AFC North Headline Of The Day...

As if I could compete with the Pens impressive Game 1 last night, or the news that John Madden has retired. Yeah, right.

I was going to write about how Leftwich signed a deal with the Bucs and Chuck Batch re-signed as the backup for '09, but honestly, at this point that's old news. But that should give you a good idea of how out of the loop I am right now. I haven't read shit for news aside from what you see below in like two weeks.

As for John Madden's retirement, since that is the most timely NFL news I can think of, well, I don't even know what to say. Obviously he's a legend, and no words that one lowly Steelers blogger could write on these internets could possible do justice to a career that's spanned decades and industries.

Even though he was Coach of the Raiders back when the Steelers and Raiders used to brutalize each other religiously, I like to think that his video game pretty much wiped the slate clean.

No, kidding aside, he was a rival at one point (before I was born), but as a broadcaster you can't really do anything but respect his longevity and popularity. Congrats to Madden on his retirement and I hope he enjoys the rest of his days with his family.

Also, John, if you could possibly take Peter King with you, I know we'd all really appreciate it.

Thanks.

Now, on to the links, WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

New Burghability commercial featuring Geno and Russian spies? [PSaMP]

Tomlin to Sweed - "Under promise, over deliver"...huh, that's my mantra too...weird [Post-Gazette]

Some more prospects are visiting the Steelers [Trib]

BTSC wants to give you free stuff for guessing games right. I say, do it... [BTSC]

According to these clowns, the Pats are still the Super Bowl favs in '09...who effing cares? [USA Today]

Browns to trade their premier receiving threat to Giants...presumably for a winning attitude? [Yahoo! Sports]

Of course, if the Giants have their way, they'll be looking to trade for Anquan Boldin...which in my opinion is the smarter trade. But hey, I just write a blog [Star-Ledger]

Don't look now but the NFL has angered Jewish Jets fans... [Deadspin]

Ravens re-sign a walking corpse [Ravens Insider]

This is old news, but Tank Johnson is now right at home with the rest of the NFL's deviants [Associated Press]

Eagles interested in Ocho Cinco? After the TO experiment, that just amazes me...but good for them, I guess [Philly.com]

Steve(and Ashley)'s Flyers-Pens preview (sorry Steve, I'm way late on this) [Steve Is Alive]

Corgi of the Day [Dog Spotlights]

John Daly + Hootie and the Blowfish = What more do you need me to say? [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Geriatric Farms...I don't even know what to say... [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

I think we can all appreciate this sentiment... [Dug E Fresh Rants]

Dear Illuminati is a must read every week... [9-to-fried]

We're raising a generation of pussies, alright [Grumpy Old Dog]

Britney Spears gets engaged? Let me put it this way, if I bought a chick a 4.5 million dollar diamond, I probably wouldn't be proposing in Subway...but that's just me [NY Daily News]

Hulk Hogan threatening to pull an OJ? [Moondog Sports]

Hot news from Neverland Ranch via Carbolic Smoke Ball [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

Thinking sunlight is a fire...that's an easy mistake to make, right?? Maybe if you're on Meth... [Some Site...Who Really Cares]

Muse playing a battle of the bands in 1994...they've def come a long way since then, that's all I can say [Muse Live]

WIN indeed [FAIL Blog]

And of course, FAIL x 2 [FAIL Blog || FAIL Blog]

My hatred for people who wear Ed Hardy cannot be expressed properly with words...gestures, yes...one in particular, actually [Stuff White People Like]

English Bulldogs rule [Upside Down Dogs]

Harry Kalas tribute. I don't care what your baseball allegiance is, Harry Kalas will be missed [MLB.com]

One final note - if you're a blogger and want me to link to something you've written, I almost always will. But as I have limited time in which to compose these "gems," I can't really go looking for every post written on every blog. SO, email me. K? Word.

Head down, nose to the grindstone. I'm not effing around today.

Leave comments if you like. You know how that whole thing works.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Time To Put Your Kevin Colbert Hat On...

Since I know some of you may have reached this post from Behind The Steel Curtain, if you want to read a real post about free agency, I'd recommend the Day Two post, here. The difference is that one is written in actual English instead of semi-comatose rambling. Still rambling, but you get what I mean. Plus, there's probably about 1,000 better posts on here. So feel free to poke around if you've got some time on your hands.

I swear I was going to do something way better than this, but then I realized that I'm really friggin' tired. Honestly, writing this just now, I've determined that I don't even have the mental acuity to be remotely funny today.

Whatev, they can't all be winners, right?

Anyways, here's the deal - I was going to dump all of the dudes who are free agents into this one post and go through them one by one, but frankly, it's the offseason and I usually spend the next oh, couple of months or so straining my brain to try and think of things to write about. Inevitably some Steeler always gets caught with his wang swaying in the breeze, which helps. But otherwise it's all nominal until the draft starts to creep up on us.

So for my own convenience, and for the sake of what I might characterize as "serviceable discussion," I thought I'd break this up and give us a few guys a day to "analyze." That way, I don't have to start cutting myself next week when I've exhausted all of the relevant topics until March, AND we can all throw our opinions into the mix on a smaller set of rather large individuals.

Now, y'all probably know I'm not really what you'd call a numbers guy. To be honest, the last time I had to do any kind of heavy lifting mathematically was the SATs. Let me put it to you this way - some of my peers at law school brought calculators to our Criminal Law final. Lawyers [generally] are not a head's up bunch when it comes to math...unless that math involves billable hours, of course (ba-dum-ching). And I'm no different. So if you want to bring financials into the mix, rock on. I don't know what these guys are currently getting paid. I could look it up, but that sounds like a lot of work. It's obviously a consideration, and a big one at that. I just don't feel like taking the time to think about that right now. But don't let that stop you. Go ahead and help us put this all in perspective.

That all said, today I've chosen to get this party started with...

Charlie Batch ~ Chuck Batch, dude?

Why did I start with Chucky Batch? This is painful. I love me some Chuck Batch, but I gotta say let him go. Only because...

Byron Leftwich - Re-sign his ass.

Charlie Batch is a fantastic individual, but I mean he's 34. The only way I say we keep Batch and let Leftwich go is if Lord Byron wants too much loot, which is certainly possible. I mean, I doubt anyone is going to give him a starting job...well, maybe the Lions...and if he's going to be a backup anywhere, might as well try and keep him in Pittsburgh. That said, I honestly have no idea how the Steelers front office is going to look at this sitch. Either way, in Kevin Colbert we trust.

[NOTE: I gotta get my own head out of my own ass. Thanks to Nate for pointing out Leftwich's stated objective to find a starting job elsewhere. Had I spent more than five minutes researching, I'd have known that too. Oh well, this is what happens when you try and rush a post up because you've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off all day and haven't been able to write anything. Apologies for being a waste of space. I need a nap.]

And then there's the piece-de-resistance, the must-sign. Allen Iverson is a scrub, THIS GUY is "The Answer"...

Mitch Berger

I think we all know how this is going to work out. Sorry Jeff Reed, you're going to have to teach that dance y'all do to Daniel Sepulveda. It's been real. It's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun. Take 'er easy, dude. I know that you will.

Then, finally...

Cris Collinsworth is a toolbox.

It needed to be said.

Now, unfortch, we also all have to keep in mind the fact that the following guys have one year left on their current contracts - James Harrison, Hines Ward, Brett Keisel, Heath Miller, Ryan Clark, Jeff Reed, Casey Hampton, Deshea Townsend and Larry Foote. All of whom I'd love to keep. So that should throw an interesting curve at this year's free agency sitch, knowing that we gon' need some CASH to re-sign all or even some of these dudes.

But what do y'all think about these three?

That's Some Good Motivation, Dude...

“We all dream of doing great things. What are you going to do today to make it happen?”

- Mike Tomlin

So Mike Tomlin, quote machine and apparent Tony Robbins impersonator, spoke to the "9th Grade Nation" of Pittsburgh yesterday. Whatever the hell that means. And joining him was the ailing Chuck Batch and the $7 Million Dollar backup Man, Max Starks.

Now, all I can say about this is - I'm uber-jealous. When I was in 9th grade, the best we got was our boring ass principal. Not exactly glamorous and/or motivating if you ask me. "You guys can do anything you want if you put your mind to it." Yeah, lady? Like what? I mean I'd like to be at home enjoying an intense game of 007 for N64. But I can't do that, can I? Because I've gotta sit here and listen to you talk about how important 9th grade health class is to my education. Listen, I've seen all those girl parts already, but thanks for the heads up. 9th grade health...whatever.

We did have an interim principal when I was in 10th grade (Maybe 11th? Who can tell one from the other at this point?) who introduced himself by having the entire school choir back him in a rendition of R Kelly's, "I Believe I Can Fly," though. Which, you know, I thought was a nice touch. Singing the song of a known child molester to a bunch of not yet legal teenagers. Good work, man. But what you'll find most entertaining/shocking - I was part of that backup choir. Yes, you heard me. I was in the school choir. It's ok. Go ahead and laugh. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

So 9th Grade Nation of Pittsburgh - I sincerely hope you were motivated by Tomlin's smooth talking and whatever lyrical stylings Chuck Batch and Max Starks added. Because I can almost guarantee it was infinitely better than what I was forced to choke down.

Moral of this story - Being in the school choir = Nerd Alert!

PS - In case it wasn't blatantly obvious, the main reason for this post was to re-use that fine photoshop you see above. Man that's good stuff.

/pats self on back

Well, That Was One Labor, Dabor...

OK. So we've got a lot to talk about today then, huh? Nice little three day weekend there. I think more happened in the last three days than pretty much the entire last month.

Let's recap...

#1 - We won our final preseason game
Only one thing really to say here - no one got hurt. 3-1 overall, I'll take it. And for those of you who may have forgotten, Jeff Reed is still partyboy solid gold.

#2 - Batch is officially on IR
It pains me greatly to say it, but this was the right move. I don't really like Lord Byron that much. But he is, as Batch was when he signed in '02, a former starter that we know can play the position relatively well. He's no Big Ben. But of course, only one man is. And in case you're in the mood for a little YouTube video-age, bear witness to my advice for Leftwich below...


#3 - The final roster was announced along with practice squad
Yes, we now know the answers to this preseaon's burning questions - Baker is the 5th wideout, Berger is the punter (today), Hartwig is our starting Center, and we obviously learned our lesson from the Allen Rossum Experiment (see: Eddie Drummond cut). Done and done. Among the cuts that I was disappointed to see - none.

#4 - ESPN > Fox Sports
In case you missed it, ESPN officially anointed Steeler nation the best fanbase in the NFL. Some of you may remember Fox Sports recently bestowing the same honor upon Eagles fans. Which, of course, means the writers at ESPN are clearly way more sane than the writers at Fox Sports. And lest we forget, in our shock and anger over Fox Sports' poor judgment, we are still Commonwealth brethren. I think we can all (both PA fanbases, that is) agree on one thing - both Ohio and New Jersey suck.

#5 - OFTOT fantasy league autodraft went off without a hitch
Some of you may be aware, some of you may not. But Domski graciously set up a fantasy league for some of OFTOT's usual suspects. Of course, it's public. So somehow we got a Pats fan in there. But that'll just make it all the more sweet when we all dump on the guy later. Anyways, we set it up to just autodraft, because, why not. Coordinating a draft is almost as fun as being Brady Quinn. So we decided to skip the pleasantries and get right to the point. Only thing to note here is - somehow, Notgomu ended up with half of the Steelers Offense - including - Big Ben, Willie Parker, Rashard Mendenhall, Santonio Holmes and Heath Miller. I think all he needs for the cycle is Hines Ward.

#6 - Neal Coolong is back online
You may remember Neal from his stint last season at Die Hard Steel. Well, unbeknownst to him, his site was rudely yanked from the interwebs by the admin without but an email letting him know he should secure any outstanding content. Nevertheless, our hero trudged on in the face of adversity and set up his new blog home at, On The Black Side. The name is a play on the fact that the Steelers helmet has only one logo. So I'd like to officially welcome Neal back to the Steelers blogdome and I strongly encourage all ye who crave Steelers analysis for the next 17 weeks (and hopefully more) to check OTBS out. Now if we could just get Neal up on skates...

And I think that about covers it...did I miss anything? What do you guys think of the final 53-man roster? Thoughts on Leftwich vs. Batch? How about Steelers Nation being #1 on ESPN? Oh, and did you guys hear that the Bengals cut Rudi Johnson and Willie Anderson? I think it's official - they are no longer even trying.

PS - After horsing around with the camera during our recent game against Minny, Tecmo and I have decided to try our hand at a little weekly pregame show. So over the coming season (hopefully), you will see and hear much more of our asinine commentary on everything Steelers...in living color. We're still working on a clever title for it. But in the meantime, feel free to preview some of the type of nonsense you can expect via the following clips...

On This Season's Schedule


On Questionable Playcalling


On Not Knowing What Was Going on At The End of the Game


On Mendenhall's 4th Quarter Fumble


On Mendenhall's Fumbling Problem


On Dennis Dixon


On...Something


On Shartlesville, PA


On Tony Homo Romo


On Jerseys That May/May Not Exist