March 6, 2009

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, it looks like native Pittsburgher and current Green Bay Packers Head Coach, Mike McCarthy, may be looking to get 100% more guarantees in his life. And I say this because apparently the Packers brought in Anthony Smith for a visit this past Wednesday.

Now, farbeit from me to tell anyone how to run their team. I'm not exactly the king of making smart decisions (see: law school). And frankly, I can hardly run my own life most days. Still, I'd be remiss in my duties as a blogger if I didn't make light of the potential stupidity of other teams, individuals, and/or pretty much anything else on God's green Earth.

So, let's review Anthony Smith's career thus far.

A few good outings a couple of years ago notwithstanding, Anthony Smith's major contributions to the Steelers have consisted of...

(a) Being a notorious "practice thug"
(b) Getting famously urinated on by Randy Moss
(c) Showboating on an interception that meant nothing, and
(d) Taking stupid penalties, even after being relegated to Special Teams

However, yes, Anthony Smith is a talented football player. At one point he even looked like the heir apparent to the Free Safety position. And he's probably not altogether a bad human being either. But if you can't temper your aggression with a little discipline, it's somewhat difficult to thrive in the NFL.

Because I would know. Obviously.

This may come as a surprise given the massive verbal dumps I routinely take on him, but I actually wouldn't have minded if the Steelers re-signed Anthony Smith. Sure, he's a retard. But he's our retard.

No, seriously though - he's still got promise, he hits bitches like Chris Brown, and he's younger than Ryan Clark. PS - That Chris Brown joke may not be that funny, depending on humorous you find domestic abuse...

But oh well, there are other fish in the sea. I'm sure if it isn't Ryan Clark, the Steelers will find a non-guarantee-making, solid yin to Troy's yang. Wow, good thing I didn't mistakenly hit the "w" key instead of the "y" key, there. That thought could've taken on a whole new meaning.

Anyways, so long as Anthony Smith's not guaranteeing that Brett Favre will back out of his second retirement, I'm good. Or is it his third? I can hardly keep track. And really, who effing cares? This is all just filler anyhow.

Links are like sex appeal. The more you have, the more ass you get (no way in hell that's true...I can personally attest to it's falsity)...

Burghability > Drinkability [PSaMP]

The creator of those "Obey" cult stickers = big time dickhead [HHR]

An interview with the Godfather, Dick LeBeau [Sports Radio Interviews]

Why the Steelers should take TO...Conspicuously absent is the fact that he has his own hyperbaric oxygen chamber [Bleacher Report]

Speaking of TO, where will he land? I'll just be over here holding my breath [Rumors and Rants]

And also, MJD has sweetened the TO pot with this circus show suggestion - Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson...AT THE SAME TIME! [Shutdown Corner]

Today in people verbally fellating the Steelers [CBS Sportsline]

Do you think John Clayton has even slept at all during the past week? [The Sports Hernia]

Uh oh, the Patriots signed Philly's Greg Lewis. What will the Eagles do without one of their premier receivers? [Associated Press]

Big news out of Cincinnati - the Bengals are close to signing JT O'Sullivan [Associated Press]

The final vestige of the old Browns is no longer. The Ravens have given Kris Stover his pink slip [Associated Press]

The Browns sign free agent Safety, Mike Adams...whoever the hell that is [ESPN]

Chris Simms to the Broncos. It seems like just yesterday that some Bucs fans were telling Domski and I that they'd take Chris Simms over Big Ben. I wonder what they think now? [Associated Press]

Vern was a star at last night's Pens domination of the Panthers. PS - Vern, are you standing next to a dude waving a terrible towel? [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad!]

That's how they do's it in Moon Township, baby. Moon Tigers FTW! [Deadspin]

What can I say? Jokes about stereotypes will get me every time [Carbolic Smoke Ball]

I missed this in yesterday's links post, but every week The Big Lead does a badass Thursday morning "Lost" post. This one is a solid read for sure [The Big Lead]

I think it's safe to say that Doug is not impressed by, nor will he be taking the No Cussing challenge anytime soon [Dug E Fresh Rants]

Surprising realization of the day - Doughnuts better for you than muffins (at least some muffins) [Grumpy Old Dog]

Once again, I cannot accurately capture with words how, well, hilarious, Blog of Hilarity is [Blog of Hilarity]

Video of Sassy Cassee, the 2 foot 10 inch stripper on the Morning Freak Show [Kiss96.1]

Pennywise coming to a town near you! [Punk Rock News]

Theme of today's Riffs = "Most Ridiculous Songs of All Time" [Friday Morning Riffs]

And finally, who doesn't love a good tribute to the Steelers?

Clearly not me.

"Welcome to the weekend" post coming later this afternoon. These are usually my favorite posts of the week and are not to be missed (says the guy who writes them).

Plus, it's not like you want to do any work today. So come back and check it out.

Or I'll make out with your sister (lying).

Now, let's proceed to the part where you point out all my errors...

UPDATE: I lied. That was going to be the end. Until I found this...

Is there anything better than NIN and Dillinger Escape Plan doing "Wish?" No, there isn't.

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.


tecmo said...

Packers Head Coach, Mike McCarthy, may be looking to get 100% more guarantees in his life.

That made me laugh uncontrollably for some reason

Grumpy said...

Hey, thanks for the link. Practically makes me a celebrity. Smith should be nicknamed "toast".

Vern said...

I sure am. That guy is the freaking star of the Steelers bar during football season. He's crazy.