Thumb's Up, It's Cool...

Yes, I went with the obvious joke. So sue me.

31-0. As it should have been.

But at what cost?

Sure, it's only a concussion. But of all things you thought could happen yesterday, was that one?

I'm not going to lie, if it wasn't for the defensive plays yesterday, Ben going down like that would've pretty much ruined the game for me. And tell me you weren't wondering why Hines etc. were still in during the 4th quarter when we were already well in control of that game.

Anyways, not much really to say. The Browns looked like a Mickey Mouse league team out there. And a shitty one at that. Starting a 4th string QB who'd spent a whole two weeks with the team. Running Cribbs and Harrison out of the wildcat. Eek.

Too bad the Lions didn't get to play the Browns this season, or maybe they wouldn't have gone winless.

Probably wouldn't have prevented Phil Savage and Romeo Crennel from getting fired, though.

So I could go on about things that are of very little consequence. But I won't.

Instead, here are the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Made Me Switch to Hard Liquor"...

THINGS THAT WERE AWESOME
1. Tyrone Carter - 3 solo tackles, 2 picks, 1 TD and a partridge in a pear tree

You better call Ty-rone!

2. Hines Ward - 6 catches for 70 yds, making it 1043 yds for the season!


3. The Law - Involved in 8 tackles!


4. Nice to see Master Fly W. Large finally get in the end zone...


5. Anthony Smith didn't do anything dumb!


THINGS THAT WERE NOT AWESOME
1. Sitting by myself at the bar. At least I coerced the waitress into letting me sit in the back room where I could have a whole TV to myself. Still had to listen to Giants fans bellow, though...

"Yeah, WOOOOOO, that's what I'm talking about, bro! Yo bro, Did you see Ward on that run? Aw bro, it was sick like my blowout haircut! Hair gel in the hoooouuuussseee! Chest bump! After this, let's celebrate and go tanning!"

...my apologies in advance to all of my sensible Giants fan friends, who are all relatively decent human beings...

2. The fact that we had to challenge this...


3. Willie Colon's holding penalty, negating Nate Washington's 41 yd TD play.


4. Gradkowski's QB rating...1


5. Another one of these...


THINGS THAT MADE ME SWITCH TO HARD LIQUOR
1. This...


2. This...


3. This...


4. This...


5. This...


We've now got two weeks off. A few beers. A few laughs. Our troubles are over. Let's hope Big Ben drinks his milk.

It's either the Colts or the Chargers on January 11th. And given our last games with these clowns, methinks we better be ready to throw down. One and done is for the Cowboys. This team is headed for the AFC Championship game...I hope.

Here's your Week 17 flipbook...


Say Mike, you need a Defensive Coach?


Yeah, where was your life?


I once went on a date with a chick who had those earrings. Not even making that up.


Dead man walking.


What's up buttercup?...


I like your smile...


Hey, how'd this picture of my girlfriend get in here? Ooops!


Still holdin' that clipboard like nobody's business, jacked up hand and all...


I've got my eye on you, ref.


That'll do, Dan. That'll do...

Joke of the Day = You know how you know you're going to lose in fantasy?

When your opponent's DEFENSE puts up 33 pts to lead his team in scoring. Hey Eagles Defense, drown yourselves. I hate you. But congratulations to Pat from WHYGAVS! As you can see, I didn't even have a winning record during the regular season. So this happening was about as inevitable as Clay Aiken admitting his gayness.

Random Question of the Day = Cris Colinsworth thinks Carolina's headed to the Super Bowl...

You buyin' that?

The Pulse of Eagles Nation = 10 bucks says Silky Johnson was partying last night like it was 2004.

I can only hope there was no roof access. Congrats on playoffs, jagoff!

Ok, last thing...I promise. Check out this guy's sweet moves...

Do Chargers fans know how to party or what?

You know the drill. Lay your assessments on me!

Smartest Thing Cleveland's Done All Year...

Phil Savage to the unemployment line.

Yes, this is the thanks you get for drafting Brady Quinn.

It's not so bad, though. I hear the Bengals are looking to hire a GM. And, you know, they suck too. So you should feel right at home. Plus, Marvin Lewis has but one winning season in his coaching tenure and he has yet to be fired. So you'll have that going for you...which is nice.

And hey, if it makes you feel any better, it looks as though Romeo Crennel will be joining you shortly.

That said, anyone who tells you it was nobody's fault is wrong. It was yours.

Keep it real, Phil.

OFTOT's Steelers Gameday [Not-so] Liveblog...

Unfortch, no liveblog again this week, 'cause I have to hit the bar for the game. BUT, if your heart desires, I've pasted the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show chat window below. So if you'd like to chew the fat with some fellow Steelers faithful, here's your chance. Just watch out for anonymous Browns fans. You know they're lurking...

HERE WE GO, STEELERS!

Lock It Down, Wood...

Apologies in advance, Gradkowski
But you're on the tracks and a train's comin' through
So, with all due respect
Today, it sucks to be you

It may not be Silverback
Nor will it be Ryan Clark
But it doesn't really matter
Whoever it is will leave their mark

This game doesn't mean much
The starters will rest a bit
In fact, I hear on the sidelines
Arian's is gonna teach Ben how to knit

It really is sorry
The state the Browns are in
But that all said
I wouldn't really mind a win

Not much more really to say
I hope to enjoy the game
Well, I guess I really mean
That I hope it isn't too lame

Hit play, sit back, take in these images and GET FIRED UP!



Forget about it Cleveland, it ain't happenin'.


Sweet shirt. Fruitcakes.


This is what happens when you're a Browns fan, Larry.


He can't save you now...


My Mom's got a better six pack.


Veto'd.


You're just lucky we're saving the wildcat for January!


You said it, man.


Ain't that a kick in the...nuts...

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!

Take A Breather, James...

Silverback questionable for Sunday?

Survey says...SIT HIS ASS!

That's the last thing we need is our team MVP to exacerbate an injury in order to beat the 4-11 Browns, with Gradkowski at the helm, no less.

As Spike Lee once "said" - Do the right thing, Tomlin.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, I guess I wouldn't expect the fan of a franchise that once called Cleveland home to understand or even accept Steelers fans love for the towel.

I mean, I get the idea. It's [physically] just a towel.

But it's about disrespect. I personally am not going to go on some moral crusade about it, but any way you slice it, it's unnecessary and oh, just a little douchebaggish (read: A LOT douchebaggish).

Of course, like I said, that's likely why a Ravens fan wouldn't understand what the big deal is. Respect? Not being a douchebag? These are two things no Ravens fan knows anything about. I believe they were discarded immediately after the Browns moved to Balto. And clearly they've yet to return, nor is there any realistic prospect of them doing so anytime in the near or distant future.

As for this guy and his article, well, it's the "Baltimore Examiner." Yeah, I've never heard of it either. Then again, they've probably never heard of OFTOT. So I guess we're even.

Either way, dude's got some stones to be callin' out Cowher like that...

This dude and his article may be irrelevant, but these links are totally informative and stimulating...

What does it mean to be a Steelers fan? [DC Steeler Nation]

Your 2008 Steelers MVP = James Harrison...Was there even a question? [Post-Gazette]

Can't we just fast forward through all of this Cowher to Cleveland nonsense? [Associated Press]

People still questioning Santonio's TD vs. the Ravens [NY Times]

Lori hands out gifts to the Pens [HFSS]

You know, I don't even know what High School Musical is, but seeing as how this chick has been brought to my attention, I may have to check it out...wait, she's legal, right? [This Is Getting Old]

Style Points Are For Metrosexuals?

I'm just gonna give this to you upfront - with these Browns on the horizon for Sunday, I really don't have much to say. Chances are, despite what Tomlin's saying about seriously wanting to win Sunday's game, Big Ben and the rest of the starters won't play much more than a half. Three quarters maybe. But a full game? My magic 8 ball says...


But I do have something to say this morning...

Re-watching Super Bowl XL yetserday with my family, it occurred to me - sometimes, it just takes one play.

Ike Taylor - 1 pick

Willie Parker - 1 75 yard run

Casey Hampton - 1 sack

Randle El - 1 gadget play TD to Hines Ward

Big Ben - 1 TD (rushing)

Without any of those plays, the Steelers probably wouldn't have won that game.

Hell, I mean, even for the Seahawks, Jerramy Stevens was dropping the ball like Dick Clark on New Years, but he caught the one that counted.

The point is, we've gotten down on the Offense a LOT this year. But listen, even putting Sunday aside, January is a whole new ball game. All this Offense needs is enough plays to win. It's like Tomlin was saying after Baltimore, style points don't always count for points on the board. What matters, especially at this time of year, is winning.

And listen, I've been as big of a critic as there can be of the Offense, but it could just be a matter of a few guys making one play (each) that breaks the game open. One play that measures up to the difference between winning and losing.

That said, one play by the Offensive line isn't quite going to cut it. They'd better have many [positive] plays in them. Or we're proverbially and royally, eff'd.

Either way, apparently we're still "committed to the run."

...Hmmm, that's funny...because I thought we gave up on that when we cut Dan Kreider?

Hey, Arians - actions speak louder than words. It might be prudent to employ a running game that doesn't consist of 10 draws a game...on 3rd and long. Get the net.



Also, sweet hat, Indiana Jones. What, did you lose a bet? Actually, I think Domski has one just like it. Maybe you and he can be pals.

Today's final word = Sunday, it's Gradkowski time.

Bonus.

So, how was Christmas? I got a Steelers fleece, a Steelers Five Greatest Games DVD and my Mom made me an OFTOT wall clock. I'm not even joking. Unfortunately, she couldn't make me a girlfriend, though. So that situation is still in flux.

What did y'all get?

Give Me Snacks or Give Me Death!

Dude, I would've kicked my own ass for saying this six years ago, but I love being at my parents house.

Why, you ask?

Because my Dad is the original snack KING (in addition to being the original Dude). This man snacks more than anyone else on the face of God's green earth. He barely eats real meals, but he'll walk around all God damned afternoon with a bowl full of pretzels or lightly salted Herr's, housing them like Romeo Crennell.

This is perfect for me, because I'm the same way.

So when I went to the cabinet last night, I remembered that being here is like being in an alternate snack universe, where every snack you could ever want is yours for the taking. It's like paradise for snack lovers. Cookies. Chocolate. Pretzels. Chips. Dorito's. Popcorn. Crackers. Party mix. We've got all the major snack groups covered here.

Kudos to my Mom for securing all these epicurean delights. Hey Mom, have I ever told you that I love you?

...and your snack food selection?

Well I do.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HANUKKAH, YOU ANIMALS (that's y'all...not my folks)!!

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ok, there are really NO headlines from the division worthy of a spot in the AFC North Headline of the Day today. So I've turned my sarcasm inward and gone the route you see above.

First of all, if you haven't seen it, Tec's got the video link, and it's definitely worth a watch.

Second of all, to anyone who thinks Tomlin's a scrooge, eat it.

If I were the Head Coach of a football team and some broadcaster dressed as Santa showed up to hijack my presser for five minutes, I'd be relatively unamused myself. I doubt Tomlin enjoys these things much in the first place. But to have to sit there while Santa goes nuts, talking about how fat Casey Hampton is, plugging Jim Wexell's book and generally being crazy...weak! FIVE minutes! I'll bet that's like 1/3 of the duration of Tomlin's normal pressers. I think one or two would've been sufficient, myself.

Anyhow, I particularly enjoyed that last line in the story above...

"Later, the Steelers said there would be no further appearances from Santa at any of their news conferences."

Too bad they didn't also say there would be no further appearances by Steely McBeam.

Guess we'll just have to wait until next Christmas on that one?

Tomlin may not have been amused with Santa's douchebaggery, but these links are here to thoroughly amuse y'all...

Here's a Christmas trip - courtesy of Madden '09 [PSaMP]

Happy Anniversary Immaculate Reception! Or as Stephen A. might say, the "Miraculous Reception" [HHR]

More on the 30 year Anniversary, and a link to Frenchy Fuqua's "Immaculate Confection" [5 Golden Rings]

I hope to join Sean's ranks after this weekend...playing for all the fantasy marbles Sunday! [Sean's Ramblings]

Charles [the pug] wishing y'all a very Merry Christmas! [Superhero.]

I said it myself way back in September, Shorty. Good call [Milk Was A Bad Choice...]

Meeting People Steelers Gifts Is Easy...

Alright, now that I write that headline, it doesn't make a ton of sense. In fact, it may not be anything close to proper Enlgish. But frankly my dears, I don't give a damn...[you know how this ends].

Anyways, the idea is that I emailed out a bunch of names of Steelers players to the usual MPIE suspects and asked them what they would get each of those Steelers players for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, whatever their little hearts desired.

So with that in mind, here is your panel...

1. John Woods
2. Ben
3. Marc
4. Don
5. Doug
6. Notgomu
7. Nate
8. The Chief
9. Shawn K
10. Sean
11. Me

You'll notice that I've got two sets of players here below. That's because, just in case, by some festivus miracle, I got an overwhelming response, I could do two grids. But, as you and I both might have expected, that didn't happen. So I just combined the answers into one grid. Hence, John Woods through Nate all answered the first list (Big Ben, Willie Parker, etc.) and The Chief through Me all answered the second list (Hines Ward, Santonio, etc.).

I trust y'all can follow all that...

Click below to enlarge...

And with that, I'd like to wish y'all a happy holiday, whichever one you celebrate! May you get everything you want this year. And I can only hope that visions of Sugar Plums dance in your head and not visions of Steely McDevil...

What? You think I'd let this opportunity pass without using that image? Come on. Be serious!