"Fear of Flying" Is The New Black...

Pop quiz: What do James Harrison & Tony Kornheiser have in common?

Give up?

They both allegedly have a fear of flying.

Funny that Silverback's fear of flying hasn't kept him from attending countless away games over the past seven (?) years of his career.

Anyways, James, you don't have to justify yourself to us, man.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just let it pass.

A tip from me to you, courtesy of the time I spent in PR.

You can thank me later.

Now, there's probably a drink somewhere that I should be drinking. I'm gonna go find it. Cheers.

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He Must Think "White" House Is A Racist Term...

Here's the part where everyone in the known interwebiverse freaks out about something that really makes no difference.

I get it. It's the offseason. We're a month removed from the draft and a little less than a couple of months away from training camp. The Brett Favre retirement-unretirement stories have tapered off. No one's been arrested in several days. No one's fathered any illegitimate children in several days. And no one's shown their dick to the world in several days. So what else is there to make a big deal about in the NFL right now?

Still, if the Defensive Player of the Year doesn't want to go take an audience with Barack Obama, President of Hittin' Dat Ass, what the hell do I care?

And listen, I don't mean to sound unpatriotic...

I'm a huge fan of America and if I was ever invited to the White House, you better believe I'd drop this keyboard, put some pants on, wipe the chocolate pudding pop off of my face and leave my Mom's basement in a heartbeat. But this is a privilege, not an obligation. Besides, maybe given Obama's 15 State of the Unions since January, Silverback figures he's seen the man enough.

I don't know. I just write a blog.

And for anyone who thinks James Harrison needs an excuse...

Good enough for you?

Now, may the best Staal brother win.



Go Pens!

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Hey, You Know Who Else Could Use $51 Million?

Ah yes, some light news for you today...

In case you haven't heard, the Steelers signed James Harrison, the man who you and I affectionately call, "Silverback," to a new six year, $51.75 million contract yesterday.

Justice served for a man who didn't even become an everyday starter until the age of 29, and yet two years later found himself a two-time Super Bowl champ, Defensive player of the year, and the current record holder for longest play in Super Bowl history.

And to think, the Ravens only gave that assbag Ray Lewis seven years at $44.5 mil.

Must cost an awful lot to have male cheerleaders, I guess...


Anyways, remember the time someone tried to get everyone to pitch in like $1 to pay for Silverback's new deal?

Well, 52 million is an assload (editor's note: I rounded up, in case that wasn't obvious). Maybe we better have a bake sale and a car wash too. Just a suggestion.

By the way, this bush league photoshop you see above is all I can offer you to go along with this post. If that's not okay with you, well, you know where the door is.

Rumor has it that when asked how he planned on spending his new found wealth, Silverback muttered something about buying several hundred buffalo and hunting them down one-by-one with his bare hands as part of his off season workout routine.

No idea what that even means. Or why I said it, for that matter.

Which brings me to the serious portion of today's post...

I joke a lot about drinking, beer bongs, and generally engaging in stupid and irresponsible behavior for someone in his late 20s. Because, let's face it, that's what I'm good at. But the fact is, for the next month or so, I'm staring down some serious shit with school.

So you'll have to forgive me in advance if I don't get to post something every day. Or even every other day, frankly.

I'll do what I can, but as much as it pains me to say, OFTOT is taking a back seat to law school.

On a separate, yet related note, if anyone sees my soul, please let it know that I miss it.

Thank you and enjoy your respective Tuesdays, my children.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

- C

PS - This post would've been a lot better, but I spent almost all night on a contract due Friday and once that was over with, I was too busy eating buffalo chicken flavored pretzels to really make it shine...oops, my bad.

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Steelers To Make It Rain On Jimmy Harry...

Just a little post to let you know that the Steelers are already negotiating with our boy, James Harrison on a new contract.

That, in combination with this picture inspired me to write the following James Harrison rap. Yeah, you heard me. I wrote a rap.

Actually, I'm hoping that maybe it'll catch the attention of Gunpowder Jones.

Gunpowder, call me.

Anyways...

Yo, my name is Silverback and I'm killin' this mic
Just like I killed Kurt Warner on Super Bowl night

Don't disrespect me, or your ass'll get hurt
You think I'm messing around, I'll put your face in the dirt

I just won my second Super Bowl in the last four years
Like there was any doubt that I'd leave somebody in tears

Now, I'm about to rock this party like it's going out of style
I'll take the ball out your hands and run it back like a mile

Double team me if you want, hold on to my jersey tight
I guess it's only fair, 'cause I'll be holding your Moms tonight

I hope the Steelers do this thing, and make my ass rich
'Cause there's nothing left to say except kiss the rings, bitch!

Clearly I'm in the wrong business...

Riiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhtttttt...

In the future, I should probably just leave this kind of thing to Matt (Huckleberry Bar this Friday night).

Anyways, here's to hoping we lock Silverback up for the rest of his career! I love that guy...

Silverback Attack [on SNL]...

This skit sucked. But, since it was Steelers related and on national TV, I figured I'd throw it up here for y'all who missed it.

Silverback was played by the dude from Goodburger, which I guess was the only viable option considering he's the only black cast member. I think NBC needs to implement the Rooney Rule or something...

Frankly, I thought SNL had hit rock bottom years ago. I was wrong. They're clearly still descending into the chasm of irrelevancy. Too bad, really. That show used to be comedy gold. The early 90s, dude? Laugh riot city.

Anyways, enjoy! And I'll see y'all tomorrow.

(h/t Sheena)

Ridiculous...

There are so many ways I could go with this.

Is this the gay bar?

Bromance and a half.

Don't get 'em pregnant with your stare, James.

Or, lastly...

That's some hot James on James action.

Ha, I slay me.

All appears to be well at the Pro Bowl, then...


Give 'em hell, Troy...

FINISH HIM.

And here you go, Anonymous Eagles fan commenter...

Your wish, is my command. Go Eagles.

The Refs Gave The Steelers The Game, Huh?

By now you've probably already heard the chorus of idiots putting the Steelers win (more like the Cardinals loss) on the referees. Whatever.

In response, I just want to point out this clear and convincing visual evidence of the refs missing Larry Fitz being out of bounds while trying to tackle Silverback. Good news is, IT. DIDN'T. MATTER.

Want some other shots? You got 'em...





By the way, I'm pretty sure the refs didn't make the Cards run into Mitch Berger.

Blaming the refs is a cop out. Find a new argument.

Anyways, I'm still working on my recap. It may not make it's way onto this site until the AM, but you never know. You'll just have to keep checking.

Try and contain your anticipation.

Break Out The Violins...

So as we all know, Silverback was supremely honored yesterday as the AP's Defensive Player of the Year. And of course, as with every time an award like that is announced, some people have been expressing their opinions that certain other Defensive players got "slighted" in the voting. Namely, I'm talking about Demarcus Ware and Ed Reed, the 2nd and 3rd place finishers respectively (if my memory serves...which it usually does not).

First, as I was getting myself ready for work this morning (aka going through my typical primping routine), I heard Scott Van Pelt proclaim, "How did Ed Reed only finish 3rd?" Then, as I was working on this morning's joke of a post, I saw this article flat out saying, albeit weakly, that DeMarcus Ware got robbed.

Ok, listen, I understand that each have legitimate claims. After all, DeMarcus Ware led the league with 20 sacks and Ed Reed was the league's INT leader with 9, a couple of which he ran back for six points. But here's the deal - Silverback didn't just dominate ONE category, he dominated EVERYTHING.

Let me just read you his numbers...
101 total tackles.

16 sacks, and let's just say he could've had more if not for some factors I will not mention again lest I sound like a broken record...

7 forced fumbles. Let me just say that again...SEVEN. FORCED. FUMBLES!

A safety, which neither Ware nor Reed had...

And a pick. Sure, it was just one, but pass rushing linebackers typically don't have too many opportunities for interceptions. So he got the one he was given.

Plus, let's not forget, he led the NFL's top defense, missing only one game all year despite getting double teamed and what not on just about every down.

The best case can be made for Ware, 'cause, you know, he did have 20 sacks, 84 tackles and 6 forced fumbles. But let's face it, the Cowboys defense wasn't exactly dominant and as we all know, they didn't even make the playoffs. Not to mention, he wasn't cut three times before he even became a starter. In fact, both he and Ed Reed were both former 1st round picks.

And speaking of Reed, and his 41 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble and 9 picks - obviously, that's not exactly garbage. He would've been a fine choice as well. But while Reed dominated the secondary, this wasn't AP Defensive Back of the Year, it was Defensive PLAYER of the Year. So, to me, the choice makes sense.

Bottom line - Silverback was a force in almost every facet of the number 1 defense and his numbers show it. The writers could've voted for either him, Ware or Reed, or even Troy for that matter, and they would've been plenty justified. It just so happened that more writers voted for Silverback. So what are you gonna do? To the victor go the spoils.

Besides, these guys are all just lucky that Shaun Rogers wasn't nominated. I think we all know he would've crushed it. Ridiculous. Browns are the best team in the league...not.

PS - If anyone who hasn't been part of Meeting People Is Easy in the past wants to be on this week's panel, shoot my ass a hot email and let me know - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. Rock.

Speaking of Unstoppable Forces...

Silverback = your 2008 NFL Defensive Player of the Year!

Congratulations, you man beast!

Now go shoot some guns and celebrate. Oh wait, you already did that?

Well then go eat some raw meat or something and whet your appetite for Phillip Rivers.

Just imagine the chick is Philip Rivers...

Take A Breather, James...

Silverback questionable for Sunday?

Survey says...SIT HIS ASS!

That's the last thing we need is our team MVP to exacerbate an injury in order to beat the 4-11 Browns, with Gradkowski at the helm, no less.

As Spike Lee once "said" - Do the right thing, Tomlin.

Eeny, Meany, Miney, Moe...

Just a few short hours
'Til the Bengals come to town
And we get to watch our Steelers
Beat them the hell down

The Wood's already salivating
Big Ben's ready to make it rain
Not to mention I think it's about time
For Silverback to inflict some pain!

So drag yourself home from work
Put some dinner on and relax
And get ready to watch the Steelers
Kick some Bengal ass
HERE WE GO, STEELERS! HERE WE GO!

See y'all at 8:15.

Ooooooooooooooooooo, Black and Golddust!

Just Hold Me, Baby...

Now, you guys know I don't like to complain about officiating. Mostly I figure if you get flagged for something - A. You've probably put yourself in a position to be penalized and/or B. If it's a shitty call, you have to chalk it up to human error (not that it means you can't be pissed off about it). But after hearing this talk all season about how Silverback is "held on every play," I decided to have a look for myself.

So I rewatched [painfully] the first half of Sunday's game, keeping a watchful eye on #92. What I saw was about five different occasions of what I thought was pretty clearly holding.

Now, I've gotta reiterate, I don't know what it's like to be an official. I mean, I never even played football (plus, I have a soul, so). I just have a general sense of what holding is and so I was pretty judicious when vetting these plays. I didn't call anything holding I didn't think was pretty obviously holding.

Oh, and I tried to keep track of which plays were which. But you might as well assume that there's only a 45% chance that I got them right (as usual). If you really wanna know, go see for yourself. Bottom line is they happened.

Anyways, some might say you can call holding on every play. To those people I say - Whatever, I'm just trying to write about something for this here weblog. Some might also say I should get a life - sitting here analyzing a game that happened three days ago. To those people I say - you are obviously not Steeler fans. But in case all YOU Steeler fans are interested, check the evidence below...

HOLD #1 - 1st Play of the Chargers 2nd Drive
Time Stamp : 10:14 left in 1st Quarter
Perpetrator: TE Antonio Gates




HOLD #2 - 5th Play of the Chargers 2nd Drive
Time Stamp: 8:18 left in the 1st Quarter
Perpetrator: Appears to be LT Marcus McNeill and LG Kris Dielman(?)




HOLD #3 - 1st Play of the Chargers 3rd Drive
Time Stamp: 0:12 Seconds Left in the First Quarter
Perpetrator: FB Brandon Manumaleuna




HOLD #4 - 3rd Play of the Chargers 3rd Drive (aka The Safety)
Time Stamp: 14:54 Left In The 2nd Quarter
Perpetrator: FB Brandon Manumaleuna





HOLD #5 - 2nd Play of Chargers 5th Drive
Time Stamp: 3:39 Left in the 2nd Quarter
Perpetrator: LT Marcus McNeill and LG Kris Dielman










I think there was a 6th, but frankly, I'm not going to go back and watch this shit again. And hey, maybe this won't get us anywhere with the league, but at least my phone's got some new wallpaper. Suck a dick, officials.

Silverback - You can't stop him. You can only hope to...have him committed?


I'm done for the morning. Let's discuss.

Steelers Sunday In Pictures...

[Words]

[Funny Words]

[1st Attempt at Transition]

[Unnecessary Afterthought]

[Stalling]

[More Stalling]

[Cotter gets to the point in 3...2...1...]

Ladies and Gents, I give you OFTOT's Steelers Sunday In Pictures - November 16, 2008...you're probably going to want to click on these to enlarge...enjoy!























And here's one for you guys...add your caption in the comments...


Yeah, 'll be back with something half decent later on this afternoon. Shit's rough nowadays, ya know?