AFC North Headline Of The Day...

When I first read this, I thought, "no way." Absolutely no way.

But...supposedly, it is true!

Ok, three things to say about this.

1. I doubt you could even call this a "fight." More like 325 pound Shaun Smith pummeling poor, defenseless Brady Quinn's chiseled man face.

PS - there's no way Shaun Smith is a pound less than 375. ESPN lies.

2. If this didn't happen, the entire Cleveland Browns PR staff, along with Sir Romeo are lining up with the unemployed I-Bankers tomorrow.

3. Shaun Rogers has to have been somehow involved.

I mean, I know Brady Quinn drinks a lot of Myoplex, but I just can't believe that he would be so stupid as to cross a man of Shaun Smith's "stature" (read: Girth). Especially with that injured finger of his. In fact, I heard an unsubstantiated rumor that Brady Quinn insulted Shaun Smith's wife! If that's true, Brady, you're lucky to still have your head on top of your shoulders. His wife? Jesus, that's bleak.

Silly Browns, you're just killin' me with this shit.

The Browns may be getting combative, but these links just wanna be friends...

Danny Bonaduce and Steelers fans? Jesus. [PSaMP]

Time for the traditional Festivus Airing of Grievances over at Sportsocracy. I'll go first [Sportsocracy]

The WaPo reviews Roy Blount's "About Three Bricks Shy...and the Load Filled Up," 30th Anniversary edition [WaPo]

Oh, well if Jeff Fisher's ok with it, then... [ESPN]

Kerry Collins on Towel Stomping - "I come from the old school, I don't think Joe Paterno would like that a whole lot."
Bill Cowher on Towel Stomping - "You've got to learn ... I wouldn't do this, I wouldn't go there...You are a veteran, Bulluck." [Trib]

Honestly, why don't y'all do a 100% comprehensive search through Plax's past and just make a list. This is getting ridiculous [Associated Press]

...sorry kids, slim pickins today...

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

God dammit! And I was really looking forward to watching the Steelers sack Lady Quinn like 16 times. Now, I won't even get the chance. I mean, shit, I won't even get to watch him hold the clipboard, what with this finger problem and everything.

So "a team source said that all agreed that Quinn needed to shut it down before the tendons tore from the bone," eh? Yikes. That doesn't sound like much of a party. I kind of actually feel a little bad for him...kind of.

Guess it's time for Horse Balls to demonstrate why Browns fans thought he was snubbed in last year's Pro Bowl voting!

Try not to tear the tendons from YOUR bones while reading these links...

Check out one of the Pirates new fireballers...and compare that windup to Lord Byron's [PSaMP]

Right, so Willie Parker may not play Sunday. What else is new? Ugh [Post-Gazette]

That Bengals game showed Offensive progress...I guess [LancasterOnline]

Wow, how bad of shape must Sean Alexander be in? [Associated Press]

Greatest magnet and greatest pun EVER [joy magnetism]

Afternoon post to follow. I promise it will make up for my inadequacy this morning!

Sorry kids, I'm under the gun at work today...and after, I might have to go invest IN a gun...to shoot myself with. This sucks.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Aw, poor Brady Quinn. And he played so well. Why oh why couldn't the rest of the Browns come through for him?

Yeah.

So I guess I gotta give the dude some props. That was pretty much 100 times better than I would've expected him to do. But you know what? It's like I said all week, the Browns' collective sucking has indeed been a full team effort. Sure, Derek Anderson was playing about as well as JT O'Sullivan. But it didn't help that Braylon Edwards had a case of Ike Taylor hands and Lt. Kellen Winslow was hurt and/or dicking around with the Browns front office.

And speaking of K2, what good is it to have that big of a game if you can't come through in the clutch. From where I was sitting, that 4th down throw went right through his hands. Listen man, I know Brady Quinn is the Myoplex King and probably super strong for it (riiiggghhtttt). But that's a ball you've gotta catch. I don't really know what else to say.

Oh and the Browns defense, much like their counterparts on the other side of the field, clearly didn't feel like stopping anyone last night. Nice work giving up that big play to Eddie Royal, dudes. I mean, the Broncos didn't have hardly any healthy running backs left. You know they're going to pass, and yet, nothing. Of course, that comes as no surprise to this guy. But dude, 447 passing yards! Ouch! I doubt any of you are sitting well today after that ass raping.

I guess there's really only one thing to say then...CHAMPIONSHIP!

Maybe these links could play better Defense than the Browns...

Big Ben = NFL's highest paid player...I wonder what the breakdown is for dollars earned per sack [WKYC]

It's official, Willie Parker will not play Sunday. I just...ugh [Post-Gazette]

Even more bad news - Phil Simms will be calling Sunday's game...he did compliment our linebackers, though... [SteelCityInsider]

DeAngelo Hall lands with the 'Skins...thankfully AFTER we already played them [WaPo]

Ah whatever, you've probably seen all the decent news by now anyhow. God I need a vacation...

PS - Yes, this is super late today. What can I say? It's been a long week. And much like last week, for some reason, I'm more busy on Friday than I was on Tuesday and Wednesday. Consequently, if anyone has a knife, I wouldn't much mind slashing some vital body parts right now. Cheers.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

YES! Today's the day. Tonight, Cleveland's "Savior" Brady Quinn will assume the reigns of the Browns Offense and party like it's 2006 (or something like that). The only things that could stop me from watching this epic moment in Cleveland Browns history are - A) The fact that Cablevision's a bag of dicks and won't carry NFL Network, thus forcing me to pirate this shit via the interwebs and B) The Office is on at 9.

So here's how I'd like to see this go down - I'd like to see Brady Quinn get sacked like six times, throw somewhere in the range of three-five picks and somehow end up shirtless by the end of the game (wait, what?). But you know either way, Romeo Crennell will kick a field goal when he should really go for a touchdown, at precisely the wrong time, ruining everything anyhow. So really the discussion is rather moot.

That all said, he is going up against the Broncos Defense. Which is to say that he's facing the football equivalent of a series of strategically placed traffic cones. And to be fair, if he plays tonight and the rest of the season as well as he produces ridiculous pictures of himself, he might very well make the Pro Bowl. Behold Exhibit A...


Yeah, I got nothing witty to say, just read these links, if you like...

The NFL globally? Yeah. It's catching on... [PSaMP]

Mitch Berger's old ass, OUT like Ryan Seacrest. Paul Ernster and his back of the arm tattoos, IN...upgrade? [DC Steeler Nation]

Anyone else you'd like to talk shit to, Joey? [Associated Press]

Speaking of talking...there's a lot of that going on in the AFC North? I guess you could say that... [Associated Press]

An irrelevant debate on who's got the best D - Pittsburgh or Tennessee. Enjoy! [CBS Sportsline]

This is just...too...perfect [Deadspin]

And for more of Brady Quinn's crotch grabbing and shirtless posing, see... [Tirico Suave]

One final note - I'm about to solicit the remainder of this week's MPIE panel. So if you're interested and have never been part of this before, again, e-mail my ass at onefortheotherthumb@gmail. Literally, my ass will be reviewing all of my e-mails today. Should be rather interesting.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

DISCLAIMER: Some of the contents of this post have been pointed out as inaccurate. Good thing it's a joke post. But, you know, keep your eye out for that. Maybe you'll win a prize. Or something.

Ok, who had Week 10 in the Brady Quinn pool?

Man, you have no idea how excited I am at the prospect of Brady Quinn failing hard on Thursday. For all the Browns fans who boo'd Derek Anderson, I hope Brady Quinn throws like five picks!

Listen up, Cleveland. Your whole team is FAILING. Not just Derek Anderson. If Braylon Edwards doesn't drop that ball in the end zone, you might actually have won that game. MIGHT being the key word. Either way, I think it's been a group effort on your team's part to stink it up.

That being said, I'm all for Brady Quinn. Let's see what he can do. You think he's your savior? Let's find out. Even I'm interested to see how this works out.

I just have one last question, though. Do you think Derek Anderson will be able to hold the clipboard as well as Brady Quinn? I mean, those are some big shoes to fill. Godspeed, DA.


Oh, and not that it's at all related, but apparently someone in Baltimore stole a Terrible Towel?

Them's fightin' words!

Allow these links to get you fired up for that, and of course, Brady Quinn...

The Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker...on Tuesday [PSaMP]

Several cars catch fire in parking lot of last night's game? All signs point to Sansmokio Holmes [Deuce of Davenport]

MJD's list of possible reasons Ben left last night's game. My personal fav? "Infinite sadness." [MJD]

Headline consistency FAIL [Tirico Suave]

Join Hugging Harold Reynolds' fight against Prostate Cancer! [HHR]

Bengals fans with some sense? Well, I'll be damned. [Deadspin]

By the way, stay tuned for the "big news" coming shortly!

AFC North Headline of the Day...

...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I just had to get that out.

Oh, so you can play better, can you? Well, I'll let you in on a little secret, Derek. It doesn't matter if you CAN. It only matters if you DO. So I suggest less talk, more production.

But as a Steelers fan, I'm totally cool with you sucking. In fact, I urge you to suck even more. Not only because I want to destroy Brady Quinn on December 28. But also because I remember how every Browns fan came out of the woodwork last year to cry about how you were only an alternate for the pro bowl and how you should've been a REAL pro bowler.

Guess what jagoffs, one season does not a career make? Even Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl. And so did Brad Johnson. Nice try, but maybe you should've given it a little time before you proclaimed his greatness. Like a few games into the 2008 season...

Either way, I proclaim the greatness of these links...

The Ravens recognize the gravity of Monday's game [Baltimore Sun]

Another Troy INT on Monday. Write that down [PSAMP]

I hate the Bengals, but I LOVE the Ben-Gals [on 205th]

Wait, you mean Plaxico Burress is a diva? Who knew? [ESPN]

47 Best Athlete Names Ever. Nice to see Louis Lipps made the cut [InGameNow]

AFC North Headline of the Day...

Hey, remember that time Tecmo asked me how long I thought it would be before Cleveland starting calling for Brady Quinn? Well, that time arrived even sooner than expected (though to be fair, Tec did call this one).

Now, I chided Derek Anderson plenty the other day for those untimely interceptions. But he's not altogether terrible. I mean, they could be stuck with Charlie Frye still (or Tim Couch).

Personally, I'd give him at least another game or two. It isn't his fault Braylon Edwards couldn't catch a cold and Jamal Lewis is older than the Bible. Sounds like Browns fan logic, though.

Benching your Pro Bowl alternate QB after two games = CHAMPIONSHIP!

And we can't have a Brady Quinn headline without this fine handiwork...


But if you're still thirsting for more, here are some fun links for you...

Man, WHO doesn't want to remember Barry Foster? [On 205th St.]

Mike Tomlin, moonlighting as Shawty Lo? [This Is God Given]

Desean Jackson = Plaxico Burress? (my words, not theirs) [The 700 Level]

Joe Starkey golf clap for Tomlin/Arians (scroll to 4th bullet point) [Trib]

Hell hath no fury like Andy Reid [scorned?] [The Sports Hernia]

I had this story idea literally 43 minutes before this was posted...and I have the email to prove it [The Big Lead]

You Have A Tight End, But I Wanna Be Your Wide Receiver...

I actually thought I was done for the day after those two other posts, but then I found this gem below.

Taking Brady Quinn man-love to a new level, YouTube user Hockey247s, obviously a genius, made this video set to an equally impressive background song about the oft-noted man-love so many dudes (probably all in Cleveland) have for Brady.

I must admit, he does look pretty fierce in some of those shots...oops, now I've said too much.

Daily Dose of Linkage...

Friday, June 1, 2007 edition.

Check 'em out home slice!

• Who Wants to be The Steelers Mascot? Disclaimer - Individual must be:
  • Courteous and professional demeanor
  • Outgoing
  • Adventurous
  • Physically and mentally adept
  • Adaptable to various environments
  Guess I'm out on account of lack of professional demeanor and Physical/Mental Adeptness...or something.


• The hot news in Cleveland on May 8...no further commentary necessary.


• He may not wear a helmet, but Ben knows "Click it or Ticket" man...somebody get this man a PSA deal, quick!


• Proof positive that there really is a blog out there for every audience


• Joey Porter, aka Somebody Else's $32 Million Problem


• Mike Shanahan's Jedi Mind Trick - These Are Not The Droids You Are Looking For...

Is This A Steelers Blog Or A Browns Blog?...

Actually, there's no question there, but I do find myself very often writing about the Browns...course, I don't know if I'd call it "writing" so much as dumping on them for being, well, the Browns. Today's no different.

So Charlie Frye says he'll be Cleveland's starter come September. Not that it matters, because whatever QB they put on the field September 9th is bound to get beaten every way imaginable, but it's interesting that no one is refuting his statements. By the powers of inference, I can only take this to assume that the Browns are actually doing the smart thing and letting Brady Quinn spend some time on the bench watching the game, developing at a more natural pace. Either way, both QBs apparently looked pretty rough in these initial practices, throwing picks-a-plenty and generally looking shaky. Nothing new here...

Man it's tough to find stuff to comment on in the off season...anyone got any pressing news they wanna contribute? (Or is it foolish to assume anyone besides me will read this?)

Glamour Shots...Brady Quinn Edition...

Here are some entertaining highlights from the life of Brady Quinn (see below), former Notre Dame QB, current Browns 1st rounder (2nd pick in first round...always have to point that out). I'll bet Joe Thomas is real excited to see the masculine exploits of the guy he's going to protect come next season (or the following, depending on how bad the Browns need him to start).

Seriously though, I'm interested to see how Quinn's skills translate in the NFL. Can't discount that he's a hard worker, strong, has decent size and leadership skills. Still, I think the real question marks (besides the large one on his sexual preference...raised by exhibits A, B C and D, herein) come into play when you start talking about accuracy, pocket presence and the ever-popular x-factor: clutchness (maybe that's not a word, but I think you get the idea).

But who really cares about that stuff. When you've you got boyish good looks like Brady, who needs football? Right ladies? You know what I'm saying...now if you'll excuse me I have to go find a Playboy or something to help me restore some of my own manhood after this post...enjoy the de facto photo gallery below.

THE EVIDENCE (if you will) ~
Brought to you by Deadspin, via Mondesi's House.

Why The Browns Draft Success This Year Won't Really Matter...aka 2007 NFL Draft Retrospective Part IV

In short, it's Cleveland.

In all seriousness, and putting my obvious bias aside, Cleveland is like Arizona (though I have my reservations about continuing to doubt Arizona after Whis's draft crop...see above post). It's a black hole. They can draft all the top prospects they want, and they're still going to assume the basement position in the AFC North. I don't know what it is, call it the Paul Brown curse, but Cleveland has had chance after chance for top picks to come in and "save" the hapless franchise, and none have really panned out thus far.

Although, out of a journalistic responsibility to be moderately fair - Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow have actually produced some pretty good stats for the Browns the past couple years (when Winslow wasn't hurting himself riding his motorcycle...no comment for obvious reasons...).

Nothing like making the divisional rivalry interesting...and at least Quinn didn't end up in Baltimore! God, can you imagine the Ravens with Brady Quinn? I'd actually be somewhat scared.

So while I'm not that worried about the Browns good fortune - kudos to Phil Savage! You really nailed it by taking Joe Thomas first, then getting back in the mix just in time to get Quinn. I won't go into semantics, but this shows some draft smarts right here.

Oh, but if you guys think you're getting the Chin - forget it. If Cowher coaches in Cleveland, I'm gonna become a Patriots fan.

The Wonder Boy or The All American Boy?

Everyone's talking about who will go #1 in the draft, or more aptly, who will be the 1st QB taken - Jamarcus Russell or Brady Quinn?

So I'll throw in my two cents, for whatever it's worth to anyone who reads this...

I'll admit, I want to see Brady Quinn fail as much as the next guy. Mostly because of the hype and his success, but yet no success (drawing comparisons to Peyton Manning --and it doesn't help that I can't stand Peyton).

On the other hand, I am amazed by a guy who is 6'6", 260 pounds and can throw the football 80-85 yards with only moderate effort (Russell...for those of you who aren't following).

Still, I read an article in last weeks Sports Illustrated discussing the two and their comparative differences and it got me thinking - is Brady Quinn really as bad as I want him to be? Apparently, he was able to rep at the NFL combine recently. Which, for me, is really impressive considering he only weighs about 225! Plus I think the LB with the most reps only got 26 (I THINK?). Then there's the fact that he's had to answer questions non-stop from the media about his draft stock and viability as an NFL quarterback, which I think he's handled admirably (as pointed out by Browns GM Phil Savage..perhaps a hint as to his destination?).

However, bench pressing and likability do not an all-pro necessarily make. Quinn still has questions about making the tough throws, making the LONG throws and most importantly winning the big game (although if he goes to Cleveland, he'll have it made because they don't know what winning the big game is like either).

Conversely, Russell is (was) only a junior at LSU and took his team to a Sugar Bowl title over the elder and at-the-time more highly touted Quinn. As mentioned, his arm strength is good, and his pocket presence is second to none. He seems to have good accuracy, a good attitude (or so it seems - sidenote: Russell as a Sophomore in High School drove across the whole county just to be a water boy at the Elite 11 QB camp held during the summer in California), and enough athletic ability to be an NFL success.

But, let's not forget the other QB from that Manning draft back in 1998...who was it you ask? None other than Ryan Leaf! So only time will tell, but for now, I'm torn.

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