe Flacco marching the Ratbirds down the field to tie it up
2. Multiple false start penalties on same drive
3. Mitch Berger's stat line - Average Punt = 40 yards
4. Listening to Jaws whisper sweet nothings about Joe Flacco all night
5. The game ending at 12:15 or some such ungodly hour for a blogger with a real job

Things that sucked...
1. The 1st half
2. Big Ben IN the 1st half
3. Bruce Arians' PLAY CALLING in the 1st half
4. Mendenhall and Simmons to IR?
5. Ray Lewis comparing himself to Michael Strahan

"Full" game recap post may follow later this morning. Until then...what say you, Steeler brethren?

Oh, and while I'm getting my act together, witness the celebratory idiocy...

Ever since I was a lower case c
But now I'm a big C
The girls see I got the money
$100 $5 bills y'all...

Quoth The Wood, Nevermore...

Yes, you're right. I did use that post title on Friday. But since no one read it then, I'm re-using it now. My blog, my rules. 'Tis a beautiful thing.

T-minus just under four hours 'til kickoff and my stomach's been in knots since before lunch.

Who's with me?

AFC North Headline of the Day...

No, don't read it again. This headline is not funny. Actually, it sucks. Particularly for me, because in a lapse of judgment on Saturday morning, realizing both of my QBs were on a bye this week, I picked up this worthless piece of shit in Fantasy. Plus, I had to pick up another kicker, which burned my second and final drop/add for the week (coincidentally, Yahoo Fantasy blows goats).

So when it came Sunday and he decided he wasn't fit to play against the Browns "vaunted" Defense, he screwed more than just the Bengals. He screwed me. Thanks alot, Carson Palmer. I hated you before. Now I really hate you. May you develop a vicious strain of herpes that jeopardizes your future ability to breed. Alternatively, you may choose to die in a fire, and we're even. Your cooperation in this matter is much appreciated.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kick someone on a bike in the face.

While I'm doing that, why don't you check out these links...

Uh oh, they let me guest blog again... [MVN Outsider]

I'd hate to tell you what I do at Hershey Park [Dug E. Fresh Rants]

I'd like a baptism by Heinz Ketchup! [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

If Rashard Mendenhall is the keymaster, who is the gatekeeper? [On The Black Side]

Nice little diddy, but no [Ryan Parker Songs]

Also, be sure to pop by around 8 PM EST for the Tobiathan liveblogging experience. And if you've yet to witness the latest in the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show, I strongly suggest you check it out. 10-4, kids - I'll see you on the interwebs.