September 30, 2008

Dear Diary...


Ok, I think I owe you all a little explanation before I just drop this gem on you and step back, assuming the role of commenter. I had an idea recently. I thought it'd be funny to write a weekly psuedo-game recap, but more tongue-in-cheek than substantive. And what better/funnier way to do that than penning a fake "diary" entry? The problem is/was, I didn't think I'd do this kind of thing justice. Luckily, I knew someone who would.

Tobiathan.

So I asked, and he obliged. Hence, what you see below is the first of what hopefully will be a weekly feature the day after each game this season. With that, I'll let Tobiathan's words take it away...


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Dear Diary,

Last night was hard. It was ugly. It was painful. Even the people at the stadium were pissed off; they booed our guys, and that *never* happens in Pittsburgh! Maybe in Ohio, or in Filthymore...but never in MY beautiful city!

At times I thought I was gonna have to buy an Eagles jersey, or a velvety Seahawks jacket, just to salvage something from this football season. I even tried to imagine what it would be like to be a Bills fan- they're undefeated, dontcha know!? But none of it seemed right. I had to tough it out.

So - I did what any good fan does when his favoritest team struggles: I wrote a poem...

"An Ode To Ray Lewis"

Roses are red, violets are blue
The Steelers don't suck but the
Ravens still do

Your Purple Skyrats thought they'd come to my town
Pull out some shivs
And take our boys down

But the Great Football Gods had
Totally different plans
They worked their Steelers magic
And appeased these great fans

With Silverback and The Wood
They layed a smackdown
And sent those filthy Purple Pigeons
Flapping back to Stinktown

The OT-winning points
Took us some time to score
But we still told your Ravens:
Nevermore, nevermore!
So, Diary - I know it's not very good. I'll never win any prizes with it. But I'm just so darned happy about winning tonight, I thought it was worth the effort.

I hope you can forgive me. The only thing worse than poetry is BAD poetry. Good night, Diary. You're my BEST friend!

- Tobiathan

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COTTER FINAL NOTE: I particularly liked the part where he wrote a poem about Ray Lewis to his diary...hahahahahahahahaha, I'm currently rolling on the floor, peeing myself with laughter. Excellent work, Tobiathan! He's more than just a master liveblogger. Clearly he knows a thing or two about Diaries...looking forward to many more just like this! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did...please leave him love in the comments.

5 comments:

tecmo said...

Excellent feature. It does get rather tiring just reading the same kinds of recaps.

Only one criticism:

It shoulda been signed "Hugs and Kisses, Tobiathan." Or something like that.

Cotter said...

Agreed. This really needed some x's and o's at the end. But I didn't wanna add anything to what T did. Farbeit from me to tamper with someone else's flavor.

Nice work again, Tobiathan!

And yeah, more hugs and kisses...sort it out. Didn't you say something about kissing Jeff Reed on the mouth last night?

matt said...

'Twas a gem. Nice work

tobiathan is a really bad poet said...

LOL...i seriously considered being more flowery with my emotions, but i didn't want to overwhelm anybody with my warm-n-fuzziness. Now i know i should've added a lil more intimacy.

Thanks for the props, tho. I'm by no means a professional writer, or even a good amatuer. But i have fun with it. Glad others do too.

I'll definitely keep all feedback in mind for future installments.

BTW- Just in case the real Ray Lewis sees this: it's just art, man. Please don't hurt me....

domski43 said...

that is hilarious! good work t-rock