Time To Put Your Kevin Colbert Hat On...

Since I know some of you may have reached this post from Behind The Steel Curtain, if you want to read a real post about free agency, I'd recommend the Day Two post, here. The difference is that one is written in actual English instead of semi-comatose rambling. Still rambling, but you get what I mean. Plus, there's probably about 1,000 better posts on here. So feel free to poke around if you've got some time on your hands.

I swear I was going to do something way better than this, but then I realized that I'm really friggin' tired. Honestly, writing this just now, I've determined that I don't even have the mental acuity to be remotely funny today.

Whatev, they can't all be winners, right?

Anyways, here's the deal - I was going to dump all of the dudes who are free agents into this one post and go through them one by one, but frankly, it's the offseason and I usually spend the next oh, couple of months or so straining my brain to try and think of things to write about. Inevitably some Steeler always gets caught with his wang swaying in the breeze, which helps. But otherwise it's all nominal until the draft starts to creep up on us.

So for my own convenience, and for the sake of what I might characterize as "serviceable discussion," I thought I'd break this up and give us a few guys a day to "analyze." That way, I don't have to start cutting myself next week when I've exhausted all of the relevant topics until March, AND we can all throw our opinions into the mix on a smaller set of rather large individuals.

Now, y'all probably know I'm not really what you'd call a numbers guy. To be honest, the last time I had to do any kind of heavy lifting mathematically was the SATs. Let me put it to you this way - some of my peers at law school brought calculators to our Criminal Law final. Lawyers [generally] are not a head's up bunch when it comes to math...unless that math involves billable hours, of course (ba-dum-ching). And I'm no different. So if you want to bring financials into the mix, rock on. I don't know what these guys are currently getting paid. I could look it up, but that sounds like a lot of work. It's obviously a consideration, and a big one at that. I just don't feel like taking the time to think about that right now. But don't let that stop you. Go ahead and help us put this all in perspective.

That all said, today I've chosen to get this party started with...

Charlie Batch ~ Chuck Batch, dude?

Why did I start with Chucky Batch? This is painful. I love me some Chuck Batch, but I gotta say let him go. Only because...

Byron Leftwich - Re-sign his ass.

Charlie Batch is a fantastic individual, but I mean he's 34. The only way I say we keep Batch and let Leftwich go is if Lord Byron wants too much loot, which is certainly possible. I mean, I doubt anyone is going to give him a starting job...well, maybe the Lions...and if he's going to be a backup anywhere, might as well try and keep him in Pittsburgh. That said, I honestly have no idea how the Steelers front office is going to look at this sitch. Either way, in Kevin Colbert we trust.

[NOTE: I gotta get my own head out of my own ass. Thanks to Nate for pointing out Leftwich's stated objective to find a starting job elsewhere. Had I spent more than five minutes researching, I'd have known that too. Oh well, this is what happens when you try and rush a post up because you've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off all day and haven't been able to write anything. Apologies for being a waste of space. I need a nap.]

And then there's the piece-de-resistance, the must-sign. Allen Iverson is a scrub, THIS GUY is "The Answer"...

Mitch Berger

I think we all know how this is going to work out. Sorry Jeff Reed, you're going to have to teach that dance y'all do to Daniel Sepulveda. It's been real. It's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun. Take 'er easy, dude. I know that you will.

Then, finally...

Cris Collinsworth is a toolbox.

It needed to be said.

Now, unfortch, we also all have to keep in mind the fact that the following guys have one year left on their current contracts - James Harrison, Hines Ward, Brett Keisel, Heath Miller, Ryan Clark, Jeff Reed, Casey Hampton, Deshea Townsend and Larry Foote. All of whom I'd love to keep. So that should throw an interesting curve at this year's free agency sitch, knowing that we gon' need some CASH to re-sign all or even some of these dudes.

But what do y'all think about these three?

/FIXED!

So, um, Mitch Berger's back.

That oughta solve everything, right?

Feel free to use this post to comment on that business, or alternatively, to gratuitously quote Kingpin. Choose your own adventure.

Dude, You'll Never Guess What I Just Saw...

Imagine Tomlin saying it like Johnny Drama...

Byron Leftwich - 129 yards on 10 pass attempts, and a 5 yard passing TD to Sansmokio. I mean, if you had told me yesterday that Byron Leftwich was going to come into last night's game and produce 13 points en route to a 23-6 Steelers victory, I'd have smacked you in the mouth.

The past two games it was Mewelde Moore stepping up big. Last night it was Big Byron. And boy did he step the eff up. Well played, Byron. Well played indeed.

Last week was tough. Just like the Eagles game, our Offense was dogshit but our Defense kept us in the game until the 4th Quarter. It was hard to watch the Defense play so well only to watch the Offense march onto the field for three plays (or less) and then trot back off. But last night made up for it.

So let's recap the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Sucked Camel Penis." Don't the names of the latter category keep getting better and better? Gosh, what'll I think of next?

Things That Were Awesome
1. 4th play of 3rd Quarter? Leftwich to Nate Washington, 50 YARDS!
2. Deshea INT - Who says this 33 year old can't play? Not Jason Campbell.
3. 7 SACKS! (including 2 by The Wood)
4. What's up with Willie's knee? 70 yds on 21 carries, 1 TD. That's what's up.
5. 1st blocked punt since 1998!

Things That Were Not Awesome
1. Ben's completion percentage? 11. I think that's a QB rating of 6.
2. Mitch Berger's 28 yard punt...somebody call Kordell Stewart.
3. An end around to Nate Washington? This is your creative genius, Arians?
4. Hey, at least Anthony Smith contributed a special teams penalty!
5. Note to Jeff Reed - You can't bank extra points in. This isn't basketball.

Things That Sucked Camel Penis
1. Onside kick on the opening kickoff? Oh, ok, I get it. We want to lose.
2. I think I have pink eye. No joke.
3. Giving the 'Skins GREAT field position on their 1st two possessions.
4. Ben sacked three times in two quarters. Yeah, he's injured by the way.
5. Max Starks using his hands to cover his head instead using them to knock the ball away from Cornelius Griffin. Watch out for that small, lightweight piece of leather, Max! YOU'RE 6'8," 345 POUNDS, DUDE!!!

Now, ok. Let's not get too hot on Lord Byron just yet. He did more than expected and it was great. But we also simplified things a lot more when he came in. And by simplified, I mean we started running the ball. So look, I'll take that performance out of Byron Leftwich every day of the week. But QB controversy? Ish don't think so.

And frankly, it's pretty worrisome that Ben was so hurt that he didn't feel like getting back on the field in the 2nd half. Perhaps some of you think that after last night, Byron Leftwich could lead this team to a Championship. But you would be straight jacket worthy. Ben being injured that bad? Not good.

Oh yeah, and Heath Miller with a giant ice pack on his ankle? I mean, that ain't good, either.

GREAT WIN, THOUGH! Ravens won on Sunday. They're 5-3. Browns are 3-5. Bengals are irrelevant. We're now 6-2 and I think if nothing else, our Defense continued to make it's case for League MVP. Yes. The entire defense. For MVP. That's my vote at this time.

We're now looking at the Colts on Sunday. They're "hot" off a "big" win over "Matt Cassell"...I mean the Patriots. Manning had a pretty big day. And I would know, I've got him in fantasy. But he better savor it now, because he'll be on my bench his back for 60 minutes in T-Minus five days. HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!!

I am now eager to hear all of your thoughts. Let's have them.

Here are some other visuals to jog your memory...





Oh, and go do your civic duty and vote! Me? I'm writing in Dick Lebeau.

Oh, Canada...

Toronto, Canada. Home to universal health care, legalized marijuana, some of the world's finest strip clubs, and of course, tonight's second preseason game between our Steelers and the Buffalo Bills. Given that intro, I think you can guess what my biggest fear is...that's right, Jeff Reed missing the game. That's just way too much temptation.

I kid. I kid.

But let's talk about tonight a little bit. Normally on gameday during the regular season, I'd give you a full rundown of the "Llaves a Victoria" (or "Keys to Victory" for you non-Japanese speakers). But I'm not going to do that today. Why would I? The starters may take more snaps than they did last week, but I don't expect them to take significantly more.

So really the spotlight is only shining brightly on three men...well, one man, two "battles"...

1. Byron Leftwich
2. Justin Hartwig vs. Sean Mahan
3. Mitch Berger vs. Paul Ernster

Leftwich is the most obvious of the three. Having just signed a former 1st round pick and three year starter in Jacksonville, it'd be pretty hard for us fans to pretend like we weren't looking for a good first audition. Maybe I'm wrong, but tonight I'd like to see that Leftwich has gained at least a serviceable understanding of the offense, that he can hit his throws accurately, with just enough touch so that Nate Washington can catch them, and that he's in good shape (important given his history). Beyond that, he could be sitting on the sidelines drinking a Diet Coke or drawing up some schematics for his treehouse out in the North Hills. I don't even care.

The Hartwig/Mahan battle has always been, and will continue to be, the most important training camp battle. While Mahan had been taking the bulk of the snaps thus far in camp, and started last Friday night against the Eagles, Hartwig has taken over this week - both practicing with the first team and starting in this evening's exhibition. I personally hate to follow the angry mob, but Sean Mahan definitely blew goats last year. And not mini goats, either. Like, full sized, adult male goats. So I'm really hoping Hartwig can show some promise. Maybe even hint at the possibility of being the next long term Pittsburgh Center. Yes, it's probably just a tad early to start talking about him following in the footsteps of Mike Webster, Dermontti Dawson and Jeff Hartings (though not exactly "long" term, long enough for me). But traditionally, this position has been the least of our concerns. And I'd really like to get back to that. Show me something besides that sick mohawk, Justin. Pancake someone. I recommend Steely McBeam.

Then of course, there's the ever-exciting and oh-so-important battle for starting Punter. Apparently, even though we signed Paul Ernster and let him punt/kick off in last week's preseason game, the front office/coaching staff felt it was necessary to give him a little friendly competition. Enter Mitch Berger. What's the difference between the two? Damned if I know. Well, ok, it may be a yard or two in punt average. Excuse me if I haven't extensively researched the kicking prowess of our two potential consolation prizes. But I've been doing important stuff...like researching current 4th string QB, Mikey Potts. Anyways, I tend to like Ernster here. As I read somewhere this week, the difference in punting averages for most punters around the league really is only a yard or two. So having the added bonus of being able to kick off (and kick off well...9 yards deep in the end zone well, ahem ahem) is a roster-worthy asset. Not like we've got a whole lot better lined up.

And that just about does it, folks. What else to watch for tonight? I'll probably be watching to make sure Steely McBeam isn't exposing himself to unaccompanied minors. There's also probably some injury concerns I should be talking about. But frankly, I'm not even going to go there right now. It's still only August 14.

So who are you guys watching tonight? Any thoughts on the individuals/battles I mentioned above? What do you think about the ultimate score? Tomlin - 47, Jauron - 6? Sound fair?