I Stand Before You, A Free Man...

The gauntlet has been run.

I came. I saw. I shat on some pieces of paper with unrealistic questions on them.

I am now officially a 3L.

One more year of this soul sucking exercise and I'll finally be qualified to take an exam that will allow me to add an ESQ at the end of my name.

Like anyone cares.

Expect the normal, everyday assault on your superior intellects to resume Monday.

Possibly sooner.

It depends on how much beer my credit cards can buy between now and then [ just kidding, Mom, hehe :-) ].

Lost season finale tonight, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Might wanna fire up the DVR, though...

Go Pens.


Bruce Boudreau is ready for you, Geno. Ice it.

I Need to Draft My Life Back...

As you all know, this Saturday is the annual NFL draft.

Some of you have spent months checking every site on the internets for just a whiff of who the Steelers will pick. Me, I've sat back and joked about how predicting who they'll draft is about as productive as being an Eagles fan.

Nevertheless, Tec and I were going to come up with something really cool and/or fly to do for Saturday. You know, like a special episode of the show or something.

But the fact of the matter is...

A) I'm a waste of life and thus have been zero help on that front, and
B) Even if I wanted to do something, it'd be awfully hard to lift myself out from underneath this mass of paper I'm currently buried under

Such is life as a law student/slow adult.

Either way, here's the other draft I'd like to see on Saturday...


Unfortunately for me, however, here's the other draft I probably WILL see on Saturday...


That all said, if it's some actual info on the Steelers and the draft you're seeking, I urge you to go read a serious blog. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to watch and embrace whomsoever it is that Kevin Colbert deems worthy...

You really can't pretend to know more than the Steelers about who they should draft (at least when it comes to individual players). And if you do, please do us a favor and go talk about it somewhere else. I don't believe you anyhow.

I'm jusssstttt kidddddinnnngggg...ish.

I mean, if you feel like pontificating in the comments as to who you think the team will draft, be my guest. I may make jokes about the futility of this exercise, but that doesn't mean I'm any less interested in hearing what you all have to say. Unless your name is random asshole, that is.

Just kidding, asshole, [smiley face].

Now, I believe Domski was saying something about the Steelers drafting an O-Lineman in the first round. What was that again, man?

And finally, the random video of the day that has nothing to do with anything relevant...

That one goes out to Big Ben's cranium. It's an inside joke. One which I trust you all can figure out on your own.

Back to studying, now. FMyLife.com.

PS - Like I told Steve, I'm thinking about holding a religious draft. If you want in, let me know. Caveat = I've already called God AND Jon Kitna. Just so we're clear.

PPS - Percy Harvin and Brandon Tate puff the magic dragon. Apparently, weed is the new black.

And...I'm out!

Obligatory Footer - If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow me on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

/DONE!

Suck it, law school exams!

Consider yourselves, OWNED!

So, guys, what did I miss?

I Think These People Need To Get Laid...

Click to enlarge and See here for reference and such...

Notice the correct spellings of PittsburgH, the related group, "What Would Neil Patrick Harris do?," and the repetitious joke delivered by the spelling ace, there. Not to mention the extremely polite comment right above that.

Ravens fans, all class.

And also, you can't see it in the screen shot I took above, but this little gem was tucked away at the bottom...

Let me just ask - how can you, in good conscience, leave a game you just lost 13-9, that cost you the division, and still chant about the STEELERS sucking...Uh, sorry guys, I believe 'twas the Ravens who ultimately sucked, if I'm not mistaken...
[UPDATE: Nevermind...this was from when they killed us back in '06]

In other news, t-minus 36 hours until this law school exam business is all over!

Changes and Such...

Alright, a couple notes here for you...

First, this whole Google Friend Connect business. You may have already noticed the little module in the left sidebar in which there is a number of weird thumbnail pictures and some links that say things like "Join" and "Beer Me." Ok, there's no "Beer Me" link, try as I might. But in case you hadn't figured it out - OFTOT is now a "social" site thanks to the internet geniuses over at Google.

What this means is that now, in addition to commenting on posts, you can become a "member" of OFTOT and make "friends" with other members. Plus, they've got that nifty wall thing that I also copped. So once you become a member you can, you know, speak your mind freely about how much you hate me and my writing, over there, rather than feeling confined to commenting on the subject matter of a given post (Vern).

I think this is pretty cool stuff, myself. But I'm also a giant nerd. Nevertheless, I urge you to become a member so we can "connect" on another level and move one step closer to becoming actual friends, like in real life. Remember what that's like?

Second, and more importantly, it's that time in my semester. The time that all students, law school or otherwise, just adore. Finals, my friends.

Today is my last day of classes and for the next two weeks, I'll be in full fledged, lock myself in a room with a shitload of coffee and other study enhancers, crouched over a book that rivals the thickness of a Tolstoy novel, but does not have any of the literary appeal, mode (after work, that is).

It shouldn't really mean a whole lot for OFTOT, other than the fact that I may seem just a tad angrier than normal, and there may be days on which I don't get a morning post up until mid morning. That said, I have no idea if that will be the case or not. I'm just giving you fair warning.

And now that we've got that out of the way, I saw something this morning that kind of made me laugh and think at the same time. It was a family with a little girl, who was tethered to her Mother by a leash. Now, I've seen this before. I think right around the early to mid 90's this was kind of a "fad" for a little bit, maybe. Seeing this, I just can't help but think - what is that teaching the kid?

I mean, obviously, as a parent you want to make sure your kid doesn't wander off to get snatched up by some crazy child molester (see R Kelly/Random Asshole) or something. But you're not really teaching them what to do. You're just restricting their movement. I'm just thinking that by teaching them to stay by you on their own, they'll learn to just do it, without the need for a leash, as if they're some wild animal or something.

Then again, I'm not a parent, nor do I plan to be anytime in the foreseeable future. I love kids, but at my ripe young-ish age, I've still got a few years of idiocy left in me before I stop spending three hours a night playing Rock Band and start spending three hours a night feeding and coddling a small lifeform. Plus, this was on the busy streets of lower Manhattan (Canal St, no less). So maybe it was necessary.

Either way, I'll bet if these things were popular when I was a kid, my parents would've been first in line for one. I think I can still hear my Mom...

"CHRISTOPHER, GET! OVER! HERE! NO! LEAVE THAT DISPLAY ALONE! Shit, we better get outta here. I can't take you anywhere..."

/storms out of store angrily pulling young Christopher firmly by his left arm

Well, That Went Alright I Guess...

"It broke pretty well for us...We didn't feel like we reached for any positions."

- Kevin Colbert

Six rounds, seven picks, and I missed all but about three of them. Nonetheless, from what I've heard and read after the fact, Kevin Colbert took it to the bank, and we picked up a rather noteworthy stable of picks.

Unfortunately, our draft day discussion thread was pretty much an epic fail, despite what I thought was a pretty slick photoshop job (reused here) and some solid pre-draft rhymes. So I guess I'll just have to hear what you all think about this year's class this morning.

What do I think? Well, based on what little I know, I'd say it's fair to give the Steelers a B to B- for their performance. Outside of Mendenhall, Sweed, Dixon and Mundy, I'm pretty clueless as to these other dudes. So maybe they're studs, but I honestly couldn't tell you.

Hence, I only have a couple of things to comment on today, then I'll be more than happy to hear what you guys think...

The first two picks I couldn't have been happier with. Rashard Mendenhall is a solid between the tackles runner that will certainly give our offense a boost next season, as he'll presumably share the load with FWP (something I believe the Fast one will welcome). To get him at 23 was just unbelievable.

In kind, Limas Sweed was another guy that I am amazed we were able to steal at 53. Big Ben ought to be pretty psyched about getting a 6'4", 212 pound monster to throw to. Can't really go wrong there. If he lives up to the Plaxico Burress-esque playmaking abilities (without the attitude), this could prove to be an even bigger steal than anyone thought.

Dennis Dixon was clearly a head scratcher in the 5th round. While I personally like Dixon, it just doesn't make a ton of sense what with the Steelers signing Jared Zabransky this offseason and Chuck Batch still in relatively good health (for the relatively old man that he is). Plus we really could have gone D-Line here...

Ryan Mundy was a good call. Who knows if he'll amount to anything on the Steelers roster but I like to see that homegrown talent come back to the 'Burgh. If the analysis of his abilities is correct, and he's more of a centerfielder than an explosive tackler, maybe that won't be such a bad thing. With Polamalu all over the place, it would be nice if we had a guy that could capably handle the deep zone. Still, there's a reason why he wasn't picked until late in the 6th round. So let's not get ahead of ourselves.

And really that's all I got. I'll bet you're thinking - "man, that's three minutes I'll never have back...awesome."

I know less than nothing about Bruce Davis, Tony Hills, and Mike Humpal. So if you've got thoughts/assessment, I'm all ears.

Now, on a completely unrelated and unfortunate note -- due to my neurosis about finals, and strange, unexplainable desire to get good grades, I'll be taking my bellyaching offline for the next two weeks. IE - no blogging, just studying. But never you fear. I have solicited a replacement...err...well, Domski. Whatever you want to call him. So while I'm off trying to figure out why it was so important for me to read 50 friggin cases about Depraved Indifference Reckless Murder, the Dominator will do his best to keep you all entertained with the latest Steeler news. My head may surface here and there in the comments. But predominantly I'll be imposing radio silence until May 13 or 14, depending on how many days it takes me to recover from the traumatic events of May 5 (Criminal Law), May 8 (Civil Procedure), and May 12 (Lawyering).

So wish me luck, I'm off to enjoy self-imposed isolation. Keep it real, gangstas.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Rashard Mendenhall
Limas Sweed
Bruce Davis
Tony Hills
Dennis Dixon
Mike Humpal
Ryan Mundy

Meeting People Is Easy...

Alright dudes and dudettes, Friday is finally upon us. And that means -
(1) It's time for this week's edition of "Meeting People Is Easy"
(2) In less than 24 hours you all better be good and drunk
(3) Cotter has Moot Court and probably will not be walking straight later

As for Meeting People Is Easy, this week's panel has a lot to live up to after last week. You'll all recall that last week, Cotter's Dad entered the fray, and his answer to the question "Real Men Don't..." was not only the funniest given (by my account), but strangely it also paved the way for one of this week's questions. Which can only mean of course that SI is watching OFTOT and any day now my dumb ass will be getting served with some sort of copyright infringement papers or some such ridiculosity (yep, made that one up all by myself). So that should be a good time.

Anyways, the panel this week is as follows:
Joey Porter's Pit Bulls
The Chief
Notgomu
Cotter

I don't believe any of our panelists this week need any introduction, so let's just get right to it. As usual, if you're having trouble reading any of the answers below or just want a closer look at my ugly mug, click on the image to view it at full size. Oh, and for those of you wondering, I chose Gary Anderson as Notgomu's avatar. Ask Domski for a good story involving Gary Anderson...

And for those of you wondering why my '87 Accord was called, "The Chick Magnet" - it's because chicks dig a roomy sedan capable of seating five comfortably while at the same time carrying an assload of groceries. Duh.

PREVIOUS EDITIONS:
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5

And Now For Some Real Fun...

So you might have noticed the lack of a post yesterday...and the fact that this crap is all I'm giving you today. Well there's a very good reason for that - tonight I have final exam #1 of my Spring semester in hell at law school.

It's in legal research, which if you're not familiar, is about as much fun as an enema...but without the feeling of satisfaction after it's over (Yeah I don't know either...).

Nonetheless, I have been and will continue to be focused on trying to figure out what the hell we did all semester. So I regretfully inform you that for the 2nd day in a row I have nothing entertaining for you.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I've got a significant amount of really boring shit to go read...

PS - you'd be amazed how many stock photos have people smiling while taking exams. I can honestly say in all my years of academia I have never once smiled while taking an exam. That is completely unrealistic. Frankly, I'll be lucky if I'm not still bent over tomorrow...

How Much?? Wait, You Mean the PITTSBURGH Steelers?

"This is about being a Pittsburgh Steeler for as long as I can be...I don't want to go anywhere."

- Ben Roethlisberger

You know what guys? That's the last god damn time I allow those clowns over at law school to assign something to be due when some crazy shit like that shit that happened yesterday is going to happen. (Huh?)

Jesus, man. Of all days, I had to have an appellate brief due yesterday?! Go figure. In case you're wondering what the hell I'm babbling about - I had an appellate brief due yesterday...And I spent the better part of the day working on it. Thus I was left with far too little time for the things that really matter - like eating. And working. And blogging about Big Ben's new contract and the Steelers signing a new RB. You know, the necessities.

So yeah, I'm playing catch up right now.

First things first - Sunday, March 2, 2008 was Big Ben Roethlisberger's 26th birthday. Monday, March 3, 2008 the Steelers gave him the best birthday present this side of a young asian prostitute Kristin Bell, Rachel Hunter, a jacuzzi full of vanilla pudding and a snorkel. That's right, $102 million new reasons to smile, approximately 36 million of which are guaranteed (that's a lot of reasons, dude).

The deal, which also came with a $25 million dollar signing bonus, locks Ben up for the next eight years and makes the Louisiana Purchase look like child's play. So congratulations to Ben! Dude, you now make a shitload of cash. Not as much as me. But you know, they weren't about to give you "blogging" money or anything...maybe someday though. So in conclusion, maybe now we can also replace the gelatinous mass that is Sean Mahan and consequently protect the $102 million investment we just made. Sounds so simple, doesn't it...

Second, the Steelers surprised us all by actually participating in free agency signing former Vikings third string RB/PR, Mewelde Moore. From what I can tell, and what little I remember of seeing him play, he seems like a poor man's Willie Parker. 5'11", 209 lbs., career average of just about 5 yards per carry. Fair enough. But he also should be pretty good at returning punts and/or kicks. And by "should be pretty good," of course I mean should be able to catch the ball when it is punted and or kicked to him...fingers crossed.

Finally, in other free agency news - OFTOT understands that the Browns are trying to arrange a visit for Clark Haggans...Ok. And also, the Cardinals just signed Tuman...Ok...Is it just me, or is it patently obvious that a couple of NFL franchises really really really want to be like the Steelers?

Nah, I must be imagining things...

Thoughts, Steeler Nation?

PS - Happy Birthday Cotter's Sister!!!

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Big Ben Joins the $100 Million Club [Tribune-Review]
Steelers Need to Protect Their Investment In Big Ben [Fox Sports]
Steelers Sign Running Back [Post-Gazette]
Steelers Sign Mewelde Moore to 3 Year Deal [Associated Press]