See, Some Things Never Change...

"They [the Patriots] cheated, there should be an asterisk. They cheated and they got caught..."
- Joey Porter

I'm sure it comes as no surprise to any of us that J Peezy has an opinion on Spygate. Nor is it particularly surprising that he's incensed by it. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Either way, our former shit talker linebacker extraordinaire has indeed weighed in on that which OFTOT wishes would just die in a fire - yes, I mean Spygate.

I don't think anything really needs to be said about this except, as Domski articulated via text message at approximately 12:55 AM Saturday morning - Sounds like "someone else's problem."

Peezy, we love you. Keep ranting, man. I hear Bill Parcells loves that kind of behavior. In fact, he probably would NOT discipline you at all. Definitely no kind of fine and/or series of suicide drills until you cry...err...

There is one thing Peezy and OFTOT agree on though - Where's the asterisk?


In other Steelers News...

• Pittsburgh Steelers - Outside Linebacker Grad School
• Max Starks' Mom to Host Celeb Mom Bowl-off - which raises another point about the Steelers keeping Starks - who would be the Campbell's Chunky Steelers Mom if it wasn't Mama Starks?
• Dan Rooney Gets Pennsylvania Society Gold Medal for Distinguished Service - Obviously the PA Society heard about how he handled the James Harrison and Cedrick Wilson situations...
• Browns Fan Not Worried About Daven Holly Injury - Damages his credibility by proclaiming that the Browns "still look like the class of the AFC North."

What say you, Steeler Nation?

Pass The Valium Please...

Unfortunately, one of the most exciting times for NFL fans is alas, one of the worst times for Cotter. Today marks exactly 12 days from when I have my second final of the Spring semester in hell at law school. While you all delight in speculating and subsequently watching who gets picked and when, I'll be delighting in the joys of Supplemental Jurisdiction and the affirmative defense of Extreme Emotional Disturbance (perhaps an Eagles fan could shed some light on the latter...). So as usual, I plan to do my best to keep OFTOT so fresh and so clean. But I have some serious forces of nature working against me here. So I make no guarantees.

That aside, what else can one say about Saturday's big event? Let's see...here's a list of things I've been thinking, in no particular order:

(1) ~ I pity the teams who NEED to draft a QB this year. Matt Ryan? Chad Henne? Brian Brohm? I look at these guys and I don't see a one that I could justify taking in the Top 20(!) I guess that means we should be thankful we don't have to worry about that sort of thing for approximately the next decade, right? Big Ben Godsend.

(2) ~ I question whether it's a good idea to sign the #1 overall pick before draft day. Why would you do such a thing when you don't have to? You never know what can happen between Tuesday and Saturday...someone may make you an offer you can't refuse. Who knows?

(3) ~ Who will be this year's Brady Quinn? And will we be as pleased to watch him squirm? From what I've seen, the men who will occupy the green room when this whole shindig begins on Saturday are: Darren McFadden, Jake Long, Chris Long, Glenn Dorsey, and Sedrick Ellis (although I imagine they'll ask Matt Ryan because what's a green room without a QB?). Unless, as noted in the parenthetical, the NFL invites Matt Ryan to join the party, I don't really see any of these guys slipping.

(4) ~ Who will get traded on draft day? There's going to be at least one trade made in the 1st round. I'm convinced (although usually when I make claims like this I end up being way wrong...irish luck). Could it be Ocho Cinco? Anquan Boldin? Lito Sheppard? Roy Williams? Marion Barber? There's too many names hanging out there as possibilities for something not to go down.

(5) ~ How many beers will I drink in my mind while waiting the agonizing 10 minutes between picks? I mean, it's way better than the traditional 15 (which was one giant migraine last year...trust me, I was there). But that's still a lot of time to be filled with Mel Kiper and his amazing hair tricks trusty draft board. I guess this leaves me no choice but to delve deeply into the wild and wonderful world of Subject Matter Jurisdiction. And believe me, that's a party and a half. You should all be very jealous...

Anyways, what about you guys? Anything you'd like to discuss? Do you have any answers to my questions? Was this post way too serious? I mean, I don't even think I said "dick" once...weird...

Man, This Blogging Is Hard Work...

Yes, this image is a recycle. I'm saving the environment man. I'm going "green."

Alright, seriously. This week has really challenged my ability to make luke warm news into something interesting. Or maybe you like haikus and hot chicks?

Anyways, I have to admit that today I really don't have much either. The best I can do for you is -

(1) Nate Washington Was Signed For One More Year
(2) This Dude At Yahoo! Sports Thinks The Jaguars Own The Steelers, and
(3) The Steelers Have One UNrighteous Schedule Next Season.

I'll address these one by one:

(1) Great. I'm not going to piss myself over us resigning a solid #4 receiver who despite some untimely butterfingers is actually a decent threat. But I'm much happier to have him than Cedrick Wilson (for example). So Kudos to the Steelers on that one.

(2) OWN? I don't know if I'd go that far in describing the last four games against the jagoffs Jaguars. But I recognize this guy's right to exaggerate the recent results of this adversarial relationship. I will say for the record, however, that these last four games in which jagoffville Jacksonville has prevailed, the average margin of victory has been an earthshattering SIX points. Less than a touchdown. So perhaps he meant they owned a minority interest in the Steelers? And oh, by the way - he also thinks the Week 17 Browns vs. Steelers game is going to be a doozy, although he's too puss to make a pick...

(3) So you're upset/surprised/sad/hungry that the Patriots have the easiest schedule in football next year while the Steelers have the hardest? Don't be. They play in a division with the Bills, Dolphins and Jets. Teams that were a combined 12-36 last season (for you Math majors thats a .333 or 33% .25 or 25% [thanks to commenter for correction] combined win percentage). As for the Steelers, well, nobody said it'd be easy. If we want to make the playoffs and win a Championship, we're going to have to be at the top of our game for 20-21 weeks (however long the schedule is with post-season). But hey, the flip-side is that any team can come out and crap the bed at any time in any season. This year let's hope it's the Browns. They're already the right color anyhow (that one might take a minute).

What else? Oh yeah, the Steelers met with LB Philip Wheeler from Georgia Tech, DE/LB James Jones from Eastern Michigan and 6'5" WR Mario Urrutia from Louisville. And Ashlee Simpson, misguided/surgically modified sister to Jessica, is pregnant.

Did I miss anything?
[Note: purposefully did not include the story about Ryan Clark and his anger for trainers or Chad Johnson in any way, shape, form, etc.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Steelers Washington Signs Tender Offer [Trib]
Steelers Rugged Schedule Rocks Round The Clock [Post-Gazette]
Best, Worst Games of '08 [Yahoo! Sports]
Steelers Washington Signs One Year Contract [Post-Gazette]
Steelers Meet With Louisville Receiver [Post-Gazette]

Meeting People Is Easy...

Heyo! It's Friday and you know what that means...Week 3 of OFTOT's "Meeting People Is Easy." Of course.

Last week we all got introduced to Christy and Marc, and continued to get to know Domski and Tecmo. This week, your panel is as follows:

Tobiathan ~ If you've been reading OFTOT for any extended period of time (read: 5-7 days) you'll know exactly who this is. Tobiathan is simply put, one crazy dude. And as you'll see, his answers reaffirm this...Kittens was a bit over the top, but as I believe firmly in our 1st amendment rights, I'll allow it. Oh yeah, and you'll see I've selected former Mountaineers Coach, Rich Rodriguez, as his avatar. Can't wait to hear how excited mad he is about that...

The Immortal Silky Johnson ~ You'll remember Silky was a panelist in Week 1 of Meeting People Is Easy. And he loved it so much he's back for another round. Yes, he's still an Eagles fan, but try not to hold that against him. I've been able to move past it...of course, I've known him for at least six years, so...Anyways, he's also the author of "I Love It When A Plan Comes Together," which is an all around good read. So read his answers then read his blog. He'll be your friend for life.

Awful Announcing ~ I'm extremely honored to have AA on the panel this week. For those of you unfamiliar with the entity we affectionately refer to as the "blogosphere," AA is among the top sports blogs on these here internets. As the name suggests, they specialize in highlighting the ever-entertaining world of sports announcing. And they dig Morningstar Farms Boneless Buffalo Wings, which makes them that much cooler (see below).

Tecmo ~ If you don't know Tec by now...you will never ever ever know him...IE - needs no further introduction.

So now that you're familiar with the cast, it's on to the show...check it (click to enlarge):

What say you now? Any takers for next week?

PAST EDITIONS:
Meeting People Is Easy Week 2
Meeting People Is Easy Week 1

And Sometimes, Enough is Enough...

I probably shouldn't even pay any mind to this, but I just can't help but think this ought to be the last straw for Bengals WR Chris Henry.

For those of you who don't follow the trials and tribulations of our AFC North rivals quite as closely as I do (sadly) - Henry has a warrant out for his arrest on charges that he assaulted an 18 year old this past Monday - and by assaulted, they mean punching the dude in the face and breaking the window of the his car with a beer bottle. By the way, Chris Henry is 24 (going on 25 in May), and I think this marks about the 15th time he's run afoul of the law during his brief three year tenure in the NFL (which of course includes his half season suspension last year).

Now, by no means am I a paragon of discretion and good decision making, but dude, I mean, we're talking about messing with millions of dollars here. Every time Chris Henry gets in trouble, he's one step closer to the prospect of losing his well paying position as #3 in the Bengals passing game and ending up pumping gas in Kentucky. Come on man, you've been warned and yet you continue to go out and do dumb shit? Get the hell out of here. Kick him out of the league. I'll take his spot. Championship!

Any thoughts? Anyone out there this week?

[UPDATE: After this latest indiscretion, the Bengals have finally had enough of Chris Henry. He's consequently been cut. But don't worry, he'll probably sign in Dallas within the next two weeks. That or Oakland.]

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Bengals Henry Charged with Assault [Associated Press]

Sometimes No News Is Good News...

So here we are, Wednesday, April 2, 2008. Another day with little in the way of Steeler news, or really NFL news in general.

We're still three some odd weeks from the NFL draft, and the biggest news around the league seems to be that Jay Cutler is quite displeased with supreme idiot teammate Brandon Marshall. Exciting...really just captivating stuff.

Anyways, in an attempt to again to fill this void and end the dearth of uninteresting shit, I give you five things we're happy to not be talking about around Steeler nation:

1. Whether or not it is appropriate for your Franchise QB to be feeding beer bongs to impressionable young sluts women ~ To Dan Bickley at the Arizona Republic - beer bongs are always appropriate. Bonging beers with college girls when you're 24/25 is certainly comendable questionable. But bonging beers in general? Frankly I encourage this practice.

2. Whether or not you'll have to "move on" without your team's star shit talker WR ~ For the record, I think talent wise, Chad Johnson is an excellent receiver. But he's a pussy. Like Randy Moss and unlike Hines Ward, we've seen Chad run and hide at the first "rattling of his cage" (or perhaps grill is more appropriate). The sad part about all this is that the Bengals are missing the boat on prime trade time here. My guess is they'll either make nice with him before the draft or try and use him as trade bait on draft day (not that they need any more picks or anything...).

3. Whether or not Pac Man Jones will be part of your franchise's future ~ Where do I stand here? One crazy asshole is a party, two is a crowd. Obviously Jerry Jones believes that the successful assimilation of Terrell Owens is an indication that being a Dallas Cowboy can tame even the wildest of beasts. But if he thinks Pac Man is going to tone it down, he might be just a tad misguided. I just can't help but think that this guy has had more than enough chances. If I had my way, we'd just send him straight to Siberia...I mean Arizona.

4. Whether or not your 3rd WR needs a nanny and/or chaperon at all times ~ I'd just like to point out that maybe regional law enforcement has it out for Chris Henry. There's no way one man can be cited, arrested, ticketed, and god knows what else (unfortunately, no tasering yet) for this many violations of the law. His ability to land himself in hot water is just impressive frankly. PS - I say this because he was cited last week for driving with expired license plates. That's $149 down the drain. Guess he better ask for that raise.

5. Whether or not that embarrassing little spygate scandal is indeed behind us ~ I mean listen, if Matt Walsh really had anything worth seeing, we probably would have seen it by now. Oh, he's negotiating for immunity. Immunity from what? If he's telling the truth, and has incriminating evidence against the DICKtator Bill Belichick, what's he so worried about. Nobody is going to castrate you for telling the truth and producing evidence you supposedly have that will either corroborate or discount the allegations. I'm guessing he wants what we all want...more money. I'm over it. Obviously this means nothing to the NFL. So let's just forget it.

And that's all I got. Anyone else? Marc, I know you've got something in you. Let's have it!

Haggans Watch 2008 - 3/20 Edition...

The rumors are true folks -- Yesterday, potential Steelers cast-off Clark Haggans paid a visit to our AFC North rivals, the Cleveland Browns.

As if they haven't overpaid enough free agents already this offseason, it's sad to say, but Haggans might actually be an upgrade for the Browns at OLB. And since clearly we don't have much room left for him, perhaps this is for the best.

Now you might be asking yourself why I'm treating this as a sure thing...well, I mean, they did sign Donte Stallworth for what? $5 million a year for the next 7 years or some such sickening number? Remind me again how many pro bowls Stallworth has been to? Oh yeah, right.

Anyways...so yesterday Haggans visited the Browns and frankly if he doesn't come away with at least $5.5 million over the next 2-3 years I'll be pretty surprised. And just to refresh our memories of how Haggans made his case in this contract year - 59 tackles (38 solo including the one playoff game) and 4 sacks (all in the 1st nine games and none after). Enjoy Cleveland. He's all yours.

No, in all honesty I have nothing against Clark Haggans. Frankly I'm surprised he hasn't gotten more calls this offseason. But for whatever reason he seems not to fit into any other teams plans just as much as he does not fit into ours. I hope he does go to Cleveland. That'll certainly add a tiny little bit more fuel to the rivalry.

We shall see...

Why do I keep talking about Clark Haggans anyway??? Weird.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Rival Steelers LB Visits Browns [Plain Dealer]

Phil Savage'll Make It Rain On You Hoes...

One man's trash is another man's treasure I guess. Something like that, right?

Seems like the Browns M.O.

We ship 'em out, they bring 'em in -- the latest being former Miami Guard/Center, Rex Hadnot, who the Steelers interviewed last Thursday and declined to offer a contract.

You know - I will say, the Browns have made some smart moves this off season, beginning with the re-signing of Derek Anderson. But before we, as Steeler fans, begin to get all cold war and shit, let's take a step back and put things into perspective for a minute.

Face it, this isn't exactly the 2006-2007 Patriots acquiring Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Adalius Thomas, and Donte Stallworth here. It's the Cleveland Browns trading for Corey Williams and Shaun Rodgers, and signing Rex Hadnot, and...well, Donte Stallworth. I'm not saying these moves don't raise my eyebrows a bit. I'm just saying that it's the Browns.

If all remains right with the world, the Steelers will have an excellent draft as usual, while the Browns will watch from the sidelines for the 1st three rounds. The Steelers will continue to pay lots and lots of dollars for pro bowlers like Big Ben and Troy Polamalu, and the Browns will pay lots and lots of dollars for guys who've never really lived up to their potential(s) (see Rodgers, Stallworth). Also, let's not forget the LeCharles Bentley experiment. See how that worked out for them?

...Always good when the best thing you have to talk about is the Cleveland Browns...yep.

PS - Forgot to mention yesterday, but I will be paying a visit to the left coast this weekend, leaving Thursday for LA. So while that probably won't stop me from posting here on OFTOT, it does give any of you Californians fair warning. Bring me to your hot women with fake boobs leader!

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Hadnot Opts for Browns Over Steelers [Tribune-Review]
Browns Sign Hadnot to 2 Year Deal [Associated Press]
Savvy Savage Has Browns Ready to Challenge Steelers [CBS Sportsline]
File Under "Not The Answer"...[OFTOT]

Free Agency Weekend Recap: The Excitement Is Palpable...

What a weekend to be a sub-par talent free agent in the NFL! As I'm sure you all well know by now (providing you aren't living under a rock), a number of teams dipped their pens into the free agency ink this past weekend and ponied up a few bucks for such marginal big name players as Ricardo Colclough, Josh McCown and Alan Faneca...wait a minute...

Indeed a number of these guys helped make mediocrity an art form cashed in this past weekend and frankly the whole ordeal makes Cotter sick. Just a note from a personal perspective - free agency has ruined the concept of team. I'm still not sure how a player is supposed to have any loyalty when they know that if they make minimal plays for three to four years, the 49ers will offer them $12 million guaranteed? Seems like kind of a disconnect to me, but I guess the good news for the NFL is that my opinion is of no consequence.

Anyways, here's a round up of some of the more noteworthy moves, as told through the eyes of a madman the man who writes this piece of shit blog:

• The Jets bought themselves both the Offensive and also the Defensive Line prizes in Alan Faneca and former Panthers tackle Kris Jenkins (yes I know this was via trade, don't worry). Faneca ended up pocketing a record $40 million over 5 years, $21 million guaranteed. And Jenkins was not a free agent cost them their 3rd and 5th round picks in the upcoming draft.


• The Browns upgraded their #2 receiver position, picking up ex-Saint, Eagle and Patriot, Donte Stallworth. Also, not to be overlooked - they sent Leigh Bodden and a 3rd round draft pick to the Detroit Lions in exchange for DT Shaun Rogers, and a 2nd round pick to Green Bay for DT Corey Williams. Oh, and rumor has it they're trying to "line up a visit with" Clark Haggans...Brady Quinn's clipboard is beginning to become more and more burdensome...


• The Eagles are now one pro bowl Corner richer, and one former pro bowl Defensive End poorer. Asante Samuel's deal - $57 million over 6 years. Jevon Kearse...oops, sorry man.


• The Atlanta Falcons nabbed the big prize - Chris Redman...but really - the Falcons signed much heralded and yet still unproven RB, Michael Turner. Turner's deal - 6 years, $34 million, $15 million guaranteed. [Insert Cash Register Sound Here]...


• The Vikings signed Bernard Berrian - filling the gaping void left by Troy Williamson. They also signed Madieu Williams and the inconsequential invaluable Thomas Tapeh. In other news, the Vikings Quarterback is still Tavaris Jackson.


• The Buffalo Bills had themselves a party this weekend, netting both ex-Jaguars DT Marcus Stroud and ex-Giants LB Kawika Mitchell. Bravo Mike Boni, now get me those floor tickets for the Draft (you won't know what that means, but it's not important. Just go with it...).


• The Saints signed other Patriots CB Randall Gay - making the cherrypicking of Patriots Defensive backs almost complete. Now if we could only figure out how to kill Rodney Harrison. The Saints also signed former Jaguars DE Bobby McCray, traded to get Jonathan Vilma from the Jets, re-signed Devery Henderson and lost free agent C Jeff Faine.

And really that's all I have the energy to talk about with respect to this year's Free Agency. Good for some of these teams, I guess. The only things I really saw that raised my eyebrows were the Browns upgrades. Mainly because they will have direct bearing on the Steelers 2008-2009 record. Let's just hope the fact that they still can't play Defense is a deal breaker.

Oh, and by the way, the really good news for us Steeler fans is - both Kimo Von Oelhoffen AND Kendrell Bell are still available. Awesome...

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Free Agency Central - Who's Leaving, Who's Staying [Fox Sports]
NFL Roundup: Biggest Moves from Sunday [USA Today]
2008 Free Agency, Trade Tracker [Buffalo News]

Happy Overpay for Mediocre Players Free Agency Day...

"If you're looking to secure more talent in free agency, which we're not a big part of anyway, it's probably not good."

- Kevin Colbert

First of all, thank god it's Friday. For the C man, it's been a long, hard road this week that actually won't be ending tody, but close enough.

Anyways, as you all well know, this offseason's free agency officially began at midnight this morning/last night and of course, the Steelers have not expressed any interest in partaking of this year's talent pool...not that I blame them.

Nonetheless, there are actually a few guys out there who I wouldn't mind seeing in Black and Gold - if even just for training camp, then who knows.

With that, the list begins:

• Ty Law ~ Domski thinks, and I actually agree here, that just having Ty Law in the locker room would give the Steelers a much needed Defensive leadership boost. Plus, I'm not convinced that his career is over, and where better to try and revive it than in his hometown. Still, I wonder if he would be adverse to the idea of playing Free Safety...


• Lorenzo Neal ~ Some of you probably remember that I was never much a fan of the Carey Davis experiment. I mean if you were going to keep a fullback, it might as well have been one who could actually block for Fast [but fragile] Willie. Instead, we kept Davis based on a half decent preseason performance carrying the football. And then we handed the ball off to him like twice all season. So all I'm saying is, with Dan Kreider likely on the outs, I wouldn't mind bringing Neal in at least to see what he can still do, until we find a better solution at fullback. Or something. What do I know?


• Shane Olivea ~ Are you wowed by Willie Colon? Me either. Of course there is Max Starks, who we recently slapped with the coveted Transition tag (sarcasm is palpable). But I just have a feeling Olivea might not be a bad guy to have in Pittsburgh. Doesn't make a ton of sense, but I'm going on a feeling here...


• Seth McKinney ~ Wait, Cotter, you want a Brown on your team? Shit yeah, if he can stay healthy. Plus he was only a Brown for one year, which I believe is a short enough stay so that he remains untainted by the stink of Cleveland. McKinney only made it through eight games last season with the Browns, but let's face it, a traffic cone would be a better solution at Center than Sean Mahan. So draw your own conclusions...


• Bryant Johnson ~ Maybe it's the Penn Stater in me (yes, I went there for one year...long story), but I think Johnson might not be a bad fit for the Steelers. He's a quiet, young, solid #3 or 4 and I think he'd probably be more than willing to return to PA for a while.

And that's it - short and sweet.

Of course, the caveat to this is that I haven't actually been following the news close enough to know whether or not any of these guys got offers in the last couple days. Or if there are any better names out there that I might be overlooking. So if I'm calling out anyone who's already been signed or missing anyone significant, I apologize for my ignorance (wouldn't be the first time).

Maybe you all have some preferences -- anyone want to throw some other names into the discussion? I hear Kendrell Bell and Kimo are available...

Things I've Missed - Week of February 25, 2008...

I try. I really do try and keep up with OFTOT. And NFL news, including the combine, free agency, and Bengals getting arrested. But sometimes I'm just not able to do nearly the amount of trolling required to write something meaningful. So as usual, my apologies for the lack of susbstance this week. Someday soon I'll figure out how to balance all the shit I want to get accomplished in a day. Though I don't recommend holding your breath for such a day...

Anyways, the NFL world continues to turn without me, and some interesting things have happened already this week.

So if you're like me and just catching up on news now, you may or may not have already heard that:

• Conveniently for the Steelers - OL is the hottest position in the 2008 offseason, including the draft. Oh well, guess we'll just have to pick up another TE in the 1st round...


• Hatriots playoff hero Kevin Faulk was cited for having pot at a Lil' Wayne concert last Friday. Two things: 1. Who doesn't have weed at a Lil' Wayne concert? and 2. What kind of a person goes to a Lil' Wayne concert anyhow?


• Seems like many Wide Receivers have already lost their jobs this week. Brandon Lloyd is out of Washington (winner here = Lloyd), Justin McCareins is gone from New York (winner here = McCareins), and...well that might be it. But I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that I wouldn't mind having either guy on the Steelers roster for training camp. That said - not even worth speculating about...


• Darren McFadden ran a 4.27 40, and Vernon Gholston and Jake Long benched a lot of weight a lot of times at the NFL combine this week...PS - because [little known fact] I attended the University of Delaware, I feel obligated to point you all to the Joe Flacco highlight reel. 10 bucks says he gets drafted by the Baltimore Ravens. You heard it here.


• NY Courts have united with NFL fans over the whole Comcast-NFL Network dispute. Good thing I still can't get Comcast here in good ol' Hoboken. Instead I get to pay for 700 channels I don't watch and have customer service reps call me every other week about the "Triple Play." Sorry dudes, I don't use the phone. It's against my religion...least it is now.


• Under the guise of his extremely masculine alter ego, El Duderino, Cotter contributes his three to four cents on this years Oscar's Red Carpet...prepare to be riveted...


• PS - Since some of you [if you're like me] may not read OFTOT on the weekends, you might have also missed this gem. I personally think it's one of my finer literary works...I mean, crap.

And I guess thats...uh...it? Wow, it seemed like a lot more when I was scrolling through my Google Reader for an hour. Maybe I should lay off the crack...

T-Minus 3 days 'til the weekend. God I need a vacation...

No Two Players Are Not Being Franchised...

Ladies and Gents, the latest "honoree" in this vicious outbreak of franchising is Jordan Gross, OL from the Carolina Panthers.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could justify doing something like this to one of our own Offensive Lineman?

I'll let you ponder that on your own...

PS - If you don't know what the post title is in reference to, please go directly to HomestarRunner.com and watch this.

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Tackle Gross Gets Franchise Tag from Panthers [ESPN]

The Rules of Sports Blogging - #321...

When you pigeon hole yourself into being a one team blog and there ain't anything particularly interesting to say about such team, post pictures of hot chicks and readers will come (not literally, assholes).

Let's face it, it's tough being a Steelers fan in the offseason. So far the biggest story besides Spygate fallout, and the Big Ben-Hines Ward catfight, has been the Steelers decision to keep real grass at Heinz Field. I mean, if that doesn't rivet you, I don't know what the F does. Me personally, I'm still talking about it...err..yeeaaahhh...

Anyways, I figure that like me, you all are probably thirsting for more. Well worry not. For I will now endeavor to keep you entertained with what else but...chicks.

That's right, below are my Top 10 hottest female celebrity figures (at least right now). Feel free to rate my assessment, add your opinion, or inform me as to any hotter chicks there might be out there that I missed (over 18 please)...

#10 - Erin Andrews

You knew she'd be on here somewhere. But why do I get the feeling you'll all disagree with me for putting her at 10? Well, I could certainly make a case to put her higher, but I think she's overhyped. She's definitely hot, no doubt. But just because she is on ESPN doesn't make her any hotter...strike that, DEFINITELY doesn't make her any hotter. Still, Erin, if you read this and are into dudes who spend their free time blogging - call me. A man can dream, can't he?

#9 - Christina Aguilera

Bet you were wondering if I was going to include any Burghers on this list. Lest we not show a little PA love, Xtina comes in at #9. Some of you might be put off by her past sluttiness. But let that not deter you. She has really calmed herself down, got married, had a kid, which usually doesn't make a chick hotter. But I'm pretty sure she looks better now than she ever did during the Genie In A Bottle days. Plus, you gotta respect anyone who can spell their name using an X.

#8 - Rachel McAdams

I still can't believe this chick is 29. Not that it matters. She's smoking hot nonetheless. Too bad she's Canadian...although I hear that like their beer, Canadian women will mess you up (in a good way). Not really though, I made that up...

#7 - Marissa Miller

Also 29, weird...I feel obligated to include this chick, by virtue of the fact that she looks amazing in the latest SI Swimsuit issue (which is a total waste of print at this point...thank you internet porn). After checking out her spreads (which I still highly recommend), all I have to say is WOW...hey mami...PS - she says if she wasn't a super model she'd be a sports caster...hot...

#6 - Rachel Hunter

By far the oldest on the list, but definitely one of the hottest. I still remember her from that Budweiser commercial during one of the early 90s Super Bowls (least I think it was Bud). Thus began a lifelong crush. I don't care if she is 38, I'd gladly let her show me a good time. Hands down the best thing to ever come out of New Zealand...

#5 - Elisha Cuthbert

Go watch The Girl Next Door and tell me you wouldn't rank her #5 or higher. Seriously. Go watch it.

#4 - Kate Beckinsale

I can't tell you more than one movie she's been in, but frankly, I'm not interested in her films. Apparently she's also an Oxford drop out, which must mean she's pretty smart. I can dig that. Hey baby, let's see that intellect...

#3 - Amy Smart

To this day, Amy Smart is the only reason I'll ever watch the movies Road Trip and Just Friends. She's a solid 8-10, ain't much more to say.

#2 - Elizabeth Banks

You've gotta respect the fact that she played the Giants fan in Invincible. Plus, she was ridiculously hot as the slut in The 40 Year Old Virgin. Put it this way - unlike Steve Carrell's character, there's no way I'd leave this chick alone, naked, in a bath tub...ever.

#1 - Kristen Bell

She will be mine...oh yes, she will be mine...

Now, are you not entertained?

So You Wanna Beat Tom Brady...

"I like when I don’t get touched."
- Tom Brady

I wish I could say I was about to tell you all the magic secret to stoping Tom Brady. But I'm not. I'm no expert, nor do I claim to be. And even if I could, it probably wouldn't even matter. Everyone says do this, do that. But here's the thing that sets the Patriots apart from many other teams that are just "good" -- they dictate to you how you're going to play. Defense AND Offense.

So the questions become things like - Who do the Giants key on? Will they be facing a 3-4 or a 4-3 New England scheme? How do you tackle Tom Brady with all that hair gel upstairs?

And the funny thing is - this isn't something that should exclusive to the Patriots (especially not the gelified QB...kidding). Teams that are able to do many things well, and consistently well at that, dictate how their opponents play them. They force you to plan for one or two of the most feared situations, when in reality you could be up against an infinite number of different looks (ok, maybe infinite is an exaggeration, but whatever).

The only thing I think I've ever admired about New England...or at least respected...is their ability to adapt. They have so many different looks, and they play the chess match that is an NFL game better than anyone else (right now). That's why they've been so successful. They keep you guessing. So even before you get to the game on Sunday, you have to wonder - how are we going to play them? Certainly weighs on your mindset during practice...or so I imagine.

Anyhow, there are certainly some sure fire ways to slow them down/possibly prevail. Namely, hit Tom Brady and the Patriots receivers as much and as forcefully as you possibly can. Then run the shit out of the ball, wear down their borderline geriatric linebackers, and take a few shots down the field when you've got them off guard. But who friggin' cares? Go Giants! The first and probably only time I'll ever say that...

PS - Favorite news item of the day =
Senator wants to know why NFL destroyed Patriots spy tapes

God bless you Arlen Specter.

Enjoy the Super Bowl friends! Drink a few 'Ahrns for me and pour a little out for the Steelers 2007-2008 season.

End communication.

Well Hello There...

Over the top? Be honest...

Happy Super Bowl week friends!

Thank god we've finally arrived upon that week in which we can officially crown the Patriots once and for all...I mean watch the Giants take on the heavily favored Patriots in none other than the home of Whisengrimm - the arid, Arizona desert.

So today, because I love you guys that much, I've taken all the hard work out of (and put all the fun into) reading the week's hottest news headlines (thus far) leading up to Sunday. They probably aren't going to be very funny because, well, I'm not very funny....But I'm trying here... so give a brotha a break. Just read them...

SUPER BOWL XLII Headlines (Early Edition)
1. Have no fear, citizens of America, this year's Super Bowl will be sans terrorists...well, except for this guy...

2. Teddy Bruschi inspires stroke survivors...Rodney Harrison inspires Jose Canseco...

3. Just in case you forgot - Randy Moss is still a piece of shit...

4. The NFL has now gone to great lengths to make sure the Patriots wide receivers are successful on Sunday...

5. Even when there's absolutely no reason to, why not kick the Browns in the balls?

6. Wow, they're scraping the bottom here...

7. That walking boot was just Tom Brady's excuse to steal all the celeb ink from Giselle...get yours Tommy Boy...

8. Plaxico Burress is still a veritable Rhodes Scholar...hey, don't forget to spike the ball, huh hoss?

9. F-E-A-G-L-E-S, Jeff Feagles! At last the day is his...

10. And finally, not a headline this week, but rather one from last August (bonus points if you were around to read it the first time) - just a friendly reminder that your gracious host for Half time this year will be Ryan Seacrest...let's hope as a finale he gets death by firing squad.

Done.

PS - give me your predictions...approximately...now...(domski don't bother - i've got you down for $500 on the Patriots)...