December 6, 2007

Behold -- Hatriot Nation...

DISCLAIMER: Before you proceed, be aware that as pretty much everything I do, this is a JOKE and the following post is not meant to offend anyone. I don't really hate the Patriots personally. Actually, I respect them greatly. Nevertheless, I'm a cynical son of a bitch by nature, and this stuff entertains the hell out of me. I hope you enjoy...
Finally, Thursday. Not so hopeless as Wednesday, one step closer to Friday (and Sunday), and way better than Monday or Tuesday. And boy do I have some good shit for you this morning.

Thanks to OFTOT's most avid reader, leading analyst of NFL officials, and purveyor of terms including "Cheatriots," "Patricunts," and "Belicheats," (Tobiathan), I have discovered a bitter subculture lurking beneath the surface of this here wide world of web that I'd like to share with you all. That is, the Patriot Hater nation.

So before I get into any kind of Patriots analysis later on today (or tomorrow), let me introduce you to the wonders of this interweb microcosm...

  • I Hate The New England Patriots ~ It's not just a clever name. What you expect is what you get and more. Be sure to vote on the poll and tell everyone how much you really hate the Patriots.

  • Petition to Fire Bill Belichick ~ Make your voice heard and sign the petition plea for Robert Kraft to fire Head Cameraman Coach, Bill Belicheat. I have signed and I made sure I told Kraft that Belichode knows where Bin Laden is hiding. Do your civic duty people.

  • Patriots DDD (Degradation, Defamation and Defecation) ~ Before visiting this site, I'd yet to hear the term "Gaytriots" used. Nor had I heard that New England's 12th man is God. Now I have. Yep.

  • The Full Line of "I Hate The Patriots" T-Shirts ~ I'm still not sure if the women's panties are for real or not, but this is for sure the best $14-$15 you could ever spend. If there were time to ship these before Sunday I'd definitely have bought the panties...I mean t-shirt...

  • Tom Brady Homoerotic Tribute Video ~ An oldy but a goody (See below). This video gets a solid 5 stars. Of course, it is not a reflection of hatred at all. More like a manifestation of man-love for Mr. Esquire himself. Still, entertaining nonetheless. If you don't watch the whole thing, you're only cheatrioting yourself. Highlight = "Your balls are the only balls I need and my end zone is where I want you to be."
Hold on, I'm still laughing at the video...Ah, there, that's better. Thought I was going to cry I was laughing so hard...

I hope you all enjoyed this little journey into the minds of some of the interwebs more colorful characters. I sure did. Now the only thing that's left is to take a look at the opposition, their strengths, their weaknesses lesser strengths, and gain a better understanding of what kind of animal we're up against on Sunday. Keep your web browser tuned...

Ballhype: hype it up!


Tobiathan said...

Lol...that was awesome! And that's for the byline, although you did all the work! I admit it nice to get some recognition for my creatively abusive terminology, though...

Was that a cowboy-pic i saw in the vid? WTF?

Can you say "Brokeback Brady"?

Is Giselle just a cover for the REAL Tom?


I posted a nice, juicy bit on my take of the necessities for Sunday in the "Comments" section of the last article. I'm sure i'll get back at it before Sunday.

I'l just repeat one thing(or two):

Why, oh why, doesn't Najeh "Duece" Davenport run like a man of 6'3"/255lbs? He's friggin' HUGE. He should be destroying defenders. Why does he try to run like Barry Sanders?


Willie needs to be more patient. I know he hasn't had a good surface in a few weeks, but he needs to wait a little before hitting the holes. And he needs to stop trying to break the home-run on every play. All he needs is four- to five-yard gains per. Especially Sunday.

I do, of course, have a lot of other opinions. But i'll save them for later.

Go Stillers! Break Brady's leg!(but only in a temporary and easily-repairable, non-career-threatening-yet-still-season-ending way)

PS- I don't think ANY effing QB who's coach cheated should EVER be discussed among the "best ever". That's pure bullshit.

PSS- and Belijerkoff should NEVER be considered for the HOF. EVAR.

Tobiathan said...

Frikking AWESOME photoshoping brudda!



Cotter said...

Thanks dude! Little known fact - I'm the son of two graphic designers. Photoshop is in my blood...although I must admit, this apple fell a little further from the artistic tree. It's not perfect but I think it achieves the desired effect.

Anonymous said...

Face it, the 2007 Patriots are the greatest NFL team ever and will go 19-0 to win their 4th Super Bowl in 6 years. The fact that the rest of the country hates their guts makes every Patriots fan like myself smile with glee. And, it only gives the team more motivation to play even harder the next game. They're absolutely determined to win and unstoppable at this point.
So go ahead — hate away, call them cheats, etc. You're only giving them more bulletin board material, which they thrive on.

Cotter said...

I believe I was actually just highlighting some of the shit that's already out there and in fact did point out in my disclaimer that I personally respect the Pats. But ok.

Glad you think that this small corner of the interweb could be considered "bulletin board material."

And also - sign up for an account jerk.