OFTOT's Steelers Gameday Liveblog...

It's Sunday again
And Tobiathan's here
To liveblog this game
Never you fear

30 minutes 'til kickoff
So get to the couch
And get ready to watch the Steelers
Make the Giants say, "ouch"

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!

[Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Week 8...

Good Sunday, my friends. On this fine day, October the 26th, the year of our lord, 2008, I give you Episode 7 of the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show.

As you'll see, we had to tape early this week. So we didn't get to discuss anything fun like Sansmokio's Cheech and Chong moment. But we think it's worth a look nonetheless. Hopefully you do too.

And, of course, the ever-ridiculous, Outtake reel...


See you jokers at 4!

For another look, watch it again over at PSaMP.

OFTOT Week In Review - Week 8...

So I think I owe you all an apology. I really f'd this week all up. I was basically a ghost. No commenting. Barely any at least. That's not how I like it to be around here. After all, I really started this thing in order to talk about the Steelers, and of course, pizza, with anyone who will listen. So when I don't get to participate in the conversation, frankly, it upsets me. Seriously, I'm totally crying right now. Balling like a little girl. Like Paris Hilton when she found out she had herpes (I have no idea if that's true or not...her having herpes, not even the crying part...I probably just made that up).

But, you know how it is. We all have real jobs, and I am no exception. I've also got that whole school thing going on which doesn't exactly help. And for some reason, when it rains, the shit rains down all at once. This week tired me out, man.

I'm just beat. Thank God I'm out here in good ol' rural PA. I honestly thought I had forgotten what fresh air smelled like. No, not cow pastures. Like the country, man. I love it out here. For as much as I love the city, I can't help but feel a lot more relaxed when I'm hanging out among the corn fields and what not. But talk to me Sunday and see if I still feel that way.

Anyways, even though I was a complete waste of life this week (read: no different than normal), it still managed to come through as one of the best week's in OFTOT "history." And yeah, we dealt with some angry Ravens fans. But, admit it. If you lived in Baltimore, you'd be angry too.

So with that as the backdrop, I give you OFTOT's weekly editorial highlights and lowlights..

1. We had our biggest guest so far on the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show - Gnats...

2. We celebrated Mewelde Moore's 121 yard, 3 TD performance...

3. OFTOT > Browns, Bengals and Ravens...

4. Tobiathan taught us all some IM speak...

5. This picture STILL needs a caption...

6. Yo, this Plax...yeah, what up?

7. We commemorated my Mom's birthday...

8. So yeah, Troy is concussed...seven times over...

9. We had are still having some back and forth with Ravens sympathizers...

10. Five downs questions with Fifth Down contributor, John Woods...

11. Terrell Suggs' gums are eating his teeth...

12. The good. The bad. And New York City.

13. We got to know each other a little better...

14. Oh Sansmokio, what hast thou doneth?

15. Tec and I clarify the rules for T-Sizzle...

Also, check Tecmo and I out, breaking down this Sunday's game on the New York Times' football blog, The Fifth Down. I can't definitively speak for both of us, but I imagine Tecmo feels the same - this was an awesome opportunity and we really appreciate it. John Woods, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

And for you music lovers out there...the riffs:

1. Peace Frog - The Doors (2:00 - end)
2. For Boston - Dropkick Murphys
3. Erase Replace - Foo Fighters (2:20 - end)
4. My Favorite Accident - Motion City Soundtrack (1:50 - end)
5. Late - Kanye West

Bonus selection...
Under Pressure - Queen

Aside from that, I'll see you all Sunday. We'll have a brand new [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show for you. AND the usual badass liveblog with Tobiathan (as far as I know?). So keep your eyes peeled for all that noise. And thank you for your patience with me this week. Although, if you've read this blog for any amount of time, I suppose I owe you and even bigger thanks for your patience. I'm not sure I've ever quite gotten the hang of this whole blogging thing. Oh well, maybe next year.

Cheers to a great weekend!

It's A League Game, Terrell...

Screen shot courtesy of ESPN's NFL Live...

So for all of you out there wondering what the league's policy is on "bounties," here it is in black and white, as narrated by Tec.

Pertinent language?

1. "Any gifts by players to teammates...during the season are prohibited."
2. "This includes...'BIG Hit' incentives...for stopping an opponent..."

Or don't you know how to read, Terrell Suggs?

Of course, the term, "incentives," isn't clearly defined in this snippet of the policy. But I imagine a mutual agreement among teammates could be enough. And let's face it, the aim of the policy is clearly to discourage "bounties," or whatever you want to call them. So I'm pretty sure it applies in this instance.

This is not 'nam, Terrell. This is the NFL. There are rules.

PS - Chances are you'll see this again during the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show on Sunday...but just act like it's new to you. It's more fun that way.

Sansmokio and Friends...

This is easily the dumbest and worst quality photoshop I've ever done. But you'll have to excuse me, it's Friday...

Yeah, if you're wondering how that title relates to this post, don't. It doesn't at all. But I thought it was a funny nickname given Santonio's recent encounter with Pittsburgh's finest. What's not funny, however, is the fact taht he's been deactivated for Sunday's game. Enter Limas Sweed. Well played, Sansmokio. NOT!

And by the way, let's talk about that for a second. Dude, if you're going to roll around in a car with expired plates, don't you think you should do it sans-multiple rolled blunts? I mean, don't you have a nice cushy mansion, complete with the music video-esque crew of hot chicks, in which you could partake of your roughage? I know I would. But hey, that's just me. [UPDATE: I now know it was NOT because he was driving with expired plates, but rather that his car apparently resembles that of a drug trafficker...which is also awesome]

Moving on, we do in fact have a pretty important game this Sunday. One that the whole country will likely be watching...except for some parts of Michigan, where Lions fans have already given up on football.

We've talked about it all week. The Giants are a good football team. When they're on, they're on. The triple threat backfield of Brandon Jacobs, Ahmad Bradshaw and Derrick Ward, coupled with Eli, Plax, the other Steve Smith, Amani Toomer, Sinorice Moss, Dominick Hixon, and company, should provide an ample challenge for our Defensive unit. If the Steelers can shut said backfield trio down and pressure Ben's fellow 1st rounder from 2004 into making bad decisions (which we know he will do when pressured), we should be able to eke out a victory.

I'm not expecting a blowout, though. This one could easily go down to the wire. I just hope that if it does, it's not due to an unexplainable lack of Offensive production like that Eagles game. I have full faith in our Defense to do it's job, with or without Bryant McFadden and Troy (who likely will play anyhow). And here's to hoping they destroy Plax!

Oh, and Steely McGnome has predicted 27-20, Steelers.

Thoughts anyone?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, wait a minute, Phil. Which person are we talking about? I mean, Romeo Crennell is a rather portly fellow.

Kidding aside, can't we all just agree that when the Browns are involved, everyone loses. There is no right and wrong party, here. This story needs to just go away.

Phil, you screwed up. Fine. Kellen, YOU screwed up. Whatever. Why don't you just kiss and make up? For Christ's sake...

At least you all and I can kiss and make up while reading these links...right?

Santonio cited for weed...awesome [PSAMP]

Sean and I tackle the big question - will Tennessee win the AFC [MVN Outsider]

Hines weighs in on "the hit" [Post-Gazette]

Yikes, McCain supporter mugged in the 'Burgh [TMZ]

Wyshynski interviews Director and Devils fan, Kevin Smith [Puck Daddy]

Meeting People Is Easy...

It's been a long week. Last Saturday morning I woke up feeling like I'd just died, and I hadn't even drank the night before. Oh no, this wasn't hangover sick. This was like, my head feels like it's about to explode and my body is being taken over by mucus sick. And I'm still not fully recovered. Plus, you know, I have a real job that requires my attention. Sometimes.

Anyways, shitty week or not, I wasn't going to let Meeting People Is Easy slip. A man's gotta have priorities, right? Unfortunately for me, MPIE represents one of the higher ones. Right up there with school and eating Pepperidge Farm Orange Milano cookies.

This week it's an all Steelers fan/blogger cast. The panel consisting of...

Christmas Ape ~ Poised to destroy me in fantasy this Sunday...hard.

The Immortal Silky Johnson ~ Recently victimized by his company's e-Censorship policy...

Tobiathan ~ Has already commented on this post in his mind...

Don ~ Man, it's been too long since we've had Don on the panel...

Random Asshole ~ Yes, the worst part about living in Boston would definitely be all the Patriot "fans..."

Jup ~ Headed to the 'Burgh for the next week...if you see him, say hello...

Sean ~ See, I'm of the mindset that you can't really know someone UNTIL you've seen them in their pajamas at the grocery store...

Nate ~ Social commentator...

THE Jim ~ This is exactly the type of attorney I'd like to become...

Domski ~ Living among some of the country's best and brightest...

Me ~ Come pick me up...take me out...well, you know this one, don't you?

As usual, click to enlarge...


Man, I'm going to bed. Catch you all on the internets.

Why I Hate to Love New York...

As you all well know, The Big Apple is currently my home. Well, technically across the river in Hoboken, NJ. But it's essentially the same thing, and either way I'm surrounded by Giants fans. So I figured today it might be apropos to talk a little bit about this fair city, the one that never sleeps, since we're playing the aforementioned vaGiants on Sunday.

Some days, I love this place. It's a marvel of modern construction. You meet tons of interesting people with interesting backgrounds, and you can get a falafel at just about any hour.

But it's not without its drawbacks. And some days I just want to take this plastic fork that's sitting next to my desk and stab myself in the eye with it...among other such uncomfortable exercises.

So as a little psuedo-therapy, I laid out some of the positives and negatives about this small town below. Peruse them at your will and feel free to share any and all feelings you have on the subject(s).

Things I Love...
1. What time is it? 1:45AM? Ah man, it's early, let's go to the bar.
2. Chicks. They have them here too. Hot ones. They're not into me at all. But they're fun to look at.
3. Pizza. They make dough, sauce and cheese sing here.
4. Never having to drive anywhere. Ever.
5. Long Island. Thank you for producing some of the most ridiculous people on the face of the earth (including my Mom).
6. The Knitting Factory. This place reminds me of the TLA in Philly, one of my all time favorite venues at which to see a show.
7. Delivery everything. My ass never needs to leave my couch if I don't want it to.
8. Yo, was that a chick or a dude?
9. The Beer Garden in Astoria. Best outdoor drinking venue EVER.
10. My Friend: Dude, that was Gavin Rossdale! || Me: Big deal, Gavin Rossdale sucks. Where's Gisele at? (Sidebar: This actually happened)

Things I hate...
1. Trying to walk on the sidewalks around here is like playing Frogger.
2. 0.5 second hesitation at green light = permanent migraine brought on by incessant honking.
3. No, I do not want your inferior cable service, but I have no choice, do I?
4. Yeah, my new place is really sweet, man. I've got 600 square feet and I only pay $1600 a month! (Sidebar: this is not a true statement for me)
5. I think Hoboken could really use a Wawa. Like a block from my house. That'd be awesome, thanks.
6. Dude, walking six inches behind me is not going to get you there any faster!
7. The Yankees. But to be fair, I'd hate them no matter where I live.
8. Humidity. From May to October this place is like a god damn sauna.
9. $11 for a Tanqueray and Tonic? Hold on, let me go see if I can sell some blood.
10. Hipsters. You know, the ones that go out of their way to be indie. These people should be exiled to Staten Island.

Thoughts?

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Terrell Suggs is an asshole. What else do you want me to say? He's running his mouth all around about how the Ravens've got some "bounty" on Hines Ward's head. Idiot.

First of all, if you're going to have a bounty, you can't talk about it. That's like rule #1 of a bounty - Don't talk about the bounty.

Second of all, no. You are stupid. This is the dumbest thing you've probably ever done. Also, your gums look like they're eating your teeth. Mr. Ed called, he wants his jaws back.

Third of all, your nickname...sucks. T-Sizzle? God, I hope you didn't strain yourself brainstorming that one. Oh, I get it. It's functional and also cool sounding. Two things in one. Fantastic. The man-horse from the Old Spice commercial would be real proud of you. Who gives a shit?

Terrell Suggs, shut up, dude. Fact is, you're probably scared that Hines Ward is gonna cold cock you like the little bitch you are. Admit it, you like Appletinis.

Have an Appletini yourself while reading these links...

This guy would still take Eli over Big Ben? Maybe that's why I've never heard of him [Fox Sports]

This guy needs to knock it off [PSAMP]

NFL launches "investigation" of Ravens [Post-Gazette]

Quoth Troy - "As a matter of fact, they were going to take pictures on how a perfect brain looks..." [Trib]

Ditka defends Hines, says NFL should remove face masks. I love Ditka [Post-Gazette]

"Anything I (expletive) want to do." You stay classy, Plax [SteelCityInsider]

Five Questions with a Giants Steelers fan...

Yet again, this image has absolutely zero to do with the following post. But, it makes me laugh. And that's enough...

John Woods is a staff editor for the New York Times and regular contributor to the Times' football blog, The Fifth Down. He's also a Steelers fan. Of course, I didn't know this when trading emails with him. So I thoroughly made an ass out of myself by asking him five questions about the Giants, worded as if he were as rife with Giants homerism as I am with Steelers homerism. Nevertheless, he was nice enough to actually answer my questions without ripping me for being a completely worthless human being. Which works out well, because that position's already been filled by my ex-girlfriend anyhow. Ba-dum-ching!

Ah, but I digress.

Indeed, I posed five questions to John in advance of our game with the vaGiants on Sunday and he answered them to the best of his abilities without letting his Steelers fandom affect his responses too heavily one way or another. The results are what you see below.

So without further ado, I give you John Woods making the best out of the most irrelevant questions I could think of.

1. How are you guys enjoying Plaxico Burress?

Let me state for the record that 1) I am not a Giants fan, 2) I have been a Steelers fan since I was 6 and 3) that I have no problem with Burress's supposed toxic presence -- in New York, anyway. Burress is a talented player and he has made a lot of hay with Eli Manning. Aren't they among the most successful touchdown tandems in the league? I can see Steelers fans having a different point of view, but Burress has since developed his talent and is now probably worth the headache. To wit, he pulled a Terrell Owens last year -- and by that I mean that he put aside his own semiserious injuries and personal problems to really power the Giants to the Super Bowl -- without later pulling a Terrell Owens -- and by that I mean that Burress didn't disrupt the entire team and get run out of town when he went for a bigger contract. ...The latest scandal about him missing Monday's meetings was B.S., if you ask me. If Burress was having some serious issues with his family, his wife or his kid or something, then I think he deserves a pass. It's not like he is getting a lot done on Mondays. And. It's not like he was unapologetic. He told reporters -- check the wire stories -- that he would call the next time, which is what the Giants wanted him to do. The Giants, for their part, cut his fine in half. But everyone in New York painted him as a miscreant. Which, O.K., he probably is. ...Do the guys in the locker room think he's a jerk? I dunno. But, let's face it, most of them are probably jerks.

2. What parallels do you see between the Giants and Steelers?

Now that you mention it, there are more than a few. Similar styles of play, on either side of the ball, for one. Both teams have lost key players to injuries, though those losses have not seemed to matter much. Both teams won Super Bowls the hard way, with a four-game sweep through the postseason.

3. Do you think having Tom Coughlin (formerly of the Steelers old AFC Central rivals – the Jacksonville Jaguars) at the helm gives the Giants an edge at all?

No. Not more than the other dozen teams with good coaches. I understand that Coughlin has already been anointed a genius for winning the Super Bowl, but that was probably more in spite of him than because of him. His biggest contribution was more like addition by subtraction. I admit that I don't know a lot about the team's chemistry, but the Giants really seemed to start playing better last season when Coughlin reportedly eased up on his notoriously strict team policies.

4. How could you guys let us down and lose to the Browns?

That was shocking. But strictly a matter of the Browns being ramped up and Manning throwing three picks. I don't think it was a chink in the armor. It was just one of those things that happens in the N.F.L.

5. How do you see this game going and what's your prediction on score?

I dunno. This is tough. It's going to be a good game, I bet. (I am ticked that the late start means I will have to watch the second half at work.) ...The matchups are interesting. The big one is the Steelers against the Giants' pass rush. It looks bleak for Pittsburgh. About the only real difference between Manning and Big Ben (Eli is more prolific, Ben is more efficient) is in the number of times they've been sacked. So, the Steelers are going to have to figure out some new protections -- but they have the Browns to copy from. The Giants had no sacks in Cleveland. ...The bottom line is that I think it's clear that the game will be low scoring, and so within reach for either team when it's the fourth quarter. The Giants run a tight ship: they have only five turnovers in six games. That's huge in a game like this. I say, Giants, 20-13.

Watching the second half at work? Ladies and gentleman, pity this man.

So what would you guys say to all this?

Say What???

"After the play, I wasn't screaming 'he's hurt.' I was screaming 'he's done.'"

- Ray Lewis

This was taken from last week's issue of Sports Illustrated, which for some reason unbeknownst to me I still subscribe to.

So um, Ray...uh, what the shit is that?

Sounds pretty dick to me.

What do you guys think?

Also, see here for Terrell Suggs' shit talk on the matter.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

Well, you know what they say about loose lips - "they sink ships." Of course, I don't think the Browns have to worry about that much. Their ship sank a few weeks ago (if not quite a few years ago).

I kid, I kid...sort of.

See, the thing about this is - I'm not sure why Kellen Winslow feels it's so important that Phil Savage call him when he's in the hospital. Would Kellen Winslow have called Phil Savage if roles were reversed? Doubtful.

Sounds like the Browns got themselves a bona fide diva, ala Chad Ocho Cinco, T.O. and Plexiglass Burress.

Hey Kellen, guess what? YOU'RE ALWAYS HURT OR SICK! Here's a tip - PLAY A FULL 16 GAME SEASON AND THEN MAYBE PEOPLE WILL CARE MORE ABOUT YOU BEING SICK AND/OR HURT! Jesus, dude. It's your 5th year in the league and you've only made it through two of them without breaking a nail hurting yourself in one way or another. Two out of five ain't bad? Uh, no. That'd be two out of three. Two out of five is, in fact, bad. Get your shit together, you sloppy mess.

But you know what? As far as I'm concerned, he can absolutely keep making comments like this. It gives me something to write about on a Wednesday afternoon. So thank you, Kellen. Your contribution to today's headline of the day may have already outweighed your contribution to the Browns franchise over the duration of your young career.

Make YOUR contribution to the blogosphere and read these links...

Nate Washington, no longer like the candy bar? [Post-Gazette]

Yeah, I wonder if toddlers feel this way about the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show [PSAMP]

Insult to injury? I don't know, I think this guy had it coming when he said the Steelers might become the LA Steelers (that was a joke in case I'm not being clear) [Sporting News]

"If you think Manuel has trouble with English, imagine him talking Japanese." Um, I believe the word you were looking for was "speaking." Imagine him SPEAKING Japanese. Who's a master of the English language now? [Associated Press]

Anyone else who remembers Mustard Plug can be my friend every day of the week [Sportsocracy]

The High School me is weeping in mourning [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

Troy Polamalu Needs to Wear Two Helmets...

Troy Polamalu is out of his damn mind. I mean, that's not really any big secret. He's the good kind of crazy. The kind that makes you go - "He's going to do WHAT? I didn't even know he owned a Santa suit!"

But dude, he just suffered the 7th concussion of his career and he's talking about playing on Sunday? Jesus. One concussion and I'd probably be thinking twice before getting back on the field at all. Of course, there's a huge difference between me and Troy Polamalu. Namely, I'm a pussy and he's, well, not. But that's neither here nor there.

First thing I want to know is - How effective are you one week after suffering your 7th concussion? I know Troy is a soldier (and I don't mean in the Kellen Winslow sense). But I'm just saying, what if he finds himself out there on the field, disoriented for even a second and something or someone slips by him that he might've stopped if he had his full wits about him?

Of course, I'm no Doctor. My shortcomings in understanding science are well documented. Just ask my High School Biology teacher, Mrs. Young. So what the hell do I know about concussions? Plus, I've never met Troy Polamalu. Never talked to him. Never apprised myself of his medical history, beyond his history of concussions, that is. So I don't know HIM either. It's entirely possible that this whole point is moot. But it's certainly something to think about.

Also, as far as I understand it, concussions can put the kibosh on any kind of career longevity real quick. Wouldn't he rather not risk it for one game that may not even mean anything when it's all said and done? I know what you're going to say - every game means something. Ok, sure. I think that too. But not when you're talking about my future livelihood. I don't know. I just keep thinking - any way you slice it, the man has got some gigantic cojones.

That all said, I love Troy Polamalu. I love watching him hurdle offensive lineman, make circus catches for interceptions, and absolutely murder opponents. There are only a few other players I love watching as much as Troy Polamalu. I'd probably watch Troy Polamalu attack a Primanti Brothers sandwich if you put that shit on TV. And listen, who am I to question Troy Polamalu? Over the summer, people were wondering - what the hell is Troy doing out in Southern California with Todd Marinovich's Dad? Not me. If Troy wants to do some crazy workout routine with the father of a former 1st round bust, hey, that's just like, his opinion, man. He's Troy Polamalu. So if Troy wants to play after a concussion, ok. I mean, he obviously knows a thing or SEVEN about it.

But let's talk about this...For the sake of conversation, if Anthony Smith were to play in Troy's place for some reason, do you think we would get...

A. Anthony Smith, The Sandman

OR

B. Anthony Smith, The Prophet


What say you?

Oh, and by the way - I found it rather disturbing that when I searched "Troy Polamalu" on Google images, I got an inordinate amount of pictures of Sanjaya from American Idol. Somebody call Al Gore. The internets are broken.

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

See the fun part about this, is that this headline came from a Browns focused online outfit.

You know, I continue to be amazed by the delusions of grandeur emanating from Cleveland. I'm not saying Browns fans should expect to lose or accept the franchise's recent mediocrity. I'm simply suggesting that one game does not a season make.

Aside from last Monday's Giants game, the Browns haven't exactly looked like Super Bowl contenders. I mean, with all the injuries that team has alone, they'd be in trouble. Couple that with the struggles of their "offensive play makers" and you've got a recipe for a high '09 draft pick (providing they haven't traded them all away).

Oh Cleveland, eventually you're going to have to realize that injuries + under production on both sides of the ball + trading valuable draft picks does not equal CHAMPIONSHIP...

I'm not going to hold my breath, though.

On a lighter note, here's a fun search term for you...

"Straight dudes thumbs." What do you suppose this person was looking for?

Nothing to see here, Spain. We may be straight dudes, but we're fully clothed straight dudes.

Try not to take your pants off while reading these hot links...

Tecmo takes some dude named Robert Littal to task for calling Hines Ward "dirty"...among other "observations" [PSAMP]

McFadden out 5 games [Post-Gazette]

The Pittsburgh Steelers - Kings of capitalizing on the UFA market [Associated Press]

Ok 49ers, so you fired your Coach. Your QB is still JT O'Sullivan [ESPN]

My cultural sensitivity tells me this pretty f'd up [Deadspin]

Is Sid underrated? [Puck Daddy]

He's A ComPlax Individual...

The Giants. We're playing 'em Sunday. So what better way to start off Giants week than to talk about Plaxico Burress? None, right? That's what I thought you'd say.

Plaxico Burress is a pox. As we well know, he is herpes, SARS and the avian flu all rolled into one. He is to Pittsburgh what Terrell Owens is to Philadelphia. But scaled proportionately to the amount of shit each respective franchise would tolerate. He has made a career out of consistently keeping himself from reaching his full potential. He's made dumb mistakes, he's refused to run routes 100%, and if this report is correct, he still owes back taxes to Moon Township (Domski - better get Sandy on the case).

But for all of his bullshit, he's a superbly talented receiver. He was pretty awesome for us. He's been downright dominant at times for the Giants. He's 6'5", 232 lbs of diva, who still holds the Steelers record for most receiving yards in a single game. And like Chad Ocho Cinco, if he played the game anything like Hines Ward plays the game, he'd probably be a first ballot hall of famer. You know, this is Plaxico's 8th season in the league? And he's still never made a pro bowl he still acts like a rookie.

It defies logic, I know.

Anyways, since I'm accustomed to doing this sort of thing, I figured I might as well rip on Plax a bit. So today I thought it'd be fun to play a little game I'm calling - "What's Plaxico Burress Saying?"

I think you can pretty much figure out how it works on your own.

I'll lead with the comment I made over at Deuce of Davenport yesterday. Here we go...


Plax: "Yeah, let me get a double cheese, sausage and bologna pie delivered to Giants stadium? Yeah, on the home sidelines. Just ask for Plaxico." [hangs up phone]

Mr. Hand Tom Coughlin: "Mr. Burress, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance on my sidelines and on my time."

Plax: "I've been thinking about this, Coach Coughlin. If I'm here...and you're here... doesn't that make it our time?"


"Aw Paris, like OMG, I would LOVE to be your new bff. LOL. TTYL."


"Girl, you know that kid ain't mine. I ain't even ever been to Alaska."


"What, this visor? Yeah, this is why I'm hot..."


"Why yes, I'd love to do 'Dancing with the Stars?'"


"You people keep [redacted] around, I'm gon' go get my gun."


"Yes. I would like free tickets to the ballet, thank you very much."


"Who the hell is this Eli Manning guy you keep talking about?"


"I don't know, Mom. I think Smurfs would go better with my uniform."


"What the [redacted] you think? I'm Plaxico Burress, bitch!"

Oh yeah, and the Giants have some other guys named, like, Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Steve Smith, and Dominick Hixon who are pretty good too. McFadden is out for Sunday, and Troy is questionable. Sounds like it should be a fun one...

The Little Engine That Could...

Quick, give me your best caption for this photo.

Sorry, no prizes. But you will get bragging rights and some "mad props."

Ok, go...

PS - Do your civic duty and vote Nate Washington into the Pro Bowl! I've voted three times already and may vote three more times before the day is through.

Dear Diary...

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tobiathan's "Dear Diary" appears every Monday following Steelers games. Except when it appears on Tuesday, following a Monday night game. These are Tobiathan's deepest and most intimate thoughts. And he's kind enough to share them with all of us. So continue to show him love in the comments!

Dear Diary,

OMFG! Do you *believe* those striped-pumpkin goons in southern Ohio? You know, the ones who put friggin' cinnamon in their friggin' CHILI!? Yup- those 'tards.

They had the audacity to actually stay in a game against our Incredible Super-Steelers!

That took a lot of nerve, Diary! If there is one thing I can NOT stand, it's when an absolutely crapola-miserable team actually tries to compete against our Stillers. Don't they know when to just lay down and die? I mean, we had a couple big-timin' Steelers injured, and for what?

On a positive note: Hines "Jawbreaker" Ward broke some Scrubinnati Bungles' jaw early on. It's hard to believe Hines hasn't had a nickname before now, but "Jawbreaker" is as good as it gets, and he earned it proper-like. Diary, I sure hope that new nickname sticks, because I certainly don't get as much love and attention from the rest of the world as I do from YOU! And I SHOULD. Dammit. Sometimes I just wish you could hold me, Diary :-(

The Silverback had another great day against yet another Ohio pretender-team. He's sooooo amazing! If I could be a pro player, I'd want to be James "Silverback" Harrison, Diary.

See? He has a nickname, and he's only been a starter for a little while compared to Hines...wtf? How wrong is that?

As much as I hate to ever admit it, this week was kinda a boring game. Sure, our heroes won. Sure, we scored a lot of points. And- Hines broke a guy's jaw (Jawbreaker, baby!). But still: it was the Bungles; not exactly a SuperBowl-quality win, ya know, Diary?

But I'm not complaining. And I hope that poor guy Rivers' jaw heals OK. But it must be embarrassing for a LBer to get his jaw busted by a WR....muwhahaha.....

What? I am NOT an insensitive sh*t, Diary! How could you say that!?!

OK...maybe it *was* a little common to laugh at a divisional opponent's pain and complete domination. But ain't that the beauty of SteelerNation? We're just *so much better* than everybody else ;-P

I forgive you, Diary. You're just trying to keep me honest, and socially presentable. I'm soooo glad I can tell YOU my dirty little secrets :-)

And keep it quiet about those pink, lacey things, huh?

Love you forever and a day, Dearest Diary!
XOXOXOXO
Yours Always,

- Tobiathan

AFC North Headline Of The Day...

"Old" Browns? Wait, when were they the "New" Browns? One win over one quality team and all of a sudden they were some sort of powerhouse? Jesus, the delusion in Cleveland is incorrigible.

I have nothing more to say about this.

Maybe these links will prove more insightful...

Hey Hey, It's the Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker [PSAMP]

Brandon Jacobs is dissatisfied with your mediocrity, Eli. And frankly, speaking as your fantasy owner, so am I [NY Daily News]

Brett Favre sabotaged the Packers? Get right out of town! [SI.com]

I think I can help shed some light - Ryan. Fitzpatrick. [Trib]

Kellen Winslow does not want to be treated like a piece of meat. I don't even know where to begin [Associated Press]

The Larry Johnson domestic insurrection sitch - spitting in a woman's face. Yikes [PFT]

We Really Couldn't Have Asked for Much Moore...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that picture has very little to do with what happened in Cincinnati yesterday. It is, however, fun for me to look at. And frankly, that's enough.

Well friends, thankfully I think this is the first time since Week 1 that I don't have to write - "it wasn't pretty, but a win is a win." Whereas our last three wins were achieved by an average margin of 4 points, yesterday we enjoyed a slightly more favorable differential of 28 points! Yeah, we destroyed them. I particularly liked the part where MEWELDE MOORE had THREE TOUCHDOWNS. Let me repeat that. MEWELDE MOORE had THREE TOUCHDOWNS. How many of you thought I'd be writing THAT this morning?

And so we increase our record to 5-1, as the score is now Big Ben - 11, Ohio - 0. The Steelers took care of business by way of "the big three" (Hines, San Antonio and Nate Washington) combining for 206 of the Steelers 250 total passing yards, and 2/3 of the number of touchdowns that Mewelde Moore had. Not altogether a bad performance.

On the other side of the ball, the Steelers Defense had seven sacks - the tandem of Wooderson contributing a combined FOUR, The Law contributing two more and James Farrior rounding things out with the seventh. No picks. But a fumble recovery and plenty of solid plays nonetheless.

Still, before I get too amped up, it WAS the Bungles. I mean, they were 0-6, starting Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB and struggling with perhaps the biggest waste of talent this side of the Mississippi (wait, Cincinnati is on this side of the Mississsippi, right?). The fact is, we should have won this game by even more than we did. Not necessarily because the Bengals were so shitty. But really because of that offensive dearth for the entire 2nd Quarter.

Whatever. We won! We're 5-1, leading Bawlmore, who unfortunately took care of the Dolphins yesterday, by two games in the division and will undoubtedly increase our profile in the conversation about playoff contenders. Not that we need that last part. But listen, without Master Fly W Large, Big Snack or Marvel Smith, we still put up 38 points and held the Bangles to just 10. Probably should have been 3, but I'm not going to split hairs.

5-1 feels good, right? I know it does for me. So let's go through the weekly recap of "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were Not Awesome," and "Things That Sucked Mini Horse Balls." You'll notice I expanded the "Awesome" section to 10 instead of the normal five. I couldn't pick just five. Go with it.

Things That Were Awesome...
1. Mewelde F'ing Moore - 120 yards, 3 TDs (no brainer)
2. This hit on Keith Rivers...

3. Silverback...No need for anything more clever
4. Punt coverage (Bengals return avg. = 2 yards)
5. Santonio Holmes' 5 catches, 89 yards, and 1 TD
6. 0 sacks allowed!
7. 0 offensive turnovers!
8. Did I mention, Mewelde Moore's 120 yards and 3 TDs?
9. Timmons, Woodley and Harrison combining for six sacks
10. Face Me Ike playfully nudging Ocho Cinco out of bounds

Things That Were Not Awesome...
1. Kemoeatu's 500th false start penalty in the 1st six games
2. Letting Chad Johnson score his 1st TD against us since 2005
3. The Browns (as we knew they would be)
4. Kickoff coverage (Caldwell's return avg. = 29 yards)
5. Marvin Lewis' post-game demeanor

Things That Sucked Mini Horse Balls...
1. Troy leaving the field after a helmet to helmet with Cedric Benson...
2. With McFadden in tow
3. Our offensive production in the 2nd quarter...or lack thereof, rather
4. Watching Ryan Fitzpatrick orchestrate a 14 play, 92 yard TD scoring drive
5. Being sick and not drinking at the bar

One other thing that was awesome - yesterday's liveblog, courtesy of Tobiathan. I wasn't able to join, because the game wasn't on regular TV here and I don't have the kind of coin that would fund me getting something fancy like Sunday Ticket. But I checked it out last night and it looked to be as awesome as usual! Well done, Tobiathan!

Also, OFTOT friend and compatriot, The Chief was there to witness the beating from some prime seats. And he was kind enough to send visual evidence. Check these out...

Looks like he found an island among a sea of insanity...


Hey, what's Najeh doing stretching? He ain't gonna play, is he? Wait, what?


If you look closely, you'll see someone has an even sicker 'fro than Tomlin...


Wow, I'll bet the guy in the Keith Rivers jersey is pissed off today...


The Chief kindly noted - even Anthony Smith got to play...


From 100 feet away, Ed Hochuli is still thicker than that towel holder's wrist...


As The Chief pointed out, somebody won't be getting laid tonight...


Wait, I think I see a Bengals fan...oh, no, that's just a guy in a hunting vest...


No two people are not waving a Terrible Towel...


Thanks Chief! Some solid camerawork. Looks like it was a blast! Beyond that, I think we savor the win for today, and begin to mentally prepare for the defending champion Giants next Sunday.

Now let's get his party started discussion going...

What did you all think? What were your "Awesomes," "Not Awesomes," and "Sucked Mini Horse Balls'?"