Reminder: Karma = STILL A Bitch...

HOLD EVERYTHING!

STOP THE PRESSES!

Najeh Davenport, the man who is infamous for having shat in a young co-ed's closet while a student-athlete at the University of Miami (FLA), had his car stolen and totaled by some 22 year old degenerate yesterday.

Now, obviously you don't need me to tell you that this is major news.

I mean, even though the Steelers cut Davenport last season, twice if I'm not mistaken, clearly he'll be ingrained in the minds of Steelers fans for years to come because of his epic contributions to the team. So, naturally you all are probably incensed at the audacity of this clown, Rodney Green.

I know I am.

In other news, Allen Rossum was caught jerking it to an Olsen twins movie, Sean Mahan's vagina was touched inappropriately, and everyone continues to not care about Ricardo Colclough.

You're welcome for the update on hot news in the world of Steeler alums.

Sarcasm is palpable today...

Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

He Must Think "White" House Is A Racist Term...

Here's the part where everyone in the known interwebiverse freaks out about something that really makes no difference.

I get it. It's the offseason. We're a month removed from the draft and a little less than a couple of months away from training camp. The Brett Favre retirement-unretirement stories have tapered off. No one's been arrested in several days. No one's fathered any illegitimate children in several days. And no one's shown their dick to the world in several days. So what else is there to make a big deal about in the NFL right now?

Still, if the Defensive Player of the Year doesn't want to go take an audience with Barack Obama, President of Hittin' Dat Ass, what the hell do I care?

And listen, I don't mean to sound unpatriotic...

I'm a huge fan of America and if I was ever invited to the White House, you better believe I'd drop this keyboard, put some pants on, wipe the chocolate pudding pop off of my face and leave my Mom's basement in a heartbeat. But this is a privilege, not an obligation. Besides, maybe given Obama's 15 State of the Unions since January, Silverback figures he's seen the man enough.

I don't know. I just write a blog.

And for anyone who thinks James Harrison needs an excuse...

Good enough for you?

Now, may the best Staal brother win.



Go Pens!

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

OH NOES!

News Flash: Gary Russell released.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

...yeah...right...Willie Parker, Rashard Mendenhall, Mewelde Moore...anyone surprised by this?

PS - This is the whole post. Do not adjust your monitor.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Don't Even Read This Post...

New Google Friend Connect bar at the bottom of your screen, there. Solid addition by the algorithmists over at the big G. I guess this kind of internet-wizardry is what you get when you only hire ivy league grads (University of Delaware reporting in).

Anyways, if you haven't already signed up to be a "member" of OFTOT, now's as good a time as any. I mean, you never know what cool widgets or gadgets these guys are going to come up with next for you to enjoy here at OFTOT. Plus, I'll high five you if you do.

In other news - There is no other news. This is the offseason. Get real.

...something will come to me in like five minutes, I guarantee it.

Until then, enjoy this...

I almost pissed myself at the 2:35 mark.

I recommend the Sugar Pucks. They're EX-CELLENT!

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Switching things up today and doing the headline of the day first...because...
A. I never got around to writing a post last night
B. Stone Cold said so

Anyways...

Poor Jeff Garcia, man. What a career this guy's had. I mean, exactly how many NFL franchises has he played for after the age of 30?

Generally, older QBs who stick around are either the stud starting QB or the steady, reliable veteran backup. I feel like Jeff's been right in between somewhere.

From his lowly start in the CFL (Canada, dude!), to the 49ers and having to deal with T.O., to the Browns (no explanation needed), to the Lions (again, no explanation necessary), to the Eagles, where he took over for Donovan McGimpy in November 2006 and took the Eagles to a division championship and the playoffs, only to find that they didn't want him back (because they don't really want to win), then finally to the Bucs, where he enjoyed a couple of good years under Gruden, Jeff Garcia has never really stuck. And now, jobless again.

For some reason that I can't quite explain, I'm a Jeff Garcia apologist. I feel bad for the guy. He seems like a hard worker. I mean anyone who doesn't break into the NFL until they're almost 30 has my respect. It's hard enough to play QB in the league UNDER the age of 30, let alone having the majority of your professional career happen as your body is "breaking down."

So where will Jeff Garcia be next season? My guess? Minnesota. Think about it.

Either way, my hat goes off to you, Jeff. And honestly, if you don't come back next year, hanging out with your hot ass wife shouldn't be too terrible of a way to spend your new-found free time. Nahmeen?

Jeff Garcia. Field. General.

Links. Here they are for your viewing pleasure...

This mock draft has the Steelers taking Alex Mack, C, California in the 1st round and Phil Loadholt, OT, Oklahoma in the 2nd round. But how's this for credibility? The description of Loadholt reads - "A physical right tackle who will create some movement up front in the Steelers’ power-run scheme." Power run scheme, that's rich! [National Football Post]

Good article about Hines and Troy using their own blood to heal themselves quicker [NY Times]

Silverback's agent to meet with the Steelers at the combine [Trib]

Keith Butler tells the Cards no dice on the D-Coordinator job, Tomlin's staff stays intact... [Post-Gazette]

If anyone needs a $16 million Defensive Tackle, DeWayne Robertson's recently become available [ESPN]

Is Knowshon Moreno the new LT? Well, one thing's for sure - they both have weird ass first names [Scout.com]

One of the Patriots is scheduled to testify at the Barry Bonds hearing? That's rather interesting... [Associated Press]

Dejuan Blair put it down last night! [SI.com]

Lori's adventures in poetry [HFSS]

Fake Headlines Department reporting in - Carbolic Smoke Ball tells us that the Dept. of Defense has hired Godfather of the Zone Blitz, Dick LeBeau. In reality, probably not a bad idea. Lebau doesn't mess around [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

HHR contends to ask A-Rod the REAL burning questions [HHR]

This is just WRONG [FAIL Blog]

Rainn Wilson (aka Dwight Schrute) wrote a column on CNN.com. A serious one. Yeah, I know! [CNN.com]

Follow Doug on Twitter! [Twitter]

E-mail my ass if you wanna be on this week's Meeting People Is Easy panel. No requirements. Just some fun at other people's expense.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.