"Fear of Flying" Is The New Black...

Pop quiz: What do James Harrison & Tony Kornheiser have in common?

Give up?

They both allegedly have a fear of flying.

Funny that Silverback's fear of flying hasn't kept him from attending countless away games over the past seven (?) years of his career.

Anyways, James, you don't have to justify yourself to us, man.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just let it pass.

A tip from me to you, courtesy of the time I spent in PR.

You can thank me later.

Now, there's probably a drink somewhere that I should be drinking. I'm gonna go find it. Cheers.

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Hey, You Know Who Else Could Use $51 Million?

Ah yes, some light news for you today...

In case you haven't heard, the Steelers signed James Harrison, the man who you and I affectionately call, "Silverback," to a new six year, $51.75 million contract yesterday.

Justice served for a man who didn't even become an everyday starter until the age of 29, and yet two years later found himself a two-time Super Bowl champ, Defensive player of the year, and the current record holder for longest play in Super Bowl history.

And to think, the Ravens only gave that assbag Ray Lewis seven years at $44.5 mil.

Must cost an awful lot to have male cheerleaders, I guess...


Anyways, remember the time someone tried to get everyone to pitch in like $1 to pay for Silverback's new deal?

Well, 52 million is an assload (editor's note: I rounded up, in case that wasn't obvious). Maybe we better have a bake sale and a car wash too. Just a suggestion.

By the way, this bush league photoshop you see above is all I can offer you to go along with this post. If that's not okay with you, well, you know where the door is.

Rumor has it that when asked how he planned on spending his new found wealth, Silverback muttered something about buying several hundred buffalo and hunting them down one-by-one with his bare hands as part of his off season workout routine.

No idea what that even means. Or why I said it, for that matter.

Which brings me to the serious portion of today's post...

I joke a lot about drinking, beer bongs, and generally engaging in stupid and irresponsible behavior for someone in his late 20s. Because, let's face it, that's what I'm good at. But the fact is, for the next month or so, I'm staring down some serious shit with school.

So you'll have to forgive me in advance if I don't get to post something every day. Or even every other day, frankly.

I'll do what I can, but as much as it pains me to say, OFTOT is taking a back seat to law school.

On a separate, yet related note, if anyone sees my soul, please let it know that I miss it.

Thank you and enjoy your respective Tuesdays, my children.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

- C

PS - This post would've been a lot better, but I spent almost all night on a contract due Friday and once that was over with, I was too busy eating buffalo chicken flavored pretzels to really make it shine...oops, my bad.

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Steelers To Make It Rain On Jimmy Harry...

Just a little post to let you know that the Steelers are already negotiating with our boy, James Harrison on a new contract.

That, in combination with this picture inspired me to write the following James Harrison rap. Yeah, you heard me. I wrote a rap.

Actually, I'm hoping that maybe it'll catch the attention of Gunpowder Jones.

Gunpowder, call me.

Anyways...

Yo, my name is Silverback and I'm killin' this mic
Just like I killed Kurt Warner on Super Bowl night

Don't disrespect me, or your ass'll get hurt
You think I'm messing around, I'll put your face in the dirt

I just won my second Super Bowl in the last four years
Like there was any doubt that I'd leave somebody in tears

Now, I'm about to rock this party like it's going out of style
I'll take the ball out your hands and run it back like a mile

Double team me if you want, hold on to my jersey tight
I guess it's only fair, 'cause I'll be holding your Moms tonight

I hope the Steelers do this thing, and make my ass rich
'Cause there's nothing left to say except kiss the rings, bitch!

Clearly I'm in the wrong business...

Riiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhtttttt...

In the future, I should probably just leave this kind of thing to Matt (Huckleberry Bar this Friday night).

Anyways, here's to hoping we lock Silverback up for the rest of his career! I love that guy...

Silverback Attack [on SNL]...

This skit sucked. But, since it was Steelers related and on national TV, I figured I'd throw it up here for y'all who missed it.

Silverback was played by the dude from Goodburger, which I guess was the only viable option considering he's the only black cast member. I think NBC needs to implement the Rooney Rule or something...

Frankly, I thought SNL had hit rock bottom years ago. I was wrong. They're clearly still descending into the chasm of irrelevancy. Too bad, really. That show used to be comedy gold. The early 90s, dude? Laugh riot city.

Anyways, enjoy! And I'll see y'all tomorrow.

(h/t Sheena)

Break Out The Violins...

So as we all know, Silverback was supremely honored yesterday as the AP's Defensive Player of the Year. And of course, as with every time an award like that is announced, some people have been expressing their opinions that certain other Defensive players got "slighted" in the voting. Namely, I'm talking about Demarcus Ware and Ed Reed, the 2nd and 3rd place finishers respectively (if my memory serves...which it usually does not).

First, as I was getting myself ready for work this morning (aka going through my typical primping routine), I heard Scott Van Pelt proclaim, "How did Ed Reed only finish 3rd?" Then, as I was working on this morning's joke of a post, I saw this article flat out saying, albeit weakly, that DeMarcus Ware got robbed.

Ok, listen, I understand that each have legitimate claims. After all, DeMarcus Ware led the league with 20 sacks and Ed Reed was the league's INT leader with 9, a couple of which he ran back for six points. But here's the deal - Silverback didn't just dominate ONE category, he dominated EVERYTHING.

Let me just read you his numbers...
101 total tackles.

16 sacks, and let's just say he could've had more if not for some factors I will not mention again lest I sound like a broken record...

7 forced fumbles. Let me just say that again...SEVEN. FORCED. FUMBLES!

A safety, which neither Ware nor Reed had...

And a pick. Sure, it was just one, but pass rushing linebackers typically don't have too many opportunities for interceptions. So he got the one he was given.

Plus, let's not forget, he led the NFL's top defense, missing only one game all year despite getting double teamed and what not on just about every down.

The best case can be made for Ware, 'cause, you know, he did have 20 sacks, 84 tackles and 6 forced fumbles. But let's face it, the Cowboys defense wasn't exactly dominant and as we all know, they didn't even make the playoffs. Not to mention, he wasn't cut three times before he even became a starter. In fact, both he and Ed Reed were both former 1st round picks.

And speaking of Reed, and his 41 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble and 9 picks - obviously, that's not exactly garbage. He would've been a fine choice as well. But while Reed dominated the secondary, this wasn't AP Defensive Back of the Year, it was Defensive PLAYER of the Year. So, to me, the choice makes sense.

Bottom line - Silverback was a force in almost every facet of the number 1 defense and his numbers show it. The writers could've voted for either him, Ware or Reed, or even Troy for that matter, and they would've been plenty justified. It just so happened that more writers voted for Silverback. So what are you gonna do? To the victor go the spoils.

Besides, these guys are all just lucky that Shaun Rogers wasn't nominated. I think we all know he would've crushed it. Ridiculous. Browns are the best team in the league...not.

PS - If anyone who hasn't been part of Meeting People Is Easy in the past wants to be on this week's panel, shoot my ass a hot email and let me know - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com. Rock.

Speaking of Unstoppable Forces...

Silverback = your 2008 NFL Defensive Player of the Year!

Congratulations, you man beast!

Now go shoot some guns and celebrate. Oh wait, you already did that?

Well then go eat some raw meat or something and whet your appetite for Phillip Rivers.

Just imagine the chick is Philip Rivers...

Guess We Probably Could Have Seen This Coming...

Please excuse the poor Photoshop job here...you get the idea.

So ummm, apparently Ed Reed's not the only bitch Silverback likes to smack in the mouth...

For those of you who have yet to read about this nice little black mark (or should I say red mark) - Our own beloved James Harrison was arrested Saturday for allegedly breaking down the door to his girlfriend's bedroom, snatching her cell phone from her, breaking it (yes, the phone) in half (!!!) in an attempt to keep her from calling 911, and slapping her across the face. He is consequently being charged with one count of simple assault and one count of criminal mischief.

I'm not particularly sure what to say here beyond - wow, that's pretty shitty.

I mean, come on Silverback, you're better than that...at least I thought you were. Guess this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Silverback Attack"...way to go asshole.

For reference on the headline, see below:

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B:


Exhibit C:


PS - his court date is set for this Thursday, March 13...anyone interested in tailgating?

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Steelers' Harrison Faces Assault Charges [ESPN]
Steelers Harrison Charged [Post-Gazette]
Steelers James Harrison Arrested for Allegedly Assaulting Woman [KDKA]
Steelers LB Charged With Slapping His Girlfriend [Fanhouse]

The Wide World of Web - September 19 Edition...

The internet is a great place. A veritable playground, if you will. We all know it, we all love it, we all bask in its glory. But who really wants to take the time to troll around for all the hot topics, every freakin' day? Not me, but nonetheless, I've done it anyway. And for your general amusement, hopefully, I've graciously provided the stories below for you to read (or not read, your perogative) at your own leisure. Meaningful content? No, probably not. But hey, it's something!

Read Me:

• Donovan McNabb, you can't blame everything on being black...at some point you just have to be a good QB...I might be wrong...


• Jon Kitna, Field General and Lord of Miraculous Recoveries...I'll tell you what would be really miraculous. If the Lions actually win 10 games this season like Kitna said they would...


• I'm starting to get used to the words "Brady to Moss, TOUCHDOWN! Brady to Moss, TOUCHDOWN!"...it's actually scary...


• The only point this guy makes that I'm willing to agree with is "The Ben-gals vs. Steely McBeam"...More Ben-gals here...


• Silverback cleared for play...bonus...


• I will not talk about OJ Simpson...


• New Town, Same Ol' Peezy...Fox Sports helps us trace the history of Joey Porter talking shit...

And that's all for today, hope you all enjoy it as thoroughly as I did.