Drinks Are On Chris Kemoeatu...

Well, get used to seeing Chris Kemoeatu's life, because he's back for another 5 years at $20 million. Not altogether a bad deal for the Steelers, considering he was regarded as one of the top free agent Guards.

Also, I'm obligated to tell you that the heartwarming part of this story is that the Jets had reportedly offered Kemo the same amount, but he turned them down because he wanted to stay in Pittsburgh.

Aw, doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

Makes me wanna go hug a teddy bear or do something equally as emasculating.

Anyways, I guess there's really only one thing left to say about this...

When the pimp's in the crib ma, drop it like it's hot.

You heard it here first.

Have yourselves a great weekend and drink several cold beverages for me. I'll see ya tomorrow for the Week In Review.

Unless, of course, I die before then. Which I hope doesn't happen. Errrrrr...better just end it there. The post, not my life. Dammit, see what I started?

PS - If you don't wet yourself watching this video, you have no soul...


That is all at this time. Goodnight and good luck.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Kemo-EAT-u, The Road Grader...

"It's a unit thing, and I think, no doubt, that Chris' presence was a difference for us today. We pulled him. It is what he does, he's a road-grader, he's a violent run-blocker and we ran behind him.”

- Mike Tomlin

We've talked about this before, unofficially in the comments. But with perennial all pro Alan Faneca gone to the Jets, it's now going to be the Chris Kemoeatu show at left guard.

So let's get down to what all us fans really want to know - what do we get from Kemoeatu that we didn't get from Faneca?

Now, let me just start by saying I don't know shit about playing left guard. I'm a 6'2", 175(?) pound waste of space whose hockey playing days were the closest he ever got to being an offensive lineman. But what I lack in knowledge, I make up for in logical thinking and/or uninformed speculation.

With that said, let's compare the vitals...

Faneca
Height ~ 6'5"
Weight ~ 307
Age ~ 31

Kemoeatu
Height ~ 6'3"
Weight ~ 344
Age ~ 25

The most glaring difference is the 37 pounds Faneca gives up to Kemoeatu. As a more "robust," but shorter offensive lineman, Kemoeatu has a lower center of gravity with more weight behind him to leverage against defenders. While it wouldn't seem like being shorter would be an advantage, at least from what I can tell, it actually makes him harder to move. Plus, with all that power (assuming weight = power) coming at a defender, it'd definitely be more difficult than overpowering a taller, "thinner" blocker like Faneca.

So it would seem that Kemoeatu has the potential to be an even better run blocker than Faneca, whose run blocking abilities were/are certainly top notch. Couple this with the addition of Wreckingball Mendenhall and the (logical) corresponding re-emphasis on the running game and you've got a hell of a concept.

Of course, in terms of pass blocking, I'm clueless. Not having read any kind of scouting report on Kemoeatu, I can't be sure how savvy he is when it comes to standing up oncoming rushers. But I'm sure some of the same principles apply.

Anyone have any insight on this? Could Kemoeatu be ample replacement for Faneca? Is he potentially BETTER than Faneca?

PS - little known fact ~ Kemoeatu's real first name is "Uikelotu," Christopher is his middle name. Any guesses on how to pronounce that one? You-kehl-ah-too? Uh-ee-kah-lah-too? Ukulele?

[Nickname credit #1 - Domski, #2 - Tomlin]

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Video: Kemoeatu Stars on Goal Line [Trib]
Steelers Notebook: Kemoeatu Makes Hit [Post-Gazette]

Well It Certainly Is Offensive...

Forty-seven sacks later the Steelers lose all-world Guard Alan Faneca to the New York Jets and.....................the projected Offensive Line, according to Ed Bouchette, includes Marvel Smith and Willie Colon at Tackle, Chris Kemo-EAT-U and Kendall Simmons at Guard, and Justin Hartwig at Center.

Comforting?

In other Steelers news....

1. Jeff Reed Has Bitch Tits [Sports by Brooks]
2. Steelers' O-Line Coach Feels Kemoeatu Is Ready [Post-Gazette]
3. Big Ben Makes It Rain On Some Bitches, Literally... [Post-Gazette]
4. A New Threat In The Bengals Backfield? [MJD]
5. Congrats To The Sexiest Woman In The World [FHM Online]