December 11, 2008

Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Which Steeler's Got The Sickest Beard Of Them All?

Alright so yesterday, whilst conversing about some highly intellectual and societally important topics (such as baby dogs), Tecmo brought up how sick of a beard Neil O'Donnell had. And having photoshopped his face on Tony Romo's body the other day, I couldn't help but notice that myself.

Of course, the logical response to something like that was to ask - "O'Donnell's beard, Faneca's beard, or Troy's beard?"

And so it kind of went on like this for a little bit, but when I got home last night, I thought to myself - yeah, that'd make a good post. Let me put together a sampling of some of the sickest beards to ever grace the turfs of Pittsburgh and have everyone rank them.

So that's just what I've done.

Take a look over the contestants below and let us all know in the comments where you'd rank each one. And if there are any glaring omissions, feel free to point that out too (as if you weren't going to anyway...)

Here they are in alphabetical order, by first name..

Alan Faneca

Man, that's one full face of red hair. I haven't seen too many redheaded beards in my day, but I'd venture to guess that Faneca's got the one redbeard to rule them all. I hope you're enjoying that properly, Jets fans.

Ben Roethlisberger

I like to call this his "wolfman" look. Never again, Ben. Never again...for the sake of the kids.

Brett Keisel

Even Chuck Norris couldn't grow a beard this sick. It looks like he's got like, a little forest on his face.

Bryant McFadden

Technically, this is really just a goatee. But because McFadden's got a McSickGoatee, I'm counting it. Just look at that thing. Glorious!

Chris Hoke

I still think he looks like Vader from WCW, but either way, that stubble is looking dense.

Donnie Shell

I find it rather entertaining that he's got more significantly more hair on his face than he does on his head. Kind of like my Dad (sorry, Dad). I, on the other hand, have the reciprocal problem. Too much mop on this head, not enough growth on my face. You think maybe they make Rogaine for facial hair?

Franco Harris

Oh man, I'm the worst Steelers fan ever for losing Franco in my morning daze! I had him in here last night when I started to write this post and then somehow, he got lost in the transition from tonight to this morning. But here he is, in all his bearded glory! Now it's a real beard-off!

Jerome Bettis

The Bus' facial goodness almost seems forced. But hey, it's The Bus. Even if he had just a soul [sucking] patch, he'd have made the list.

Louis Lipps

I really wish I could've found a picture without the helmet. Apparently either Louis Lipps is not nearly as photogenic as some of the other Steelers or the large majority of his pictures have been sucked into an internet black hole (or Google images just sucks at finding pictures of Louis Lipps). Either way...beard, indeed.

Mean Joe Greene

So I could've gone old Mean Joe beard or modern Mean Joe beard. Clearly I chose modern, but that's only because I couldn't find a good screen shot of that classic Coke commercial he was in. Mean dude, mean beard!

Mel Blount

See Donnie Shell. Also, I probably should've gone modern Blount here. If you've seen him post-1980, you'll know that in addition to an enduringly solid beard, he's also one of the foremost purveyors of Cowboy fashion. I believe he may be one of the only Steelers to consistently appear wearing a bolo tie.

Mike Tomlin

I'm not sure this is technically a beard, either. But come on, I mean, look at that dude. B.A. That's, Bad. Ass.

Neil O'Donnell

Now that I look at him in relation to all of these other well groomed gentleman, I'm a bit worried about his chances at making the top 10. Nevertheless, here's the inspiration for this post in all his bearded glory.

Steely McBeam

HEYO! It wouldn't be an OFTOT post without an appearance by Steely McBeam, now, would it? Night terrors abound!

Troy Polamalu

I'm not sure anyone else from California has ever sported such an excellent display of manliness. Proof positive that beard = power. This particular beard has powered Troy to 7 picks already. We can only hope that it's got a few more left before the season's out.

Ok, go...

/all easments, real covenants and equitable servitudes and no play make Cotter want to cut himself...


Get Fresh Designs said...

Top 5
1-Keisel - just awesome
2-Mel Blount - bald and beard = golden
3-Troy - I heard they're remaking Kung-Fu starring Troy.
4-McFadden - That is sick.
5- (tie) Hoke and Faneca - look like extras from Braveheart.

tecmo said...

I heard they're remaking the Mean Joe Greene Super Bowl ad for Coke with Troy for this year's Super Bowl. I hope he wore the beard in it.

matt said...

1. Keisel, that beard is just pure goodness
2. Troy
3. did he do that?
4.Mel Blount
5. Louis Lipps, just b/c he's one of my favorite Steelers of all-time

Cotter said...

For the record, I think I've narrowed my top five down to...

5. McSickGoatee
4. Mean Joe
3. Faneca
2. Troy
1. Keisel

Honorable Mention - Tomlin. Only because it makes him look 20-30 times more badass than normal, even if it isn't your traditional beard, per se.

ladi_izz said...

1. Brett- It's how a beard should look.
2. McFadden- That's insanity.
3. Mean Joe- But I like the old beard better.
4. Troy- It took some getting used to, but I'm feeling it.
5. Louis Lipps- Just because.

Honorable mention: Ben- His beard got us a fifth Super Bowl ring. But I liked the stubble, five o'clock shadow he had early on.

Roger Mudd said...

A Steelers beard-off without Franco? Really? Harris -- despite his State Penn roots -- is the winner hands down. He's still sporting it 30 years later. That, my friend, is a man.

Cotter said...

Oh my God, you're so right!

I had him in there, but somehow he got lost between last night and today.


I'll update.

shawnk said...

The award for lamest beard is a toss up between McBeam and O'Donnell.

tecmo said...

shawnk, in my email to cotter that I guess inspired this post, i believe my quip about O'Donnell was:

o'donnell's beard was the nastiest


tiny350Z said...

1. Love the Keisel.
2. Mel Blount - bald head and beard are rockin.
3. Franco. It's so fuzzy, yet well coiffed.
4.Troy's - though the beard may make it harder for me to be him for halloween.
5. Tomlin - agreed. Total B.A. right there.

BUT - there is a special place in my heart for the Lambert 'Stache. Again - B.A.

ladi_izz said...

Aw, I can't believe I forgot about Franco. I am ashamed. Revised list:

1. Still Brett
2. Franco
3. McFadden
4. Mean Joe
5. Troy

Sean said...

I feel like Marvel Smith (at least I think it's Smith) has the shaved head and beard look. He should also be added as a possibility.

Anonymous said...

What about Justin Strylznyk (sp?)?