October 2, 2008

I Am But A Simple Man...


With a simple mind, I might add. Though, I'm sure I don't have to tell you guys that...

Anyways, with all that talk about text messages and IM speak and what not yesterday, I figured I might as well stick with that theme for one more day. So that's what I've done...

I'm all about minimalism. I've got a cell phone, mostly because everyone else does. And god forbid I'm stuck in the middle of deliverance country or something and I don't have one...shit. Nevertheless, this doesn't mean I use it. I try to keep all of my calls to three minutes or less. And usually those three minutes sound something like the lefty call Larry David makes in Season 6 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. This is my policy in practice.

But it's not my cell phone I'd like to talk about today. Rather, I want to talk about another so called technological innovation that is "improving my life."

I have a Blackberry. You probably do too. I got this thing from my job like a year and a half ago or so, under the guise that anyone who works on the internets needs to be apprised of all interweb situations at all times.

At first I was like...

"Wow, cool. A Blackberry. You mean I can get all of my work emails right on this ergonomic little device? Well, I'll be damned! God bless your heart, Al Gore."
But it didn't take long for me to realize that what they gave me wasn't a Blackberry. Oh, no. This thing was an electronic handcuff. They tricked me! Those sneaky assholes.

Now, of course, the tune has changed slightly. Nowadays, this thing sits in my bookbag for about 98.4% of the time, and I only remove it when it's either beeping at me because I haven't charged it in two weeks (mostly likely I've forgotten it was in there) or I plan on taking a two hour liquid lunch and need to make sure nothing catches fire while I'm out.

What I'm saying, in so many words, is that this thing, SUCKS.

Anyone share my ire? Email me about it. You know I can get that shit...

Kidding...hit me in the comments.

6 comments:

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Now get yourself some other kind of electronic handcuff, but one you pay for. And one that's not tied into your employer's network.

There's no foolproof way of staying anonymous on the Internet. Just ask Sarah Palin about that.

tecmo said...

Dingleberry > Blackberry

ljkc said...

Hahaha... I refuse to go the way of the Blackberry. You think you're a minimalist? I don't even have CABLE. :-O

shawnk said...

I think I have come to grips with the 'handcuff' aspect. I try to do more fun things on it than just work stuff. I read blogs, play poker, and keep up to date with the sports scores on the berry.

Matman said...

No kidding. I work for the company that makes these crackberries and I can't get away from this shit. Don't these people have a frickin' life outside of work. I need to tell them to have a beer, watch a porno, do something else!

Vern said...

I don't ever want one. And just to clarify, while the internets are the Gores, the Blackberry itself is the McCain.