Thumb's Up, It's Cool...

Yes, I went with the obvious joke. So sue me.

31-0. As it should have been.

But at what cost?

Sure, it's only a concussion. But of all things you thought could happen yesterday, was that one?

I'm not going to lie, if it wasn't for the defensive plays yesterday, Ben going down like that would've pretty much ruined the game for me. And tell me you weren't wondering why Hines etc. were still in during the 4th quarter when we were already well in control of that game.

Anyways, not much really to say. The Browns looked like a Mickey Mouse league team out there. And a shitty one at that. Starting a 4th string QB who'd spent a whole two weeks with the team. Running Cribbs and Harrison out of the wildcat. Eek.

Too bad the Lions didn't get to play the Browns this season, or maybe they wouldn't have gone winless.

Probably wouldn't have prevented Phil Savage and Romeo Crennel from getting fired, though.

So I could go on about things that are of very little consequence. But I won't.

Instead, here are the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Made Me Switch to Hard Liquor"...

THINGS THAT WERE AWESOME
1. Tyrone Carter - 3 solo tackles, 2 picks, 1 TD and a partridge in a pear tree

You better call Ty-rone!

2. Hines Ward - 6 catches for 70 yds, making it 1043 yds for the season!


3. The Law - Involved in 8 tackles!


4. Nice to see Master Fly W. Large finally get in the end zone...


5. Anthony Smith didn't do anything dumb!


THINGS THAT WERE NOT AWESOME
1. Sitting by myself at the bar. At least I coerced the waitress into letting me sit in the back room where I could have a whole TV to myself. Still had to listen to Giants fans bellow, though...

"Yeah, WOOOOOO, that's what I'm talking about, bro! Yo bro, Did you see Ward on that run? Aw bro, it was sick like my blowout haircut! Hair gel in the hoooouuuussseee! Chest bump! After this, let's celebrate and go tanning!"

...my apologies in advance to all of my sensible Giants fan friends, who are all relatively decent human beings...

2. The fact that we had to challenge this...


3. Willie Colon's holding penalty, negating Nate Washington's 41 yd TD play.


4. Gradkowski's QB rating...1


5. Another one of these...


THINGS THAT MADE ME SWITCH TO HARD LIQUOR
1. This...


2. This...


3. This...


4. This...


5. This...


We've now got two weeks off. A few beers. A few laughs. Our troubles are over. Let's hope Big Ben drinks his milk.

It's either the Colts or the Chargers on January 11th. And given our last games with these clowns, methinks we better be ready to throw down. One and done is for the Cowboys. This team is headed for the AFC Championship game...I hope.

Here's your Week 17 flipbook...


Say Mike, you need a Defensive Coach?


Yeah, where was your life?


I once went on a date with a chick who had those earrings. Not even making that up.


Dead man walking.


What's up buttercup?...


I like your smile...


Hey, how'd this picture of my girlfriend get in here? Ooops!


Still holdin' that clipboard like nobody's business, jacked up hand and all...


I've got my eye on you, ref.


That'll do, Dan. That'll do...

Joke of the Day = You know how you know you're going to lose in fantasy?

When your opponent's DEFENSE puts up 33 pts to lead his team in scoring. Hey Eagles Defense, drown yourselves. I hate you. But congratulations to Pat from WHYGAVS! As you can see, I didn't even have a winning record during the regular season. So this happening was about as inevitable as Clay Aiken admitting his gayness.

Random Question of the Day = Cris Colinsworth thinks Carolina's headed to the Super Bowl...

You buyin' that?

The Pulse of Eagles Nation = 10 bucks says Silky Johnson was partying last night like it was 2004.

I can only hope there was no roof access. Congrats on playoffs, jagoff!

Ok, last thing...I promise. Check out this guy's sweet moves...

Do Chargers fans know how to party or what?

You know the drill. Lay your assessments on me!

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

I don't know what this is about. I don't need to know what this is about. I don't want to know what this is about. Frankly, I don't really care to know what this is about.

I'm just going to sit here and laugh at the notion that someone "wants to be 'here' in Cleveland." I guess what he's really saying is, "I want to be here in HELL." You go, Braylon Edwards. You may be the only friggin' one, man.

Braylon is good right where he is, and these links are too. Read 'em up...

Chinamen love the Steelers...excuse me, Asian-Americans, dude (not really though, they are actually Chinese...anyways) [PSaMP]

Just how good is the Steelers Defense? [The Fifth Down]

Obsessed with the Pens? Who isn't? [Deadspin]

I don't think there is a better blog out there than Carbolic Smoke Ball. Those assholes make me laugh on a daily basis. This is a solid Xmas post [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

Dude, my office has uncloggable toilets too! [Sean's Ramblings]

I can't be sure, but I think Vern's balls are chapped today [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

So I guess the Chiefs are the flavor of the week for pursuing Cowher, then? [KC Star via Trib]

So now, instead of suing the defenseless (but piratey) consumers, the RIAA plans to send messages to such (piratey) consumers' ISPs, and have them send threatening messages to such (piratey) consumers tellin' them to cease and cut their shit out immediately or face some consequences. /Fixed!...not... [WSJ Law Blog]

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

How's this for an algorithm...Browns Sucking + Reference to late 90s Britney Spears pop hit = Comedy Gold. In fact, I think that one may actually be Google worthy!

So the Browns couldn't eke out a win over the Ratbirds yesterday. I mean, it would've been nice of them to help us out a bit. But I guess we couldn't actually expect Derek [FAIL] Anderson, Braylon Edwards and company to really come through for us.

I actually watched the end of that game and kind of had to laugh. I mean here they are, the game's 30-27, Ravens in the lead but the Browns have the ball and about three and a half minutes left. They're at their own 46 yard line and they've got at least three chances to get the ball maybe 20-25 yards for a game tying field goal, or maybe even a few yards beyond that for a potentially game winning touchdown and what do they do? Derek Anderson throws a pick to Terrell Suggs...

Oh well, that's just the Browns being the Browns, right?

Derek Anderson for Pro Bowl!

For the record, I believe these links are also Pro Bowl worthy...

ESPN really needs to get it together [PSaMP]

Oh, and look who else needs to get it together, the NHL Store [HFSS]

Big deal, J Peezy thinks everyone is soft [MJD]

"Heath Miller is the total package"...that's what she said [Post-Gazette]

Just when you thought the Lions couldn't get any worse...they signed Daunte Culpepper [ESPN]

AFC North Headline(s) of the Day...

Browns headline overload!

Ah yes, in the wake of what proved to be a very disappointing loss for the Browns, the Cleveland media has gone wild with gems like the headline above and the headlines below.

A 44. Yep, that sounds about right. I mean, what did you expect? Conditions notwithstanding, Braylon Edwards looked a little like Nate Washington and his second receiver was some dude named Steptoe?

Plus, Jamal Lewis looked like a waste of a 3-year contract extension and Romeo Crennel looked like Jim Zorn (the Zorn of Week 1, of course...and the playcalling, not the physical characteristics...obviously).

Which provides ample segue into the following auxiliary headlines of the day...






But if these ain't enough, feel free to peruse the following links at your leisure...

I would've rather seen a Dallas Cowboy, but whatevs [Playing the Field]

Browns fans give us the ol' one fingered salute [PSAMP]

Don't worry, I support you, Ron Cook [Post-Gazette]

Romeo Crennel learned more than we thought from Belicheat [PFT]

Oh, Jake The Snake. Say it ain't so... [TMZ]

Here's an apt analogy - the Browns likened to Chili...I mean they DO both involve shit. But somehow, I don't think that's what Lori meant [Hockey, Football and Stiletto Shoes]

Speaking of Clowns...

"I know Coach [Romeo] Crennel. They won't blink because they're professionals. They're good at what they do so based on what happened to them, it will be a winning edge for them...They will come ready to play. We expect that on Sunday night."

- Mike Tomlin

Clowns, Frowns, Gowns, perhaps you've heard that these jokers are the fad pick to win the AFC North this season. Nay, the AFC as a whole. They're destined for a Super Bowl, or so you might think if you asked many pundits and/or Browns fans this preseason.

But we know better.

I've pussyfooted around this all week for no particular reason. But lest I not remind you - it's Browns week! We are but a mere 56 hours from another exciting matchup with the recently-lauded Browns and their "new look Defense," starring Shaun Rogers and Corey Williams. Not to mention their "high-powered" Offense, fueled by Derek Anderson, Braylon Edwards, Donte Stallworth, Kellen Winslow Jr., Jamal Lewis, and undoubtedly crystal meth. Yeah, "high-powered." Right....

Anyways, all kidding aside, this should be a great game. The Browns seem like, at least on paper, a more worthy adversary than they have been for the last, oh, 10 years or so. They are apparently still riding high off of last years success (read: a winning record) and feel poised to supplant our Steelers as the division's most formidable foe.

Throwing caution to the wind, they traded away a sizable chunk of their valuable draft picks, not to mention the second Cornerback on their depth chart to get pass rushers Shaun Rogers and Corey Williams. And they gave Donte Stallworth a rather hefty payday, hoping that he'd add a threat to the already fruitful passing game. So this "rivalry" has even more renewed interest than last year.

If you can't get psyched for this game, you're clearly not a Steelers fan.

Now, let's briefly discuss a few things to watch on Sunday, namely...

1. Shaun Rogers vs. Justin Hartwig
Much noise has been made about Shaun Rogers' arrival as savior of the Browns D line. Personally, I don't see it. I mean, you gave up a draft pick (3rd round I believe) and Leigh Bodden to get a guy who's had question marks basically since he stepped on NFL turf? But whatever. All I have to say is, the Cowboys rushed for 162 yards last week, each of their THREE running backs averaging at least 5 yards per carry. Some savior, huh? Do they think Willie Parker, Rashard Mendenhall and Mewelde Moore will be any easier? Dumb question, of course they do, they're Browns fans...irrationality knows no bounds in Cleveland.

2. Ike Taylor vs. Braylon Edwards
Donte Stallworth or no, Braylon Edwards is still the biggest weapon on the Browns Offense. The good news is, last week the Cowboys limited him to just 2 catches for 14 yards. The bad news is, that was last week. Certainly not enough reason for me to believe it will happen again this week. So Face Me Ike is gonna have to be on his Face Me Game. Is he up to the task? Well last week he did a pretty good job on Andre Johnson. So that's promising. But let's be honest, if the D line and Linebackers play like they did last week, we won't even need to worry about Stone Hands Ike.

3. The Steelers vs. Cleveland's Enthusiasm
Make no mistake, this is going to be a high energy game. The Browns haven't beaten the Steelers since 2003. And with all the hype surrounding their squad this year, Browns fans will likely be as unruly as ever. Plus, the Browns themselves recognize that we are the team they need to beat in order to be part of the conversation on league dominance. But we cannot let this unbridled enthusiasm get us so riled up that we start playing undisciplined. Keep focus. Sack Derek Anderson 10 times, put up approximately 102 points, and burn that stadium to the ground. Done.

So of course I'm going to be going out of my mind from the time I wake up until the 8 PM kickoff. And in my heart of homer hearts, I think they'll crush the Clowns. But at the same time, I recognize that this will not necessarily be a walk in the park. All I can say is, we had better beat them on Sunday or we'll never hear the god damned end of it. Am I wrong?

I ask you all - What/who will you be watching? Predictions on the score? And is Kellen Winslow as soft as Joey Porter always said he was? (see below)...


Oh, and for you weekend warriors, TSW has a tasty treat for you this weekend - Chicken Yakitori, Sparkling Sake, and Flat Earth Chips. So check it out and try something new.

Also, for the record, Steely McGnome has spoken and he has predicted a Steelers victory, 34-13. So we've got that going for us...which is nice.

And finally, keep your eyes peeled for Tecmo and Cotter's Pre-Game Show Extravaganza, which should be up sometime on Sunday morning...as well as Tobiathan's Liveblog Extravaganza - come and discuss the game as it's happening while OFTOT friend, Tobiathan liveblogs every drive.