Hey, You Know Who Else Could Use $51 Million?

Ah yes, some light news for you today...

In case you haven't heard, the Steelers signed James Harrison, the man who you and I affectionately call, "Silverback," to a new six year, $51.75 million contract yesterday.

Justice served for a man who didn't even become an everyday starter until the age of 29, and yet two years later found himself a two-time Super Bowl champ, Defensive player of the year, and the current record holder for longest play in Super Bowl history.

And to think, the Ravens only gave that assbag Ray Lewis seven years at $44.5 mil.

Must cost an awful lot to have male cheerleaders, I guess...


Anyways, remember the time someone tried to get everyone to pitch in like $1 to pay for Silverback's new deal?

Well, 52 million is an assload (editor's note: I rounded up, in case that wasn't obvious). Maybe we better have a bake sale and a car wash too. Just a suggestion.

By the way, this bush league photoshop you see above is all I can offer you to go along with this post. If that's not okay with you, well, you know where the door is.

Rumor has it that when asked how he planned on spending his new found wealth, Silverback muttered something about buying several hundred buffalo and hunting them down one-by-one with his bare hands as part of his off season workout routine.

No idea what that even means. Or why I said it, for that matter.

Which brings me to the serious portion of today's post...

I joke a lot about drinking, beer bongs, and generally engaging in stupid and irresponsible behavior for someone in his late 20s. Because, let's face it, that's what I'm good at. But the fact is, for the next month or so, I'm staring down some serious shit with school.

So you'll have to forgive me in advance if I don't get to post something every day. Or even every other day, frankly.

I'll do what I can, but as much as it pains me to say, OFTOT is taking a back seat to law school.

On a separate, yet related note, if anyone sees my soul, please let it know that I miss it.

Thank you and enjoy your respective Tuesdays, my children.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

- C

PS - This post would've been a lot better, but I spent almost all night on a contract due Friday and once that was over with, I was too busy eating buffalo chicken flavored pretzels to really make it shine...oops, my bad.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Drinks Are On Chris Kemoeatu...

Well, get used to seeing Chris Kemoeatu's life, because he's back for another 5 years at $20 million. Not altogether a bad deal for the Steelers, considering he was regarded as one of the top free agent Guards.

Also, I'm obligated to tell you that the heartwarming part of this story is that the Jets had reportedly offered Kemo the same amount, but he turned them down because he wanted to stay in Pittsburgh.

Aw, doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

Makes me wanna go hug a teddy bear or do something equally as emasculating.

Anyways, I guess there's really only one thing left to say about this...

When the pimp's in the crib ma, drop it like it's hot.

You heard it here first.

Have yourselves a great weekend and drink several cold beverages for me. I'll see ya tomorrow for the Week In Review.

Unless, of course, I die before then. Which I hope doesn't happen. Errrrrr...better just end it there. The post, not my life. Dammit, see what I started?

PS - If you don't wet yourself watching this video, you have no soul...


That is all at this time. Goodnight and good luck.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Somewhere In Pittsburgh There's A Very Happy Barber...

Attention Steeler faithful -- In case you hadn't already heard, it was reported today that the team is close to a new deal with Troy "I don't care, pull my hair" Polamalu, one which they hope to have nipped in the bud "around the time" training camp opens on Monday. So while it's not exactly a done deal, that didn't stop the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette from reporting it's impending significance this morning. Good F'in news man, the kind I like to read!

Apparently, unbeknownst to me (am I living in a cave or what?), rumors were circulating that in spite of his seemingly faithful and dedicated demeanor, Polamalu was thinking of leaving the Steelers and "returning to the West Coast to be near his family" after his deal was up. Oh well, looks like he'll be staying put, with his OTHER family in the 'Burgh!

Obviously details were sketchy at best, but it looks like they are considering financials in the neighborhood of $10-12 million for signing bonus alone (Ed Bouchette reported his salary of $1 million + this season could be about a tenth of what his signing bonus would be to enter into the new deal, IE - $10-12 million...hey, I'm no math major). So much for the Rooneys being frugal...take that Michael Silver!

But let's also not fail to mention that as my headline states, somewhere in Pittsburgh there's a barber who just bought himself a new pair of shoes...

Slainte Troy, here's to many more years of confusing offenses, crushing receivers, ball carriers and QBs, and of course, getting tackled by your excessively and unnecessarily long hair. We love you man, Cheers!