October 2, 2008

WHO Needs Protection?


Boy, it's a shame he knows so much about preventing unplanned pregnancies and STDs and not enough about making Offensive adjustments. Then, we might actually have something! Anyways, these ears have heard whispers that Tomlin had a little chat with Arians sometime in the past couple of days, the net of which was...

"Get your shit together. This Offense is not working. And you're pissing everyone off."
I'm paraphrasing, of course. And in the interest of full disclosure, I've yet to actually see this reported anywhere in print. So I can't really attest to it's validity. But who needs validity? This is a friggin' blog! Nonetheless, if true, I think Tomlin and I are aligned on this one...as I imagine most of you are as well.

You know, it's funny. I used to try and defend Arians.
"Come on, you guys. He's somewhat new to this team. We gotta cut him some slack. Besides, he went to Temple. That automatically means an extra three months of 'getting up to speed.'"
But I'm over that shit. Last week was brutal. This week made me sicker than that two year old smiley cookie I consumed. If left unaddressed, I fear that next week I just might smash something.

Listen up, Arians. You fool. I'm sure you know full well how to call plays. Quit jaggin' around and use that gray matter you've got occupying the otherwise vacant space between your ears. You know the score here. The line can't pass block for more than 3-5 seconds, we're so desperate for a healthy running back that we've brought back the closet shitter. And Ben likes to think he can outrun eight dudes on every play. What's so difficult to plan for? You know what happened, yes? Yes? Did we steal your Frosted Flakes or something? Come on, man. Dick LeBeau is keeping his end of the bargain. So what's the deal?

Either way, should you decide NOT to alter the gameplan Sunday against Jacksonville Jagoffville, here is a list of potential consequences...

1. Spend a night as Greg Lloyd's sparring partner
2. Serve as Jeff Reed's bathroom photographer during the bye week
3. Get traded to Cleveland
4. Wash Larry Zierling's dirty undies for the next six months
5. I hear Steely McBeam needs a designated driver

And that's just off the top of my head. We've still got three days 'til gameday. Don't make me get creative.

So now that you've heard what I have to say, I'd love to hear you all wax philosophical about all this...what say you, friends?

Now, on a completely unrelated note, today's is my buddy Drew's birthday. So I'd like to take a moment and wish this jagoff a Happy Birthday. Drew is a good friend, rarely seen 'round these parts, but for one Meeting People Is Easy a couple of weeks back. This is mostly because he can hardy remember to get his picks in by Sunday at Noon, let alone the URL of this blog. Besides, he's an Eagles fan. Nevertheless, Drew, Happy Birthday, you sloppy mess! Drink a few 10 for me, brotha! Oh, and lest ye think ye can escape this blog's ire...

I can't tell you how hard it was to photoshop a party hat on that massive cranium of yours. Seriously, that's a big head, dude...

...That's what she said.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Ok, I'm done now.

I promise.

This is really the end.

Why are you still reading?

Howmuchwoodcouldalamarrwoodleychuckchuckifalamarrwoodleychuckcouldchuckwood...

What's up now?

10 comments:

Sheena Beaston said...

I'd let the Wood chuck it at me

hey, baby...

Christy said...

Get traded to Cleveland? I hate Arians as much as anybody, but don't you think that's a bit harsh?

How's this for an idea....we throw trash on his lawn and harass his kids. Maybe then he'll leave town...

matt said...

If Tomlin did have this "convo" I hope he wasn't as 'matter of fact' as he is in his press conferences.

Arians needs a good talking to, that includes alot of F bombs, and being told he sucks alot. Then, he will get so depressed he has no choice but to listen.

Good luck Brucey...don't f*ckin piss me off this week!

Noah said...

I share Matt's sentiments exactly. Seriously though, if we can't beat the Jags the way they're playing, I wouldn't know what to think anymore. I mean I know they play us tough, but we should come out with the win.

Honestly, I didn't mind Davenport in the backfield to begin with. It's just we didn't have room for him when the season started.

matt said...

Indeed, Davenport's not a bad guy to have on the squad.

Mind my ignorance, but, happy birthday Drew! - even if you are an Eagles fan.

Vern said...

Uhhh...I watch the games down here with a chick who banged Woodley out last Friday on her trip to Pittsburgh if you want hooked up in between pop songs, Sheena Beaston. In fact, this merits a bit more detail.

She knows a guy who knows the Wood and they were all going back to Lamarr's house, and she asked him where he lived. "Pittsburgh!". Obviously. She said, no, what district. "Allegheny County!"...no, what district do you live in. "Allegheny County!". I thought that was hilarious.

Needless to say, nobody made reference to it 30 times or when Woodley scored that defensive TD or anything. Nope. Everyone was very respectful.

domski43 said...

happy birfday drew!

lets not get to reactionary to arians. i'm not his biggest fan, but everyone needs to stop putting the blame on one single person. everyone last year blamed mahan, although he deserved it, we can all now see that he wasnt the ONLY problem. the steelers are a first class organization, unlike the raiders and rams, and dont overreact during the season especially when we are 3-1!!!!


every team goes through offensive ups and downs. look at the giants last year.

how soon are we to forget that big ben set the steelers passing td record (although steelers lacked in rushing td category)???

1. receivers have dropped passes
2. the offensive line has sucked at blocking
3. ben is not making the right adjustments at the line of scrimmage.
4. ben holding on to the ball too long

lots of blame to go around

domski43 said...

also...the eagles and ravens defenses are good!

matt said...

domski - I agree with what you are saying about not placing blame on one person. I'm not necessarily saying it's all Arians fault.
However, I don't think Arians is giving his guys the best chance to succeed w/ the plays he's calling.

We all know the o-line is subpar, but we have (well, we had) so many weapons at our disposal. Eagles & Ravens have great D, but I am confident even with our line being terrible we could have had better drives and less sacks w/ some adjustments in play calling.

domski43 said...

matt - i completely agree w/ you as well. arians' playcalling is garbage up to this point. the receivers are running deep routes, while they should be throwing wide receiver screens to loosen up the defense. Not establishing the run to set up the play action pass. Screen passes to the running backs, maybe throw to heath miller?...i could go on and on about arians playcalling.

And as you said, Brucey does need a long talking to from Tomlin (cowher would have spit all over his face by now while berating him). I think we are all waiting to see the creativity in playcalling like the steelers had with the whiz (would have used dixon in some aspect of the game plan by now). arians' system is a lot different than what the steelers and we fans are use to. Both this year and last year we have seen the steelers offense look like world beaters and at other times fail to move the chains after 6 consecutive drives. I'm just urging people to stay patient with who the steelers brass has chosen to run our favorite franchise. At the end of the season coaches will be sorted out.

That comment above is from my frustration with reading all around the interwebs about firing bruce arians, and I'm not down with the "blame everything on one person" game that makes me feel embarrassed for other nfl teams and the way their fans act. That comment above wasn't directed at you, just venting.

beat the jags!