AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm kind of tired of picking on the Browns. At least I feel that way today. So instead, I figured I'd do my best with either Cincy or VD-More. And since we just played the Bangles, not to mention the fact that there's nothing you can say about them that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan (they look bombed out and depleted), I really only had one choice for today's headline.

Vagina-More it is.

However, the unfortunate truth is, they're not really cooperating with me here. Normally I pick a headline that references one of our division rivals' ineptitude or general douchebaggery. But by virtue of their 7-4 record, the Ravens have pretty much escaped being the butt of my terrible jokes. Sadly, today's really not going to be any different. The good news is, at least I can get A laugh out of it.


OOPS! How'd that work out for ya? 4 picks, you say? A forced fumble, you say? Donovan McNabb benched after the 1st half, you say? Well, hell. That's pretty dern good, idn't it?

Hey Eagles, thanks for sucking. Where were those 9 sacks yesterday? And don't even talk to me about Donovan McTurnover. Oh shit, he just threw another pick! To an 8-year-old in the front row! Who has one arm! And his eyes closed!

You know what? You're right. Kevin Kolb's a much better option. Seriously.

I'll bet these links would have been more of a test for the Ravens Defense...

Three years old and this little girl's already confused by politics. The Steelers and John McCain? That's kind of a paradox. She does pick a mean booger, though [PSaMP]

Someone finally said it. Thank you, J Peezy! [Fanhouse]

Kevin Colbert makes this guy's top 10 Executives of the Year list. For the record, he's #1 on my list every year [Sporting News]

Obviously the Post-Gazette has not been reading OFTOT and PSaMP [Post-Gazette]

I guess the good news is Kyle Boller's good at something [Deuce of Davenport]

What's the most hardcore way to fight someone in football? Why, pulling his hair, of course! I think Matt Light's been training with Larry Johnson [Ballhype]

By the way, whoever has been spending their Saturdays and Sundays for the past few weeks systematically combing OFTOT's archives, I'd love to know what that's all about. I mean, I know it isn't because the shit is that good. Though there are some choice photoshops in there...

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Ah, the truth comes out. Unfortunately, it doesn't involve Chad Johnson punching any of the Bengals coaches. Sigh. Color me disappointed.

Anyways, so it appears that 85 pulled a Plaxico Burress, arriving late to a team meeting and then basically just taking up space while the coaching staff reviewed what were probably some very pressing and important matters...ish. And after repeated attempts by Offensive Coordinator Bob Bratkowski to snap him back to reality, Herr Marvin Lewis stepped in and brought the hammer down on bad boy Chad, sending him home to his mommy. No word on whether Chad will also get detention for this, but I've heard grumblings that they might put him on double top secret probation.

Either way, maybe OC (Ocho Cinco, get it?) should've consulted with his good buddy Donovan McNabb before he played footsie with the Bengals coaching staff. Then again, Donovan McNabb probably wouldn't have known about the rule regarding being on time for team meetings anyhow.

So, Chad - Congratulations on perpetuating your already negative image, dude. You're a model human being.

Well OC may have been late, but these links are right on time...

The Monday Friday Morning Chrysler New Yorker [PSaMP]

MJD thinks the Steelers are one of seven teams that could be in the Super Bowl. God, I hope so. But I can't say I'm that confident right now [Shutdown Corner]

Gary Russel's making more than just a statement about his goal line prowess...he's also showing us that his fashion sense is fierce! [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad]

Just in case you're a masochist - here's the video of Chris Crocker wrecking Sansmokio. Methinks that no amount of cheeba could've helped him numb the pain from this one [Sports Crackle Pop]

Send LJKC some love...she spent three whole hours at the dentist yesterday. That's pretty much like watching any St. Louis Rams or Detroit Lions game...ouch [Superhero.]

Meeting People Is Easy to follow later on this afternoon (maybe). Gotta do some real work first so they don't stop paying me. Lord knows I need that cash to feed my addiction to Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos.

The Wide World of Web - September 19 Edition...

The internet is a great place. A veritable playground, if you will. We all know it, we all love it, we all bask in its glory. But who really wants to take the time to troll around for all the hot topics, every freakin' day? Not me, but nonetheless, I've done it anyway. And for your general amusement, hopefully, I've graciously provided the stories below for you to read (or not read, your perogative) at your own leisure. Meaningful content? No, probably not. But hey, it's something!

Read Me:

• Donovan McNabb, you can't blame everything on being black...at some point you just have to be a good QB...I might be wrong...


• Jon Kitna, Field General and Lord of Miraculous Recoveries...I'll tell you what would be really miraculous. If the Lions actually win 10 games this season like Kitna said they would...


• I'm starting to get used to the words "Brady to Moss, TOUCHDOWN! Brady to Moss, TOUCHDOWN!"...it's actually scary...


• The only point this guy makes that I'm willing to agree with is "The Ben-gals vs. Steely McBeam"...More Ben-gals here...


• Silverback cleared for play...bonus...


• I will not talk about OJ Simpson...


• New Town, Same Ol' Peezy...Fox Sports helps us trace the history of Joey Porter talking shit...

And that's all for today, hope you all enjoy it as thoroughly as I did.