AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Does anyone care about preseason?

Raise your hand if you think preseason games are any more exciting than 8th grade biology class (if biology is your thing, assume it's not).

Cardinals. Bills. Skins. Panthers.

No one of any importance will see significant time. No one of any importance SHOULD see significant time. Yeah, let's all get injured before the season even starts. Come on, guys.

Anyways, I know everyone's all fired up that TO is coming to Pittsburgh. At what point do you think it makes sense to start channeling our inner Eagles fan and throwing batteries at people? Just a question.

The Cardinals? Cool. Whatever. Win the preseason game. I don't give a shit. We won the SUPER BOWL. Rematch? Hardly. Whisenhunt fail.

Skins? We WOULD play the Skins in DC for preseason. Whatever. I like your monument.

Carolina? I heard Julius Peppers is unhappy. Sounds like a problem. I suggest you address it. Preseason? Are we talking about PRESEASON?!?!

I'm done on this issue.

By the way, I would've written about Jay Cutler, but I think I've covered that shit show more than enough. I'm over it. Trade him. I don't care. Send his ass to Canada. Eff it.

Oh, and this one needed a visual aid...

It wasn't for money. Nor for drugs. Nor for liquor. But for $500 worth of cigarettes. Good work, man. Too bad you can't steal chemotherapy. 'Cause you may need that later. And also, "anyone with info" means anyone who knows where the police can get some of those Steelers gloves. Just wanted to clarify that.

Links > preseason...

I have written words somewhere else on the internets [MVN Outsider]

Steelers songs and babies. What's the attraction? Who knows? [PSaMP]

Steelers brought in the lilliputian, but allegedly solid WR/PR Mike Thomas from Arizona. Haven't started my scouting report yet. Sorry. You'll have to excuse me, I go to law school. [Trib]

Steelers bring in massive human being to balance out small stature of said receiver - Phil Loadholt...and some other guy [Post-Gazette]

Plax goes to court [Trib]

Donte Stallworth has a friend in Maurice Clarett. Well, that oughta fix everything [Waiting for Next Year]

Jason Witten says TO made him better. So what? [AP]

Turns out the Steelers got screwed by the rules, not the man...either way, boo [PFT]

Some thoughts on a potential 17 or 18 game schedule [Bleacher Report]

Boldin holding out on Arizona. You're always welcome in Pittsburgh, brotha [PFT]

Lord Jupiter doesn't like Sidney Crosby. Let's make sure we interview him and put it on the internet to create controversy [The Pensblog]

The Road to 17: Flashback [WHYGAVS]

Hey, isn't that random asshole? [9-to-fried]

BTSC reviews the Steelers 2000 draft class...Tee Martin, what's up with his life? [BTSC]

Obama trying to stack his administration with some of the NFL's finest. This week, Tony Dungy [AP]

John Calipari in Kentucky [Kentucky.com]

Green Day - American Idiot the opera? [Variety]

Corgis are the best [Dogs]

Caller ID is for suckers [Grumpy Old Dog]

Travis Barker + Busta Rhymes = Guaranteed ear candy [Punk News]

In a move that will surprise everyone, MTV says they're going to actually start playing more music...from 3 AM to 9AM...MUSIC Television, indeed [NY Times]

Jesus. [FAIL Blog]

If you can believe anything you read in STAR, Angelina Jolie is contributing to the octovag's idiocy [The Superficial]

ESPN = US Weekly [The Sports Hernia]

The ONLY appropriate April Fools joke [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

Thursdays are my hell. Class 'til 8. WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

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AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, it looks like native Pittsburgher and current Green Bay Packers Head Coach, Mike McCarthy, may be looking to get 100% more guarantees in his life. And I say this because apparently the Packers brought in Anthony Smith for a visit this past Wednesday.

Now, farbeit from me to tell anyone how to run their team. I'm not exactly the king of making smart decisions (see: law school). And frankly, I can hardly run my own life most days. Still, I'd be remiss in my duties as a blogger if I didn't make light of the potential stupidity of other teams, individuals, and/or pretty much anything else on God's green Earth.

So, let's review Anthony Smith's career thus far.

A few good outings a couple of years ago notwithstanding, Anthony Smith's major contributions to the Steelers have consisted of...

(a) Being a notorious "practice thug"
(b) Getting famously urinated on by Randy Moss
(c) Showboating on an interception that meant nothing, and
(d) Taking stupid penalties, even after being relegated to Special Teams

However, yes, Anthony Smith is a talented football player. At one point he even looked like the heir apparent to the Free Safety position. And he's probably not altogether a bad human being either. But if you can't temper your aggression with a little discipline, it's somewhat difficult to thrive in the NFL.

Because I would know. Obviously.

This may come as a surprise given the massive verbal dumps I routinely take on him, but I actually wouldn't have minded if the Steelers re-signed Anthony Smith. Sure, he's a retard. But he's our retard.

No, seriously though - he's still got promise, he hits bitches like Chris Brown, and he's younger than Ryan Clark. PS - That Chris Brown joke may not be that funny, depending on humorous you find domestic abuse...

But oh well, there are other fish in the sea. I'm sure if it isn't Ryan Clark, the Steelers will find a non-guarantee-making, solid yin to Troy's yang. Wow, good thing I didn't mistakenly hit the "w" key instead of the "y" key, there. That thought could've taken on a whole new meaning.

Anyways, so long as Anthony Smith's not guaranteeing that Brett Favre will back out of his second retirement, I'm good. Or is it his third? I can hardly keep track. And really, who effing cares? This is all just filler anyhow.

Links are like sex appeal. The more you have, the more ass you get (no way in hell that's true...I can personally attest to it's falsity)...

Burghability > Drinkability [PSaMP]

The creator of those "Obey" cult stickers = big time dickhead [HHR]

An interview with the Godfather, Dick LeBeau [Sports Radio Interviews]

Why the Steelers should take TO...Conspicuously absent is the fact that he has his own hyperbaric oxygen chamber [Bleacher Report]

Speaking of TO, where will he land? I'll just be over here holding my breath [Rumors and Rants]

And also, MJD has sweetened the TO pot with this circus show suggestion - Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson...AT THE SAME TIME! [Shutdown Corner]

Today in people verbally fellating the Steelers [CBS Sportsline]

Do you think John Clayton has even slept at all during the past week? [The Sports Hernia]

Uh oh, the Patriots signed Philly's Greg Lewis. What will the Eagles do without one of their premier receivers? [Associated Press]

Big news out of Cincinnati - the Bengals are close to signing JT O'Sullivan [Associated Press]

The final vestige of the old Browns is no longer. The Ravens have given Kris Stover his pink slip [Associated Press]

The Browns sign free agent Safety, Mike Adams...whoever the hell that is [ESPN]

Chris Simms to the Broncos. It seems like just yesterday that some Bucs fans were telling Domski and I that they'd take Chris Simms over Big Ben. I wonder what they think now? [Associated Press]

Vern was a star at last night's Pens domination of the Panthers. PS - Vern, are you standing next to a dude waving a terrible towel? [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

That's how they do's it in Moon Township, baby. Moon Tigers FTW! [Deadspin]

What can I say? Jokes about stereotypes will get me every time [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

I missed this in yesterday's links post, but every week The Big Lead does a badass Thursday morning "Lost" post. This one is a solid read for sure [The Big Lead]

I think it's safe to say that Doug is not impressed by NoCussing.com, nor will he be taking the No Cussing challenge anytime soon [Dug E Fresh Rants]

Surprising realization of the day - Doughnuts better for you than muffins (at least some muffins) [Grumpy Old Dog]

Once again, I cannot accurately capture with words how, well, hilarious, Blog of Hilarity is [Blog of Hilarity]

Video of Sassy Cassee, the 2 foot 10 inch stripper on the Morning Freak Show [Kiss96.1]

Pennywise coming to a town near you! [Punk Rock News]

Theme of today's Riffs = "Most Ridiculous Songs of All Time" [Friday Morning Riffs]

And finally, who doesn't love a good tribute to the Steelers?

Clearly not me.

"Welcome to the weekend" post coming later this afternoon. These are usually my favorite posts of the week and are not to be missed (says the guy who writes them).

Plus, it's not like you want to do any work today. So come back and check it out.

Or I'll make out with your sister (lying).

Now, let's proceed to the part where you point out all my errors...

UPDATE: I lied. That was going to be the end. Until I found this...

Is there anything better than NIN and Dillinger Escape Plan doing "Wish?" No, there isn't.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

There are two reasons to go with this headline today.

1. This is a sign that we really are in that black hole of suck between the Super Bowl and the draft, when this can actually be considered "news."

2. What is Dan Orlovsky hoping to accomplish by this market testing?

I mean, does Dan Orlovsky not remember that he's probably one of the only QBs to actually run out of his own end zone unknowingly, for a safety? He must not if he thinks he's going to get a decent deal anywhere else. Well, ok, I guess that's not completely true. San Fran might give him a shot. Hell, last year they named JT O'Sullivan their starter over Alex Smith (not that it wasn't the right move, either). There really isn't anywhere for them to go but up.

Anyways, the real point here is - Who cares?

Not me, I know that much.

Here, I wasted my time gathering links for you. Go ahead and read them if you want...

Carl Joseph inducted into the Florida High School Athletic Association Hall of Fame [PSaMP]

Hines Ward signs DVDs at 1 PM today in West Mifflin and The Wood signs DVDs at 1 PM tomorrow in Robinson Township. There, I did my good deed of the day [Post-Gazette]

Speaking of, here are the Freak Show's pics from yesterday's premier [96.1 Kiss]

10 guys the Steelers just MIGHT draft [Steve Is Alive]

A little more on BMac [BTSC]

Apparently the Titans have interest in Nate Washington? [Nashville City Paper]

Marvel Smith is ready to take his act on the road. Sad, but at the same time understandable [Post-Gazette]

Marvin Harrison to be released. The entire city of Philadelphia has already prematurely ejaculated all over this [Associated Press]

Vikings talking to Texans about Sage Rosenfels. Really, Brad Childress? THIS is your plan. God help Vikings fans [Associated Press]

Kerry Collins, have things really gotten that bad? [HHR]

Now McNabb is giving Philly a weak ultimatum? Wait, I'm confused [Shutdown Corner]

Chris Cooley on hockey - "Sidney Crosby is good at talking shit, Alex Ovechkin is good at hockey." Chris, if you're reading this, see here...Who talks shit, again? [The Pensblog]

Pierre McGuire as Pens coach? Kiss your Mother with that mouth? [HFSS]

The Rangers fired Tom Renney and hired Jon Tortorella. Don't care enough to be clever about reporting this [ESPN]

Pitt = #1 [Associated Press]

Day Two of Tirico Suave's Mt. Rushmore experiment. Today - "Mt. Rushmore of chubby child actors who resemble Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach." Priceless [Tirico Suave]

More on Rick Reilly's misdirected hostility [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

Gmail has been jaggin around lately... [BBC]

The world finally got Doug up on skates. Awesome [Dug E Fresh Rants]

The gallery of stars gone to shit. Come on, how could you pass this up? [The Superficial]

Slogan FAIL! [FAIL Blog]

Theme of today's riffs = Run/Running/Runaway songs. And we're on quite a roll right now, I might add [Friday Morning Riffs]

[insert something to wrap this all up here]

Oh wait, here you go - if you wanna be on this week's Meeting People Is Easy panel, shoot me an email - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. I plan on coming up with the questions later on this afternoon. First come, first served.

/now, done

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AFC North Headline Of The Day...

I don't have a whole lot to say this morning. I was up until 2 AM putting together that ridiculous post about the Oscars, random thumbs up pictures and AQ Shipley. Then, I spent a good two hours this morning gathering all of the links you see below. Which frankly, means that my productivity has been approximately the same as Limas Sweed's. And that may be fine in week six of my spring semester, but unfortch, that doesn't really fly come weeks seven or eight. So I've gotta go do some things today that I should've done weeks ago.

But first, this headline above.

Yeah, I mean, what do you want me to say? Of course he feels empty. That tends to happen when you lose a Super Bowl. Hell, look at Mike Holmgren. He still isn't over XL. Actually, he probably wouldn't be over XXXII, but for the fact that Brett Favre won him a ring the year before (That'd be Super Bowl XXXI, for you math majors). So don't expect that feeling to subside until you've actually won a Super Bowl, which, because you're the coach of the Arizona Cardinals may be a while. Then again, who knows? The Eagles have been to 8,000 NFC Championships in the past 10 years and yet have only appeared in one Super Bowl. IE - stranger things have happened.

You know what I hear helps soften the blow, though? Ice cream. I've had a few long term girlfriends in my life. Without fail, every one of them has used ice cream to ease the pain of stressful events in their respective lives. Me? I'm lactose intolerant. So I haven't gotten down with some frozen milk since my Freshman year at PSU, in which I almost single-handedly exhausted the Creamery's supply of Cookies n' Cream on milkshakes. Come to think of it, I was never lactose intolerant until after that year. Hmmm...weird.

And yes, I was calling The Whis a vag, there.

Right, like I said, not a lot to add today.

Luckily, these links are full of substantial value. I suggest reading them...

Vote for me [Sean's Ramblings]

The first substantive post on the new PSaMP = "The Penguins Suck and the Capitals Rule." Tec lost a bet. No, that's not a joke. He literally lost a bet [PSaMP]

All signs point to us having seen the last of Nate Washington in a Steelers uniform. Which is a shame, but I'm sure he'll be very happy as a handsomely paid Washington Redskin [Trib]

And apparently the chances of re-signing Bryant McFadden's goatee are not looking good either. Good news is, this would also not be the end of the world [Post-Gazette]

The Steelers are awesome. Yeah, we know [Sporting News]

Reading this will provide hours of entertainment [CBS Sportsline]

Max Starks thinking long term [Trib]

Jeff Saturday is out there. Just sayin [CBS Sporstline]

That's it, two mock drafts have picked Max Unger for the Steelers. Must be our pick...riiiighhhhtttt. Because I can definitely remember the last time the Steelers actually drafted someone they were projected to draft. Not. [NFL.com]

But if they do in fact draft Unger, they will have drafted the top Center by Mike Mayock's standards. He's also got AQ Shipley at 4. Just sayin. Value pick? [NFL.com]

Brett Favre taking Emmitt Smith's spot on ESPN? That's like replacing Ryan Seacrest with Ty Pennington. If this happens I'm getting DirecTV [USA Today]

Meanwhile, another old ass QB, Kurt Warner is getting offers in the $10-$12 million range from the Cards. Matt Leinart is a huge bust and I love it [ESPN]

Manny Sanguillen says Pedro Alvarez's swing looks like Willie Stargell's [WHYGAVS]

The Michel Therrien photoshop extravaganza. A lot of people went with the "[insert whatever here] is soff" theme. Like, everyone [The Pensblog]

This kid has a shirt that says "Crosby is a douche." Wait, who's a douche? Caps fans talk too much shit for my liking [Puck Daddy]

The Governator says 'roids have no place in sports. If you listen closely you can actually hear the pot calling the kettle black [Associated Press]

The Judge in Bonds' perjury case excludes some preliminary evidence. The first step towards an inevitable dismissal of the case. Why don't we just fast forward through all the bullshit and proceed right to the real bullshit [Moondog Sports]

The Mount Rushmore of Wrestlers Tirico Suave can't believe are still alive. Look for Jake The Snake to tap out first [Tirico Suave]

Nicole Richie's pregnant. Again. Apparently. [The Superficial]

Petition to get pole dancing into the 2012 Olympics. Where do I sign? [HHR]

I need an Australian Shepherd puppy [Upside Down Dogs]

I used to see several of these a day in good ol' Newark, DE when I was in College [FAIL Blog]

It was my buddy Joy's 1st bloggiversary on Saturday. Happy 1st, Joy!! [Joy Magnetism]

Theme of today's riffs = "Secret Songs." You know how every major label release has obligatory singles that mostly just end up annoying you? Well occasionally there are also epic songs on an album that only someone who cares will know about. These are them (theme courtesy of Nate dogg) [Friday Morning Riffs]

New Hatebreed out this week! I hear on this album, Jamey Jasta actually reaches through the speakers and punches you in the jaw [Punknews.org]

Today's new music to feed your ears = "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event (Also courtesy of Nate)

Top five bonehead play of the day (possibly of all time)...

Biron FAIL!

Douchey moment of the day...

Ovie jaggin around with Sid. AO = Russia's answer to white trash.

/done

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AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, that shouldn't be too difficult. I mean, at this point, any discipline is more discipline. Am I wrong?

Maybe, Marvin, you should try not taking bullshit from idiots like the guy who officially changed his last name to ocho cinco. Just a thought.

Sorry, that's all I got right now. I'm in class. Good thing there are no sharp objects around.

The Bengals may be a shit show, but these links are the epitome of discipline...

I don't even know what to say [PSaMP]

Sean has provided us with an interesting feature on what everyone is wearing for the Super Bowl [Sean's Ramblings]

Fantastic article about Myron's son, Danny (h/t Blog 'n Gold) [NY Times]

Carbolic headline of the day - "Jerome Bettis Asks Pope to Intercede for His Old Team, the Pittsburgh Steelers" [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

Disney giving fans of the Super Bowl winning team a free night at the Walt Disney Swan and Dolphin resort. Of course, you have to stay two other nights to get the deal, but I'm sure some of you can swing that...not I [WPXI]

Everyone can thank the NFL Shop for jinxing the Steelers. Shit. [Sean's Ramblings]

Hey, the Steelers don't have cheerleaders, but here are some decent looking Steelers chickadees [Gunaxin]

Speaking of female Steelers fans, this is an interesting move for a chick [Have A Good Sandwich]

Interview with ROD. WOODSON. ...son [Sports Radio Interviews]

I'm legitimately not even sure what this means...Mayors are betting trees? Wha? [Associated Press]

Another haven for Steelers fans in Tampa [Post-Gazette]

In case you missed it, Arizona took a page out of the Titans book... [Shutdown Corner]

Guess who's talking shit? Yep, Pats fans. I'm not one to engage people with no sense of logic in a heated debate over anything really, but if this is you, rock out with your cock out [Pats Fans Trash Talk The Steelers]

And while you're at it, tell THESE Pats fans that Tecmo would dominate their lives...bunch of assholes can't appreciate Mini Critters...of course they can't [Barstool Sports]

The Pirates officially signed Eric Hinske...and the fans rejoiced...ish [WHYGAVS]

Theme of today's Riffs = BLACK AND GOLD!!! Feel free to come and contribute [Friday Morning Riffs]

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Greetings friends. Here we are on Terrell Suggs Watch, day two. Yesterday, we learned that this mythical gummy beast has what was diagnosed as a "sprained shoulder." Today, we're learning that ol' T-Bone, excuse me, T-Sizzle's availability will be "close" on Sunday.

Well, first of all, let me just say - sweet.

I'll face the Ravens with or without him but I certainly wouldn't mind if it was without him.

But let's get real, this is just a ploy to get some time off so he can finally get that surgery to reduce the size of his cranium. Dude's helmet is super tight like hipster jeans. Frankly if it isn't a ploy to get some time off so he can get a surgery to reduce the size of his fat friggin' head, maybe it should be.

Yeah, I didn't really know what to write. SO I went with all that. Hopefully it wasn't completely unfunny.

I may not be the King of Comedy today, but maybe these links will crack you up...

More Chinese obsession with the Steelers [PSaMP]

The Chief's thoughts on Sunday's win [The Chief's Forum]

Matt's thoughts on Sunday's win [Superhero.]

No team has ever beat another team three times in a season? Tomlin calls this "hocus-pocus" [Post-Gazette]

Tony Dungy onto bigger and better. A big ol' good luck from OFTOT, Tony! You're a good man. And thorough. Sorry, force of habit. Jim knows what I'm talking about [Fox Sports]

One of the Carolina Panthers is a pimp? Damn right he is, bitch! And don't you forget that shit...If I had to guess I'd say it's probably John Kasay. That dude's pimp hand is strong [PFT]

Here yo go, Ravens fans. Both Ray Lewis AND Ed Reed voted All Pros. Done crying about awards, now? /as if [Associated Press]

Latest Facebook group for Ravens fans - "70,000 people who think the steelers suck!" First topic posted = "Why is H.Ward smiling all the time?" [Facebook]

If you've got Ravens fan friends, the Trib wants you to bet them and then tell the Trib about it...not gonna get that out of this guy [Trib]

Quan uncertain, and Tight End Dr. Stephen Spach already ruled out for the Cards this weekend [Associated Press]

Worst pun this side of OFTOT [Yahoo! Sports]

If you like reading about five stats that explain the Pens struggles, you probably also like root canals, or getting caned. But if that's you, here you go. Own it [Puck Daddy]

"Late 80s/Early 90s Sports Apparel Fashion Confessions" [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

HHR claims to have seen former lead singer of Styx working at a Child's Place in Lawrenceville, NJ on Saturday. Child's Place on Saturday, Heinz Field on Sunday. Dude gets around [Gem Mint Ten]

Today's riffs theme - "Songs with banned music videos" [Friday Morning Riffs]

By the way, if y'all haven't noticed the sidebar, OFTOT is now on Twitter. Feel free to follow all of my dumb ass "tweets," as I'm told they're called.

AFC North Headline of the Day...

I'm only leading with this one because I feel like going with a Browns headline is just too easy. So first of all, I find it pretty hilarious that this is news. I mean, isn't that what everyone should do when they score? What the hell do I care if you do a riverdance, pull out a sign that says "Dear NFL, Please don't fine me," or play mini golf with a pylon?

In addition to "calmly handing the ball to the official", here are some other gestures that are also acceptable - a little leap into the crowd, handing the ball to a fan (hopefully a kid fan), standing on the star in Texas stadium (only because everyone hates the Cowgirls), or doing the Icky shuffle. Did you get that, Chad?

And now for the easy part...

Again, the first problem is - if you have to say it, that's not good. Of course, this is Phil Savage's fault for signing a guy who's healthy about as often as I grow facial hair. But still, yikes. Seven pro seasons, only three of which he's made it through 16 games. That's definitely a guy I want to give a seven year, $35 million contract.

Perhaps these links will provide better ROI...

Big Ben playing Donovan McNabb? God, has it come to that? [MJD]

Silky Johnson > Alex Trebek [I Love It When A Plan Comes Together]

Lori's putting Malkin's lady friend on notice [Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've seen all day...though it's only 12:00 [PSAMP]

Tell us something we don't know [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Yeah, right. This is like telling Troy Polamalu to cut his hair [Star-Telegram]

Things I've Missed - Week of February 25, 2008...

I try. I really do try and keep up with OFTOT. And NFL news, including the combine, free agency, and Bengals getting arrested. But sometimes I'm just not able to do nearly the amount of trolling required to write something meaningful. So as usual, my apologies for the lack of susbstance this week. Someday soon I'll figure out how to balance all the shit I want to get accomplished in a day. Though I don't recommend holding your breath for such a day...

Anyways, the NFL world continues to turn without me, and some interesting things have happened already this week.

So if you're like me and just catching up on news now, you may or may not have already heard that:

• Conveniently for the Steelers - OL is the hottest position in the 2008 offseason, including the draft. Oh well, guess we'll just have to pick up another TE in the 1st round...


• Hatriots playoff hero Kevin Faulk was cited for having pot at a Lil' Wayne concert last Friday. Two things: 1. Who doesn't have weed at a Lil' Wayne concert? and 2. What kind of a person goes to a Lil' Wayne concert anyhow?


• Seems like many Wide Receivers have already lost their jobs this week. Brandon Lloyd is out of Washington (winner here = Lloyd), Justin McCareins is gone from New York (winner here = McCareins), and...well that might be it. But I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that I wouldn't mind having either guy on the Steelers roster for training camp. That said - not even worth speculating about...


• Darren McFadden ran a 4.27 40, and Vernon Gholston and Jake Long benched a lot of weight a lot of times at the NFL combine this week...PS - because [little known fact] I attended the University of Delaware, I feel obligated to point you all to the Joe Flacco highlight reel. 10 bucks says he gets drafted by the Baltimore Ravens. You heard it here.


• NY Courts have united with NFL fans over the whole Comcast-NFL Network dispute. Good thing I still can't get Comcast here in good ol' Hoboken. Instead I get to pay for 700 channels I don't watch and have customer service reps call me every other week about the "Triple Play." Sorry dudes, I don't use the phone. It's against my religion...least it is now.


• Under the guise of his extremely masculine alter ego, El Duderino, Cotter contributes his three to four cents on this years Oscar's Red Carpet...prepare to be riveted...


• PS - Since some of you [if you're like me] may not read OFTOT on the weekends, you might have also missed this gem. I personally think it's one of my finer literary works...I mean, crap.

And I guess thats...uh...it? Wow, it seemed like a lot more when I was scrolling through my Google Reader for an hour. Maybe I should lay off the crack...

T-Minus 3 days 'til the weekend. God I need a vacation...

Three Day Weekend, Secured!

Well, I don't know about you all. But I personally am pretty damn excited that it's Friday, and because of some old dead dudes that used to lead this great nation, I have a three day weekend. Booze and bitches here I come (read: Booze and Bitches = shirley temples and a Star Trek marathon...I mean...).

However, before I depart for my weekend hiatus, I figured you might be interested in some links. Check out the week's hottest stories, told in 10 seconds or less, in words that vaguely do the real stories justice...or something:

• You don't know how long I've been waiting for someone to compile a list of the Top 7 sports-related episodes of Full House. This means it's only a matter of time before someone puts together a list of the Top 7 sports related episodes of Saved By The Bell.


• Despite the fact that the Patriots are looking like bigger pieces of shit every day, the Steelers continue to be all class.


• Steve McNair declares he can still play at a "high level." I'm pretty sure by this he means the 700 level. Where he should be sitting next season. Far from the field where his geriatric ass could get hurt. Again.


• RIP 3 Rivers.


• Breaking News: This week's weather sucked. By the way - rumor has it that Tec is considering openly declaring his man love for MAF sometime in the very near future...something to look forward to...


• My friend Bowen (the Eagles fan) is not persuaded by all this Pats propaganda.


• NonStop Steelers Poll - Should congress get involved in spygate? I'll withhold my comment on the ground that it would contain way too much profanity for your virgin ears.


• The Giants have to win the Super Bowl to get free lap dances. Too bad the Steelers probably get free handjobs just for taking the field. Ah the perks of PA....


• And finally, in case you didn't know -- Jamie Lynn Spears is a giant slut smart.

Friday. Out. Cotter, end communication.

This Post Is Teeming With Excitement...

"It is awesome. I get the feeling I used to get when we used to prepare for the Rams when they were 'The Greatest Show on Turf' or when we had to prepare for Minnesota when I first broke in and they had Cris Carter and Randy Moss. You love those games. If you are a competitor, you do. I believe we have a bunch of competitors here."

- Mike Tomlin

Hey friends, still a slow news day at OFTOT. I've actually got work to do (weird) and to be honest, as foreshadowed on Monday, it's already been a rough week.

Nevertheless, I do have some fun news items for you all to peruse and share among friends. Check 'em out with the accompanying irreverent, unnecessary sarcasm below...Yes I apologize, I have nothing better right now...so sue me.

Fun Links and shit:

• First things first - Najeh reporting for duty...sorry Verron


• Speaking of injuries - I don't know about you, but I'll be praying these three make a triumphant return on Sunday...


• How can I take an LA sports writer's thoughts on Sundays game with any degree of credibility when they don't even have pro football in LA? And don't even try and feed me USC...


• Ladies and gentleman, Neal Coolong has found the leak...


• And Tec at PSAMP has found the Steelers 1st potential cheerleader candidate...


• Brian Billick hearts Rodney Harrison...If I didn't know any better I'd say he premeditated that.


• Is this even a question? (see #5)


• Gene Collier is gushing optimism in advance of Sunday's game...errr...

Now aren't you glad you read all that? Do you feel smarter? Because I know you are...IE - in the future, someone please send me news to fill the Wednesday gap. Honestly, I don't think any of us can take another week of this list of links crap.