Boy, it's a shame he knows so much about preventing unplanned pregnancies and STDs and not enough about making Offensive adjustments. Then, we might actually have something! Anyways, these ears have heard whispers that Tomlin had a little chat with Arians sometime in the past couple of days, the net of which was...
"Get your shit together. This Offense is not working. And you're pissing everyone off."I'm paraphrasing, of course. And in the interest of full disclosure, I've yet to actually see this reported anywhere in print. So I can't really attest to it's validity. But who needs validity? This is a friggin' blog! Nonetheless, if true, I think Tomlin and I are aligned on this one...as I imagine most of you are as well.
You know, it's funny. I used to try and defend Arians.
"Come on, you guys. He's somewhat new to this team. We gotta cut him some slack. Besides, he went to Temple. That automatically means an extra three months of 'getting up to speed.'"But I'm over that shit. Last week was brutal. This week made me sicker than that two year old smiley cookie I consumed. If left unaddressed, I fear that next week I just might smash something.
Listen up, Arians. You fool. I'm sure you know full well how to call plays. Quit jaggin' around and use that gray matter you've got occupying the otherwise vacant space between your ears. You know the score here. The line can't pass block for more than 3-5 seconds, we're so desperate for a healthy running back that we've brought back the closet shitter. And Ben likes to think he can outrun eight dudes on every play. What's so difficult to plan for? You know what happened, yes? Yes? Did we steal your Frosted Flakes or something? Come on, man. Dick LeBeau is keeping his end of the bargain. So what's the deal?
Either way, should you decide NOT to alter the gameplan Sunday against
1. Spend a night as Greg Lloyd's sparring partner
2. Serve as Jeff Reed's bathroom photographer during the bye week
3. Get traded to Cleveland
4. Wash Larry Zierling's dirty undies for the next six months
5. I hear Steely McBeam needs a designated driver
And that's just off the top of my head. We've still got three days 'til gameday. Don't make me get creative.
So now that you've heard what I have to say, I'd love to hear you all wax philosophical about all this...what say you, friends?
Now, on a completely unrelated note, today's is my buddy Drew's birthday. So I'd like to take a moment and wish this jagoff a Happy Birthday. Drew is a good friend, rarely seen 'round these parts, but for one Meeting People Is Easy a couple of weeks back. This is mostly because he can hardy remember to get his picks in by Sunday at Noon, let alone the URL of this blog. Besides, he's an Eagles fan. Nevertheless, Drew, Happy Birthday, you sloppy mess! Drink
I can't tell you how hard it was to photoshop a party hat on that massive cranium of yours. Seriously, that's a big head, dude...
...That's what she said.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Ok, I'm done now.
This is really the end.
Why are you still reading?
What's up now?