You Said It, Lady...

All you need is the first five seconds of that one to know what I'm talking about. And actually, I'd counsel you not to watch much further than that. Because frankly, it's all downhill from there.

Unless, of course, you've got a few thousand brain cells you don't need...

Coincidentally, I think this chick may be on to something. This seems like a fantastic way to learn your NFL history.

Unfortunately, the first five seconds of this one aren't nearly as accurate...or amusing, for that matter...


Anyways, this weekend's biggest Steelers news was that Bryant McFadden is now an Arizona Cardinal.

My initial thought? What if you had a former friend who, every time you stopped dating a girl, would immediately pursue them like Romeo Crennel pursues a donut?

I mean, you wouldn't really care - after all, they're all girlfriends you've dumped. And yet, part of you still wants to punch him in the face for being such an aggressive douchebag.

It would be really easy for me to make the "Raising Arizona" or "Pittsburgh West" jokes here. But there would be a huge picture of those jokes next to the word "lame" in the dictionary.

And I can't really express my thoughts on this any better than I did on Twitter last night...


Some of you might argue that this is more shocking than the day you found out that Santa Clause was just some cruel joke. But you people would be kidding yourselves. And probably also huffing glue. Don't even try and lie, if I told you before free agency began that Bryant McFadden would sign with the Cardinals, you'd have believed me in a heartbeat.

I gotta hand it to Arizona, though, man. In the past week, they've really made it rain in proportionately-Daniel-Synder-esque fashion. Kurt Warner for 2 years, $23 million last week. Bryant McFadden for 2 years, $10 million this week.

However, one does wonder - With all this spending, how WILL they have the money and cap space to restructure Anquan Boldin's contract?

Oh well, not my problem.

So we lose a solid Corner who may/may not grow up to be a Pro Bowler someday (PS - he's already 27). Willie Gay looked pretty good last year in his limited action. I'm not really too worried about it.

I mean, if he knows as much about playing Corner as he does about public relations, we should be just fine...

Lil' Jon's laughing all the way to the bank, kid.

RIP B-Mac's career in Pittsburgh.

He was a good man, and thorough.

Any reactions or did those videos put you at a loss for words?

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Something, Something, Bryant McFadden...

Good morning, my pretties. I trust you all had pleasant and fulfilling weekends. Me? Law books and web design. And awesomeness, of course.

I was going to photoshop McFadden in one way or another for this post, but then I watched a Foo Fighters concert on MSG instead. Don't worry, though. I more than make up for it below.

So, here's the "big news" this morning - The Lions traded Jon Kitna to the Cowboys!

No, just kidding. It's actually that Bryant McFadden is visiting some old friends out in the desert today.

Not that I blame them, but it's almost laughable how many Steelers have found their way West these past couple of years. And hey, why not? Russ Grimm's mustache is top 10 all time. McFadden would have a great facial hair role model to look up to.

Just look at that thing...

Russ Grimm's 'stache > Yours and your Mom's combined.

Sidebar - There was one really good picture of Grimm that I wanted to swipe so bad. But it was on the Redskins official blog and for some reason I felt I owed them a duty not to blatantly disregard the laws of intellectual property. No idea why I picked that exact moment to think like that...

Anyways, when I first thought about McFadden's free agency, it seemed like a no brainer. Keep him. He's young, he played solid this year (injury notwithstanding), Deshea is old balls. Why WOULDN'T you want to re-sign Bryant McFadden?

But after some thought, I've realized that if the price wasn't right, what are you gonna do?

We've still got Ike, Deshea and Willie Gay, and who knows, maybe we'll even draft a Corner in April.

OR maybe we're thinking about killing two birds with one stone and bringing in a DB/KR. You know, like maybe the Tennessee Titan's Chris Carr?

Come on, you know how Mike Tomlin feels about free agent kick returners. Haven't they ALL been free agents since he took over (Santonio doesn't count)?

I don't know. That's all I got.

Eff it, it's Monday.

Isn't the offseason fun?

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

This Was Going To Be A Good Post, And Then...

I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm all kinds of unprepared this morning. I was too busy jaggin' around with web nerd shit last night to put in any solid creative writing time.

But the good news is that at some point in the next month or two this site will start to suck less, visually. How much less, of course, remains to be seen.

Everyday I come here and I get so irritated by the template I have to work with. For Christ's sake, I can't even put YouTube videos on here without resizing them to fit. And solid black? Really? That's all you've got, Blogger? Oh, what's that? Solid white? Oh, ok, thanks. Yeah, that sounds so much better.

These are the choices I've been living with...

Plus, I'd like to also add some sort of social networking type of deal that is way less amateur than this Google Friend Connect nonsense. That's right, Google. I'm not afraid of you anymore!

This application kind of sucks. I mean, it's cool that we can all be "members" of something together and be "friends" with one another, but a comment wall? That's the best we can do, Google? How long did it take Johnny Harvard to come up with that one?

Baby steps, I suppose.

Meanwhile, I'm over it.

I can't create pages, this Followers application is horse shit, and these column widths are laughable.

I'm also eventually going to open Dreamweaver, figure out how that shit works, and get my hands dirty with a little actual web design. The sad part is, I kind of can't wait. I love figuring things out. I'll purposely don't go looking for help when I don't know how to do something, just so I can force myself to figure it out. I guess my brain likes to know stuff. Good thing someone around here does, 'cause I sure couldn't care less.

Anyways, I've got some ideas, but nothing I'd call a solid plan. So if y'all have any suggestions on things you'd like to see in the way of social networking, or really anything for that matter, by all means, let my ass know. Just let me be clear - this is not an invitation to email me about a date. Unless you're hot. And a chick. In that case, I'll make an exception.

So what else can we talk about this morning?

Don't look at me. This isn't my blog. I just hang out here.

Jussssstttttt kiddddddddinnnnnnggggg.

How about this - here is a list of questions that I've been pondering for the last day or so:

1. Will Bryant McFadden be a Steeler come March?

2. If not, how bad would that really be?

3. If Nate Washington is out, how does that affect our wide receiving corps?

4. Will this really be the year that the Steelers take an O-lineman in the 1st round?

5. How sick was Aaron Curry's 4.56 40 time?

And then finally, one quick service announcement: I know I joked about getting slaughtered in this Best Pittsburgh Sports Blog Tournament, but apparently I might actually have a shot here. So, not like it matters, but if you haven't already voted and wouldn't mind spending a few seconds over at Sean's pad, I would be very thankful.

Now, I believe I had some questions for you?

Time To Put Your Kevin Colbert Hat On [Day 4]...

Alright, let yesterday's departure from order be stricken from the record. I guess y'all don't really much care about Nate Washington, Kemoeatu, Orpheus Roye or Sean McHugh. Hey, why would you? They're just Steelers and this IS a Steelers blog.

Kidding.

Ish.

The offseason always amazes me. I'm a big time Steelers fan, so I like to follow the team all year round. Plus, I'm not a huge basketball or baseball fan, so for me anything between February and August would be a wash without Steelers news and hockey. But I understand many people like to take the offseason, well, off. And that's cool. I mean, that's cool. I guess that's just like their opinion, man.

Anyways, like I said, today I've retained a method to my madness and chosen to highlight the free agent Defensive Backs.

By the way, I keep forgetting to mention, but some of these guys are Restricted Free Agents while others are Unrestricted. I guess if I wanted any kind of credibility on this topic I would've noted them as such throughout the past three days. Good thing I don't give much of a shit about that, or we could've had a real problem on our hands.

So without further ado, because let's be honest, it's Friday and your attention spans are probably about as short as Danny Devito, I give you the Steelers 2009 Free Agent Defensive Backs...

Anthony Smith - Why in God's name did I start here?

Seriously, no clue. In any case, Anthony Smith has certainly had his fair share of transgressions over the last couple of years. I think you know what I'm referring to. But despite his perpetual green-ness, he's still shown some promise. Particularly at the end of the 2006 season, which of course was two and some odd years ago. Nevertheless, we know he has SOME talent. No comment on whether or not he has a brain...

The question is, do you want to re-sign him this year or do you want to re-sign Ryan Clark next year? I think the answer is re-sign Smith this year. Clark's older, has had health problems and although he was hitting bitches like Chris Brown this past season, I think maybe it's time Anthony Smith grew up, found his balls and played like we know he can play. /done

Then there's...

Fernando Bryant - Yeah...

Probably not.

NEXT!

Bryant McFadden - Fo' Sho'.

Gotta see that goat back in Black and Gold next season. I think McFadden's play this year spoke for itself. He is the future. Deshea's a fantastic guy, and to his credit he played a lot better than his 33 years on this Earth might suggest, but he's a free agent after next season and I doubt we'd re-sign him unless he'd accept a one year tender at a severe hometown discount. And even then, we'd only use him as like a 4th Corner. McFadden is 27 and a beast. Do it, Colbert.

Anybody else out there?

Jusssstttt Try And Relax...

Hey guys, guess what today is? That's right! Injury report day!

From time to time I like to masochisticly celebrate this much anticipated day of the week...and today's one of those times.

So, while it won't be fun, and it may not be entertaining, I'm going to attempt to handicap the odds of five particular Steelers taking the field for Sunday's Hatriot hunt.

KEISEL THE DIESEL

10 to 1. In fact, 2 to 1 he doesn't play for a month. Seriously? Man, that sucks! What are you smiling about, dude? Go get your shit a massage or something, for Christ's sake!

MASTER FLY W. LARGE

3 to 1. Unless he has some freak lawn darts accident tomorrow, all signs point to him playing. My sources tell me his vagina's healing real nicely.

SANSMOKIO THE BEAR

Without Weed - 1 to 1
With Weed - 6 to 1
The only way 'Tone doesn't play in this one is if he forgets he has a game on Sunday afternoon. In that case, we'll probably find him at Taco Bell.

BRYANT MCSICKGOATEE

I'm gonna go 5 to 1, here. If he harnesses the power of that chiseled-ass goat, we're good. If not, we'll have to see. Man, I wish I could grow facial hair. Maybe when I'm 30.

And last but certainly not least...

STEELY MCBEAM

1 to 1. God would never allow me the satisfaction...after all, I'm in law school.

So, how do you guys feel about all of this? Which of these injuries is potentially the worst (besides my bruised brain)? And has anyone had a nightmare involving that Steely McDevil photoshop yet?

...'cause that'd be awesome...

That Was Just Cleveland Being Cleveland...

Well, we avoided the unthinkable. If the Browns had won that game, I just might've thrown something at the TV. Can you imagine the shit storm we'd have to endure if god forbid, the currently overhyped incarnation of the Browns finally beat us after losing 16 out of the last 17, including the last nine (now 10) straight? I can. And it wouldn't have been pretty. There's nothing worse than delusional Browns fans thinking they've actually earned something.

Anyways, we did indeed escape with a narrow victory, 10-6, though we pretty much controlled the entire game. Once again, conditions ruined the day and likely some of the game plan. For example, we saw basically (with a couple of exceptions) hide nor hair of Wreckingball. And understandably so. He's had fumbling problems in good conditions. So imagine how nervous Tomlin must've been about putting him in last night. But yeah, despite the weather, a lot of guys stepped up big, including...

1. The "Offensive" Line
I think after last night I can remove the quotes around the word, "Offensive." Because those guys were on their game. Case in point - the Ben to San Antonio 48 (?) yard bomb that Ben threw from deep in our own territory. He had a solid 10 seconds on that one. Add the masterful job Kemoeatu did pulling and you can understand why I am so pleased with this unit. Anyone who doesn't consider voting for them in the poll to your left obviously didn't watch that game last night.

2. Bryant McFadden
Well, I noted on Saturday that with Deshea out, and McFadden looking for a new contract, this was his time to make his case as the starter of the future. Not that there was much doubt. But he came through big, covering Braylon Edwards rather masterfully. He even nabbed a poorly underthrown Derek Anderson pass in the first half that led to the only touchdown of the game. Coincidentally, did anyone else know that ball was going to be picked the moment it left Anderson's hand? I called it literally as it was being thrown. He lobbed that out there and McFadden took full advantage. Bravo, young one. The force seems strong with you.

3. Troy Polamalu
All the evidence you need was the play in which Troy HURDLED TWO OFFENSIVE LINEMAN to diffuse a Jamal Lewis run long before it might've been otherwise. Sure, he didn't make the tackle. But as Domski put it after the game - imagine what those two Offensive Lineman must've been thinking when Polamalu jumped OVER them...complete dumbfoundedness, no doubt. Rendering them rather useless as blockers. Plus, I don't have to remind you that he snagged the interception in the 2nd Quarter that ruined one of Cle-heave-land's (credit: Joey Porter's Pit Bulls) only real drives of the game. This is why Troy Polamalu is invaluable. And thank god he looks like the Troy we know and love. I don't know who that guy was wearing 43 for most of last year. Because it didn't look like the Troy we've seen thus far in '08. Well played, Troy. I guess whatever Christy said to you at Chili's must've hit home.

So all in all, I'm pleased. Under normal conditions, I would've liked to have put up approximately 30 more points on the Clowns. But as I said earlier, a win is a win. I'll take it because of the implications.

That said, we've got the Killadelphia Desert Eagles (.50) next Sunday in Filthadelphia. And we've got a day on them. So let's hope the Cowgirls ride herd on them tonight to wear them out a bit. Then again, if you listen to the media pundits, the Eagles are unstoppable. I mean, they beat the Rams 38-3. And the Rams are clearly a Super Bowl caliber Defense. So we might as well expect to get rained on...yeeeaaaahhhh, right.

Is it wrong that I'm already looking forward to Sunday?

So I ask you all - What did you think of that game? Who's performance did you like/not like? "Special" Teams? What about that cheap shot Shaun Rogers put on Ben? And hey, how awesome would it be if Murdermore (that's Baltimore, in case you hadn't guessed) beat the Gowns next week?

Either way, I think this is worth re-posting for a second look...

I think I'll have some new pics to add after this one...

Movin' On Up...

Good news on a Thursday morning! Mike Tomlin announced two fairly significant modifications to the team's starting lineup for this weekend's game against the Washington Redskins.

Among the "improvements" (relative term of course) are -

• Bryant McFadden starting at right Corner over Deshea
• Santonio Holmes starting at Split End over Cedrick "The Entertainer" Wilson

What this means for the longer term is anybody's guess, that is at least with any degree of accuracy, but I'm pretty sure it means Tomlin is willing to give these guys a shot at starting if they're able to perform when given the chance, NOW. In my opinion, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, both of these are inevitable "changes." McFadden and Santonio are the future, while DeShea (no offense to him) is definitely the past and Wilson was never really meant to play that central a role in the Steelers passing attack. He has made great contributions thus far, but there's a reason we drafted Santonio so high last year.

Something to keep an eye on...