Know Your Enemy...

Play this song while you read this post...you know, if you want...
Way back in 6th Century BC China, Sun Tzu wrote in "The Art of War"...

"So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will fight without danger in battles. If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or you may lose."

So do we know OUR enemy this weekend? I mean, I think we all know their bitter, self-loathing fanbase. But do we really know the Ravens? After all, they do have male cheerleaders.

Well, even though you've probably already muttered out loud - "Yeah, stupid. I know the [effing] Ravens. We've played them twice a year for like 13 years" - I figured I'd reacquaint you with this lot. Because hey, a lot can change in five weeks.

Let's begin with...


Joe Flacco. Just look at that brow and tell me that's not Joe Flacco!


Derek Mason. He's old as hell, but he'll be damned if he isn't trying to outlast everyone. Just like Abe Vigoda. That one was for Harvey Bars. And just because I want to, here...


[Play me]Anyways...


Todd Heap's body before a game.


Todd Heap's body after three plays.

Don't ask me why I made him a Caravan.


Ray Lewis. What? A crazy son of a bitch with a knife. You mean that ISN'T Ray Lewis?


Terrell Suggs. As if the disproportionate gum to teeth ratio wasn't a dead giveaway...


Bart Scott. This guy is probably Robin times TWO, since he is sanwiched between Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs. Still not sure which I'd make Batman, if either. It was just the sidekick thing I was going for. Whatev.


Ed Reed. I don't know. He just kind of reminds me of a Pterodactyl. What can I say? Besides, you guys wanted more dinosaurs on this blog anyhow. I could tell.

And there's a bunch of other dudes that no one really cares about. Good punter, good kicker, pretty good kick returners. Some decent running backs. Blah blah, whatever.

But then, you probably really did know all that, didn't you?

Well, anyways, I saw a poll on the Baltimore Sun's web site last night asking who had the advantage at every position on the field - the Steelers starter or Ravens starter. Literally, they had a list of positions and asked respondents to pick either the Steelers starter or the Ravens starter. Not surprisingly, the Steelers on the ballot got the majority of the votes. The only place they really struggled was along the Offensive line. Shocker. Max Starks lost out to Jared Gaither. Stunned. Kemoeatu lost out to Ben Grubbs. Dumbfounded. Darnell Stapleton lost out to Chris Chester. In disbelief. And Willie Colon, appropriately got shit on by Willie Anderson. Get right out of town! Justin Hartwig was the lone Steelers Offensive lineman to garner more votes than his opponent. So at least we've got that going for us...which is nice.

Why does this matter? Well, their QB is a rookie will little wear and tear. Our QB is a veteran who suffered a spinal concussion two weeks ago (three now, huh?). The Offensive line played very well against San Diego, which was extremely encouraging. I can only hope they've got some of the same tricks planned for this week. But if not, we may be in for a ride...

That's what she said.

You got any reactions to all this?

PS - How come the dude cheeleaders don't have to wear purple? If I were the chick cheeleaders, I'd sue the Ravens for sexual discrimination. That's messed up. It should be fruity purple for everyone. Am I wrong?

Break Out The Violins...

So as we all know, Silverback was supremely honored yesterday as the AP's Defensive Player of the Year. And of course, as with every time an award like that is announced, some people have been expressing their opinions that certain other Defensive players got "slighted" in the voting. Namely, I'm talking about Demarcus Ware and Ed Reed, the 2nd and 3rd place finishers respectively (if my memory serves...which it usually does not).

First, as I was getting myself ready for work this morning (aka going through my typical primping routine), I heard Scott Van Pelt proclaim, "How did Ed Reed only finish 3rd?" Then, as I was working on this morning's joke of a post, I saw this article flat out saying, albeit weakly, that DeMarcus Ware got robbed.

Ok, listen, I understand that each have legitimate claims. After all, DeMarcus Ware led the league with 20 sacks and Ed Reed was the league's INT leader with 9, a couple of which he ran back for six points. But here's the deal - Silverback didn't just dominate ONE category, he dominated EVERYTHING.

Let me just read you his numbers...
101 total tackles.

16 sacks, and let's just say he could've had more if not for some factors I will not mention again lest I sound like a broken record...

7 forced fumbles. Let me just say that again...SEVEN. FORCED. FUMBLES!

A safety, which neither Ware nor Reed had...

And a pick. Sure, it was just one, but pass rushing linebackers typically don't have too many opportunities for interceptions. So he got the one he was given.

Plus, let's not forget, he led the NFL's top defense, missing only one game all year despite getting double teamed and what not on just about every down.

The best case can be made for Ware, 'cause, you know, he did have 20 sacks, 84 tackles and 6 forced fumbles. But let's face it, the Cowboys defense wasn't exactly dominant and as we all know, they didn't even make the playoffs. Not to mention, he wasn't cut three times before he even became a starter. In fact, both he and Ed Reed were both former 1st round picks.

And speaking of Reed, and his 41 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble and 9 picks - obviously, that's not exactly garbage. He would've been a fine choice as well. But while Reed dominated the secondary, this wasn't AP Defensive Back of the Year, it was Defensive PLAYER of the Year. So, to me, the choice makes sense.

Bottom line - Silverback was a force in almost every facet of the number 1 defense and his numbers show it. The writers could've voted for either him, Ware or Reed, or even Troy for that matter, and they would've been plenty justified. It just so happened that more writers voted for Silverback. So what are you gonna do? To the victor go the spoils.

Besides, these guys are all just lucky that Shaun Rogers wasn't nominated. I think we all know he would've crushed it. Ridiculous. Browns are the best team in the league...not.

PS - If anyone who hasn't been part of Meeting People Is Easy in the past wants to be on this week's panel, shoot my ass a hot email and let me know - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. Rock.