Tupac Who...

"I knit sweaters, yo."

Knitting.

It's what's going on in the streets, son.

If you didn't know that, you need to get your head out of your ass.

...I mean, I don't know what's funnier - Taylor Swift rapping, T Pain's general appearance or the fact that I thought Taylor Swift wasn't half bad.

I'll leave that one up to you all.

h/t to my boy Mikey at the Kiss 96.1 Morning Freakshow!

The Steelers? They're probably doing something. But I can guarantee it isn't as funny or as interesting as this. It's the offseason. Deal with it.

PS - Happy Birthday, Tupac! You are still missed.

2nd h/t to my buddy Andy from The Arena for the 'pac tip!

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Headline of the Day...

Anyone who's been hitting the pavement, searching for a new gig in the last oh, I'd say nine months or so, knows what this ad is talking about (you probably wanna click to enlarge that bad boy).

What a state of affairs right now.

I'm not pretending to have the answer.

But if I had a dollar for every time I saw an ad offering something like $12/hr for a full time, non-entry level, professional position, I'd probably be able to single-handedly stimulate this economy back into being the well oiled machine it ought to be.

Put it this way, when employers have to explicitly say "with benefits" in a classified ad, you know there's a problem.

Anyways, totally not Steelers related at all.

What can you do?

Oh well, let these links atone for my Steelers blogging sin...

China Jack is a good man. And thorough. His latest toast is NOT to be missed... [PSaMP]

You think YOU know how to handle pressure? Read this, about Willie Gay [Post-Gazette]

Mike Wallace says he's the fastest guy on the team...a claim to which you have to give credence when a guy runs a 4.33 40 [Beaver County Times]

Solid NY Times piece on the Steelers SB XLIII rings (which yielded the images below this list of links) [NY Times]

Drew Brees doesn't puke when he drinks. He pukes when he doesn't drink [The Sports Hernia]

NFL moving in the right direction - starts spinal treatment program for retired players [AP]

Pens fans - Remember 1909 [The Pensblog]

I've been totally neglect in my duty to point out Lori's contest to counteract the Red Wings douchey video contest. There may not be time for more entries, but at least you can still laugh at Vern's videos [HFSS]

Hey baby, my name is Geno and I'm good with a stick... [Deadspin]

If you wanna know whether Raul Ibanez is clean, just take a look at his stool [Tirico Suave]

A breath of fresh air from Steve...and Bip Roberts??? [Steve Is Alive]

The Amish go west, like Fievel... [Grumpy Old Dog]

How Marco Polo makes beats...listen up... [Maticulous Music]

Sean...er, I mean Sean's friend, tries to get a kid's meal without having a kid [Sean's Ramblings]

Tiny's "great adventure" to Denver... [Cheese People]

Disc 2 of Radiohead's "In Rainbows" now available in digital form [Radiohead At Ease]

Tiny350z with the Best Song to Sing in Your Car! I hear her selection is Tec's favorite too.. [Sheena Beaston]

Blink doing "Dammit" and "What's My Age Again" on Kimmel [Punk News]

Download the entire Finch EP for FREE! [Finch]

Now, that's what I call good branding [FAIL Blog]

Speaking of FAIL Blog, THIS is Jon Gosselin's "mistress?" [The Superficial]

Now that my Google Reader is finally clean (for the next five minutes, that is), here are those pretty pictures I promised...

What a coincidence, that's also how they measure my manhood!


You're missing a couple, there.


If you had any doubts that two rings would get you lei'd, eliminate them. Awful pun. Whatevs.

Lastly, because Matt reminded me of this classic...
<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?vid=9db33a62-913c-4511-a026-372062f866b9" target="_new" title="Will Ferrell is Robert Goule">Video: Will Ferrell is Robert Goule</a>
Will Ferrel is on another plane.

PS - Meeting People Is Easy is going to happen again tomorrow. If you weren't part of the email I sent out, but want to be on the panel, drop me a line and let a brotha know - onefortheotherthumb@gmail.com.

PPS - Scrotum. Good word.

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About Last Night...

Let's face it, I'm almost guaranteed to not have anything decent up until like at least 10 AM this morning. So for those of you early risers or whatever, a special treat. Not really, though.

Last night, you'll remember that our new President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union Address. And because it's scientifically impossible for me to take anything seriously, I decided that this was my opportunity to "LiveTweet" the whole thing. I mean, technically I didn't like make a conscious decision to "LiveTweet." It just kind of happened. But that's really no different than many other things in my life.

Moving right along...

Now, I think it's prudent at this juncture to mention that none of what you'll read is meant to be a political statement. None of these "Tweets," as I'm told they're called, contain any particular political sentiment, nor do any of them convey my political predilections. I am simply making the jokes that pop into my head. For entertainment purposes. So do not get offended by anything I say. Not like you would anyhow.

Oh, and allow me to predict for you how Republicans will feel about Obama's plan -- They won't like it.

Amazing that I don't get paid for this kind of expert analysis.

Anyways, because this is probably the best thing my life has ever contributed to the world, I thought I'd share with you.

Some of you, of course, will have already seen this. So you can just go back to sleep for a couple of hours. SCORE!

Sucks for all of you who don't have Twitter and aren't following me. Missed opportunity. You'll see that becoming a common theme.

In any case, enjoy (you're probably going to have to click to enlarge...unless you're an Owl)...

My parents are going to be so disappointed when they read this. In fact, if you listen closely, you can already hear my Mom dialing the phone. But then, shouldn't they be used to this by now? I say yes.

In the immortal words of Conan O'Brien - Some say a waste of time. Others say an INCREDIBLE waste of time.

I thank you all for allowing me to waste precious moments of your Wednesday morning.

Joe Biden. Go Blue Hens!

...I'll see y'all in a few...hours...

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This Was Going To Be A Good Post, And Then...

I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm all kinds of unprepared this morning. I was too busy jaggin' around with web nerd shit last night to put in any solid creative writing time.

But the good news is that at some point in the next month or two this site will start to suck less, visually. How much less, of course, remains to be seen.

Everyday I come here and I get so irritated by the template I have to work with. For Christ's sake, I can't even put YouTube videos on here without resizing them to fit. And solid black? Really? That's all you've got, Blogger? Oh, what's that? Solid white? Oh, ok, thanks. Yeah, that sounds so much better.

These are the choices I've been living with...

Plus, I'd like to also add some sort of social networking type of deal that is way less amateur than this Google Friend Connect nonsense. That's right, Google. I'm not afraid of you anymore!

This application kind of sucks. I mean, it's cool that we can all be "members" of something together and be "friends" with one another, but a comment wall? That's the best we can do, Google? How long did it take Johnny Harvard to come up with that one?

Baby steps, I suppose.

Meanwhile, I'm over it.

I can't create pages, this Followers application is horse shit, and these column widths are laughable.

I'm also eventually going to open Dreamweaver, figure out how that shit works, and get my hands dirty with a little actual web design. The sad part is, I kind of can't wait. I love figuring things out. I'll purposely don't go looking for help when I don't know how to do something, just so I can force myself to figure it out. I guess my brain likes to know stuff. Good thing someone around here does, 'cause I sure couldn't care less.

Anyways, I've got some ideas, but nothing I'd call a solid plan. So if y'all have any suggestions on things you'd like to see in the way of social networking, or really anything for that matter, by all means, let my ass know. Just let me be clear - this is not an invitation to email me about a date. Unless you're hot. And a chick. In that case, I'll make an exception.

So what else can we talk about this morning?

Don't look at me. This isn't my blog. I just hang out here.

Jussssstttttt kiddddddddinnnnnnggggg.

How about this - here is a list of questions that I've been pondering for the last day or so:

1. Will Bryant McFadden be a Steeler come March?

2. If not, how bad would that really be?

3. If Nate Washington is out, how does that affect our wide receiving corps?

4. Will this really be the year that the Steelers take an O-lineman in the 1st round?

5. How sick was Aaron Curry's 4.56 40 time?

And then finally, one quick service announcement: I know I joked about getting slaughtered in this Best Pittsburgh Sports Blog Tournament, but apparently I might actually have a shot here. So, not like it matters, but if you haven't already voted and wouldn't mind spending a few seconds over at Sean's pad, I would be very thankful.

Now, I believe I had some questions for you?

This Post Is Guaranteed To Let You Down...

The Oscars were last night, which means several things.

First, and most importantly, it means some sports blog out there is going to write a post this morning, cleverly comparing last night's winners to a bunch of professional athletes. This is the most original idea ever. This has never been done before. I can't wait to see how right I am.

Second, the fact that I watched them means I'm getting old. Traditionally, I used to be against watching this gayness. But as many of you know, one of the rites of passage of advancing adulthood is watching the Oscars, whether you care about who wins or not. Anyone over the age of, I'd say, 25, is pretty much obligated to watch this mess, myself included.

Third and relatedly, this year I realized something. I realized that there's actually more motivation to watch the Oscars when you don't care. I mean, like them or not, when are you ever going to get that many famous people in one place to hate on? My TweetDeck read like the back pages of an US Weekly last night (and yes, that may be the gayest sentence I've ever written).

Here were some of the more entertaining offerings...







Seriously, what was up with the Coldplay? Who'd they blow to get that kind of air time?

There were a lot more good ones later on in the evening, but I got tired of taking screen shots after I took those four. You can imagine where it went from there.

It appears they had a top notch Security team running the red carpet...

Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?

I joked last night that I was supposed to be Penelope Cruz's date, but I stood her up so I could write on my blog...

Moral of this story = I'm the only joke here.

I'm not really sure what to say about this...

There are so many things I COULD say, but I think that dress says it all.

Mickey Rourke has a silver tooth...

I guess silver teeth aren't just for The Pirates of the Carribean anymore?

Sophia Loren and Abe Vigoda are racing to see who can exist the longest...

Me thinks Sophia Loren may have lost some ground lately.

I'm pretty sure Emile Hirsch's date was a dude...

No hard evidence to support that, though.

Holy shit, look at how big this guy's forehead is...

That's an aggressive brow!

Whatever you do, don't stare directly into Tilda Swinton's eyes...

As usual, she looked like a dude.

Get a load of this guy's face...

HAHAHAHA!!! That's the only thing you can say to that.

Oh, and I hear that Slumdog Millionaire movie sucks.

Anyways, all things considered, I'd say I had a nice weekend. Did a lot of reading. Screwed around a little. Drank two solid Brooklyn Brewery beverages...

What's not funny about this is - There goes my disposable income for the next two weeks.

I also played around in Photoshop a little. I've been trying to work on a redesign of the blog, including a new header, and for some reason, I was sitting on my couch on Saturday and it hit me. Who's got one of the most famous thumbs-up poses in the history of the universe?

The Fonz, of course. No idea why I thought about the Fonz. No idea where that came from at all. But there it is. So then I thought - What other pictures of people giving a thumbs up could I use for some new goodness?

The following is what I came up with...


I erased this image from my hard drive (and my brain) and was too lazy to download this copy to photoshop the ring in, so...yeah. Oops.


I'm sure some of you will be tempted to make a comment about Rich Rodriguez. Don't bother. He's in Michigan. He can't hurt you anymore.


This is the Buddy Christ. But then, if you've seen Dogma, you already knew that. Religion, eff yeah!





Banana hammock.

Domski told me to design a ring since the Steelers haven't gotten their XLIII rings yet. But that sounded like too much work. Photoshopping someone's head on someone else's body is one thing, designing Super Bowl rings is a whole different story. One that I'm not even getting into. So I just used the XL ring instead. I'm sure you'll forgive me.

Here's a picture of a hot chick wearing a Lemieux jersey...

No real reason for that other than the fact that she's hot and she's wearing a Mario Lemieux jersey.

Lastly, I made it through the 1st round of Sean's Best Pittsburgh Sports Blog Tournament. Which means starting today, I'm up against Empty Netters in the Sweet Sixteen round. Since I know my chances of winning this are about as good as a cupcake's chances of survival at Romeo Crennel's birthday party, I'm not going to make a whole lot of noise about you voting for me. But if you feel like it, head on over and give me a nod. I'll high five you after.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The combine was on all weekend. I didn't get to see any of it, because I was too busy learning the federal rules for introducing hearsay evidence (and cutting myself). Also, because I don't get NFL Network. But mostly that first part.

I heard AQ Shipley was making some waves, though...

If that picture's any indication, it looks like he's fired up. Moon Tigers.

So, did you guys catch any of the combine? How was it?

PS - Tec's got some new digs. You should probably go check them out. This is a banner moment. For both man, and mini pony, kind. Now, go.

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Don't Even Read This Post...

New Google Friend Connect bar at the bottom of your screen, there. Solid addition by the algorithmists over at the big G. I guess this kind of internet-wizardry is what you get when you only hire ivy league grads (University of Delaware reporting in).

Anyways, if you haven't already signed up to be a "member" of OFTOT, now's as good a time as any. I mean, you never know what cool widgets or gadgets these guys are going to come up with next for you to enjoy here at OFTOT. Plus, I'll high five you if you do.

In other news - There is no other news. This is the offseason. Get real.

...something will come to me in like five minutes, I guarantee it.

Until then, enjoy this...

I almost pissed myself at the 2:35 mark.

I recommend the Sugar Pucks. They're EX-CELLENT!

Nobody Talk to Michel Therrien Today...

Hit play...

Well, I'll get to him shortly, but I might as well start with the big news first.

It's official - I am now friends with three of tiny350z's cats on Facebook.

This is significant because...
A. She put her cats on Facebook
B. She has THREE cats

But in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I've got Nikki on Dogbook, and I initiated this whole thing when I invited tiny to befriend the Snikster. Still, three cats, dude.

Nah, I'm just kidding. In fact, if any of the rest of y'all have cats on Facebook, I'll be happy to be their friend too.

Speaking of Nikki, here's what she did this weekend...


And here's what I did...


PARTY!!!

Anyways, so the Pens fired HCMT? Jesus. I mean, I guess heads had to roll, but was now really the right time?

Bob Smizik agrees with the decision. Of course he does.

It's times like these that we need to band together and remember fonder days...

Sorry, I couldn't help it. That video gets me every time.

Almost as good as this one...

If only everyone else was as amused by my idiocy. Oh well.

Bret Michaels was flossin' the Steelers hat last night on Rock of Love Bus...

And yes, I did have to look up the word "flossin'" just to make sure I was using it properly. New goal for my life - become famous enough that I can get my own reality show wherein really hot [ish] chicks fight over who gets to sleep with me every night.

Steelers likely to bring back Max Starks?

Cool.

This Jeff Reed nonsense?

Did not even get arrested. Got a citation. **Yawn** If you've never been cited for something at 3 AM in your life, you haven't really lived. He'll pay the ticket, apologize to the poor employee whose virgin ears he penetrated with his evil profanity, and that'll be the end of that. But what if instead of making him pay a fine, they made him work at Sheetz?

You know, like on Seinfeld when George had to become Jerry's Butler. Of course, I guess that might be more of a punishment for Sheetz's customers than it would be for Jeff Reed. But I'm just spitballin' here.

The NBA had their "star-studded All-Star weekend" this past weekend. You may have tuned in for the dunk competition on Saturday night, or at least you may have seen the highlights from it. If so, you know that the real battle was not on the court, but courtside, where Lebron James and Dwayne Wade were in a fierce competition for the title of "Most Ridiculous Outfit."



I guess because neither was actually IN the dunk contest, they felt they had to still be the center of attention somehow? Interesting choices.

Then again, what do I expect? It's basketball.

Oh, and for the record, Dwayne Wade massacred Lebron.

Marshawn Lynch got popped this weekend for carrying a loaded piece around L.A...


Have we learned nothing from The Big Lebowski?


/shakes head in disappointment

And that's all I got. You guys do anything constructive with your weekends? How many cats do YOU have on Facebook? That's a good place to start.

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Overheard On The Internets...

Well, without all the excitement and stress of Steelers season, I finally got to catch up on my light reading last night. I think my Google reader had upwards of 800 unread stories or some ridic business like that. So, at some point I'll get around to talking about free agency. Probably tomorrow. But for today, I'm just gonna post up some random notes of importance (or not), some Steelers-related, some not. Hope that's alright with y'all. Whatev, it's Monday. It'll be alright.

So I think we've finally pinpointed who's responsible for this Wintery economic climate. Bernie Madoff? Nope, this crazy bitch...

14 kids, you say? Single, you say? No job, you say? Jesus. The things people do to get on TV these days. Let me tell you something, sweetheart. I'm done with my schooling...err, at least I was before I went to law school, and I couldn't support 14 kids on the salary I was earning. Hell, I could barely support myself. I'm not even going to talk about this anymore. Trying to understand this ridiculous individual is like trying to understand why anyone would want to be a Browns fan.

The sad part is, I don't know which is worse, her, or this sloppy mess...

Scoliosis, my ass.

Deadspin got their hands on Tomlin's old William and Mary ID yesterday. It's too bad they didn't send it to me. I would've enjoyed that. Guess I've still got a ways to go. By the way, you can click that link if you want, but y'all know what Tomlin looks like. Just imagine him, oh, say 15 years ago and sporting a Kid 'n Play flat top. I'm sure this will prove extremely difficult. Not. Well, just in case, here, I'll make it easy for ya...


The LA Times wrote something about Big Ben. I'm not gonna lie, if this wasn't the LA Times, I wouldn't have even put it up here. I'm not like a subscriber or anything, I just can't remember the last time they wrote about football, let alone the Steelers, twice in a two week span. I guess that's what happens when you make it to and win the Super Bowl. The best thing you can get out of this fine piece of journalistic enterprise? Big Ben holds the record for throwing footballs through a hole at an arcade or something. How's that for game manager, all you haters? Oh, by the way, apparently Big Ben played the game with AT LEAST two rib fractures. Pro.

James Harrison loves animals, kids and old people. Does that mean he likes Ray Lewis, Joe Flacco, and Derrick Mason?

I'm not sure if this is congratulations or some kind of underhanded dig on the Steelers? Maybe if I was more awake right now, I'd have a better handle on it, but I'm not, and I don't.

I honestly can't believe that people are STILL commenting on the video of Michael Griffin talking about the Titans stomping on that Terrible Towel. The latest...

"we still stomped the squealers ass,enjoy your title cause it'll be a long while before yall get lucky again"

Yeah, because it took us a whole three years to get back last time. We better brace ourselves for a title drought, alright. I mean, not like most of this team is going to be around for a while. And it never ceases to amaze me how stupid it is to hear people call us the "Squealers." Get a new insult. That one sucks. The overall education level of these comments? I'd place it at about 3rd grade. Aren't the internets fun?

The Pro Bowl happened yesterday. I didn't really watch. I was too busy reading about entertainment law, unfortch. But I did see Kurt Warner say that Silverback "shouldn't have even been a factor" on that interception he threw (that resulted in the longest play in Super Bowl history)...to which I replied (out loud), "Silverback is a factor on every play, Kurt."

Get your head out of your ass. MVP, yeah. For me to poop on!

I also saw Troy knock a ball away from Redskins FB Mike Sellers. Troy's awesome...


And speaking of awesome...


Also, in case you missed them, the Grammy's were last night. Conspicuously absent was teen phenomenon, Chris Brown. Apparently, when he was supposed to be on stage singing, he was instead being questioned by police about smacking up Rihanna...

I'll bet he was just getting Punk'd. That Ashton Kutcher! What a joker!

Lastly, I don't imagine anyone wants to talk about that Pens game yesterday...

Jealousy Is A Sickness...

No joke, that post title was the slogan for Greek Games one year, back when Domski and I were fortunate enough to have joined a fraternity. I'm pretty sure once they dropped that one on us, we knew it was time to walk away.

The only thing more embarrassing than admitting that I was once in a fraternity? Admitting that I still have this shirt.

You wanna know what the back said?

Laughable.

But while this shirt may be top 5 worst of all time, it's sentiment does kind of provide an appropriate post title for today.

You know, I honestly thought that with the Super Bowl in the books, and having addressed the issue of crybaby fandom on Monday, I could coast through the rest of the week with some lighter material. Maybe a couple of Photoshops, have some good natured fun at other teams' expense, you know, the usual.

But, nooooooooooo.

This is why I've gotta stop reading.

I love how just because the Steelers won a Super Bowl, things that no one has talked about, nor needed to talk about have again come to light. Dallas, in a move that surprises no one, decided to bring up how the Steelers of the '70s were widely known juicers. While I cannot attest to the validity of that statement, being that 'twas before my time, I see absolutely no reason to bring it up other than sour grapes. And in Dallas's case, we're talking 30 years of sour grapes. You'd think Super Bowl XXX would've shut 'em up. I guess that's what happens when you win a Super Bowl and then begin a decade plus long playoff coma.

Oh, and by the way, I'll answer for the Cowboys - yes, you'd much rather have Santonio Holmes than Bobby Carpenter. The real question is - who the hell is Bobby Carpenter? Santonio = Super Bowl MVP. What's up?

That story is actually worth reading just for this part of the first comment...

"To sum up, the Dallas Cowboys get wayy too much media attention as compared to the Steelers. Why? Lets face it, the Cowboys are the most popular franchise pretty much in all of sports and the Steelers are not even in the top 10. This is why the Dallas Cowboys are America's team....period."

Yeah, most popular franchise in all of sports. For me to poop on!

And here's another gem. I think the headline may say it all - "Steelers QB Succeeds Where McNabb Fails." Honestly, Donovan McNabb must be the type of person who would defend his alcoholic Father for beating his ass every night (Note: I am in no way saying Donovan's father is an alcoholic or that he beat Donovan's ass. I'm just illustrating a point). This is what they write about you after a season in which you take the Eagles to the NFC Championship when no one expected them to even make the post season? And you want to retire an Eagle? Have fun with that.

Caption = FAILblog

Now, given the nature of this headline, I feel it important to once again point out that Philadelphia is, as it has been for the better part of a decade, running a west coast offense, featuring such big name receivers as Hank Baskett, Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis. Yes, of course this is all Donovan McNabb's fault. What a bum! I mean, if you can't win with Greg Lewis on your roster, who can you win with?

Go Eagles!

On a lighter note, you probably saw Ben on Letterman Monday night...

I hadn't. So I watched it last night on YouTube. Good to know Ben is keeping Kemoeatu's ass in line. Get in that ass, Benny!

And if you think your life is cool, think again. Our buddy, and arguably this year's Meeting People Is Easy MVP, John Woods, sent me this pic last night...

Turns out that one of his cronies was standing right there for Santonio's catch. Like I told John, I'd literally kill for this vantage point. Like, I would cut someone, hard. How about that view?

Check this out...

Looks best while listening to this...

Dick Lebeau doesn't mess around.

Oh yeah, they also had that parade yesterday in the Burgh. You know, that ol' thing. Here were some of the highlights...


Santonio apparently decided to listen to his iPod instead.


The Wood was indeed all long-island-douchbagged up again. Just have to remember, he's only 24.


Somewhere, amidst this sea of chaos, some dude robbed a bank. Jesus.


Hines Ward was his usual anti-social self.


Troy Polamalu pulled a Bret Michaels. Which is pretty awesome.


Here were the results. Doesn't look like anyone went for the junk. Bonus.


And I'm not sure, but this may be one of the first public photos of Troy's new son, Paisos. So we've got that going for us...which is nice.


I also told John Woods that if any Cardinals fans or Patriots fans or Seahawks fans stopped by to cry about officiating, I'd simply respond with this pic right here. SUPER BOWL!


Tomlin looked like shit. As usual.


Look at how bad Ravenstahl wants to be Ben. Bromance city.

PS - Don't ever try to search William Gay on Google video. Unless, of course, you like emotional scarring. I think you know what I'm implying.

Still, if anyone can get their hands on that video of the Willie Gay debacle from yesterday, send that shit over.

I did find this disgraceful footage, here. Watch like the last 30 seconds. My question is - what exactly are the team Doctors prescribing these days?

And sadly, I believe that's all I got for this morning.

How are we, then?