Take THAT To The Bank!

Jeff Reed sealed this one with a 32 yarder, once again proving that he's straight cash, homey...

Well, despite the fact that I think Hines Ward was just called for holding AGAIN, that win feels pretty good. Not in the sense that it instilled any confidence that our Offense has its shit together, but in the sense that we needed a win and we got one. The Ravens lost were embarrassed yesterday by the Giants, dropping them to 6-4. So 7-3 puts us ahead again.

And while I still don't know if I feel that great about our Offense, the numbers tell a different tale. Which is precisely why I never trust them. Check this out, Ben threw for 308 yards, Hines caught 11 balls for 124 yards, Willie rushed for 115 yards and yet, we didn't score ONE touchdown. Three field goals. That's all we could get. Of course, the Chargers aren't exactly the Bengals when it comes to Defense. But I have to believe that if we had our shit together, we could've won that game by a hell of a lot more than 1 point (removing the last second TD that was erroneously negated anyhow).

On the flip side, we got to enjoy another dominating Defensive performance from Silverback and friends. Philip Rivers only completed 15 passes for 159 yards and also managed to throw two picks. LT only gained 57 yards on 18 carries (a 3.2 yd avg.), though he did find his way three yards to the end zone in the 1st Quarter. And the Chargers leading receiver (after LT, who was the real top receiver) was Malcolm Floyd, two catches for 29 yards. Just another days work for the league's top Defensive unit, I'd say. Still feels fantastic, though.

So let's review this weeks "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Almost Put Me On Suicide Watch."

Here goes...

Things That Were Awesome:
1. Troy's ridiculous pick! That's two on the season.
2. Forced fumble for a Safety, crucial interception, and a sack. That'll do, Silverback
3. Spaeth - 6 catches, 55 yds and as Pat pointed out, he learned how to fall forward
4. Doug Brien feels your pain, Nate Kaeding
5. Keisel sacking the shit out of Philip Rivers in the 2nd Quarter!
6. I called what the score should have been, and also Big Ben throwing for 300 yards
7. And yeah, Big Ben - 308 yards, Completion %age of 76, and 0 INTS!
8. Holding LT to just 57 yds
9. WILLIE PARKER! - 115 yards (and why not run HIM at the goal line?)
10. Hines - 11 for 124 yds

Things That Were Not Awesome:
1. Anthony Smith, fair catch interference. You sir, are fired!
2. Penalties that were not awesome, #s 5, 6, 7 & 8 - offensive holding on Spaeth, McHugh and Hines (twice!)
3. Philip Rivers. Ha, why not?
4. Mewelde Moore: 1 rush for -1 yard (prepare to be dropped like a bad habit in everyone's fantasy leagues)
5. Ike Taylor took a rough shot to the 'Nards

Things That Almost Put Me On Suicide Watch:
1. Oh, I know what'll work. That same play we unsuccessfully ran on the goal line last week. Brilliant!
2. 410 yds of Offense and 0 touchdowns
3. Paul Ernster's punt avg? 31 yards. Thank God we upgraded from Mitch Berger!
4. Anyone know who Jacques Cesaire was before yesterday? Well, anyways he sacked Ben twice...
5. Let me see if I understand this. Kicking a 51 yd Field Goal at Heinz is iffy in good conditions, but you want to try one in the snow? Naturally.

We've got a short week to prepare for the Bungles on Thursday. In case you've forgotten, they still suck, although I'm sure they're real psyched about tying the Eagles yesterday. Especially because Shayne Graham had a shot at making them 2-8 and missed! So 1-8-1 they are. Ryan Fitzpatrick is still their QB. Marvin Lewis is still their Coach. And Cincinnati Chili still sucks. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, but if we were going to play anyone on a short week, I think we can agree that the Bangles are a fine choice.

Now, I'm eager to hear your respective thoughts on this one. What ya'll got?

Dude, You'll Never Guess What I Just Saw...

Imagine Tomlin saying it like Johnny Drama...

Byron Leftwich - 129 yards on 10 pass attempts, and a 5 yard passing TD to Sansmokio. I mean, if you had told me yesterday that Byron Leftwich was going to come into last night's game and produce 13 points en route to a 23-6 Steelers victory, I'd have smacked you in the mouth.

The past two games it was Mewelde Moore stepping up big. Last night it was Big Byron. And boy did he step the eff up. Well played, Byron. Well played indeed.

Last week was tough. Just like the Eagles game, our Offense was dogshit but our Defense kept us in the game until the 4th Quarter. It was hard to watch the Defense play so well only to watch the Offense march onto the field for three plays (or less) and then trot back off. But last night made up for it.

So let's recap the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Sucked Camel Penis." Don't the names of the latter category keep getting better and better? Gosh, what'll I think of next?

Things That Were Awesome
1. 4th play of 3rd Quarter? Leftwich to Nate Washington, 50 YARDS!
2. Deshea INT - Who says this 33 year old can't play? Not Jason Campbell.
3. 7 SACKS! (including 2 by The Wood)
4. What's up with Willie's knee? 70 yds on 21 carries, 1 TD. That's what's up.
5. 1st blocked punt since 1998!

Things That Were Not Awesome
1. Ben's completion percentage? 11. I think that's a QB rating of 6.
2. Mitch Berger's 28 yard punt...somebody call Kordell Stewart.
3. An end around to Nate Washington? This is your creative genius, Arians?
4. Hey, at least Anthony Smith contributed a special teams penalty!
5. Note to Jeff Reed - You can't bank extra points in. This isn't basketball.

Things That Sucked Camel Penis
1. Onside kick on the opening kickoff? Oh, ok, I get it. We want to lose.
2. I think I have pink eye. No joke.
3. Giving the 'Skins GREAT field position on their 1st two possessions.
4. Ben sacked three times in two quarters. Yeah, he's injured by the way.
5. Max Starks using his hands to cover his head instead using them to knock the ball away from Cornelius Griffin. Watch out for that small, lightweight piece of leather, Max! YOU'RE 6'8," 345 POUNDS, DUDE!!!

Now, ok. Let's not get too hot on Lord Byron just yet. He did more than expected and it was great. But we also simplified things a lot more when he came in. And by simplified, I mean we started running the ball. So look, I'll take that performance out of Byron Leftwich every day of the week. But QB controversy? Ish don't think so.

And frankly, it's pretty worrisome that Ben was so hurt that he didn't feel like getting back on the field in the 2nd half. Perhaps some of you think that after last night, Byron Leftwich could lead this team to a Championship. But you would be straight jacket worthy. Ben being injured that bad? Not good.

Oh yeah, and Heath Miller with a giant ice pack on his ankle? I mean, that ain't good, either.

GREAT WIN, THOUGH! Ravens won on Sunday. They're 5-3. Browns are 3-5. Bengals are irrelevant. We're now 6-2 and I think if nothing else, our Defense continued to make it's case for League MVP. Yes. The entire defense. For MVP. That's my vote at this time.

We're now looking at the Colts on Sunday. They're "hot" off a "big" win over "Matt Cassell"...I mean the Patriots. Manning had a pretty big day. And I would know, I've got him in fantasy. But he better savor it now, because he'll be on my bench his back for 60 minutes in T-Minus five days. HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!

I am now eager to hear all of your thoughts. Let's have them.

Here are some other visuals to jog your memory...





Oh, and go do your civic duty and vote! Me? I'm writing in Dick Lebeau.

Now THAT Was Urine Inducing...

[NOTE: This is NOT Cotter...in fact, it's Domski...but it's the only picture I had of someone peeing...thank god]

At one point during the first half of last night's game, I actually thought I was going to piss myself with excitement. Then, in the 4th quarter when Ben went over the 300 yard mark, I realized I had pissed myself. Yep, I made good on my promise. Sorry, no visual evidence. You can come smell my jeans if you want, though.

Anyways, hey guys, guess what? 4-1 going into the bye, no further significant injuries - except perhaps Bens shoulder...or hand...or knee...or liver...or confidence in the O-Line - and dude, Nate Washington was the leading receiver! Yeah, I can hardly believe it, myself. He actually caught the ball. 6 of 'em, no less! For 94 yards and a score. I think if you move quickly you might be able to catch hell freezing over.

That said, the majority of the 2nd half had me sweating like Oprah Winfrey in a room full of cupcakes. We looked SO GOOD in the 1st half and then we came out looking like something Bruce Arians drew up. But, as I've become accustomed to saying, a win is a win. Some parts were beautiful. Some parts looked like Domski's face. That is to say, the opposite of beautiful.

Either way, here's my weekly list, categorized by awesomeness or blowing goatishness...

Things That Were Awesome
1. Umm...Big [redacted] BEN!
2. Mewelde Moore got 99 yards? Yeah, no shit.
3. Master Dong's Jeff Reed's right tree trunk.
4. Beating Jagoffville for the 1st time since 2004!
5. Ok, and yeah, Nate FRIGGIN' Washington!!

Things That Were Not Awesome
1. I think the refs just called holding on us again this morning.
2. The pass interference call on Face Me Ike in the end zone.
3. Oh Nate, dude. Taunting? Really? Come on.
4. Before you start stroking the O-Line, Ben still got sacked 3 times.
5. Letting the play clock run out before you go for 2? Is this another one of your "creative" strategies, Arians?

Things That Blew Goats
1. Trai Essex - 1 play, 1 sack given up.
2. Rashean Mathis can die in a fire. Then wild animals can eat his face.
3. NOT the fact that the Titans rode old ass Kerry Collins' to victory!
4. Was I staring at David Garrard's calves at one point? Bush league.
5. Watching Marvel Smith ride the cart of impending lack of O-Line depth doom.

Other than all that, I can't say much more bad or good about that game, except that we won. Did I mention that we won? Maybe I didn't tell you guys, but we won. Yeah, that's right. And I'm not even mad that I'm going to lose in fantasy because TSW has Big Ben. Now that's sincerity, kids.

By the way, thanks to Tobiathan for rocking that liveblog something fierce! As always... And also a big thanks to Dan, Lon-Ton, Jimmy The Greek, Sheena Beaston, Jahine Arnold, Will Blackwell...and [not] Domski, for helping provide valuable color commentary. I think that was the best liveblog we've had yet!

And finally, thanks to Matt for providing the beats I listened to while composing this post. He's going to be spinning in Brooklyn this Friday, and I fully plan on making my presence felt. Anyone in the general Manhattan vicinity who wishes to come, give my inbox a shout - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. And good work, Matt. Though, it could definitely use a little Howard Tate. Sort it out, son.

PS - If you haven't already, go watch this week's pregame show. See, the beauty of it is that it's so dumb and irrelevant that you don't even have to watch it before the game. You could watch it on a Tuesday. In the rain. On a Thursday. Out on the plains. But, it will not eat green eggs and ham. So don't ask.

...BIG WIN, GUYS!!! We got a bye week to rest up, get healthy, bang strippers (if you're Jeff Reed) and come out ready to destroy the Bangles on October 19. Let's get the discussion started...

What A Difference An Opponent Can Make...

Ok, anybody looking to buy the URL - www.PerhapsWeGaveTheSteelersOffensiveLineTooMuchCredit.com, forget it. Unless you'd like to fight me for it.

By the way, what you don't see in the picture above is that the Offensive Line is collectively handing Ben to the Eagles Defense on that silver platter.

Wow, NINE SACKS! Ben was sacked, NINE TIMES! I mean, say what you want about his lack of foresight to throw the damn ball away, it's pretty tough to do anything as a QB when Broderick Bunkley is in your face two seconds after you snap the ball.

Anyways, this is going to be brief, because I'm trying to put this one behind me. Bottom line - the Defense kept us in a game we had no business being in, and the Offense squandered just about every opportunity we had to capitalize on momentum swings.

You know who had a good game? Jeff Reed. Two tries, two strikes, one from 53 yards! Proof positive that beer, does in fact equal strength. Also, Troy Polamalu. Dude, a one armed interception, his third through three games. Man, thank god he's back. It's just unfortunate he can't teach Ike Taylor how to do the same. Oh, and what about Bryant McFadden? Sure, both he and Face Me Ike let the Eagles complete an assload of 2-3 yard passes. But hey, second game starting, second game with an INT. Plus, that goatee he's got growing there is looking chiseled. Goatee = power.

Beyond that, the story was failure at every turn. Honestly, the best looking drive may have been the last one in which Byron Leftwich (color me real surprised) led us. Was Ben more hurt than we thought? Maybe. But if he wasn't before, he definitely is now.

Here's a list of people who I will not be talking to this week...

1. Chris Kemoeatu - Hey, dude - how about you don't move before the snap?

2. Kendall Simmons - Don't think I didn't see you completely miss on that Gaither sack (least I think it was the Gaither sack).

3. Willie Colon - I didn't like you before. I don't like you now. And I honestly think we should try replacing you with Max Starks. What's the worst that could happen? Nine sacks? Oh wait, that just happened...

4. Willie Parker - Ok, not totally your fault. But seriously, bounce it to the outside?

5. Mike Tomlin - Where was Lawrence Timmons? Rashard Mendenhall? The Offensive playcalling? I mean, what?

6. "Special" Teams - Quintin Demps' stat line - 2 returns, 59 yards. Who the hell is Quintin Demps? Come on, Ligashesky. Sort it out, man. Jeff Reed should not have to make tackles on kick returns.

7. Ben - Ben, Ben, Ben. Let's talk. I know shit is rough right now. You're getting hit more than you'd like. And your shoulder's hurt. I get it, man. I feel you. But here's a tip - sometimes you just have to throw the ball away. Like, when you're in your own end zone and after three seconds you have nowhere to go and are being chased by three rabid Eagles pass rushers. That, my friend, is a good time to throw the ball away. And by throw it away, I do not mean intentionally ground it so they get two points. Just so we're clear. But like I said, not nearly as much your fault as some other people (see 1, 2 and 3). Also, here's a head's up, when you let the play clock run all the way down, the Defense knows when you're snapping the ball and can time themselves accordingly.

Besides that, was I the only one that had a flashback to last year's Jets game when the Eagles tried a flea flicker? Man, that could've been real embarrassing. Oh wait, that game actually was real embarrassing. Whatever. Next week we've got our currently most threatening AFC North rival. We've got six days to ready ourselves. Let's hope we use it wisely. And Ben, heal up real quick. We can't win any big games if we can't move the ball. Can't rely on the running game every time...sad, but true. And I'm not even going to mention how both Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb were out at one point during that game. Oops, guess I just did.

I just want to leave you with one final thought - remember last December's Jacksonville game? Remember how we were down by 15 points going into the 4th quarter and came back to almost win it? Where was that offense today? I thought when we added Rashard Mendenhall and Limas Sweed things would only get better.

Let's discuss...

PS - Is it wrong for me to say that I miss Russ Grimm?

That Was Just Cleveland Being Cleveland...

Well, we avoided the unthinkable. If the Browns had won that game, I just might've thrown something at the TV. Can you imagine the shit storm we'd have to endure if god forbid, the currently overhyped incarnation of the Browns finally beat us after losing 16 out of the last 17, including the last nine (now 10) straight? I can. And it wouldn't have been pretty. There's nothing worse than delusional Browns fans thinking they've actually earned something.

Anyways, we did indeed escape with a narrow victory, 10-6, though we pretty much controlled the entire game. Once again, conditions ruined the day and likely some of the game plan. For example, we saw basically (with a couple of exceptions) hide nor hair of Wreckingball. And understandably so. He's had fumbling problems in good conditions. So imagine how nervous Tomlin must've been about putting him in last night. But yeah, despite the weather, a lot of guys stepped up big, including...

1. The "Offensive" Line
I think after last night I can remove the quotes around the word, "Offensive." Because those guys were on their game. Case in point - the Ben to San Antonio 48 (?) yard bomb that Ben threw from deep in our own territory. He had a solid 10 seconds on that one. Add the masterful job Kemoeatu did pulling and you can understand why I am so pleased with this unit. Anyone who doesn't consider voting for them in the poll to your left obviously didn't watch that game last night.

2. Bryant McFadden
Well, I noted on Saturday that with Deshea out, and McFadden looking for a new contract, this was his time to make his case as the starter of the future. Not that there was much doubt. But he came through big, covering Braylon Edwards rather masterfully. He even nabbed a poorly underthrown Derek Anderson pass in the first half that led to the only touchdown of the game. Coincidentally, did anyone else know that ball was going to be picked the moment it left Anderson's hand? I called it literally as it was being thrown. He lobbed that out there and McFadden took full advantage. Bravo, young one. The force seems strong with you.

3. Troy Polamalu
All the evidence you need was the play in which Troy HURDLED TWO OFFENSIVE LINEMAN to diffuse a Jamal Lewis run long before it might've been otherwise. Sure, he didn't make the tackle. But as Domski put it after the game - imagine what those two Offensive Lineman must've been thinking when Polamalu jumped OVER them...complete dumbfoundedness, no doubt. Rendering them rather useless as blockers. Plus, I don't have to remind you that he snagged the interception in the 2nd Quarter that ruined one of Cle-heave-land's (credit: Joey Porter's Pit Bulls) only real drives of the game. This is why Troy Polamalu is invaluable. And thank god he looks like the Troy we know and love. I don't know who that guy was wearing 43 for most of last year. Because it didn't look like the Troy we've seen thus far in '08. Well played, Troy. I guess whatever Christy said to you at Chili's must've hit home.

So all in all, I'm pleased. Under normal conditions, I would've liked to have put up approximately 30 more points on the Clowns. But as I said earlier, a win is a win. I'll take it because of the implications.

That said, we've got the Killadelphia Desert Eagles (.50) next Sunday in Filthadelphia. And we've got a day on them. So let's hope the Cowgirls ride herd on them tonight to wear them out a bit. Then again, if you listen to the media pundits, the Eagles are unstoppable. I mean, they beat the Rams 38-3. And the Rams are clearly a Super Bowl caliber Defense. So we might as well expect to get rained on...yeeeaaaahhhh, right.

Is it wrong that I'm already looking forward to Sunday?

So I ask you all - What did you think of that game? Who's performance did you like/not like? "Special" Teams? What about that cheap shot Shaun Rogers put on Ben? And hey, how awesome would it be if Murdermore (that's Baltimore, in case you hadn't guessed) beat the Gowns next week?

Either way, I think this is worth re-posting for a second look...

I think I'll have some new pics to add after this one...

What A Shitty Weekend For Ohio...

Man, at the risk of sounding like a humungous dick, it must've been a pretty shitty weekend to be an Ohioan. You know, what with THE Ohio State getting downright violated by USC, 35-3, the Bengals looking like the Bengals, and the Browns falling to our Steelers 10-6 because of poor clock management and turnovers.

Hey Derek Anderson, I got news for you - THAT is why Big Ben is a bona fide pro bowler, and you are an alternate. Throw another untimely pick, dude. I dare you.

Anyways, I'll have a full game recap for you at some point later this morning/afternoon. But I just wanted to briefly note that - a win is a win. Even though I wanted to destroy them like 56-0, I'll take 10-6 because it means 2-0, ammo in the event of a tie-breaker, and a reaffirmation that Big Ben OWNS Ohio.

Big Ben - 10
Ohio - 0

And just so you know, ESPN has officially launched it's campaign to fellate Ben as much as possible. So we've got that going for us...which is nice.


Any thoughts before I get too far into this?

PS - Did anybody know that the "Dawg Pound" is "vaunted?" Me either. Thank you, Associated Press. I just learned something new...

Ladies and Gents, I Give You, Willie Parker...

Well I believe I said something like 28-10. But Tec bested that with 35-14. And Doug trumped all, predicting the exact score of 38-17. Wow. How?...I mean...alright then.

Who could have asked for a better start to the season? A convincing 38-17 win. Tom Brady out, possibly for the season. Week 2 against the so-called "formidable" Browns (who lost yesterday, by the way). I'm tied for tops in the pick 'em pool. Texas Arizona has approximately 40 or 50 of my hard earned dollars. I think it's safe to say at no turn did the universe let me down yesterday (though I am getting my ass handed to me by Mondesi's House in the Steelers Thunderdome league...Maurice Jones-Drew, Chris Cooley and Laveraneus Coles, I'm lookin' at you).

As for the individuals who made this happen, I'd like to thank...

1. Master Fly W. Large
AKA the fast one, Willie Parker. On Friday, I mentioned that I was hoping to see a big game from Willie. Well he must have gotten that message, because he lit the Texans "vaunted" defense up for 138 yards on 25 carries, with THREE touchdowns, one more than he had all of last season. Broken leg? What broken leg. Willie looks ready to roll on any and all takers. Next up, Cleveland Brownies and defensive savior, Shaun Rogers. How do I think Willie will do? Let's see, ummm, how about 176 yards on 23 carries. Sound fair?

2. LaMarr Woodley
This man needs a badass nickname. And fast. Woodley was the yin to Silverback's yang, providing an equally imposing presence on the other side of the linebacking corps. A sack and a BIG time interception. What else do you want me to say? He was awesome.

3. Silverback
The only reason I put Woodley above him on the list is because Woodley's a kid. But that doesn't take anything away from Silverback's THREE sacks and nine total tackles, including seven solo. Once again, he played out of his mind. I guess they must have told him before the game that Matt Schaub doesn't believe in baptizing children.

4. Big Ben
Come on, how could I leave Bennie out? Here's what I liked - he did what he had to do. All of the throws he did make, looked like they were well planned and well placed. 13/14, 138 yards, 2 TDs. A 147 passer rating. Take that Carson Palmer, Drew Brees and Tony Romo (ahem, Peter King)! By the way, Homo Romo racked up 320 yards against the Browns secondary yesterday. Imagine what Big Ben's gonna do next Sunday...I know I will be...

5. Hines Ward
Ok, I freely admit that one of the topics we pondered for the pregame show was - Is Hines Ward getting too old? I wasn't saying yes or no either way. But thankfully we didn't even bother discussing it. Because if we did, I would've had to post a retraction today. 6 catches, 76 yards, 2 TDs and a number of key blocks and immeasurable plays we don't even need to mention here. Hines Ward is still a force. Better wake up, Cleveland. Hines is coming for you!

Now this all said, I was really hoping we'd get the ball to Santonio more. But listen, I'm not gonna get pissed about that when we won 38-17. I mean, the less we use him now, the more we can use him later, right?

Anyways, I did also like getting Heath Miller into the mix. And Troy looked like the Troy of old, flying all over the field, even nabbing an INT. Let's hope he continues that for the rest of the season. Because we now look poised to do a lot better than anyone thought. I'd love for everyone who questioned the Steelers potential success based on our assholish schedule to eat their words. But I say that aspirationally, 'cause, you know, it's ummm, Week 2.

Bring on the Browns!!! I can't [redacted] wait!

What'd you guys think? Were you going out of your minds during that whole game? Who impressed you the most? And how do you feel about next Sunday against the Brown stains?

Also, I'd like to thank Tobiathan again for doing an awesome job liveblogging the game in the comments yesterday. I don't know how he does it. Liveblogging is about as easy as deciphering a Rubik's Cube. But Steelbiathan has it down to a science. Excellent work man! I gotta get you a liveblogging plug-in so we can get you liveblogging on an actual post.

Ah football, how I love thee. Happy Friggin' Monday!