And Sometimes, Enough is Enough...

I probably shouldn't even pay any mind to this, but I just can't help but think this ought to be the last straw for Bengals WR Chris Henry.

For those of you who don't follow the trials and tribulations of our AFC North rivals quite as closely as I do (sadly) - Henry has a warrant out for his arrest on charges that he assaulted an 18 year old this past Monday - and by assaulted, they mean punching the dude in the face and breaking the window of the his car with a beer bottle. By the way, Chris Henry is 24 (going on 25 in May), and I think this marks about the 15th time he's run afoul of the law during his brief three year tenure in the NFL (which of course includes his half season suspension last year).

Now, by no means am I a paragon of discretion and good decision making, but dude, I mean, we're talking about messing with millions of dollars here. Every time Chris Henry gets in trouble, he's one step closer to the prospect of losing his well paying position as #3 in the Bengals passing game and ending up pumping gas in Kentucky. Come on man, you've been warned and yet you continue to go out and do dumb shit? Get the hell out of here. Kick him out of the league. I'll take his spot. Championship!

Any thoughts? Anyone out there this week?

[UPDATE: After this latest indiscretion, the Bengals have finally had enough of Chris Henry. He's consequently been cut. But don't worry, he'll probably sign in Dallas within the next two weeks. That or Oakland.]

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Bengals Henry Charged with Assault [Associated Press]

More Than One Way To Skin A Cat....

"It's the first time in a long time that we played a complete game. This is how we normally play. Too bad for us it hasn't come enough."
- T.J. Houshmanzadeh

Get set Steeler fans, because before you know it, it'll be Sunday and the Steelers will be set to do battle with the Cincinnati Bungles and the high flying Chad Johnson novelty show...These games just don't seem to be getting any easier, do they? Well, with the Patriots, Jaguars, and Ravens on the horizon, I guess we'd better get used to it.

As for the immediate game at hand -- Beyond the obvious division rivalry and ever-present potential for offensive fireworks, the other problem this game poses is the same that our past two have posed - Teams with nothing to lose are dangerous. Only for this one, factor an Offense that averages 25 points a game into the equation...

Cincy has all but ruled themselves out of the playoffs with a 4-7 record (or close enough), and they are currently tied with the Ravens for the bitches of the AFC North title. Add to that the memory of what we did to them last December 31, and I'd say they've got more than enough motivation to contribute to the Steelers loss column on Sunday.

That said, the will to win is one thing. Talent is another. And as much as I'd like to say otherwise, the Bungles have a good amount of it.

If you thought the Bungles Offense was good the last time we played them, you'll really love them now...with even MORE Offensive threats to scare us. Of course in saying this I'm referring to the triumphant returns of RB Rudi Johnson from injury, and WR Chris Henry from suspension/idiocy. Plus, the previously banged up Bungles Defense has gotten healthy enough to allow DE Robert Geathers to move back to his natural position...and while the Bungles D continues to be ranked among the bottom 10 in the league, it should be noted that they share this distinction with the last two teams the Steelers have played...

Realistically though, this is still a pretty Defensively-challenged team. So while we're on the subject, let's do a little side-by-side comparison, shall we?

Cincy vs. The League

• 7.36 Passing Yards Per Attempt | 7.96 Passing Yards Allowed Per Attempt
• 3.55 Rushing Yards Per Attempt | 4.4 Rushing Yards Allowed Per Attempt
• 4073 Total Yards For | 4098 Total Yards Allowed
• 282 Points For | 292 Points Against

What this basically means is that for every yard the Bungles have gained, their opponents have gained a little more than one, and for every time the Bungles have scored, their opponents have scored just a little more. Of course, this bodes well for the Steelers. But stats are stats, averages are but mere calculations. None can be any definitive indicator of what a team will do any given week (see Steelers v. Jets, Steelers v. Dolphins, Steelers v. Broncos...I could go on, but what's the use, you get the idea).

Nonetheless, principally, for the Steelers to be successful on Sunday, it'll take another big showing from the Defense. And if for the sake of our discussion, we base our expectations on how the Bungles performed against the Titans on Sunday (the logical thing to do), we have more worries than the last time we faced them.

Riding Rudi and Chad and Johnson's coat tails, last Sunday the Cincy running attack topped 100 yards (126) for just the 3rd time this season and contributed 2 scores, while Carson Palmer hooked up with his old friend Ocho Cinco for 103 yards and 3 scores (much to the chagrin of my fantasy team who going against him). Plus, the oft-incarcerated Chris Henry caught 3 balls for 41 yards, and Mr. Ponytail himself, T.J. Houshmazoo, caught 6 more for 77 yards. For those keeping score at home that's 210 yards between the three of them...and the Bungles cruised to a pretty routine 35-6 drubbing of the Tennessee Titans.

Of course the game prior to that wasn't exactly a paragon of perfection for them. Against the Arizona Steelers Cardinals, Carson Palmer threw 4 picks (2 of which were returned for scores), Ocho Cinco coughed up a fumble, and between Kenny Watson and Rudi Johnson, the Cincy running game could only muster 70 yards...which all led to a 35-27 loss.

So which Offense can we expect on Sunday? There's always a chance it'll be the one that showed up against Arizona. But we better be ready for the one that rolled over Tennessee. The Bungles know better than most that AFC North games exist outside the confines of normal week-to-week league play. These games mean more than any others on the schedule. Especially when they're played against the division leader. Hence, I think we'd be apt to expect the same explosive Offense that dismantled Tennessee.

But all this aside, there's still one constant -- they're eating that Cincinnati Chili out there. So I'm sure they're crazy as ever...Cinnamon in Chili..something is fundamentally wrong with that...seriously.

How about you guys? Are you worried about the Bungles this time around? Will the return of Rudi Johnson have any effect on the outcome? What are the odds that Chris Henry gets arrested before kickoff? Why do I always ask so many questions? Help me unravel this mess, please...

REFERENCE MATERIAL:
Big Ben - 9 | Ohio - 0 [Here]
I Hear 5-2 Is A Whole Lot Cooler Than 4-3 [Here]
Being Bad Never Felt So Good, AKA Cincinnati Preview Part I [Here]
Bengals 2007 Stats [Pro-football-reference]
Bengals Ground Attack Awakens [Cincinnati Enquirer]
Backermania [Bengals.com]
Bengals Sign LB Maxwell to Two-Year Contract [Cincinnati Wire Report]
With Playoffs Out of Reach, Bengals Start to Put It All Together [Associated Press]

Welcome To The Jungle...

I'd like to dedicate this post to Chris Henry, who was successfully cleared to practice in Cincy today. Congratu-friggin-lations you worthless sack a' garbage.

Substance of post officially begins now...

We all know Cincinnati is basically a glorified penal colony the way these Bengals have been running afoul of the law for the past two some odd years. Hence, I think they've really lived up to that pseudonym for Paul Brown Stadium, "The Jungle"...IE - it's not just a clever name.

So in the spirit of picking on the Bungles and basically Ohio in general (sorry to any of yinz Stiller fans stuck there), here's a few things that you should be aware of on or before Sunday:

• Stealth Bombers: This is the obvious starting point. In case you have been living in a cave, the Bengals have had a little problem with some pesky rats with wings shitting on fans and in fans food and beverages. I'd say that sucks, but if I made chili with cinnamon (or chocolate!) in it, I'd pretty much expect it to get shit on. Something just isn't right there. PS - if you're attending the game, I highly recommend a hat.


• This: Remember the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle? Well this is way worse than that...just watch it. And please make sure you note the Lil' John knockoff...come to think of it, this should probably be #1...
  


• Conspicuously Large Amounts of Bengals Fans at the game: As if it isn't bad enough that the Bengals have any fans to begin with...the latest in Cincinnati deviance is ticket takers at Paul Brown taking cash to let fans in without tickets. And by cash, I mean $20! Dudes, here's a tip - if you're gonna put your ass on the line like that, at least collect more than a 20! I mean I know the cost of living is lower because it's Ohio, but come on, you can definitely get enough to buy yourself a Chad Johnson Fathead or something...Again, I blame the cinnamon chili. Crazy assholes.


• Ocho Cinco: Speaking of assholes...the heat is on for Chad Johnson. The media is tired of his touchdown celebrations and they're just not going to take it anymore...just don't mention how they previously encouraged it...Anyways, check out this post that includes video of the Keyshawn-Chad interview from ESPN's Sunday pregame. All jokes aside, I think this was the best interview I've seen in a while. Keyshawn told Chad straight up that he's acting like a selfish prick. And by all accounts it had an impact. We'll see if he can contain himself on Sunday. In the meantime, also check out Chad's Myspace page...notice friend #1...and #2...and don't miss the comments.

That's it for now. My apologies to any of you who came looking for substantive analysis today, I ain't got none (er...didn't have time for it). But if you're thirsty for knowledge, take a look at yesterday's post previewing our matchup against the Bungles. And remember, when in Cincinnati, don't eat the chili.

Being Bad Never Felt So Good...AKA Cincinnati Preview Part I

Holy shit...wait, you mean the media is talking about Chad Johnson? Wow, that's pretty unexpected...

But seriously. This week, the Steelers get the dubious distinction of taking on the Cincinnati Bengals at Paul Brown Stadium. The Bengals are fresh off a 38-31 win against the hapless New York Jets. So they might be feeling pretty good about themselves, despite the heavier than usual media circus surrounding star wideout Chad Johnson...who after maintaining an impressively low profile this past weekend said yesterday "he won't change to satisfy his critics." Whatever the hell that means.

Overview: The Bengals are currently occupying the basement of the AFC North at 2-4, but that definitely does not mean we should take them lightly. Notwithstanding the fact that this is a division game, and that alone is enough to motivate them, they still have some offensive weaponry the likes of which we are not exactly well equipped to contain. Mainly I'm talking about Carson Palmer, TJ Houshmanzadeh (not even going to look up spelling on that...he should probably change his name), and Ocho Cinco-Chad Johnson. Both Houshmanzadeh and Johnson are big, fast receivers, and given what just happened in Denver, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about this. Johnson is #2 in overall receiving yards, averages 17.4 yards per catch and has 3 TDs through 7 games and Houshmanzadeh is #7 in overall receiving yards, averages 10.7 yards per catch and has 8 TDs.

Offensively: Cincy as a team averages 371.7 yards of total offense , with 273.7 of those coming through the air, just under 100 on the ground, and scores an average of 27.3 points per game, which is good enough to place them a few spots above the Steelers in total offense.

Most recently they experimented with an emphasis on something new and different for them called the run, and had some pretty good success (Kenny Watson - 31 carries, 130 yards, 3TDs...fantasy stats like whoa). Nonetheless, I worry less about the Bungles rush attack than them moving the ball through the air so as to put up a lot of points...in case you didn't get that already...

Of course, their schedule has thus far included such less than stellar defenses as Cleveland(put up 51 points in a Loss), Seattle(put up 21 points in a Loss), Kansas City(put up 20 points in a Loss), and New York(a 38 point Win). So it's entirely possible (I'd say more than possible but I'm reluctant to, after that Denver debacle) that we could shut them down, should we play like the #1 defense in the league.

One other thing in particular I want to note: The only team to allow them less than 20 points so far was the Patriots. The Pats stifled the Cincy offensive juggernaut, allowing a meager 13 points, picking Carson Palmer twice and limiting Ocho Cinco to 55 yards receiving. So from our perspective, film from this Patriots game should serve as good reconnaissance - we'd be apt to check out what exactly the Pats did so effectively ... and game plan similarly.

Defensively: The Bengals are in some pretty dire straits. They recently converted Robert Geathers, a DE, to a Linebacker because if they didn't, they would've likely had to pluck someone from their practice squad to fill the position (as I understand it he's now back to his normal spot, providing Ahmad Brooks can go). Never a good sign...

With 187 points against thus far this season, they rank 29th out of 32 in points allowed. They are giving up an average of close to 5 yards per rushing attempt, just over 7.5 yards per pass, and have allowed 16 passing TDs (good enough for 2nd to last ranking for the stat)! So it's pretty safe to say we should be able to have our way with them so long as we can avoid the obligatory costly turnovers...ahem ahem.

Now, let me say - just because they have let up 16 TDs through the air, doesn't mean we should get away from what has worked. Steeler football should be effective against Cincy. If we run Willie 25-30 times, pass the ball efficiently, and come up with a few big pass plays, we should do very well.

More on this to come tomorrow and Thursday, but until then, this ought to give you just enough to pique an interest...If not, I'm betting this will:
Bengals Stats:
[ESPN]
[Pro-football-reference]

What Is This? The 8th Grade?

You might recall me reporting last week that the Bengals are having a little problem with some rats with wings. And you might recall that their initial solution for said problem was to allow employees to ready their firearms, take aim and blow these birds out of sky...er stadium as it were.

Well, as you could imagine, this didn't really mesh with how the City of Cincinnati saw the problem getting resolved (nor the omnipresent PETA). So just to update you on the actual resolution of this issue -- the City and Bengals employees agreed that the best way to go about clearing these pigeons out was to aim laser pointers at them.

Boy, I would've loved to have been at that roundtable meeting of the minds. If you can only imagine. "Gentleman, we have a problem. Birds are shitting on our fans and their tasty treats at games. We just can't have this tarnishing the good name of Cincinnati, Ohio. The team has offered to shoot these things with air rifles, but eh...I'm a little skeptic. What would you all propose we do? Oh, laser pointers? Yeah, good call. It sufficiently angered my 8th grade biology teacher. So I guess if it worked on one pest, it's worth a shot."

I mean honestly. The logic? Where does that come from? Oh wait, that's right. These are the same jackasses that put cinnamon in their chili. Doesn't that say it all...

Hope you're all enjoying the game!

Bengals to Use Laser Pointers to Rid Stadium of Pigeons [ESPN]

Cincinnati Deviancy At It's Finest...

This just in - it's not just Bengals players that are deviants. Now, even the player's dogs are now engaging in socially unacceptable behavior.

Apparently, the pooch of Bengals CB Deltha O'Neal bit a woman and her child "on the legs and buttocks" at O'Neal's condo yesterday. But never you fear folks, O'Neal, being a not wholly indecent man, took both to the hospital where they were treated for their injuries. The dog, however, is being held for the next 10 days by animal control officials, who will ultimately decide what happens to it. Not that I sympathize with a Bengal or anything, but as a dog lover, I hope he's spared and maybe they can get him into the hands of someone who knows how to handle a domestic animal...

Speaking of domestic animals...that's not all out of Cincy today --

Farbeit from Ocho Cinco to let a week go by without making the headlines with some ridiculous prediction or stunt. This week it's potentially both. Today, Chad made the declaration that in Sunday's game against the Brownies in Cleveland, when he scores a touchdown (and having just faced Cleveland we know he will score at least 2 or 3) he's going to jump straight into the Dawg Pound. Good for him, but lest he forget, it's Cleveland. So he better take at least two post-game showers to cleanse himself.

That's all for now Stiller fans...Cotter, over and out.

That Cinnamon Chili Will Make You Crazy...

If you've read this blog for the last three, four months or so, you'll know full well how I feel about Cincinnati Chili - namely that it's an awful incarnation of one of my favorite foods. How you can enjoy chili with cinnamon in it is way beyond my comprehension. I think the stuff makes you nuts, and frankly no one in Cincinnati to this point has made me think otherwise (reference Chris Henry, Odell Thurman, and pretty much every other Bengal).

However, this article from this morning's Cincinnati Post seems to show some sign that not ALL Cincinnati residents (Ohioans in general for that matter) are out of their gourds.

On a list of the city's top 15 annual sporting events, Steelers Sunday is #3 right behind Opening Day (the Reds? what?) and Crosstown Shootout. What makes it even funnier is Browns Sunday comes in at #5 and the rationale for this was - "We'd have the Browns ahead of the Steelers if the Browns were ever ahead of the Steelers." I find it pretty hillarious that even their state brethren rip the Browns for continually sucking so bad. Plus, the other thing that made me laugh out loud was that Steelers Sunday also noted the caveat - "Even without Kimo Von Oelhoffen." I hear ya Cincy, "Never Forgive, Never Forget," or something like that, right? Just wait 'til Lawrence Timmons and/or Lamar Woodley meet Carson Palmer...might have to reconsider your qualifications.

Monday Fun-day Links For Yinz...

In case you happened to notice, I didn't post anything yesterday because frankly, I posted enough on Saturday for like three days worth of One For The Other Thumb. Nonetheless, I'm back and better than ever this morning with an early edition of fun linkage.

PS - for the record, I hate rainy Mondays!

For your general Monday morning amusement:

• Ladies and Gents, the newest member of the Centre County PA Chapter of Hells Angels, Joe Paterno...


• Turns out Cinnamon Chili makes you delusional too...Let's be honest, this man lives in fear of October 28.


• A Fake Day In The Life of Charlie Batch...if this is anything close to reality it sounds like Chuck ought to buy stock in every fast food establishment within 50 miles of Pittsburgh...or maybe just have an Eat n' Park installed in his backyard...wait, I want that...if we could just get them to expand to Hoboken...


• Bryant McFadden - Always a bridesmaid, never a bride...


• 6'3" 230, rabid appetite for destroying opponents, serious work ethic (annoyed that NFL scouts told him he did not have to lift at the combine), and super human strength...No, not Lawrence Timmons or Lamar Woodley, SEPULVEDA!


• Cleveland repurposing the Steelers logo for Cavaliers games? Come on Brownies...you can do better.


• 10 bucks says this kid would meet his match in Casey Hampton...


• Troy Polamalu, Philanthropist, All Around Exemplary Human Being and Role Model for all those with excessively long hair who wish to succeed in contact sports...

The Internet Continues to Amaze Me...

Boy, the creativity some people have is unbounded. Thank god people like this Ryan Parker character are putting said creativity to good use. Dude created the video below (I'd imagine back in December), taking the old Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer carol and changing the lyrics to reflect the Bengals copious troubles with the law.

Who Dey Gon' Arrest Next?

Via AOL FanHouse Blog

But more importantly, and maybe as a reward for sitting through that first video, check out Bengals cheerleader tryouts below...clearly these chicks are not eating the Cinnamon Chili...I like how the head honcho says

"Being a Ben-Gal is...we have a lot of standards that we set..."

Hope those standards aren't anything like the team's standards there honey...

Other things to look out for - the girl who is really worried about her lipstick and also wants a cheeseburger...as well as the girl who says "I think anyone would be honored to be a part of this organization"...

Starting The Day Off Right...

You guessed it, links links and more links, with a little wit and sarcasm sprinkled in. A lot of crap for me to point out (poke fun at) over the past couple days. I must admit I have been a bit distracted...having a job and a blog is tough man. But hey, I gotta feed the monkey...and we all know this inconspicuous corner of the internet that is One For The Other Thumb ain't exactly paying the bills...

Anyways, without further ado, enjoy the links below:

• Ron Mexico gets his hair did....hopes for new rules with new haircut...Petrino says "I think Mike's new do looks fierce!"...Are we seriously even talking about this? Who is getting paid to report on this crap? Oh wait...I'm reporting on it for free?...umm...nevermind


• Pretty sure there should never be any coverage of the "greats" of fantasy football...cause frankly guys (and by guys I mean those of you who think fantasy is the measure of your manhood...don't lie, I know you do) it's "fantasy"...by definition not real. No player's true greatness will ever be measured strictly by his fantasy numbers. That being said, I'm taking LaDanian Tomlinson with the first pick in the 2007 Domski Fantasy Football League Draft...


• Things that happen once a month for $1000...


• Cincinnati chili claims another victim...Stuff will make you crazy, mark my words...


• The football equivalent of penis envy...if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, what do you call obsession?...


• God I hope this turns into a pitcher's duel between Louis Lipps and Ken Wregget...


• Playing musical chairs with 300 pounders...Steelers are really building the suspense here...


• Are you telling me the Steelers are old school? No way...get right out of town! Seriously?...

Ocho Cinco's Circus Show....

The circus that is Chad Johnson, or as both he and I prefer to call him - Ocho Cinco, has taken on a new challenge as of yesterday, May 30, 2007. Apparently, Senor Cinco believes he is fast enough to outrun a race horse, who probably not coincidentally is named after a popular Bengals TV Show, Restore the Roar.

Let me just state upfront, I'm putting all my money on the horse. All due respect to Chad, but I've seen Ocho Cinco run and I've seen horses run, and frankly, horses are pretty damn fast. Johnson may embarrass corners on a regular basis but I'd be surprised if he had any shot at beating a stallion bred solely to run around a track at ridiculous speeds (and who may or may not be all roided up). That being said, Johnson is getting an 8 pole lead to start the race and the whole thing is for charity, so I'm pretty sure he knows he's going down.

I'm chalking this up to eating too much cinnamon chili. Until they start making chili like normal civilized americans, this kind of ridiculous crap is going to keep happening in Cincinnati, mark my words. But hey, at least 85 has yet to run afoul of the law.

Marvin Lewis, The Newest Member of NWA?

Lewis gave us his best NWA impression recently on ESPNRadio's "The Dan Patrick Show" (which is typically awesome by the way...) stating "I think there's profiling, no question." when asked if he thought events like Chris Henry getting pulled over for not signaling a right turn showed that the Cincinnati PD was "profiling." [To hear the interview, click here]

He then went on to temper this somewhat provocative statement by saying "We're [Cincinnati] a small place, our guys stand out, and they know that and you've got to do things the right way, but when you are arrested for, or you are pulled over for not putting on your turn signal, there's something wrong there."

Dude, I wish more people were pulled over for not using their turn signal. If I had a dime for everytime I was sitting behind someone who appeared to be slowing for a turn but could not pull their head out of their ass long enough to use said signal to indicate that I could go around them, I'd be a rich rich man. It's criminal (pun intended)!

And let's not forget the 16,000 other times Chris Henry was arrested in the last two years...

But alas, Lewis has apologized. Being the dignitary he is, he personally called the head of the Cincinnati PD to say he didn't mean to imply that they were a bunch of dicks or anything...he was just frustrated. Let's face it, his feelings are hurt...

I gotta say though, if Cincinnati's finest were really doing their jobs, the guy who suggested they put cinnamon in their chili would have been behind bars ages ago...but as of today, he remains at large. Get 'er done Cincy...get 'er done.

Najeh Davenport (S)Hit And Run...

Not sure how this nugget (pun intended) slipped through the cracks when the Steelers acquired Najeh Davenport last season (maybe it didn't and I just never heard), but apparently a while back (2002), Davenport snuck into a Barry University dorm room and shat in a woman's closet (see story here).

Boy do I wish we knew which woman's closet Najeh dropped his doozer in...

There's even an entire blog named after the incident. AND What's even better is that today they broke a story about a Cincinnati man and son tandem who discovered recently that their punching bag was filled with dirty laundry rather than the customary sand usually found in punching bags. Further reinforcing our theory that Ohio sucks and Cincinnati is a source for paranormal activity due to the fact that they put Cinnamon in their chili.

Either way, I never knew Najeh Davenport was a stealth bomber. Learn something new everyday, eh? Figures, since he's a product of "the U" (Miami aka Thug U). Class act that Najeh Davenport. My question is, where was Ray Lewis when Najeh got clipped?

Another One Bites The Dust...

Wow, even I'm surprised by the most recent NFL player arrest. Who knew the Bengals could continue their streak? You think they'll change their uniforms to prison jumpsuits next season? Might be a good idea, cut out some of that legwork in between. I mean, hey, they're already bright orange. Just slap a number on there and you're good to go.

Wow, Cincinnati, wow. Maybe if you guys didn't put Cinnamon in your chili you wouldn't have this problem. Cinnamon? Come on. Crazy Ohioans.