World, Meet Benny The Blade...

So I'd say that win was an early birthday gift (ye olde b-day is this Thursday). But I'm actually hoping that next week, Big Ben and the Steelers can give me the present I'd really like. Well, ok, at least get themselves a step closer to the present I'd really like.

The Steelers were the only home team, and the highest seeded team to win this weekend. Which, first of all, is just a total mind[eff], considering the Panthers were playing the CARDINALS. But I guess the Whis is just too much for the NFC to handle. The Cards are bombing the shit out of that conference right now. Larry Fitz may be the most ridiculous receiver left in the hunt.

Outside of Hines, of course!

Anyways, the Offense clicked. The Special Teams, one pretty big gaffe notwithstanding, looked pretty sharp. The line BLOCKED(!). Willie ran amok. Ben threw rocks all over the field. It was sheer pandemonium. Case in point - A punt return TD? When was the last time that kind of thing happened for the Steelers in a playoff game?

So while I had a hard time believing what I was seeing during most of yesterday's game, I think perhaps the most refreshing (but not surprising) thing was Ben Roethlisberger.

Big Ben was unbelievable. There really isn't any other way I can put it that will do his performance from yesterday justice. He was the football player equivalent of a Swiss Army Knife (see above). He threw, he punted, he blocked...I think he may have even come up with the cure for cancer in between drives during the 3rd quarter and then diffused a bomb at the Igloo in the 4th quarter, while Byron Leftwich was taking care of his light work.

The big story leading up to this game was Ben's concussion. Guess that one had a happy ending, then, didn't it? Just goes to show you that Big Ben is a fighter; a winner. Of course, I say that today...

There will probably be those who look at the fact that we ran the ball 16 more times than we threw it and say that Ben just didn't lose the game. But those people clearly didn't actually watch the game. The Chargers weren't stopping the run. So why should we stop running it? The bottom line for Ben is that he made the plays he had an opportunity to make and didn't make any major mistakes. He was 17/26 for 181 yards, and what's more, he completed passes to six different receivers. It was a pretty money performance for Ben.

And while I'm not going to devote an entire paragraph to it here, Master Fly W. Large was awfully good himself. For more on that, see the "Things That Were Awesome" below.

Now, this certainly doesn't mean the game was a "flawless victory" as you might find in Mortal Kombat...

But if you want me to sit here and pick out all of the things the Steelers did wrong, I'm sorry. I'm just not going to do that. It feels way to good to win that game the way we won it. In fact, even as I now write this, I'm still all warm and fuzzy inside.

I will say this, though. Let's not forget that the Chargers D is not the Ravens D. However, the Ravens went knock down, drag out, with the Titans on Saturday. So there's a good chance they'll already be bruised and battered when they take the field Sunday. Not that that means they can't still rip shit up, but you know what I'm getting at.

Is there any method to this costumery whatsoever? What is that, a firefighter, two cowboys and Rod Marinelli?


Don emailed me this weekend to tell me that Flacco looks like Neil O'Donnell. I can take a hint.

That all being said, let's review the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Were Mildly Irritating."

THINGS THAT WERE AWESOME
1. Big Ben!


2. Willie. Parker. - 27 rushes, 146 yds, 2 TDs. MONSTER game...


3. None of these...


4. Silverback - I highly suggest you get yourselves one of these...


5. The Wood - 4 tackles, 2 sacks, 1 scorching case of awesome

Well, isn't this awkward?

6. Larry Foote - 5 tackles and a pick


7. Sansmokio's punt return magic!


8. The O LINE!


9. This seal of approval from Tomlin...


10. HEEEEAAATTTHHHHH! 3 catches, 37 yds, 1 TD



THINGS THAT WERE NOT AWESOME
1. Sweet Sweed hands, dude...

Don't worry, I'm only joking. They only threw to him once. What did you want?

2. Please find another trick play. The Reverse is useless
3. Roughing the passer on Troy? Looked like a love tap to me
4. No pick for Ike even though it looked like he wrestled it away AND stayed in bounds
5. At least two Offensive Line penalties annulling at least two solid plays

THINGS THAT WERE MILDLY IRRITATING
1. Going for it on 4th down and not making it
2. Going for it on 4th down AND GOAL and not making it
3. Darren Sproles' 63 yard kick return
4. Chargers TD drive early on in the 4th Quarter
5. Rivers to Jackson - 67 yds for the first 7 pts of the game

You know what, though, guys. There's one thing we're all forgetting. The Eagles have pretty much already won the Super Bowl. We might as well not even play this next game, because we all know, even if the Steelers win, the Donovan McNabb-Andy Reid connection will manage the Super Bowl to victory.

Brian Dawkins cried after yesterday's Eagles victory. Talk about a drama queen. ESPN's Tom Jackson said he loved it [Dawkins' emotion]. But to be fair, Tom Jackson also loves butterscotch krimpets and fuchsia neckties (not joking). Hey Dawkins, why don't you and Ray Lewis start a club for overdramatic football players...and, fruitcups. You know who cries? Terrell Owens, and Ravens fans. Get it together. Like I give a shit either way.

Challenge of the Week = Count how many Eagles fans you talk to who mention the Eagles winning the Super Bowl. Expect a lot of sound logic out of these individuals. Not.

I already heard ESPN prematurely ejaculating the notion of a Turnpike Super Bowl. Sorry, folks. Can't get that far ahead. But for the record, if it did happen, I'd predict - Mike Tomlin, 800 - Andy Reid, 7.

Andy Reid reminds me of a walrus.

There is no better way to summarize that Giants-Eagles game than this picture...

Yeah, you and the entire Giants offense, dude.

I can't WAIT 'til next Sunday. GET FIRED UP! WE'RE IN THE AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!

...Man, these posts go way better when I actually have something to write about.

OH yeah, apparently the new shit is good luck...


Now, I know y'all have some thoughts to share about THAT game, right?

Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta Win!

Final Score:

Steelers - A lot more than anyone expected
Chargers - Not nearly enough

Big ups to Willie Parker, who once again proved that he is a monster human being. And also to Big Ben, who showed everyone how bad that concussion really effected him.

Sorry San Diego, shit the Steelers Defense Offense(?) happens!

Bring on the Ravens! We beat 'em for the Division, let's beat 'em for the AFC Championship!

This man must be stopped.

Full recap post forthcoming in the morning. 'Til then, keep your pants on.

Here we go, Steelers! Here we go!

Let's Do This...

Big game here. My stomach is inconsolable right now.

This guy's ready to go, though...

You've got an "e" in the wrong place there, fella.

Oh well, let 'er rip...

Charge This!

The Chargers are hot
And Sproles is a beast
But that doesn't mean
That the Wood can't feast

Today is the day
The Chargers will feel
Exactly what it's like
To taste Pittsburgh steel

Rivers and Jackson
And Gates and the rest
Better be prepared
For a truly tough test

Ben's head may be tender
That much is true
But that doesn't mean
He can't shit on you

Stomach's in knots
I'm nervous as hell
This game can't start too soon
I think you can tell

We've been waiting two long weeks
Leading up to this day
So don't let us down, Steelers
Just put this one away
Liveblog is a go. Cue that shit up around 4:30. I'll bring the beers. Someone please bring Xanax. In fact, I could really use one right now. If you need something to do in the meantime, feel free to check out the latest [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show.

HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO!

Worst gameday poem of the season?

[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Post Season Episode 1...

Email sent to Steelers blogger thunderdome league at approximately 2:57 AM (completely unedited, from the bar):

"Man, all I know is go steelers! I want them to win them so bad."

Went to bed at 6:30 AM. No idea how I managed to even get up to publish this. The PATH system is beyond useless.

You'll notice we lost the credits somehow. iMovie sucks. God forbid I try and archive some footage so that my computer doesn't run slower than Lendale White. Thanks a lot, Apple. Top notch programs you guys are loading these things up with.

Everything bagel with scallion cream cheese at 6 AM = Straight cash, homey.

Ravens won yesterday.

Jesus, I'm nervous already.

Here we go, Steelers! Here We Go!

Watch this shit again at PSaMP.

Better Parka Up, Toolbox...

San Diego

Pittsburgh

Ben's in the hood...


Let's party...

We got a date Sunday, baby!

Here We Go, Steelers!

PS - Check it out, my Mom figured out how to use the interwebs and is now a member of OFTOT...see Google Friend Connect module...now if only someone could explain uploading an image to her...

If You Photoshop It, They Will Come..

Hmmm...So here's the situation - your team's facing a team it's already faced and beaten months before. There are some injuries to worry about, but largely the game will hinge on the team's Offense (or lack thereof...). What's a self-respecting blogger to write about, then?

Well, I don't know. Why don't you go ask a self-respecting blogger?

Because this blogger right here has decided to put together a few photoshops he finds to be rather entertaining. That and nothing more. Would you like to see them?

Sweet.

No guac, let's rock...


Unexplainable. There are no words.

But for the record, this is the original...

It's sickening how much better I look in a bikini than Domski. I got that shit, no contest. Hawaiian Tropic style.

Moving right along...

Anchorman was set in San Diego, these guys are from San Diego...you do the math. Left to right there, you've got Gates, Rivers, Tomlinson and good ol' Norv.

What else?

Steely McUltimateWarrior vs. The San Diego Chicken. This shit's for all the marbles.

And finally...

So I asked Domski, the veritable expert of 20 something dudes on Harry Potter, if Norv Turner were a Harry Potter character, which would he be? His answer was some dude named Dumbledore. Not having read any of the books, I couldn't tell you who that is, but that's Norv as him above.

I'd love to offer y'all something better this morning, but what do you want? There's exactly shit for news. Honestly, give me ideas for photoshops in the comments and I'll do that. I don't even care. Whatevs.

PS - Wanna hear something depressing? Check out the first line of this Pittsburgh AP story - "The Pittsburgh Steelers are committing the most turnovers of any team left in the NFL playoffs, are getting sacked more often and scoring the fewest points."

PPS - Wanna hear something even more depressing? Check this Pittsburgh AP story out...

Awesome. Swollen head. Good times. And again with the motorcycle pot shots? Jesus.

Trib's got their shit together...

No, they don't. You couldn't have come up with a better caption? This one is bush league.

So guys, we've got a game in a few days. What's up with the Steelers lives? Shit, what's up with your lives? You guys got anything you'd like to talk about? Help me out, here.

Speaking of Jokes...

What Do Steely McBeam and Vincent Jackson Have In Common?

They've both been arrested for DUIs.

Congratulations, V-Jacks. You sir, are the smartest man alive. With impeccable timing to boot!

Here's a tip - if you're gonna go ridin' dirtay, you should at least have the foresight to call Sansmokio.

I couldn't laugh any harder at this if I tried.

Thanks to Tec for the assist!

It's Good to Have Priorities...

I can't help but smile when I look at the results of that poll.

Check it out, the Chargers #1 concern is not that one of their star running backs, one of their best pass catchers, and their kicker are all nursing broken nails injuries, but rather, the Steelers Defense. Apparently it's a "ball-hawking defense" that could "wreak havoc" on Sunday. Good word, choice, San Diego Union-Tribune. I couldn't have described it better myself. You know, you did that so easily, it sounds almost as you've written it before.

Weird.

And I don't say that because I think it should be their ailing stars. I say that because normally, going into a game, if LT, Gates and Kaeding were hurt, I might imagine that that WOULD be their biggest concern. For San Diego to say that it's actually the Steelers Defense is just another testament to this unit's nastiness.

So, what are the Steelers biggest concerns? That, I cannot say. But I'll tell you one thing...there's an awful lot of Steelers fans walkin' around, thinkin' that we're gonna roll right over them Chargers. That's kind of scary.

A lot of people are going to want to say that the concern is Roethlisberger. I heard it last night on Sportscenter, "Big Ben is coming off his third concussion in 30 months." Right, so he had two within like six months and didn't have one for like two years, but technically, if you count from the first one, he's had three in 30 months, which is supposed to create the illusion that he's had a whole bunch of concussions in succession that would make this latest one seem worse than it is...whatever. I think Domski summed it up best in the comments somewhere. Big Ben isn't blind to his critics. If people wanna doubt him, that's just going to make him want it more. To show everyone that they've wasted their breath. Still, there's always a chance he could come out and throw like six picks. So, while I don't think that'll be the case, I'm reluctant to count our chickens just yet.

Beyond that, I'm not really sure what else I'm supposed to talk about this morning? We already played these Clowns once. And I think I may have wasted all the funny back then...not that there was much to begin with.

I did make this photoshop of a tea party between Norv Turner and Phillip Rivers...

Which easily represents the worst work I've ever done in Photoshop.

Also, here are some hot Chargers cheerleaders...



Doubt they'll be making the trip east.

And just for good measure, here's a picture of Philip Rivers looking like a douche...


That guy is a certified...

Fruit salad.

And look at this picture of Norv Turner...

This must be from his days on Miami Vice...?

And then finally, here's Silverback visualizing the kill...


I feel like there's something I'm forgetting...oh yeah, I suppose we could talk about how the Chargers are hot right now, being the winners of five straight, and their Defense is playing well, thus, they have momentum. And it's hard to beat a team twice in one season, etc. etc.

So feel free to engage us all in a discussion of that fact.

Also, I feel compelled to mention that should the Chargers win on Sunday, they would be only the second 8-8 team to ever win more than one playoff game.

Now, let's discuss.

It's Electric [for the Steelers]...

This one goes out to Sandy Domski. If only I had the video of everyone doing it at Domski's wedding. Oh well, blame Silky Johnson.

Alright, so no more holidays. And we've got Steelers football this weekend! Are y'all awake now?

Yes, it's true. Unfortunately, the Dolphins couldn't play like a division champ yesterday and fell hard to the Ravens Defense. Chad Pennington threw four picks. Fired.

And so we drew the Chargers. The Lightning Bolts. It's electric. Get it?

Anyways, remember that time when we were about to play the Chargers, like two months ago, and I said I was worried about Darren Sproles?

328 all purpose yards, was it on Saturday? HEYO!

But, given that...

LT = hurt
Gates = hurt...though you wouldn't know it by the game he put together
Vincent Jackson = held to ZERO catches by the COLTS defense
Rivers = 217 yards, no TDs and a pick

If Darren Sproles is our biggest worry, that's fine by me.

Not to mention, San Diego played that game against the Colts IN San Diego. This week they'll be once again traversing the nation to the much trodden field of Heinz. Nay, the permafrost that is the Pittsburgh field turf in January. You think that's going to be easy for a team who hails from a city with an average temperature of "warm as hell?"

Surf ain't up in the 'Burgh, dude.

Either way, I'm happy that we're not playing the Colts. Say what you want about that game on Saturday, I still wouldn't wanna play Peyton Manning, who, let it be noted, threw for 300+ yards (and ZERO picks) in a losing effort.

And while there's also a chance that we could play the Ravens again, that's not really a situation I can worry about right now. Let's say it comes to that - they'll still have just played the Titans, who hopefully will have beat the shit out of La'ron McClain and Joe Flacco, leaving them beaten and battered for Silverback to feast on. Plus, there's always a chance Ray Lewis could get arrested between now and next Sunday. So, you know, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I haven't heard too many reports about Big Ben's vagina concussion the past few days, but from the sound of it, he didn't practice last week. Just took it easy. Relaxed on the sidelines. Had a few juice boxes and some orange slices that Heath Miller's Mom brought for the team. That kind of stuff. Which, because he's Ben Roethlisberger, means he should be well rested and nursed back to decent enough health to get his ass back onto the practice field and get his head in the right place to go out and make it rain on the Chargers D.

But, I also have to say (because I think Domski and I have had a cumulative three hours of conversation about it over the past week), the line better bring it's big boy pads. If those dudes can't block for Big Ben, shit could get real ugly. Also, running the ball. If we could do it effectively, that'd be pretty cool. But the new year's just begun. I'm reluctant to start wasting my wishes just yet.

Hey, at least the Chargers don't believe in holding...


You're not in Kansas San Diego anymore, jagoffs.

Get your act together.


Especially you, sir.

Notes from this weekend...

Damn, 8 years old and already on crystal meth. They grow up so fast these days.


So I hear you've got some free time, now. How's about you and me, you know, go get some cookies and milk?

So, the Chargers performance on Sunday, Big Ben's condition, the line's condition - Any thoughts?

PS - Check it out, OFTOT's on Twitter. Now, if I could only figure out how this thing works.