I Am But A Simple Man...

With a simple mind, I might add. Though, I'm sure I don't have to tell you guys that...

Anyways, with all that talk about text messages and IM speak and what not yesterday, I figured I might as well stick with that theme for one more day. So that's what I've done...

I'm all about minimalism. I've got a cell phone, mostly because everyone else does. And god forbid I'm stuck in the middle of deliverance country or something and I don't have one...shit. Nevertheless, this doesn't mean I use it. I try to keep all of my calls to three minutes or less. And usually those three minutes sound something like the lefty call Larry David makes in Season 6 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. This is my policy in practice.

But it's not my cell phone I'd like to talk about today. Rather, I want to talk about another so called technological innovation that is "improving my life."

I have a Blackberry. You probably do too. I got this thing from my job like a year and a half ago or so, under the guise that anyone who works on the internets needs to be apprised of all interweb situations at all times.

At first I was like...

"Wow, cool. A Blackberry. You mean I can get all of my work emails right on this ergonomic little device? Well, I'll be damned! God bless your heart, Al Gore."

But it didn't take long for me to realize that what they gave me wasn't a Blackberry. Oh, no. This thing was an electronic handcuff. They tricked me! Those sneaky assholes.

Now, of course, the tune has changed slightly. Nowadays, this thing sits in my bookbag for about 98.4% of the time, and I only remove it when it's either beeping at me because I haven't charged it in two weeks (mostly likely I've forgotten it was in there) or I plan on taking a two hour liquid lunch and need to make sure nothing catches fire while I'm out.

What I'm saying, in so many words, is that this thing, SUCKS.

Anyone share my ire? Email me about it. You know I can get that shit...

Kidding...hit me in the comments.

The Things I Do For The Steelers...

Well, I was going to do a full recap post yesterday in typical narrative format, complete with kudos and scoldings. But listen, our economy is in the crapper, I'm not particularly enamored with either Presidential Candidate, and my dog will NOT stop shedding. So excuuuuuuussssseeeeeee me if I didn't give you more substance this week. Honestly, I think it may have worked out better that way. I don't know about you all, but I like to hear your thoughts more so than I like to jot down my own. And we got some good discussion. Frankly, I consider the half-assed post experiment a rousing success.

Nevertheless, I'll be talking about the game again today. Albeit from a different angle. See, my evening was chock full on Monday. I didn't have class, for once. But I did have perhaps the most intense technological evening of my life. I'm pretty sure at no point did my phone/laptop go more than two to three minutes without beeping at me. Indeed, I think Monday Night sent me into a semi-permanent technology shock. But while it may have been a little more than I could handle at the time, I'm thinking it might make for a humorous post here today.

So without further ado, here's a look at selected points in my Monday evening...

6:00 - Wonder what the hell I'm still doing at work
6:01 - Promptly flee office as if I were Joe Flacco in Silverback's sights
6:45 - Arrive home, fire up laptop, copy down ingredients for Friday Football Foodie
7:30 - Hit A&P, call Domski to discuss keys to victory, no answer...
8:08 - Find out why Domski missed call (hit play)...

8:10 - Arrive home anew, fire up oven, mix ingredients for Friday Football Foodie
8:11 - Remember I have no idea how to cook
8:28 - Yell at Ditka [on TV] for being an asshole (read: picking the Ravens)
8:32 - Tobiathan makes obligatory "Welcome Back" joke
8:32 - Response = "Nice work, jagoff. Never heard that before. Very novel"
8:38 - Tobiathan uses term "grammatical correctivity" - ignore obvious error

9:01 - 2nd False Start penalty on one drive - comment on liveblog - "Wow that's gotta stop"
9:01 - Jeff Reed hits 49 yarder...text Tecmo - "Jeff Reed!"
9:08 - Flacco sacked by Silverback (loss of 5 & dignity) - start dancing around living room
9:12 - Ben spoils all the fun, throwing untimely INT to D lineman
9:13 - Comment on liveblog - "who looks like the rookie, now?"
9:36 - Domski texts first reference to going No Huddle
9:37 - Highlight that Mitch Berger is pushing 50 (exaggerating)
9:38 - Text from Domski - "Supermax protection still doesn't work. Sad"
9:39 - Resist urge to make unsavory sexist joke
9:39 - Text from Domski - "This is a team effort to suck"
9:40 - Reply to Domski - "We better get our shit together, quick"
9:49 - Ike Taylor gets stiffarmed by Willis McGahee
9:49 - Comment on liveblog - "Ike Taylor looking like a bitch"
9:51 - Text from Domski - "Defense getting pushed off ball"
9:52 - Reply to Domski - "What u mean to say is being pussies"
9:53 - Domski texts second reference to going No Huddle
9:54 - Text from Domski - "Embarrassing"
9:56 - Reply [jokingly] to Domski - "Put Leftwich in"

10:15 - HALFTIME...turn my Pizza Dip up!
10:16 - Comment on liveblog - "That's it, I'm changing the channel."
10:16 - Comment on liveblog - "Where do you suppose they're showing re-runs of Golden Girls?"
10:18 - Email Steelers Thunderdome league - "Who's bringing the Valium, again?"
10:19 - Eat half of two year old Smiley cookie for good luck
10:20 - Throw up a little in mouth - cookie tastes like laundry detergent
10:34 - Text from Tecmo - "When do we fire Arians? I don't understand his offense one bit"
10:48 - Comment on liveblog - "I'm going to Pittsburgh and I'm going to personally dropkick Bruce Arians...in the face...on a cold day...with Doc Martens on...and I'm going to gain 40 lbs before I do it just so it'll hurt more"

11:00 - Santonio SCORES!
11:00 - Comment on liveblog - "Oh my god! You should see me right now. I'm cavorting around this place like a little girl"
11:00 - Text from Domski - "No huddle works. Hire Domski"
11:03 - Woodley returns fumble for SCORE!
11:03 - Comment on liveblog - "OH MY GOD! YES! I'M FREAKING OUT. MY NEIGHBORS ARE CALLING THE POLICE. I'M GOING NUTS!"
11:10 - Text from Domski - "Cant stop drinkin" (This is a blatant lie)
11:11 - Text from Domski - "Ben might be somewhat retarded"
11:35 - Comment on liveblog - "Alright, let's get one thing straight. Ray Lewis does not equal Michael Strahan"
11:36 - Text from Domski - "Sean Alexander"
11:36 - Ignore spelling mistake
11:44 - Eat another two bites of two-year-old Smiley cookie...dry heave a little
11:52 - Drive stalls, Comment on liveblog - "four letter word beginning with F"

12:03 - Game in OT - Email to Thunderdome league from TSW - "Got any of that Valium left?"
12:04 - Reply to TSW et al - "I've moved on to Prozac, mainlining now."
12:16 - Jeff Reed hits game winner
12:17 - YES! YES! YEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! I LOVE YOU, JEFF REED! I'm not gay but I'd love to shake your hand
12:18 - Tobiathan offers to kiss Reed on mouth...
12:18 - "All heterosexual here"
12:31 - Final thoughts on liveblog - "Balls. Nuts. Bart Scott sucks"
12:50 - Publish half-assed "recap" post
1:07 - Email to Thunderdome league from Pat (WHYGAVS) - "Pardon my French, but how the [redacted] do you break your shoulder?"
1:09 - Reply to Pat et al - "What really happened = Ray Lewis shanked him at the bottom of the pile"
1:15 - Hit pillow and dream about a time when 75% of our players were not injured

Whew...wow, that was a lot of electronic communication, dudes/dudettes. I'm tired just thinking about it. In fact, I think I hear my bed calling my name. Hope you enjoyed this little what have you. I promise, these posts get better as the week goes on...

Any interesting conversations on your end(s)?

Why Hello Soapbox, Don't Mind If I Do...

"For weeks now, leading up to the real NFL draft this weekend, all sorts of self-appointed experts have been creating so-called mock drafts, and basically, they're all the same...Mock drafts become the reality that reality must accommodate itself to. It's like in school now, where children study how to take tests rather than study how to learn something."
- Frank Deford

First off, let me just say - in no way would I ever mean any disrespect to Frank Deford. He's a legendary sports columnist and at least 50 times smarter than I'll ever be. But when I read his article titled "Technology Has Ruined the NFL Draft," I kind of felt obligated to pen this reaction.

Now, I don't know when Deford went to school. Probably long before things like the telephone and horse and buggy were invented. But by my account, I'm not sure I've ever been taught anything in school simply to learn it. It has always been about how to take tests. Doesn't mean I like it. Frankly, I think it's BS. But as much as I might like to, I don't, nor can't, control the way education is structured in this crazy world we live in (Domski, on the other hand, has the inside track...).

Anyway, I apologize from taking a step back from the draft talk here. But when I read these stories from well known columnists pooh-poohing bloggers and at least in this case, technology (read: progress) in general, it kind of makes me sad. I mean, I understand the prestige that most prominent members of the media hold. But just because someone hasn't covered something for 40 years, that doesn't mean they can't unleash their opinion on the world and discuss it with others. That's uniquely American, is it not? We're all about freedom of press, freedom of speech and freedom to piss wherever you like (oh wait, that's not right), are we not?

That said, in this instance I actually happen to agree with the wet blanket, Deford, in one respect. I think mock drafts are for the birds. But just as bloggers are guilty of engaging in this kind of ridiculous speculation, so are many members of the media machine itself. And frankly, I think it's all equally moot. As Deford points out -

"Some bloviator might have this linebacker going third and that one pegs him fourth, but it's pretty much the same names at the top. The fans get brainwashed, and so if their team should dare take somebody who wasn't touted by the echo chorus, they have a fit."

This is precisely how mock drafts work. Some dude (blogger or otherwise) arbitrarily decides that the Rams are going to pick Tim Bugg, Longsnapper from Indiana, and voila! The Rams nation (maybe this was the wrong example to use) jumps right on the bandwagon. "Oh yeah, Bugg is sick. Did you see that snap in the Illinois game? He put the ball right where he was supposed to. Championship!"

Anyhow, just because both I and the great and powerful Frank Deford don't much care for mock drafts, that doesn't mean that others can't. In fact, it's pretty clear that the vast majority of routine NFL blog readers love them. And more power to them. This is just an extension of why the interweb is the best thing since sliced bread. If you want to find a blog dedicated to loving Buffalo Grouper sandwiches, I'll bet it's out there (and if not, I'm starting it). Whatever you want is there for your amusement.

I guess what I'm saying is - contrary to the premise of Deford's well reasoned article - technology has not ruined anything. In reality, it has made getting the information you want much easier. Besides, before the days when interweb draft pundits ruled the earth, wasn't there plenty of speculation in the newspaper? Magazines? Radio? TV? I mean Mel Kiper has been doing his thing for at least the last 18 years. Has he not?

So you guys tell me - has technology ruined the draft for YOU? Because after all, it's really all about you, isn't it? (Boy, T.O. would love me for saying that...)

Thoughts?

PS - Don't forget - Saturday @ 3 PM, everyone. gets. laid. OFTOT is holding it's 1st annual "let's watch everyone but the Browns draft" extravaganza/discussion thread. 'Twill be just like our gameday discussions from last season. That is to say, a blast. So be here or be a Bengals fan (and we'll excuse your absence because you're probably hanging out with Chris Henry in jail).

PPS - OFTOT is now on Facebook. Become a fan...or else.