OFTOT Week In Review - Week 10...

EDITOR'S NOTE: The article, "you" in the following post is only meant to be used rhetorically. I'm not directing this at you all. But rather other "you"'s who frequent this interweb. And of course, as usual it's all for entertainment anyhow.

Ok, kids. Time for a lesson on the internets.

See, I've probably mentioned this, oh, about 6500 times, but my job is to work on this fine establishment that Al Gore graciously bestowed on us late last century. So I've got the inside track. I've also got common effing sense, which tends to also come in handy when surfing the information superhighway.

Facebook. I love it. You love it. Some of you spend more time on it than you do doing anything else (and you guys should really do your laundry...like, seriously). But I'd just like to point out to those of you who think this is just one giant playground for you to use as you wish without any consequences...it is NOT. Just about everything you put on the world wide web is permanent. And Facebook is no different. Behold Exhibit A...


So if you're like the Texas Longhorns football player who posted a racist message about President-elect Obama, just be aware of the fact that that shit is going to come back around sooner or later (just as this blog will be my albatross). In his case, it resulted in his removal from said football program. In your case, it could be removal from your competitive Worlds of Warcraft online multi-player gaming team. And you don't want that, now, do you? No, you definitely do not. Let me just tell you, I am still pissed off at Azrael2693...lolwtfttysnplmfaoxoxoxo<3...

Yeah, this social networking thing's just effing fantastic. You get to stalk meet new people every day, maybe even scope out some of the tail parading around your campus without getting dirty looks. But it's all fun and games until your friend uploads a picture of you crouching over a guy passed out with a swastika and various poorly drawn dicks on his face, holding a permanent marker (if you don't know what that's referencing, go check Deadspin).

I know what you're thinking. "But Cotter, it's hard, as the person wronged by such an act, to know if someone has done such an injustice to you." WRONG! That's what the God damn newsfeed thing and notifications are for. Those shits alert you to everything.

Of course, those of you who are friends with me on Facebook will already know this, but I've got pictures of myself violating various inanimate objects and doing inappropriate things with some unsavory props in a 7-11 at 2 AM. So, you know, I'm not exactly what I'd call the "authority" on appropriate internet behavior. But you know what I'm saying.

And that friends is this week's lesson. That, and don't try to hold down a full time job, go to law school at night and expect that you'll be able to populate your two-bit Steelers blog with decently entertaining and factually accurate material every day. You've gotta be a pretty big idiot to think you can pull off some trickery like that. Smrt.

But enough about this Facebook mess, let's review this week on OFTOT. Let's see, this week we...

1. Provided hard-hitting analysis on YOUR Pittsburgh Steelers...

2. Wrote stupid poems about Lamarr Woodley...

3. Got schooled by Byron Leftwich...

4. ...did I mention Brady Quinn started on Thursday?

5. Got to interview AMOS EFFING ZEREOUE!

6. Felt pretty good about this Colts game...

7. ...we're still waiting on your decision, President-elect Obama?

8. ...should he stay sit or should he go play, now...

9. Saw Dungy as Miyagi and Tomlin as Daniel-San...

10. Met some cool new friends and got better acquainted with some old" ones...

This week's riffs, for you music lovers out there, were...
1. Out of Reach - The Get Up Kids
2. Untitled - Interpol
3. Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix
4. Hip Hop Is Dead - Nas
5. Essaywhuman? - The Roots

Bonus Selection...
Baby I Love Your Way - Peter Frampton

And that was this week, in a nutshell. Be sure to check back tomorrow morning for Episode 9 of the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show and of course, the OFTOT Gameday free-for-all Liveblog. That's 4:15 bitches! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and put some water in Buc Nasty's Mama's dish. Hate hate hate hate hate...

OFTOT's Steelers Gameday Liveblog...

T-minus 30 minutes and counting.

Are you ready for some politics football?

See you shortly!

What's Black & White Gold and Read All Over by Domski?

Don't thank me all at once, but I'm going to ease you guys in this week. I mean, after all, it is just the bye week. We'll get to some "hard-hitting" "analysis" (like, "man, Ray Lewis sucks") later. For now, I thought it'd be fun to do a little Frequently Asked Questions post for you. Because you can never know too much about me or OFTOT...

Yeah. Anyways, read on (please!)...

How would you describe yourself?
Name: Christopher Awesome Cotter
Rank: Senior Mini-Pony Wrangler
DOB: Unknown
Turn Ons: Long walks on the beach, Sarah Mclachlan and scented candles

Do you think you're funny or something?
Absolutely not. In fact, here's a short list of people who are funnier than me - Bill Parcells, Dick Cheyney and Skeletor from He-Man (we kind of look alike too).

Are you really that ridiculous in real life?
Yes, and I have the piece of paper to prove it. I don't sugarcoat shit. You get me straight up or you don't get me at all. Next question.

Are you currently single?
Thank you for asking. Yes, I am currently single and searching [emoticon].

Have you ever wondered WHY you are single?
You know, I often ponder such bullshit as this. I usually resolve it to the fact that I refuse to go to the movies.

Do you have a Facebook page?
Stupid question. Who doesn't? Mine's mostly filled up with pictures of me doing unsavory things to either inanimate objects or my friends...depending on the year in which it was taken. PS - Join the OFTOT Facebook network.

What about Myspace?
Yep. This one's mostly just a bunch of pictures of me with my shirt off, looking all buff by the pool. You know, that and some artsy black and white, shadowed emo-y goodness. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

What about brunch?
That'd be delightful, thanks.

Bruno or Borat?
If I say Sasha Baron Cohen, because he does them both, am I out of bounds?

Who would win in a fight - you or the skinny kid from Road Trip?
I think we'd all win if I got in a fight with the skinny kid from Road Trip. Wouldn't you agree?

Approximately how many people read this blog?
Four - My Mom, my Dad, my Sister...and Domski. And occasionally my ex-girlfriend, just to remind herself why we're no longer dating.

So, how long have you been a nerd?
Wow. That's a good question. Ever since I can remember, I think. But maybe the pivotal moment came when I decided to write a Steelers blog, work full time AND go to law school at night. Think that might've been the straw that broke the camel's back.

What's your favorite color?
Ok, now you're not even trying. Black/Gold. Next!

How come you suck so bad at fantasy?
Anybody can win at fantasy. But how many people can LOSE?

Tell me again why you live in NJ?
The good people. Obviously.

Why does your face look so weird?
Why does YOUR face look so weird? Answer me that!

Is it true that you spend more time with Tecmo than you do with the ladies?
...noooooo...I mean, yes.

That's what she said?
Awful. This interview is over!

Oh, and just in case you're wondering what the answer is to the question that is the title of this post - why, it's One For The Other Thumb, of course.

Ok guys, thus ends your torture. This is the best I had in me last night. I'll try and give you something a little more Steelers relevant later on. But as usual, I make no guarantees. Need I remind you, it is the bye week.

You guys got any FAQs that I didn't answer?

Ladies and Gents, I Give You, Willie Parker...

Well I believe I said something like 28-10. But Tec bested that with 35-14. And Doug trumped all, predicting the exact score of 38-17. Wow. How?...I mean...alright then.

Who could have asked for a better start to the season? A convincing 38-17 win. Tom Brady out, possibly for the season. Week 2 against the so-called "formidable" Browns (who lost yesterday, by the way). I'm tied for tops in the pick 'em pool. Texas Arizona has approximately 40 or 50 of my hard earned dollars. I think it's safe to say at no turn did the universe let me down yesterday (though I am getting my ass handed to me by Mondesi's House in the Steelers Thunderdome league...Maurice Jones-Drew, Chris Cooley and Laveraneus Coles, I'm lookin' at you).

As for the individuals who made this happen, I'd like to thank...

1. Master Fly W. Large
AKA the fast one, Willie Parker. On Friday, I mentioned that I was hoping to see a big game from Willie. Well he must have gotten that message, because he lit the Texans "vaunted" defense up for 138 yards on 25 carries, with THREE touchdowns, one more than he had all of last season. Broken leg? What broken leg. Willie looks ready to roll on any and all takers. Next up, Cleveland Brownies and defensive savior, Shaun Rogers. How do I think Willie will do? Let's see, ummm, how about 176 yards on 23 carries. Sound fair?

2. LaMarr Woodley
This man needs a badass nickname. And fast. Woodley was the yin to Silverback's yang, providing an equally imposing presence on the other side of the linebacking corps. A sack and a BIG time interception. What else do you want me to say? He was awesome.

3. Silverback
The only reason I put Woodley above him on the list is because Woodley's a kid. But that doesn't take anything away from Silverback's THREE sacks and nine total tackles, including seven solo. Once again, he played out of his mind. I guess they must have told him before the game that Matt Schaub doesn't believe in baptizing children.

4. Big Ben
Come on, how could I leave Bennie out? Here's what I liked - he did what he had to do. All of the throws he did make, looked like they were well planned and well placed. 13/14, 138 yards, 2 TDs. A 147 passer rating. Take that Carson Palmer, Drew Brees and Tony Romo (ahem, Peter King)! By the way, Homo Romo racked up 320 yards against the Browns secondary yesterday. Imagine what Big Ben's gonna do next Sunday...I know I will be...

5. Hines Ward
Ok, I freely admit that one of the topics we pondered for the pregame show was - Is Hines Ward getting too old? I wasn't saying yes or no either way. But thankfully we didn't even bother discussing it. Because if we did, I would've had to post a retraction today. 6 catches, 76 yards, 2 TDs and a number of key blocks and immeasurable plays we don't even need to mention here. Hines Ward is still a force. Better wake up, Cleveland. Hines is coming for you!

Now this all said, I was really hoping we'd get the ball to Santonio more. But listen, I'm not gonna get pissed about that when we won 38-17. I mean, the less we use him now, the more we can use him later, right?

Anyways, I did also like getting Heath Miller into the mix. And Troy looked like the Troy of old, flying all over the field, even nabbing an INT. Let's hope he continues that for the rest of the season. Because we now look poised to do a lot better than anyone thought. I'd love for everyone who questioned the Steelers potential success based on our assholish schedule to eat their words. But I say that aspirationally, 'cause, you know, it's ummm, Week 2.

Bring on the Browns!!! I can't [redacted] wait!

What'd you guys think? Were you going out of your minds during that whole game? Who impressed you the most? And how do you feel about next Sunday against the Brown stains?

Also, I'd like to thank Tobiathan again for doing an awesome job liveblogging the game in the comments yesterday. I don't know how he does it. Liveblogging is about as easy as deciphering a Rubik's Cube. But Steelbiathan has it down to a science. Excellent work man! I gotta get you a liveblogging plug-in so we can get you liveblogging on an actual post.

Ah football, how I love thee. Happy Friggin' Monday!

Meeting People Is Easy...

Holy blog-star studded Meeting People Is Easy, Batman! We've got muchos more participants this week than ever before...because I overbooked. But hey, the more the merrier. At least that's what Phil Savage said about no talent free agent signings this offseason.

Anyways, since it took me damn near three and a half hours to do the visual work on this, I'm gonna keep my commentary here to a minimum.

This weeks ESTEEMED panel is...

CHRISTMAS APE
Vitals - 6'2", 6'6" with the afro
Credentials - Kissing Suzy Kolber, DC Steeler Nation, and former at Some small time Newspaper in D.C. (which I will not link to in protest)
Recent Achievements - Added new contributor on DC Steeler Nation

HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS
Turn-Ons - Candlelit dinners on the beach...and baseball cards
Credentials - Hugging Harold Reynolds, Gem Mint Ten
Words to Live By - "Let's Hug It Out, Bitch"

CHIMPANZEE RAGE
Favorite Snack - Grubs, and boogers
Credentials - Deuce of Davenport
Positive Contribution to Society - Advocating for cheerleaders in baseball

DUG E. FRESH
Beach of Choice - Ocean City(?)
Credentials - Dug E. Fresh's Rants, Get Fresh Designs
Current Whereabouts - Amish Country, PA

HOLLY
Misguided Affiliation - Indianapolis Colts
Credentials - EDSBS, Contributer at Yahoo's College Football blog, Snarktastic, former at Ladies..., and friend of TSW
Drug of Choice - Obviously Crystal Meth (see "Misguided Affiliation")

JOEY PORTER'S PIT BULLS
Fantasy Football? - None, thanks
Credentials - Joey Porter's Pit Bulls
Olympic Reflections - Kashmir would have been too explosive for the closing ceremonies

NOTGOMU
His Ultimate Downfall - Jabbing Cotter on Meeting People Is Easy
Credentials - Avid OFTOT'r...and Licensed to Ill
Projected Fantasy Points - 7 (total...for the season)

TOBIATHAN
Weaponry of Choice - Tactical folding knives, industrial tanks, Rollerblades
Credentials - Avid OFTOT'r and live blogger
Sports Hero - Rich Rodriguez

TECMO
Gameday Jersey Choice - Hines Ward #86 Home Jersey
Credentials - PSAMP, and recipient of this summer's coveted "not drinking" award
Latest Hair-Brained Scheme - Agitate Peter King

DOMSKI
Needs Improvement - Bladder control on the NJ Turnpike
Credentials - Avid OFTOT'r, and way too much more than can be quantified here...like, being Cotter's hetero life mate...
Over/Under on Drop/Add Fantasy Transactions - 592

COTTER
Guilty Pleasure - Mojitos...and Hillary Duff
Credentials - OFTOT, The Dude Abides, Rockstarforhire
Voted in High School - Least likely to grow facial hair

But enough about me, let's talk about you this weeks answers. As usual, if anything is blurry or illegible, get a magnifying glass click below to enlarge...I highly recommend it...


Feel free to also give us your answers in the comments...

/I'm just gonna go over here and get this beer bong ready...three day weekend, deviants.

Meeting People Is Easy...

Good Friday all!

Time for Meeting People is Easy, ain't no two ways about it.

This week's expert panel is...
1. Sheena Beaston ~ I pretty much love the term, "Merrill Hedge"
2. Lori ~ Writes one of Cotter's favs, Hockey, Football & Stiletto Shoes
3. Christy ~ If only I'd paid attention...
4. Silky Johnson ~ Call him for percocets...
5. Neal Coolong ~ Dude is searching for a URL
6. Joey Porter's Pit Bulls ~ Continues to be the drinking king
7. Domski ~ Does not drink
8. Me ~ See "Domski"

Click to enlarge...


Stay tuned for recap of last night's game on Monday. 'Til then, turn my 20 oz., $1.20 Miller Lite drafts up!

Drinking?

New Apartment, New Rules...

Good 'morrow OFTOT friends, I'm sorry to say I have some unfortunate news for you.

This past weekend, I moved apartments. No, that's not the bad news (though it certainly could be). The bad news is that this post may be all I've got for you today.

You see, Cablevision-the blood sucking and useless leeches that they are-can't make it over to Casa Nuevo de Cotter until Tuesday afternoon to hook me back up to these here internets. Plus, I'm not going to lie, I'm still pretty beat from carrying couches and 30 packs. So I couldn't write a decent, full and insightful post for your potential amusement. As we speak, I'm hunting and pecking on this personal handcuff my company gave me, and frankly a man can only take so much of this thing.

Nevertheless, I'm hoping to get to something quick, later on today. So stay tuned. Until then, let's use the comments section to talk about our respective weekends.

PS - HUGE thanks to Tecmo for crossing the river to help cart my shit from point A to point B. He full ignored his hatred for moving (and New Jersey) in executing this plan. And it was, as it still is, very much appreciated. He definitely wasn't drinking though...

PPS - Second HUGE thanks to my Mom and Dad for coming to join the fun. My experiment to see how far I can push this pair of aging Baby Boomers is still going well.

Now, anyone going to the preseason game Friday night? Training Camp on Sunday?